@kthrsys
Locking in and locking myself out. Gone fishing 👋🏻
@kthrsys
Joined 9 April 2023 · 32 posts
KT | thoughts and the lack of it
120 KT
0 KT · 33¢ received · 0 KT · 13¢ given
Posts
@kthrsys
@kthrsys
The upstairs has given the ok?? Oh well. Run it back to 18h—or for sanity's sake, don't.
@kthrsys
The demons have been running wild again and I catch myself checking for anything that resembles the past. The times have I browsed and closed that tab recently is enough to frown at myself. Bweh. I need a distraction.
@kthrsys
Of all things, why must it be Pop Goes the Weasel?
@kthrsys
it's an interesting time when everyone around me is trying to interpret their birth chart
@kthrsys
when does one say the rose-colored glasses are already off? is it only when things are over and done? do we just tolerate things until we reach a limit? it's odd how people we used to know so well become so different after some time. would you come close and try to see them in a different light?
@kthrsys
Still locked in to this new cozy game and it's nearly a month! Just realized how creative people can get from games like this.
@kthrsys
New year, new hyperfixation? Gaming with friends is really fun hahahaha
@kthrsys
Holidays are the biggest and baddest stress tests every single year, aghhh.
@kthrsys
Post-Pride celebration thoughts are overflowing.
@kthrsys
lmao why did i forget the powerbank
@kthrsys
aaaah it'll be hard to resist Komiket Pride later
@kthrsys
People bring gifts and sometimes leave ghosts. Or demons that run wild [in your head at unknown times].
@kthrsys
This month will go by in a blink of an eye... It's too short, my plans don't fit. Bah! Hope I don't come back to a burning fort after some days of grass touching.
@kthrsys
I still have to answer to a ton of DMs... I love what I'm doing but I'm barely compensated for this. Money isn't really an issue but, bro, orgs shouldn't capitalize on people's willingness to help.
@kthrsys
why is this month soooo long
@kthrsys
The overstimulation is taking its toll on meeeee. Can’t wait for this week to end aghhh
@kthrsys
D-1 in the posh concrete jungle. I wonder how many people would I bump into 🤔
@kthrsys
When taking breaks, don't pick up a series that would turn you into a ball of sobbing mess hahaha
@kthrsys
This season has gotten me beaten to a pulp. Some routes are really hard to take. But 'tis for the best.
@kthrsys
What rain? Going to blast this summer playlist or else my energy's going to go down south.
@kthrsys
Strong relationships are really hard to come by and it takes a lot of work to keep things rolling. It's nice to have people who are willing to do it together!
@kthrsys
Back-to-back events... Tests... I think I'm done for today...
@kthrsys
Wish I had a longer weekend. Sure, being on the computer's good but I can't relax hereeee
@kthrsys
There's too much noise and I'd like to pretty much be alone with things I have to do... Don't come at meeee! Will I be missing out on anything if I decide to decline these opportunities? I fear that I'm spreading myself thin again.
@kthrsys
Is ignorance truly bliss? I wonder about it a lot. Knowing is fun. Knowing is also pain. But not knowing... is also pain...? I think knowing that I don't have to know everything can be a comforting thought.
@kthrsys
Here's another reminder to write and keep your seed phrase somewhere secure! I forgot where did I keep my seed phrase for this account so... farewell, pennies. And ah, yes, hello.
@kthrsys
To Live and To Die It's been an awful while since I went on here. And it'll probably be the same for who knows how long. No, it's not the rewards I'm after. Life has just been too much to handle. My initial purpose for creating this account has met its horrible demise too. (I know they're out there but things are not the same anymore.) A year has nearly passed and I am still grieving for my losses. And try as I might, the yearning still comes back—I'm not really hung up on anything but some regrets haunt me (I could've done better) and there's this void that is so hard to fill. Losing and leaving people has made me lose whatever mind I still have left. I've started to become wary of people's intentions (some only stay for the drama) and I have withdrawn to the noises inside me. All I am now is the shell I used to dread. Every night, I hype myself up—tomorrow's going to be the day I will do better for myself. Every day, I wake up wondering when will I cease to be—I am too tired to get going. I have a bad case of self-victimization when I should be geared up for the next big thing and my handling can't even counter it. I just want to rot but I'm well aware that I cannot. All the adventures I have gone to have been nothing but temporary highs. Why do the temporary lows have to be so prolonged? It's all winter. No spring, summer, or fall. I have been watching myself die so often. And of course, I struggle to live again. Whoever's handling my switch between living and dying must be having the time of their lives. *Saturn, spare me some mercy.* Despite this exhausting cycle, I still try to pick up pieces of myself that I have lost along the way. I have caught on to odd things to entertain myself but everything and everyone, for the most part, is boring. Who would've thought so many people would hop on dating/friend-seeking apps but won't even bother to share an inkling about them? Luckily, I have come across one to two people who match my crazy. (Look at me building friendships, *wow*.) And this time, I'm trying my best not to warp into whoever's ideal version is. I look forward to doing little things because that's the least I can do for now. Turning the computer on, responding to lengthy messages, shuffling my deck, doing the dishes... As long as I keep myself breathing, anything works, I suppose. To crawl out of this hole I dug myself is no joke and I forget to credit myself for doing that. *Sigh.* To live and to die for another day. Or two. Or more. I toast to everyone who is trying to live. And another to those who grieve.
@kthrsys
Living with Music Ever since I took the lonesome path to self-rediscovery, one of the things I've gone back to is music. It has been one of my friends - and enemies - ever since my younger years. My mom used to blast all kinds of music during our car rides, and of course, we'd sing along to her favorites. I stopped dabbling with it for a time as life got a bit more hectic and somehow, my music tastes narrowed down to what people around me liked. Don't get me wrong, though. Enjoying what they liked made me happy. However, I didn't have the chance to share what I liked. Didn't know having/not having people to listen to what you're listening to could affect you as well! Now that I have most of my time for myself, I'm free to find music that suits my taste. I'm also free to put tracks on repeat, so it's also nice. There are also times when I listen to whatever my brother puts on speakers when I'm tired of listening to my usual music. My curiosity about music production is also growing in proportion to the amount of music I'm exposing myself to. The only thing stopping me is not knowing where to start. My brain might combust if I try to squeeze too much of everything in here! One more thing that struck me when dealing with music these days is how easily affected I can be with them. Love how my mood brightens up through anything upbeat. Hate it when I start crying to a very emotional song. This effect is a blessing and a curse because my energy could end up somewhere unplanned! Funny how music can be the boon and bane of my overall disposition. Playing instruments have become one of my sources of entertainment too. I'm starting to have callouses on my fingertips again and I hope I don't start picking on them! For now, most of my ruckus happens during nighttime because those are the times when I'm usually awake. I sing along to my strums and it's comforting to be your only audience. But there are moments when I growl at myself for not hitting the notes right! I am my worst critic. No matter how long I may seem to be apart from it, music has been, and will always be part of my life. It has been one of the things I have been living for these days. What's your relationship with music? *Banner created via Canva. Background image from Joseph Humphrey from Pexels.*
@kthrsys
Cha-cha to the Front, and to the Back *When does it ever end?* The question rings in my head for the nth time as I try to make myself functional every single day. It pops into mind with unpredictable timing. It becomes the bitter bit during my eating time. It becomes Tanisha banging pans when I'm trying to get some rest. *Y'all not gonna get no sleep 'cause of me.* The question could pertain to anything. When will things stop getting boring? When does this noise stop? When will it stop hurting? The question becomes annoying enough that it grabs my attention and drags me into a staring contest. And lately, I've been losing every match. While I'm not a sore loser, the consequences of losing is tiring. It renders me vulnerable to minutes of crying while doing a chore, or even when I'm having fun. That, in turn, leaves me open to questions of why am I in tears... And you know what probably happens next. Having to deal with repetitive instances for the same reasons why is straining my energy. I hate that it's happening while I'm struggling to bounce back and get things going for myself. One day, I'd be on a productive roll, then rot and doomscroll on the next. Cha-cha to the front. Cha-cha to the back. Am I really going forward? This is like dancing to the beat of a broken metronome... Despite my current tone, I still remain hopeful for the future. I do feel a bit more lost because this time, I have to navigate around more than one set of feelings. Going through these motions without anyone to work with is like unlocking hardcore mode. One wrong move and it's game over. I do want to keep on going, but... *when does this ever end?*
