๐๐ข๐๐ฐ๐๐๐ค ๐๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฌ ๐จ๐ ๐ ๐๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ๐๐ง๐ง๐ข๐๐ฅ ๐๐ข๐๐
Back when I was in grade school, I always loved art class. I'd draw patterns out of my name, carve 3D objects out of soap, made flowers out of threads, painting in different mediums, and many more. But what I loved most was sketching. There was just this unexplainable feeling of putting my thoughts into the shadows of charcoal.
Teacher Rosie Uy โoh that woman! I will never forget how she breathed forth such art in me. I was never at par with Ate Pauline โthe school's artist. Pau's drawings were in such precision that my Iรฑigo Oรฑas Lopez de Loyola sketch looked like a fat monk with a wide forehead and a crooked nose, never minding the iguana eyes.
I have always been proud of the little progress I made, but I'd felt disheartened whenever I see Pau's. Comparison is indeed the thief of joy. But Teacher Rosie kept telling me to focus on myself, my work, and my progress. She even pushed me to join a particular art competition kahit alam ko sa sarili ko na conceptualization lang naman ng poster making ang kaya ko. HAHAHA!
The woman had balls to sign me up in a fight she knew I'd never win. The same woman also had the foresight to teach me art lessons I'd never forget.
I clearly remember wasting newsprints and charcoals at home when I was young. Art had always been my expression โmy escape, my haven, my comfort, and my safe space.
But life was harsh and that season of my life broke me. I ended up saying goodbye to these things and surrounded myself with the solace offered by characters in my books.
And, it's as somebody enlisted me to battles I never even signed up for, let's just say the brokenness and the chaos thrived until I'd pick up my pencils and sketch again. Pain and pleasure always gave me reason to sketch, to draw, and to create. I'd hide my sketches in my dorm cabinet when I was in college. Alang, daghan kaayo'g manulod taga-CAFA sa among kwarto. Kanchawan unya ko. HAHA.
Whenever I made sketch progress, something inside tells me it's a waste of my resources. I'd abandon it at a time, then go back to getting comforted by it once again.
As my age nearly race the end of the calendar, I have found that part of who I am as a woman and as a feminine has always been to CREATE. That the more I limit, control, or rationalize my behavior to the standards of this world, the more I hurt myself.
How will the world know who I am when I am not able to truly express myself?
Expressing, as a woman and in nurturing forms, is liberating.
โโโ
So, here I am...beginning to express.
I'm finally learning to pick up the pieces and start back where I left off...in whatever forms of art.
โโโ
In partnerships, there are uncomfortable conversations that offer different perspectives on the matter. Sometimes, these perspectives become so polar that no one sees eye to eye...yet.
Today, my husband and I had that type of conversation.
For the past years, most of my spiritual sisters know I've been through depressing & isolating circumstances that left me to question my value as a wife, as a mother, as a sister, and as a woman.
I felt I was stagnating when deep inside I know I should be growing.
These feelings were validated when I got to converse with a mom-friend, Cess.
Cess is a brilliant woman. I admire her in ways more than one. What struck me most during our conversation was even when she was fighting her demons and surviving her way through life, she said something like "Kung wala ko ni take ug risk 3* years ago, magpabilin ra unta ko nga ingon adto karon." And I tell you, I had an emotional tower moment right then and there.
From that day on, I promised myself I will take a risk.
And as all risks, there are sacrifices to be made in order to gain several things.
I took a risk on my personal growth.
It has been a year since I started taking risks and, as a married woman, it has been a crazy ride.
This may not resonate to everyone but I will try to explain my thoughts in the simplest way possible. If I can. HAHAHA.
You see, there were things I wasn't able to do and fully heal as a child. Now that I am married, I've shared some of these dreams and healing plans with my husband. He is my husband after all, so whether he likes it or not, he's in for the ride โthe good, the bad, and the crazy.
There was a time this year that I wanted to party. For those who know me since childhood, that's something I DO NOT DO. For those who know my husband, loud parties aren't his thing. But I wanted to try and go party. So I asked him if I could go, under one condition: HE GOES TO PARTY WITH ME.
Dili mahitsura ang question mark sa nawong sa akong bana. But Bianca has her ways and eventually my husband went onboard with my request.
I got to party, drink, and dance...while my husband was quietly judging me on the side. Nagtindoga ra siya sa kilid oy, sige'g katawa nako. Usahay gatagbo iyahang kilay, pero NAA SIYA.
I had the time of my life and went home like a happy little kid.
On one scenario, I was out at night with a few colleagues and my husband was not with me. Knowing that it's way past the time I allowed myself to stay, my childhood friends offered to send me home. Interestingly, one person went to tell on the friend who was driving "Ampingi bya nang anak ni Uncle Loloy ha. Hadlok raba kaayo iyang Papa ana."
Funny.
What do these two stories have in common?
๐พ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐.
As a woman finally trying to open myself to the feminine side of me, I have understood that covering is a powerful thing.
We meet a lot of people everyday, and we don't share the same beliefs and moral principles with these people. There are those who thrive in lawlessness, who know no moral code, and who prey on the married men and women like a new game.
I now know that there are things I like to do outside the bounds of my husband's territory and that these things may possibly end up hurting me in any way or form. So I establish my boundaries and set forth conditions to be able to protect myself.
Scenario 1: I wanted to party because I have never tried to experience that when I was single. I know full well that partying alone, even if there's a wedding ring on my finger, may not protect me from the harms caused by men enslaved by liquor. So, I invite my husband to check that bucketlist with me. Ayaw niya, pero mahal niya ako. He understands my reasons, so he was there. The first boundary was me submitting to my husband by asking his permission if I could go party. The second boundary was requesting him to party with me. The third boundary was us partying at the side โwith the company of my childhood friends. These people that I grew up with and trust that in "susuka or susuko" moments, they'd have my back.
As a woman who wants to grow and knows her limitations, I've always wanted my husband's covering. Boundaries aren't meant to limit you but to safeguard you from those who want to take advantage of you.
Scenario 2: My husband was not with me while I was out with colleagues post-work. I did not know that the certain someone knew my father. In his lifetime, my father built a reputation that has allowed me to do things and still end up safe because of the care of people around me. While I was out with colleagues, some acquaintances kept asking me where my husband was. Pinaka-lingaw ato nga part kay giignan ko "Asa si Jake? Nganong wala siya nag uban nimo? Isumbong tika sa imong Papa!" HAHAHA!
Covering is influential.
The fact that people around you know the tribe you belong is powerful energy that protects and safeguards you.
Tinuod, naay mga talapungo sa kalibutan.
This is why I always ask my husband to go with me: dining, drinking, doing small errands, etcetera. I don't always get to enjoy his company kay introvert kaayo siya and he is oftentimes exhausted from all the work. But my heart truly longs for the covering of my man.
I love to be held by him when I read in peace at bookstores.
I love to feel his presence even when he's out in the crowd as I host events.
I love to send him memes or random photos of my lakaws.
I love to be me around him.
But when this safe space that I need is not honored, I end up getting wounded inside. The feminine in me wants to grow โbut I only want to experience and share these growths with my man.
When this need of a masculine covering is not met, something inside me goes survival mode. Can you imagine how much energy and stress it is for a woman to deprive herself of her built in femininity? I have been there growing up. It's one hell of an exhausting war within yourself...and you end up hurting people around you.
Sometimes, damages to our relationship coverings are also being done by me.
I admit, I do often tell my husband what to do even when he has a mind and a plan of his own. The covering I should've set forth as a woman in his life is to support him, honor him, counsel him, and work with him. I completely disregard the masculine energy in him that's meant to lead, provide, and give.
Imagine ha, when both adults in the relationship take reverse roles, they eventually might end up in burnout and contempt with one another. When both adults in the relationship, strangle, limit, and deprive his/her significant others to grow all because of selfish reasons and anxious thoughts, what a nightmare it would be for that family.
I wish people knew how much it would be easier, safer, and harmonious if we'd all find ourselves yielding to our true forms.
Tinuod man, we are all wounded. But the path to healing starts from within.
So, to all who long to see their significant others grow...I hope you understand that your covering does wonders โwith the right person and for all the right reasons.
It doesn't have to be a grand gesture of love.
Sometimes, intentionally being there is more than enough.
There are 2 types of people in this world:
1. Those that do the right thing and feel good afterward.
2. Those that need to feel good before doing the right thing.
If we allow our emotions to lead us, we will never get anywhere. The consistency of our character is always seen when we choose "doing" rather than "feeling."
But we must first give value to ourselves in the little things that we do every day, even when it feels difficult. Allowing ourselves to be disciplined in our thoughts and actions paves the way for us to finally give value to people around us.
Constantly choose character over comfort.
"There will be many people in your sphere of influence who are committed to misunderstanding your words and actions. Read that again. In some cases, โradically committedโ is more appropriate. You need to accept this reality in order to fulfill your calling.
Yes, we all need accountability from those who truly know us on a personal level, but Iโve become convinced over the years that most criticism that we receive from others is actually fueled by the spirit of jealousy.
Jealousy often times manifests as fear or resentment of another's success, speaking against the person, going on a vendetta to hurt their credibility, keeping them from being admired, or actually engaging in a conspiracy to kill their public image.
Jealousy is a very powerful and deceptive sin. It will cause you to believe that everyone who has more success and influence than you do is filled with pride and arrogance. The truth is that your outward promotion is just revealing their inward commotion.
As a leader, I hope this revelation concerning the spirit of jealousy can help you filter the criticism and attacks that will come often from those who are committed to misunderstanding you. Having healthy accountability in your life is necessary to help you work through the pain and heartbreak of what I am speaking to today and not lead with bitterness and unforgiveness."
ako naman ang maglalaro sa playtent nila kasi maagang natulog yung mga chikiting ko , napagod kakalaro , di na naka tulog kanina. haha . mgandang gabi sa lahat !! higa2 muna while waiting ni bossing husby . hehe
parang ang sarap kumain ng fried na manok , kay luto muna ng naaayon sa budget plus sawsawan na maanghan !! takam na takam nako , kaso wala pa bossing ko (husband) , sumasabay kasi ako kumain sa kanya kasi nakakawalang gana pag ikaw lang mag isa sa mesa .. happy eating sa lahat lalo pa't family day ngayon (sunday)
sawa nadaw sila maglaro sa loob ng bahay kaya sa labas naman kahit apaka init ng panahon . hahaha bala kayo dyan !
experience din as kids ! sarao kaya maglaro sa labas , sa panahon lang kasi ngayon , nakakatakot ilabas mga kabataan , kasi di natin alam takbo ng utak ng mga masasamang nilalang !
sarap mg gising pag may napakaagang blessing ..
good morning everyone!
this dish cabinet nga pala is katas na naman ng pag cecelphone ko lagi . haha , katas ng kunting kita , sa kung ano ano pinapasok na app at sites !! sarap sa feeling yung may nakikita ka sa pinaghirapan mo ,diba?
di lang yang mga sissy , meron pa iba pero yan lang bumungad sakin this morning, ang aga ng delivery.. kaya yung iba jan , push push lang ng push sa mha online kitaan . pasok lang pasok basta wag lang papascam .. at syempre wag kalimutan mag tabi para sa future .. pag may extra bili ka mg importante na sa tingin mo kailangan mo . hehe
GOD BLESS everyone, have a nice day !
Mahilig ka din ba nito ? hilaw na mangga . naglalaway ka din ba ? parehas tayo . hahaha
nong nakaraan pa ako naghahanap ng mangga , yung crispy talaga ...
ingat ang lahat , lalo pa't maulan !!
magandang aga everyone!!
ligo muna sa dagat , ng makarelax ang utak from stressful week .. dito na kakain ng almusal . ang sarap kumain pag nasa tabing dagat .. have a nice day !
lagi nalang nakabantay sa labahin kasi bigla bigla . bumubuhos ang ulan .. andami ko pa naman labahin . tinigil ko muna , baka mangamoy , wala sa mood yung panahon . haist !!
hello sainyo , kamusta ?
kain muna bago matulog .. hahaha !
nagutom lang naman kasi 5pm yung dinner namin ! buti nalang talaga may tinapay pa .
it's a very blessed day ! THANKS TO GOD , another day na naman nakaya nating lahat ! lets now rest and good night everyone! GOD BLESS !
its lunch time !!
sarap tignan pero medyo maalat ang timpla hahaha .. more practice pa !
kain na po tayo mga fersons. hehe
kumakain din ba kayo nito ?
kinilaw na bulinao tawag samin dito !!
minsan lang dumadaan dito kay grab na .. solve ang breakfast worth 50php ko , tubig nalang muna yung pantulak kasi walang available soft drinks dito at ng makatipid nadin .. haha , kape nalang muna . kain po tayo late breakfast !!
have a nice day !!
hello mga kabisaya !!
gigutom kog lantaw sa bata nagkaon ani , busa nagluto nalang sab ko . haha this is what we call ginamos with egg . lami kaog parat , paresan dyug kape bahala walay ligo kay walay agas diris among dapit , 24hours na ..
maayong hapon sa tanan !!
malalaki na sila .. nakakaiyak , parang kelan lang , dumedede pa sila saakin ! hahaha tama na ang tatlo . yoko ko nang sundan ! di na boring sa bahay , marami na akong bubungangaan . hahaha kidding aside !
have a great day !
coffee is life sa mga mahihilig sa kape kahit mainit ang panahon.
hello there noisey people! how are you doing ? its good to be back again and again . hahaha sobrang busy busyhan na sa life , lalo na malapit na face to face classes ng mga kabataan natin .. kape lang oks na oks na meryenda ko ..
too good to relax when our house chores are all done , safe and sound . hehehe nakapaglaba narin kahapon kaya , relax na nanay of all season !
have a nice day !!
congratulations pala sa lahat ng nagtapos this school year !! at sa anak ko na may collection na naman as student awardee ..
continue lang sana pagpupursigi sa studies !! GOD BLESS EVERYONE !!
my kids really thought it was ice cream and spaghetti hahaha
when they ask me to open it i laughed and let them , and then tsadaaaaan !! hahaha , fish and meat !! they really look so upset .. bili tayo next time mga anak pag malaki laki kikitain ni momma at papa , for now wala pa kasi marami pa bayarin .. hehe
good night everyone !
my plants want to say HELLO !
malalaki na sila , ang ganda na tignan . there's more pa pero yan lang muna update sa ngayon kasi nag repot ako kanina .. medyo magulo pa . hehe collection galing mga binigay sakin .. nakaka relieved ng stress !
sino pa walang paymaya jaan ? hehe
free 200 direct to your gcash plus 200 load for smart user and 100 load for Tm/globe user .. ako bahala sa task mo para ma claim mo yanrn ! message niyo lang ako sa FB account ko ๐๐
Li leth mags mags ๐
have a bless day !!
a simple made by me boquet ! ayos ba ?
first try , nais ko kasi regalohan yung friend kong mapili hahaha . kaya boquet nalang naisipan ko kasi magkaiba talaga kami ng taste . at iba iba rin nagugustuhan niya depende sa mode . kaya gawan ko nalang ng boquet kasi ang mahal na neto pag binili .. worth 150 lang to lahat !! at ayoooon !! nahuli ko din taste nya , gustong gusto niya kasi di pa sya nabibigyan neto since her last highschool boyfriend .. nakakataba ng puso pag na alappreciate yung pinaghirapan . hehe
happiest birthday sa sissums bff ko . kasama kahit sa mga check ups kasi same kami ng iniindang sakit .. tagaluto ,tagalibre at maaasahan .. wag ka lang humingi ng advice about lovelife dahil panigurado gugustuhin niyang maging single ka kesa magpakatanga . hahaha love love ko this girl kasi sya lang anjan lagi sa UPS and DOWNS ko ..
have a blessed day everyone !!
his way kind of day off !! just enjoying our day ,foodtrip namin yung kinita ko sa paymaya . hahaha .. burger at pizza ! sino pa walang paymaya jan . leka , tulungan ko kayo ma claim nyo 200php plus load !!
its my father's 2nd death anniversary !! 5am visit @ cemetery para di masyado mainit .. di nakasi makatambay dun kasi naka apartment na yung libingan nila .. kaya sa bahay nalang kami magkikita kita ng mga kapatid ko ..
years gone pero parang buhay padin siya .. nakakalungkot padin pero laban lang tayo mga buhay pa kasi alam ko masaya na sya ngayon .. have a great weekend sa lahat !! ingat po ang lahat ! GOD BLESS !!
hello everyone !! its good to be back ! its been a long time though ! how are you here guys . nakakamis mag update. haha anyways , sino wala pang paymaya ? may pa free 200php plus load, ako bahala sa task .. pm niyo ko sa fb ko . (lileth mags mags)
gandang gabi !!
the judgement day is here !
lets vote wisely people of the Philippines!!
GOD BLESS !!
1st day nila sa flores de mayo !
excited masyado pumuntang church kasi nasa bahay lang sila lagi . kaya ayan , early bird ! hehe
good afternoon !
halo halo halo everyone !! how are you there ? its been a long time since my last visit here , its good to be back !!
been so busy lately . i miss being here ! have a great day ! just wanna flex my little boy fall asleep already , i dont even noticed hahahaha .
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