Corners That Challenge My Inner Strength
Many people are unaware that it can affect their lives. They are constantly hoping, but somehow they cannot feel their inner strength. One of last year's great teachings, I think, was on power. Somehow we all passed the test on this subject. We met with our inner strength, we met our potentials that we were not even aware of before, we saw that what we thought was power is small in our hands.
In this article, as you prepare this year, I invite you to open new doors in your mind about power and to take a closer look at it with aspects that you may not have seen before.
Life happens for us, not against us. Do you think life is a difficult place? If so, it's only because of the resistance you have developed against the flow. Life is a huge and endless sea and we are the fish that live in it. We are part of it, we drink from it and turn into it.
When faced with a challenging situation, realize it is an opportunity to align with the flow and ask: What does life want to tell me right now? Always remember: life is happening for us, not against us. Whatever happens is happening because it will make us more compatible with life. Have you ever seen a sea that wants to drown a fish? Why would life want to destroy us? Every moment when we're struggling, life wants to remind us how strong we are. Why does he want this, so we are not fully aware of our strength.
If your desire is to live your true potential and meet your strength, but if you do not know where to start, start by realizing that life is your friend.
We are in 100% control of our lives. We have the power to change anything but everything except earthquakes, rain, gravity, natural events such as coronavirus and other people's lives.
However, we spend most of our time focusing on what we cannot change. Do you know why? Because we don't want to take responsibility. Family, relationship, peace, health, abundance, success. Like everything we envy, it exists in our lives only if we take responsibility. Yes, we choose to go to work that we don't like to go to. In fact, if we want, we can resign tomorrow morning, but we don't. Why is that? Because it meets some of our needs, we cannot quit. Isn't that a choice? We can end that unhappy relationship right now, right? But we don't because we don't quit because of a belief, fear or need. Please notice that this is also a choice. We can choose what is better for us in every sense. However, we do not choose. Please notice that not choosing is also a choice.
**Notice who and what you put your power into.**
There is a saying that you may have heard before: You either work to live your dreams, or you work for someone who lives their dreams. This is so true. When you don't have a vision, a dream you want to realize, you work to magnify someone else's vision. If this is the common dream of both of you, a great cooperation can come out of this union. However, if this is a healthy cooperation there is an equality of power. Is someone your friend who wants you to do what a robot can do by placing you in one of the lower tiers in a hierarchical structure and not question anything? Or is it someone / something that wants to realize their vision with your energy? What happens when that thing that you raised by investing your time and energy is gone? What do you have?
Please spend your time as carefully as you spend your money, please, because it is free, we have a hard time realizing how valuable time is. It is your life and it cannot be undone. Be wary of businesses and relationships that are unaware of your strength and do not see your presence as a valuable contribution.
**What does power mean to you? Would you like to redefine it?**
If you have a life you are not happy with and it has been going like this for a long time, ask: What exactly is it that makes you so unhappy? And for what sake do you keep this up? Look at the people and structures you think are powerful. Notice how you defined power. Perhaps all you need is to change this definition. The greatest power is love. If you do not have a life full of understanding, compassion, and love, please look again at your relationship with power.
Stepping into the Camp of Inner Change
You must have experienced this in our life: You have come to your workplace with a very clear plan in your mind. Then you take a look, you are on your way home. 9-10 hours have passed, but you may have done one or two of the jobs you prioritized. Moreover, you may not remember properly what you did that day. Sound familiar? Do not worry, you do not experience these alone. According to research, we spend 47 percent of our time thinking about different things than what we are doing. In other words, many of us are driving on autopilot.
There are many stimuli for the focus thief in daily life. Smartphones, social media and advertisements are at the top of these. Don't get upset about driving on autopilot most of your time. There is a way to train your brain. The name of this method, which is compatible with the working principles of the brain, is neuropsychotherapy. With neuropsychotherapy, you can move your focus to a better point. **Neuropsychotherapy** is very effective in terms of focus and awareness. Focus refers to focusing on what you are doing at the moment, while awareness means detecting and avoiding distractions as soon as they appear.
With neuropsychotherapy, you concentrate on the task at hand, notice and fend off all internal and external distractions. Hence, your effectiveness and creativity will increase and you will stay in the flow. In summary, ***neuropsychotherapy*** is to break these cycles and open new paths in the brain by becoming aware of internal and external data that make it difficult to stay in the present, unresolved works in the past, and negative thoughts that are spinning in the mind that we call rumination.
Researchers have revealed that ***neuropsychotherapy*** exercises reprogram the brain, resulting in a more rational and less emotional structure. While making a decision, mobility increases in the posterior insula region, which manages the rational (rational) decision-making process in the brains of people who do neuropsychotherapy. This enables them to base their decisions on concrete facts rather than emotions.
This effect of ***neuropsychotherapy*** is great news, as some research has shown that emotions have an absolute influence on the reasoning process. Moreover, our positive and negative emotions are formed in a much shorter time than our conscious thoughts. Milliseconds are enough for this. For example, we show our fight or flight reflex not only against lions but also in the face of data passing through our minds. ***Neuropsychotherapy*** techniques are re-programming the brain. This has three important consequences: First, your ability to focus improves. Second, you start to see things more clearly and clearly, which positively affects your reasoning skills. Third, you are more likely to stay calm. Staying calm helps you find creative solutions to the problems you encounter while reducing your physiological and emotional stress.
This year has been a very different year for all of us. Many of our habits have changed radically. Whether we like it or not, we found ourselves in the middle of change. Maybe you cannot set goals with great hopes this year, as in previous years. But there is something very important you can do for yourself in the new year: learn to change. There are two golden rules you should know to learn to change: Focus and experience.
The second golden rule of change is experiencing. Knowing something, focusing on it, being aware of it is great, but it is not enough. For this, you have to bombard your brain with new experiences. Treat your brain as a little child and get its attention: Creativity and new paths grab your brain's attention. The way to start your creativity right away is to adopt new experiences.
***Neuroscientists*** have found that by bombarding the brain with new experiences, it is possible to look at the world from a new perspective. For this, you need to get out of your office and home from time to time, take a walk, experience new events, people and places. Adding these new experiences to your work, making them a part of your life, taking action in short is essential for the experience. Going out (such as taking long walks outdoors), doing new things, thinking differently and looking differently are the beginning of change.
Here, I have prepared a camp system for you so that you can offer new experiences to your brain: Inner Change Camp. This camp offers you and your brain a new experience, making it easier for you to change. Daily applications are sent to Internal Change Camp with online participation. The camp process proceeds as one-to-one work and consists of cognitive-behavioral therapy, neuropsychotherapy, Gestalt therapy, solution-focused therapy, self-compassion and mindfulness-based, personalized applications among the current therapy approaches.
In the first meeting, the issue you want to solve and improve in your life is determined, your goals are determined and a program is prepared for you in line with your needs. Every day, neuroscience-based applications are sent to you that you need to do that day. It is very important that you take responsibility for the camping process and your active participation. The Inner Change Camp makes it easier for you to direct your life in the direction you want. Even small changes like getting out of bed differently than you do every day, going to work or school in different ways, have the power to change you in the long run when you do enough.
**Camp for Inner Change** is a modern and scientific system that not only offers the latest advances in psychology, but also offers a completely new "design" for your body and mind. You will be making small changes in your life every day during the camp. These may be changes that were initially imperceptible to you. However, as you continue to practice, you will experience visible changes in your life. If you really do anything for 28 days, it changes you. What makes this system different is that most of the techniques you practice continue to help you long after you stop using them.
The experience you have gained during the Inner Change Camp will create a wave of change in your life, causing it to affect other areas of your life and thus affect others. The main purpose of the Inner Change Camp is to take control of your thoughts and your life. You do not need to have any skills before you can apply this system. If you can close your eyes, speak, write and move, you can also control your thinking and behavior. And you can ultimately design your dream life. All you have to do is to follow the camping assignments step by step, even if you are not sure that you are doing it right.
It is time to free my mind from captivity
Our captivity is from our minds, from what we have dragged from the past. We are now also physically captive. All loneliness, all our ability skills stand in a corner awaits us. We do not have the strength to stop and make an effort for more. We stayed here. The culprit is neither the sky nor our genes. There are no criminals. Life has brought us here, he said "Come on", can you continue to feed yourself in any condition? Can you say okay to love and be loved in all circumstances? Can you say yes to life under any circumstances?
Stand up!
Do something for yourself. Take a step to love yourself.
Because if you love yourself, nothing will be left. If you love yourself, the world will transform in an instant, and it's just for you!
Can you say no to every fiction that crosses your mind?
Can you hold on to your inner feeling and stand there without getting caught in them?
If you care about yourself, don't distract, nonsense, don't shred!
This darkness, this obscurity, somehow got us all in, but there is an exit, dear. Whatever the exit is, he hugs himself. He can do something about himself even with small movements. It means making yourself a cup of coffee, listening to his own voice for five minutes, looking at the image in the mirror and don't worry, I'm here.
Can you stand by yourself? Can you hug yourself and cry with him?
Not to cry at him, but to cry with him! Not mercy, not judgment, embracing him, healing his wounds. Passing means everything is passed and passing and of course it will pass.
To be your own closest friend, confidant. By showing him only affection, without judging him. By understanding!
We did these for others, willingly and sometimes forced. But we did not give a hint of what we showed out to "**Ourselves**", where we are the most cruel. We did not deserve this love for ourselves.
How much do you love yourself? Do you think you accept yourself as a whole with your pros and cons and live in peace with yourself? Or do you ignore your positive qualities and hit yourself on the ground for the negative aspects you find negative? Are you constantly criticizing yourself in your mind? Do you think you had a mistake because of the wrong messages you heard about yourself in your childhood? Do you engage in self-sabotaging behavior instead of treating yourself as you would your best friend?
For some people, psychologists like me who often emphasize the importance of self-love exaggerate the importance of self-love. However, it should not be forgotten that one of the most important foundations of psychological health is a healthy love for oneself, accepting oneself as a whole, not against oneself but with oneself. Loving yourself is the oxygen of the soul. People who love themselves, who are happy and at peace with themselves are generally people who do not hesitate to share this love with the world. It is worth underlining that I am not talking about loving ourselves in an egocentric way, but about loving ourselves in a healthy way without exaggerating our own importance.
I believe that the world can only be beautified by people who love themselves healthily. We all know how much harm people who do not love themselves and therefore do not love and respect their surroundings cause the world. Let's reverse this situation. Let's give more love to ourselves first, then to those around us and to the world. Let's use our energy to bring our life and the world to a better place.
Now is the time. When we need it most, it's time to give it all the compassion. Don't try to understand it, it's time to feed it.
With the patience of a mother feeding her child, trying to calm him down no matter what.
I'm Leaving Me Notes for the Future
Who knows us best in this life? Who knows all the roads you've passed? Witnessing all the emotions you have felt? Are you left naked and not hiding anything? A lifetime that you can stand as you are next to?
There is no such person for me. I sometimes hid a lot from myself. I was ashamed, I hid it; it didn't work for me, I ignored it; I was disturbed, I silenced my heart in anger. While I am doing all this to myself, how can someone else approach my naked state anyway? When I haven't even seen it.
But all this is a little bit behind for me, thank God. So at least I can finally open myself to myself. No hiding, hiding, no shame; I am much closer to accepting my state of being what I am, compared to previous years. This is a good thing. Is it outside? No, that's still blurry. Anyway, I think no one else can be close to himself or herself; this is a separate matter.
My best friend for a very long time is myself again. I am the closest witness to all the difficult roads, feelings and situations that have been passed. I don't need to say "you don't understand me". Or I don't have to hear "I don't understand you" because I know everything very well. As such, I discovered a new way by myself.
I'm writing notes from me now. I also stick these notes to each corner of the house separately. For example, written on a large cardboard on our refrigerator, "**WHAT SHE DO YOU NEED NOW? NOW YOUR BODY IS NOT OPEN. EXACTLY HOW YOU ARE HUNGRY, HOW DOES IT FEEL?** " a note stands.
On the billboard in my study, it says, "**When you are bored call your tennis instructor and ask if there is a place for the lesson**". Right next to it: “**When you feel lonely, connect to your root, where you came from. The energy of loneliness is just a reminder to remind you of the one**". And below that: "**Can you look at this world through the eyes of God?**" she asks.
There are a lot of grades that feel good, self-satisfied, satisfied. Because he sees him best, she knows it best, he understands it best. Rather than the outside, he knows what can be good for him when he feels weak, how she likes to be treated at that time, what does she wrap around him. He knows everything best.
She writes notes forward from today, as she tends to forget himself. Because he knows that it can fall and fall again. Because she knows that he may feel weak, lose motivation to life, be very angry with himself. She knows very well because he is himself. They live together. As she knows all these feelings well, she also knows very well how to get out of them. She knows very well because she has always been able to date.
My Zen Suggestions That Will Affect Your Life
I want to start my article with a nice word. The famous thinker Kafka said, "**One of the cages went looking for a bird**". Are there times when you can't catch up? Do you want to multiply the hours of a day by two? So do you often get the feeling that those twenty-four hours of a day aren't enough for you? Do you find yourself, like most of us, consuming your energy up to zero every night, stacked on the sofa, almost like a rolled-up roll? As I enter a brand new year today, I want to take a closer look at our choices and results that lead us to these fatigues.
Is another kind of life possible? Can we change our habits that tire us this year? Can we make new decisions that will dominate ourselves on at least a few important issues? Can we make our lives a little simpler maybe a little less complicated maybe and most importantly a little less tiring?
While looking for answers to all these questions, let's take a closer look at the Zen approach and Zen art with you today. In **Wumen Huikai's Zen Masters**, Chan or Zen is defined as the Japanese name for a teaching that belongs to the Mahayana school of Buddhism. It has spread from India to China, from here to Kre, Vietnam and Japan. It is called Chan in China. Its word meaning is "a state of being in deep meditation". The purpose of Zen is to discover Buddha-nature within man through meditation in everyday life. It is believed that this will give man a new understanding of existence and enlightenment.
**"What is Zen?"** The question is answered as follows; To realize that Zen is incomprehensible would be to take a step towards the truth. It emerges as an obligation to stay away from all kinds of arguments. Numerous works attributed to Zen repeat the following statement: When you do not do Zen, rivers are rivers and mountains are mountains. Rivers are no longer rivers when you Zen, and mountains are not mountains. When you do Zen, rivers become rivers and mountains become mountains again. When you reach awakening, rivers become mountains, mountains become rivers.
Everyone must discover for himself, through experience, observing the landscape of the world with wisdom and empathy. Meditation, work, and awareness of the importance of nature contribute day by day to the realization of awakening. The only thing that stands out is the daily transformation practice. While Zen allows deep listening to inner silence, it develops self-restraint, heart consciousness, clear consciousness, a consciousness without me, that is, ego. Keeping quiet within oneself is not actually withdrawing from the world, but rather embracing it completely to feel and live. The Zen approach consists in valuing what is happening here and now. Living in the present is to preserve your soul in a mirror-like fashion where neither hopes, worries, priorities, nor regrets blacken; so that exactly what is looked at there is seen and only what is seen is perceived.
Let's move forward by dividing it instead of being burdened with ourselves, and focus on happiness, satisfaction, and healthy living, where we cannot do many things that we cannot fit in a day. Let's spend more time with the things or people we love that make us feel good, and most importantly, spend a little more time to listen to ourselves, no matter what they say. Let's simplify our lives and increase the taste we get from life with Zen's art.
-Do not deal with multiple jobs or things at the same time. Aim for simplicity and simplicity in every moment.
-Do not be too rushed (unnecessarily) to finish any work or reach somewhere or make any decision, focus on the time you are and what you are doing. The moment is the most important time.
-Try to do everything you deal with completely, do not miss the focus on perfection in simplicity even if you have done a single job.
-You always have the right to take a break when you are tired, do not exhaust yourself and your energy unconditionally. Take a break in order to get more taste from life and the work you are working on, taking a break is your most natural right!
-Develop your own rituals, this could be 5 minutes of meditation in the morning or 10 minutes in the evening reading a story to your child.
-Have your own, special rituals that will make you feel unique.
-Helping others will increase your satisfaction in this life, do helpful things without thinking big or small.
-Let meditation be a part of your life. Cleaning, ironing, even cooking is a form of meditation. Take time to cleanse your mind, train your thoughts and nurture your body and soul!
Keep your focus on the beautiful ones. Do not waste your next days, your human relations, on things that you cannot change. Time is precious and time keeps flowing. For more simplicity in your life, focus on today's potentials, leaving the past in the past.
Live your life simple. Simple rituals, simple decoration, simple programs, simple meals, simpler processes. Open a window of convenience to your life. Think simple, be in favor of simplicity and evaluate your problems from simple points of view. Maybe you just need to get rid of all unnecessary items that occupy your home or to give up habits that don't add beauty to your life.
I Need Motivation For New Decisions
We need days like this in order to make new decisions but not find motivation for these decisions again for more than a few days. However, the important thing is to be able to make the necessary decisions without wasting time and not to wait for a threshold to complete the list. If you need to eat healthy, this can be started immediately. Or, if you have books that you need to read, there is no need to wait for the new year. On the first day of the new year that is globally agreed, but tired enough on its own, it will be useful to get rid of the complexity of your list and stick to reasonable measurements. What we really need to focus on is why we haven't kept our interest in our New Year's agendas, which we take each year with great enthusiasm and begin to write with great care.
Finding sustainable solutions instead of stereotypes, setting your goals with your personality in mind, and creating evaluable compositions (such as not wanting to be a diver without a good swimmer) can be considered an important step.
*-If you haven't completed your list yet, you can use the following tips.*
*-Set sustainable and realistic goals.*
*-Focus on your own wants, not what the majority wants.*
*-Give yourself time to fulfill your desires.*
*-If achieving your goals requires financial strength, try saving, not borrowing.*
*-Focus on the process and experiences, not the outcome.*
*-Do not expect divine power for things that have been in your mind for a long time but you just dare not.*
*-Learn to stay in the moment. Enjoy even not doing anything.*
*-When you lose motivation, take notes to help you remember why you want that thing.*
*-Search for scents, music, exercise, and books to stretch your soul and body.*
*-Learn to be disciplined. Instead of procrastinating and making excuses, just do it!*
Man is a social creature. Establishing connection is also a basic need like eating, drinking and breathing. However, many people today find it difficult to live and develop relationships with others. While every single one of the billions of people is a universe to be discovered, what happened to us not to be excited about this discovery? What prevents us from living together? Why does being together feel like putting up with another? We can talk about this for hours, but we will always revolve around the same idea: We must learn to communicate!
No matter how I write today, until I was 30 years old, communication was one of my biggest nightmares. I had such a hard time explaining myself and my needs that I could hardly get deeper in any of my relationships. Even with my family, my relationships were superficial. I was constantly complaining about not being understood. Every time my words could not reach the other person, I was filled with anger and heartbreak. Even my simplest communication attempt turned into a struggle within seconds.
Why didn't anyone understand me? I am not with the right people because I thought they would understand me if they were right. So I had interesting days where I convinced myself that loneliness is so much better. However, I always had one eye on people who could easily communicate with each other. I couldn't imagine how they could do this so comfortably and fluently.
I refused, but in fact my heart yearned for deep connection. There was a search hidden inside me: Where should I start? How was this going to happen?
Real communication starts with connecting with myself. Then I came across a book - 3 or 4 years ago - called "Nonviolent Communication" and after that my whole world changed. I had studied at their best schools, but it was the first time I was introduced to real communication. Yes, I did not know how to communicate, but I'm afraid 99% of the world did not know either.
I discovered that communication starts with bonding with yourself. I realized how natural it was for no one to understand me. Because I did not understand myself. I did not know what I needed, what I wanted, and I was so suffering from my unmet needs that I hoped someone else would understand and relieve me. Here is what I thought communication was. Actually, I was looking for a hero and asked him to bring the golden necklace in the heart of the red dragon on the purple mountain top. Asking someone to understand me without me was like asking for that gold necklace.
I was relieved and now I figured out where to start. I wanted to develop my communication skills with all my heart and I immediately started to connect with myself whenever possible.
True communication could not take place without a heartfelt connection between two people. So what was my communication thought until today? I think we were just throwing words at each other.
**Take care of yourself and the world until my next post.**
I noticed that I was at the Sky Look Stop
**For me, every day is the next of unknown and anxiety, a new corner.** Sentence in a lot of now or now. Can not be completed with the taste of the mouth. A guilty sense of hope. "What if these were our best days?" Doubt. It's like being a mother to meet this new year. Always a companion inside heartbreak And now bubbles of joy arm in arm with the feeling that something goes wrong. On the one hand, time flows. We are growing, we are getting older. And anyway, we go through all of this, scarring, bumping, rubbing, rubbing. We are learning.
In this one year, my daughter learned to poop on the toilet, my son to read, and I learned to drive. My wife has learned to be a real part of the house. I learned to distinguish between my favorites and my least loved ones like sorting out the rice stone. Because it was always a tight time. Elections were inevitable. I felt more inside me to live as if we were going to die tomorrow. I learned that I love sunrises as much as sunsets. I learned that the sea, the wave, the salt, even those beautiful dolphins, whatever happens to us, are always there and their cycles continue. I learned that that water never stops, as she said in that beautiful song
I learned how transformative and exciting the phrase "**I love you so much**", which we are often a little mean, is. When I was home for a long time, I heard more from my children because I don't know if I took more than I gave or if I got more.
When intending something, it is much more important to focus on the emotion you want to bring into your life rather than what you want. If what you insistently want is not good for you, it is better not to happen at all. Thus, instead of the illusion of being able to plan and control his whole life in front, we leave the door open to many potentials. Likewise, this period proved how the plans made to us can go to waste. That is why believing that our unfulfilled wishes have a much better reason for us sprinkles water on people.
My intention is not a brand new me, but a self that is constantly changing, transforming and developing. The only thing I will do to make my dreams come true; to start my big dreams with the smallest steps. If our attention is directed to where the energy is, it is important to define the intentions with precision. And it may require a little more care than we thought. The earth has an ear, words have power. I hope your wishes come true. Do not let your incomplete intentions scratch your side tomorrow. Do not cry after flooding the terrace of your house with a view just because you missed your peace of mind. You wish true love without saying unity, development, peace or harmony. Then the saying, "You love, you cannot meet, there is love" scratches your ass. Instead of losing weight, we can update our intentions like having a healthy body.
But when I heard it fifty times, I believed it. “**They really love it, yes**” I said. Someone loves me very much. A lot indeed. They say so enthusiastically, passing through them. Suddenly, in the middle of the day, after the game, before the lesson, over the bath, during bed. I learned that the more times you hear this a day, the more beautiful you become.
Do you know the poem Looking to the Sky Stop, read it for me. Because it's time for this poem. Here they are always a stop to look at the sky. When the times are so short, it is a stop to look at whatever is useful for you to "**live**" your today, tomorrow and the next.
Even in this unknowable time, turn your head to your chest, whichever good word, what fragrance, taste it turns your head, if it makes your soul open to goodness, beauty, sharing, hear it, see it. Because time does not stand still. Two thousand and twenty one turns in your palms. Be nice to him.
6 Points in Life I Want to Be Assertive
What does his assertive adjective remind you? Assertiveness is a concept that is perceived as positive by some and negatively by others, just like the equivalents of "**exaggerated**" and "**very self-confident**" in the dictionary. Both views are likely to be related to the person's values or past experiences. This month, I take a closer look at this issue, which I guess that someone who aims to improve himself or his business is thinking about when the time comes, and sometimes handles it with another name.
**Assertiveness** word: An attitude that is self-confident, does not see negativity about himself or the idea or suggestion he puts forward, does not feel hesitant, is certain and clear, defends his right, demands what he wants, or even feels that it can be coercive if he encounters a behavior that he does not find appropriate. . There is another very important detail: An egalitarian approach that takes into account the rights of others while expressing their needs and desires directly and comfortably. So it should not be confused with "egocentrism". In fact, there is a style between aggressiveness and passivity, standing at an equal distance to the two, and drawing the boundaries of the person and the other in a healthy way.
Among the reasons we want to be assertive, there may be things like creating trust, being preferred, and achieving our goals more easily. Sometimes we may want to have more influence on people. Sometimes, we may think that we welcome those who come to us with demands more accepting than it should be, and that we have difficulty in determining our boundaries. These are our own reasons and needs. However, assertive people may be preferred or welcomed by their interlocutors, such as being easy to understand and predictable, believable. If we are selling a product or a service, if we aim for people to cooperate with us, it will be in our favor to be perceived as assertive. Also, people who act assertively in this way perform better in management roles, are negotiators that result in a win-win, are good at problem solving, and feel less anxiety and stress.
If we have goals that conflict with our counterparts, that is, if what we want to achieve and what the other wants are in the opposite direction, how well our assertive behavior will work will depend on the person's approach to conflicts. It would also be good to make sure that assertive behavior is perceived as culturally positive, again depending on our environment and our interlocutors.
If you need to better draw your boundaries, get people to be more responsive to your wishes, feel better because you express yourself or protect your interests, it may be helpful to consider the following dimensions. I strongly recommend that you do a thinking study by writing for each title, and consider your findings, feelings, question marks, difficult aspects and ideas that come to mind by keeping a diary. Thinking in writing will produce more effective results than just thinking.
**1- Knowing your strengths and weaknesses**
The more you are sure of these two, the greater your power to be assertive. Do you know these? If you have any doubts, you can ask people from different social circles to tell you the first adjectives that come to their mind about you for a more realistic determination. Thus, you will understand the similarities and differences between how you perceive yourself from the inside and how you are perceived from outside. If you need motivation and want to gain strength, you can ask them to say only positive adjectives. If you are ready to hear your weaknesses from others, and you won't shake your self-esteem and blame them, you can ask either.
**2- Review your values**
Did you grow up in a family where pretentiousness was condemned or humility exalted? Our upbringing affects many of our behaviors and perspectives. This can sometimes be in the same direction, sometimes reactively in the opposite direction. Do you think you could be under such an influence? What does it mean to be assertive for you? Is there a side to you that doesn't make sense? If so, what are they? What are your feelings about these elements? What do you think ideal assertiveness should look like?
**3- Looking around you**
Are there any people you think are pretentious and whose style you like, who has earned your respect? What do they do differently? What difference do you see between the pretentious people whose style you don't like and the pretentious people you like? Can you discover what catches your eye when you dislike it and stimulate your critical inner voice? What does this discovery tell you?
**4- Your approach to risks**
Are you allowing yourself to do wrong? Or are you always looking for perfect steps, not making mistakes, not scoring goals? Which one is more valuable to you? Do you want to behave flawlessly or do better at the next opportunity, without worrying about a mistake you made? What if people see that you are falling short of doing what you promised? Can you afford this or think of a solution?
**5- Your desire to be assertive**
Where does your desire to be more assertive or perceived come from? External reasons such as emulating someone or being told you have to be like that, is it your sincere wish? Have you completely convinced yourself on this? What gains will you have when you become more assertive?
**6- To be assertive about what?**
Do you intend to have an assertive attitude at all times and in every field? Do you have good and good relationships and deeds with your current state? In what situations do you most need to change your behavior?
If the answers and methods have not appeared in your mind after doing the above extensive study, or if you still want to take advantage of additional advice, you can find the suggestion basket on the behavioral dimension of the topic in this article. It may be best to start behavior change experiments with smaller and less risky situations, look at their results and try to move them to different subjects and environments by making the necessary adjustments.
My Ways to Contribute More to My Life
Whether we are explaining the truth with the stars, the age of the tired world, or the pandemic, to create a new way of life, which is our common journey on the eve of the new year, in the last days of the current year. In this journey, we yearn for the most and what we need is the intimacy, bonding and sincerity.
Its path is an invitation that is often familiar to those who have practiced yoga and meditation. But it is an invitation for everyone whose path does not cross here; friendly, non-judgmental, open, receptive, childish curiosity.
We may have said things like this at least once, with our heart that is susceptible to being broken by nature; I do not believe in friendship/love, there is no such thing as true friendship/love.
Distant sincerity is the result of the resentments that make up these big sentences. Maybe I have some questions for all of us whose answers have captivated my curiosity. So who sets the boundaries? Are we or the other party? Or is the only issue we can hand in hand to build distance walls between our sincerity? However, for genuine sincerity, it is necessary to lower the shields. So what will happen when the soft and vulnerable abdomen appears when the heart is open? When you hear this question, did you hear an inner voice saying “Then let the shields stay in the air even if halfway”?
Let's stop there, all together! Because there is loneliness in life too, maybe more. There is no sound without a breath. You need a wife, a lover, a friend and a paw to share life. Sincerity requires revealing the truth. Will our attitude towards him change when the other party lowers their shields, when the injured places are visible? Maybe we don't know that either. While we want to get to know the people with whom we want to establish close relationships and to dig deeper, do we really know ourselves and our possible attitudes? Is sincerity something we can build ourselves? Let's start here.
Perhaps we have fears, shame, complexes, what we feel incomplete and wrong, unethical attitudes, or dark sides that we never do, but that just thinking about it is enough to distance ourselves. There may be many things that we do not want to show them to other people, even to ourselves.
Who is the decision of all these descriptions and sensory consequences? Is it the result of our own sincere, heartfelt choices, or is it the labels sticking to us as a result of the so-called values we buy from others, neighborhood pressure, family atmosphere, teachers, friends, etc..?
The invitation of yoga is a friendly attitude; The kind of attitude we really want to see from our friends, the weight of the hand we put on to reassure someone we love. Against whom? Of course to ourselves.
**An Indian proverb** “Before you judge my life, put on my shoes and go through the roads and streets that I have passed. "Get on the stones I stuck with, stand up again and go the same way again as I went, only then can you judge me."
In the shadow of what we buy ourselves with other shoes, from the roads others walk, we doubt how much we know in real terms, when the time comes, we are surprised at the reactions we give only when we have some great experiences, and we can discover our limits and ourselves at those extremes, while we stop judging ourselves with the labels sticking to us over some ready-made thoughts. is not a step forward, what is it?
This kind of rapprochement, even with ourselves, can be scary. Since the so-called value judgments will flow along with the deleted labels, we have come to the stage of being open and receptive as we are against life as it is. Sincerity is the invitation of a heart with open doors. And only that heart with some supposed values! It may be possible if it is free from individual pain and judgments about the outside world created by repressed desires. You know, with the kind of child innocence we all accept without a doubt and say "**I wish we could be like them**".
Unfortunately, these loads we carry throughout the body have no visible strings. We can't just throw a pair of scissors and drop it where we are and continue. Moreover, in the depths of our subconscious, we carry more weight than we think, perhaps even very likely. The discovery of both east and west, which we all know of the east long before the west, is that as the subconscious loads decrease, the more space opens up for consciousness in the present area. The meditation mind is the place where plenty of space can be opened to consciousness. This is the reason for so many invitations to meditation, the ancient practice of thousands of years.
Then we can establish sincerity first with ourselves, then with our surroundings, with a kind of honesty that can be called brave, which is not according to the criteria of what might happen as a result of the fear and anxiety of judgments. Not in words but in essence, we are as free as the space of intimacy we can build, open to receiving and giving love as much as we can, and contribute to life. It is also a choice to stay in a defensive position with armor and shields (actually living in fear), to open up to more consciousness, a friendly attitude and sincerity and to be equipped with love, joy, loved ones and loved ones.
I am on the Big Planet at the Submission of Man
I'm on earth. We have been on this planet since the moment we knew ourselves. We opened our eyes to life here. We learned to feel cold here, we were hungry here and this world fed us. We knew what mother was on this planet, we smelled on this planet. This is the first time we've been here in a forest, it's the first time we've gotten wet in the rain. We took our first step on this planet. We were able to swim in the sea for the first time. The first time we fell, hurt, healed and age for the first time on this planet. Here, we became a mother / father, we knew what sound here. We heard the birds and witnessed the trees being blown by the wind. Life is here for us.
You will say "**Huge planet**", "**At the disposal of man**", yes. This is a huge planet, a huge world, a huge world. It took our yesterday to go from one end to the other. Crossing continents, crossing oceans, burning with the question of what is there, questioning where the border is. Yes, it all filled our minds on this dear planet. We were humanity, the lord of these continents, these winds, these created ones. Even this huge planet is narrow to us, isn't it?
Today, with you, I want to start right here: What was it that made people so special? Why was a huge planet Earth put at our service? Which flow, which events, what thought, what appreciation brought us here? Why are we here? Why is such a magnificent balance, such a beautiful planet in service for years, centuries? And what will it end? Why is the world human?
Let's try to find some answers to these questions:
But never forget that; Since all these works must be carried out in accordance with the divine order, the supervision and surveillance of the higher influences and the executive energy complexes that ensure this is always present here as everywhere.
After this information, we should not think of the term 'embodying human existence' in this broad sense and within a narrow framework like the concept of incarnation, which means entering the flesh. The term incarnation can be used to refer to simpler entities that are forced into cells and attached to them. But it is not true for human existence.
In this case, the relationship of the human being with the body is in the form of its domination of the magnetic field of the brain cells and by this means it sends its effects to the whole organism. This is provided by most of the effects that the being will send to the body from that point of concentration we have mentioned.
As a matter of fact, the divine order has arranged the situations and states of the whole universe in such a perfect harmony and connected them to such a regular mechanism that, despite all their infinite appearances, the events of the universe flow by "**one walk**". For those who can see this truth, a single body and the whole universe are two mechanisms that are not separated from each other.
Death is a quantitative expression of the difference in value at a particular moment, in the harmony of the divine order. That is, after a world body sees the soul that it has served throughout its life, to the degree of service expected in it, its purpose of mediating that soul is no longer present. As a result, the values in that body should decrease. Because, in the divine order, it is necessary to end all processes that are no longer necessary.
We are in this world with our anxieties, worries, with our loved and disliked, with all our nakedness, with all our selves, with our good and bad, with our longings, with our fights, with our anger, with our creations, with our discoveries, with our eyes, with our hands, we are human beings, we are human beings. Today I would like to ask ourselves: Why is this world, this realm and planet at our service? For whom do these trees produce oxygen? For whom does this land grow? Who is this sun illuminating, warming, protecting?
And we human beings, we masters of the realm, we supreme wise, rational, intelligent, able to speak and walk, and who can make decisions and burn and kill without blinking an eye. And why are we in this world when we human beings, we masters of this realm, the whole order are so "**Unique**" and orderly?
**What is the human for in the world?**
I think I'm living in a Paradox
Conflicts of all kinds, diseases, discrimination and hate speech sweep the world. As the world bends and bends in time under their influence, we also try to produce innovative, progressive and sometimes disconnected solutions to the situations we are in. Perhaps we need to take these recovery efforts much more seriously, as all turbulent times have experienced the same search for transformation and movement, and can only be pushed forward and continued through breaks. Any perspective that can enable us to overcome the difficulties of the present and reach a different state and discover other kinds of beings can play an important role in the progress of all living things.
It may be a good start to be able to scan the wisdom lived in the world and get the necessary help from the ancient teachings for the formation of these perspectives; One of them is "**Shamanism**", whose roots are claimed to go back almost 50 thousand years ago. The way we can grasp the nature of consciousness may be hidden in this teaching.
Traces of shamanism can be found in the ancient **Mesopotamian civilizations**, **Scandinavia, Siberia** and other parts of **Europe**, as well as in M**ongolia, Korea, Japan, China and Australia, South America, Meso-America, Africa** and most of the known parts of the world, including North America. is seen.
Shamans who are recorded in the historical process are usually people who have spent a lifetime after their ascension call, and have been adept enough to create confidence in their experiences.
The healer of shamanism can also be defined as the person who can somehow communicate with and work with spirits to help restore balance. To restore balance; It may mean healing a sick tribe member, helping the tribe's relationship with nature, or restoring balance to nature through rituals. In Shamanism, as in every belief system, there is an effort to find answers to basic human needs, such as finding an explanation for the states of nature and having some control over natural phenomena. For example, a hunter-gatherer society might offer offerings to spirits that influenced the size of herds or the generosity of forests, while later pastoral societies turned to gods and goddesses who controlled the air to have fertile crops and healthy animals.
Today there are many communities that follow an eclectic **Neo-Shamanism**. However, it is important to note that many of what is currently presented as "**Modern Shamanism**" is not the same as the shamanic practices of indigenous peoples. The reason for this, of course, lies in cultural and environmental differences. Modern shamans are often interested in practices that include working with totem or spirit animals, dream travels and vision missions, trance meditations, and astral travel.
Could we use **Shamanism**'s teachings, which contain so many surreal elements and do not appeal to our hardened perception, to reconnect with ourselves and with our wider environment?
The belief that everything from plants to trees, from rocks to animals, everything that can be seen and cannot be seen, and that everyone is part of an interconnected, collective whole; We can argue that it can help deep insights and the transformation that can be achieved on the earth.
According to **Shamanism**, the soul is always the whole; so the essence of man never needs correction. However, a traumatic experience can damage the connection of the mind and body with the soul, and the individual is constantly questioning, judging, criticizing, staying passive, expressing, or resorting to violence, etc. life in situations.
In fact, most of us have experienced such devastating events. Unless we take the time to focus on healing, we continue to carry these damages within us and harm all living things. Sometimes we can overcome and move on, sometimes we relive the pain every day and stay at the mercy of triggers such as diseases, economic troubles and disconnections in relationships, we drift away. For most shamans, the loss of connection with the soul is the cause of the current crisis in the world now.
One of the main goals of shamanism is to put the person in different perception situations with the intention of creative experience. After all, it is so used to living within the confines of the mind that it is forgotten that there are other states of consciousness and perspectives that can be captured. As Albert Einstein pointed out, we cannot solve problems by looking at the level that brought them up. One of the ways we can regain connection with our soul is through our relationship with creativity. When we leave the physical world where we are constantly manipulated with various stimuli and switch to the field of intuition, we now reach the space of creativity. Because here our intuition guides us, not artificial and trivial things. In the creation process, we neither look for the future nor question the past. Here in Shamanism, one does not exist in the past or the future. It is a "**soul**" that is fully aware of the "**now**".
In shamanism, three reasons are shown as the main source of all illnesses and even physical pain:
Fear is the most common cause. It results in anxiety, insecurity, jealousy, or anger. These feelings are all interrelated, and they all feed on an underlying fear. While shamans have known this for thousands of years, modern medicine is now beginning to discover the clear link between these mental states and the manifestation of physical illness.
Incompatibility; It is when the balance of a person's life is shaken by an internal or external event and puts the person in a cycle that leads to some mental or physical illness. For example; The struggle of a loved one to return to a healthy and balanced state may be an indication of this state.
We can consider soul loss as the most extreme form of disharmony. Disconnections occur more often when a traumatic or tragic event shatters the soul. This can result in feelings like hanging in a vacuum and losing yourself.
Shamanic journey
Attention on this journey; It is directed inward and the ability to be aware increases with the process. In the shamanic journey, unlike the practice of focusing on the breath in Buddhism, one gets help from the "voice" to focus his attention.
Before the passenger focuses on the inside; It uses a type of sonic driver that consists of repeating a drum, rattle, another instrument, or human voice. For example, Shamans in Siberia have used drum rhythm to travel to their inner cosmography. This cosmography is an inner reflection of the outer landscape of the natural world. The questioning and judgment of the roots of personal suffering is not the purpose of the shamanic journey.
On the journey, contact is made with helping spirits or teachers in nature forms (such as animals). Experience; It takes the form of a dialogue between the traveler and the assistant spirit, and provides invaluable support for guiding the traveler to face even their most painful personal experiences. If this journey is analyzed as a metaphor; It can be defined as a way that people can use to understand themselves and others by attributing their mental and social abilities to animals, nature and the unknown. The experience lived here is very personal.
Compassionate power fields, defined as "**helping spirits**" at the beginning of the Journey practice, can also be considered as a part of the core self or as an inner energy field. An important aspect of the crises of meaning we experience is the psychological isolation that many people feel. Working with an inner guidance that takes the form of nature, the passenger will feel accompanied and supported as he descends into the depths of the self and will be able to cleanse from the damage caused by psychological isolation.
Three world conceptions in shamanism
In shamanic teaching, it is believed that everyone is born with the souls of one or more animals. By connecting with spirit animals, people reconnect with the hidden places within them. On the shamanic journey, they can travel to one or all of the three spirit worlds. Let's look at these three worlds…
Lower world
In shamanism, the lower spirit world is by no means abused, as depicted in the stories. Instead, it is the world of nature. Here the passenger; It can communicate directly with nature through things like mountains, rivers, and wind.
During the travel process, you may find yourself in forests or desert planes, but the laws of physics may not be fully valid. You can fly over the forest or swim to the bottom of the ocean. Shamans; he believes that his ancestors and animals of power live in the lower world. These power animals may be those seen in the known world, or they may emerge as completely new species. When approached in a psychological sense, we can say that the "Lower World" represents the subconscious.
**Middle Earth**
The middle spirit world is the spirit world that corresponds to our ordinary world. This is where the journey begins. Here the shaman; the moon communicates with the spirits of things such as plants, animals, and humans.
This place, which appears to man as the world he lives in, is actually a place where he stays in projection and remote viewing. This world is the domain of those who cannot get beyond this. Shamans regard it as neither good nor bad, but simply believe that it should not be taken seriously. The middle earth represents the conscious mind and ego.
Upper world
The upper spirit world is surreal, unlike anything seen in the world. Traveling here makes the mind realize its true self. This is where the pure soul is located, so according to Shamans, the souls of the upper world should be taken seriously. Spirit guides live in this world helping the shaman with knowledge and healing. They can appear in human-like, animal-like, or any other form. The upper world represents the super conscious mind.
Quantum physics tells us that no matter how small every atom, molecule or particle in this world we live in, there is a gap between everything. And if so, then life is more of a flow of energy than the sum of solid things. The superconscious mind encompasses a level of awareness that sees beyond material reality and harnesses the energy and consciousness behind this reality. Super consciousness is where true creativity resides. Expressions of this kind of creativity are different from those that come from the subconscious. Super consciousness is where ideas for truly great works of art, music, prose, poetry, great scientific discoveries, and deep spiritual experiences are found. It is suggested that the solutions of the diseases can also take place in this area.
Shamanism is not a religion; rather, it is a collection of rich spiritual practices that are influenced by the context of the culture in which it belongs. Taking the wisdom that will work for us from this collection will perhaps enable us to confront them while entering the new year without forgetting their pain and experiences. In order to experience the beauty of the solutions we produce with our hearts, we should not ignore the opportunities offered by this teaching. **Instead of decomposing artificially; It is not too late to reach that point of view that our existence, nature and all things are one.**
I am learning to rest for a Productive life
Resting is an activity that we all think we know very well. But many people suffer from fatigue because resting is not just about going to bed every night to sleep. Almost everyone goes to classes to learn skills such as painting, writing, dancing. However, few of us know that recreational activities that affect all living spaces should also be developed with practical and correct information. On the contrary, rest is an action that we do not care much and easily discard. Rest is more than you've ever experienced. Let's take a closer look at it together.
**Learn to relax physically and mentally**
Movement is to the body what water is to a flower. Lying just for sleeping at night does not create enough rest for the body. To really rest, you have to move your body regularly. You can run, walk, play tennis. However, I recommend that you include yoga with all the physical exercises you do. Yoga helps you gain the strength and flexibility your body needs. However, yoga contributes to your mind and body integrity, making you feel much more fundamental.
Meditation is to the mind what shower is to the body. While resting your body with movement, do not neglect to relax your mind with regular meditation. When your mind is truly at rest, you can listen to life much more deeply and make more heartfelt connections.
By making movement and meditation regular in your life, you can experience the depths of rest that you may never have experienced before.
*Follow the 80% -20% rule.*
We have a strange belief that we will be happier if we work hard. I think this is one of the biggest lies of our age.
According to scientific research, the universe works with the rule of 80% to 20%. This rule, also known as the Pareto principle, roughly states that 80% of the effects for most events are generated by 20% of the factors. For example, 20% of sales make up 80% of earnings, or we wear 20% of our clothes 80% of our time.
Therefore, 80% of the time we spend constitutes 20% of the results, while 20% of our time constitutes 80% of the results. What we need to do is find that 20%, which constitutes 80% of the results we want, and stop doing the ineffective 80% that consumes our time while continuing to do it.
Doing is effective only when it comes from the state of being.
There are two types of doing. One of them is to do it because you are triggered by an external factor. In this state of doing, when the external factor that drives us to action disappears, the act of doing stops. For example, things we do because we are jealous of someone, what we pursue because of a fear, what we do because we compete with someone, or what you do because our manager has asked us. The other state of doing comes from inspiration, and the source of the energy that moves us is not outside but inside us. It is more like doing to exist. Doing to express ourselves.
The vast majority of people spend their lives in this state of doing, which I described first. He's doing business because someone gives him a job, maintains a marriage in which he's unhappy because he's afraid of being alone, or runs from one course to the next just to seem more successful. We need rest to be. Our actions that will arise out of being will be revealed only in this way.
Most of the time, we are enslaved by our desires. The gem cannot hit, we cannot restrain it, we cannot brake properly. He is the prisoner of human needs. It is he who rules our lives. We must control it, dominate it, but on the contrary, it is he who rules us. It is our desires and needs that we cannot prevent or resist.
Aristotle says the opposite alone. He states that what dominates our lives must reverse. He says do not be captive of your wishes. The servant says do not be slaves to them, do not submit to them, be captive to your main conscience. He says, be captive to his conscience so that he can have mercy, be just, love and count, share, feel pain in his heart.
Asking help from unconscious, can you get support? Can you expect it to pity you? Can you say that it does not torment, do not condemn us to hunger and poverty? You cannot expect anything from someone who has no conscience. You cannot expect anything on behalf of humanity, decency and morality.
It is conscience and good morals that move people. It is he who makes you personality and virtuous. It is he who cares for the affairs of others, that creates good feelings in you. Without it, neither your humanity nor your manhood will remain. You just become a person of pleasure and pleasure living for his world. You drink day after day. You live a good life. However, you will be unaware and deprived of real human values, you will live a meaningless life.
If our dream is to create a successful, happy, peaceful and fulfilled life, we should learn to rest more effectively and improve our resting skills with practice.
I Must Leave Some Things in My Life Messy!
Aside from the collective plane, I'm sure we all have individually tackled many challenges, and we've had a lot of learning from those struggles. However, there will no doubt be those who will forget all that they have learned as if it were a magic wand the moment the conditions return to the old one.
I think the issue is to be able to analyze well what is permanent and what is temporary in this period, to be able to choose what we will make and what we aim at, and to act both by taking the necessary steps in the short term and without sacrificing the long term. Again the point is balance. This year we have been oscillating between these pairs a lot, it seems that this oscillation will continue in 2021. Maybe the oscillations slow down and we get closer to equilibrium.
You know Newton's Cradle, you know, when you pull a ball on one side and release it, and on the other end, it's a mechanism made up of multiple pendulums. And sometimes we find not a single pendulum that will reach equilibrium, but several such pendulums side by side.
Usually, we are the one who determines the first movement of the ball in the beginning (sometimes we think we are), but this year we saw that when we never planned to move the balls, a force makes that first movement and, like the balls in between, we transform the energy loaded into it and give it to the other. to move is just falling. So while we think we are not moving, we actually continue to be part of the movement of the pendulum and maintain momentum, constantly carrying energy. Since actually the movement continues, the energy continues and we are a very important part of this mechanism, then we must first realize this. Again, this awareness came before us. The most important feature of awareness is that it expects you to do something when it comes into existence.
***So, what are we going to do, if we are going to rise or fall, if we stand still and keep moving?***
-We'll stay with the flow. We're going to leave it a little messy without the pursuit of collecting everything.
-This rule is always true, but perhaps it's time to learn and practice it in this period as we are trying to cope with the feeling of uncertainty like never before.
-We will achieve some of our goals in 2021, and some will not be able to achieve them. Sometimes we will not be sure what we are aiming for, and we will remember that revisions are a part of life.
-Sometimes what we want will find us exactly as we want it, and sometimes it won't be. But it would be good if it didn't happen, we just won't know at that time.
-There will be those who leave. Maybe they will come back, maybe they won't. There will be new arrivals. In the end, he will find a way that he should have stayed in, and an excuse that he should not have.
-Again, a lot of emotions will surround us. We will wrap some of them in cotton and leave them briefly. Still, we will remind ourselves not to hold on to any of them.
-As I write these lines, **Fleetwood Mac - Dreams** is playing. Who knows, with a viral video, we will re-shoot some things like this song that came out of the past and found its place in the most listened to again and put it into our lives. However, we will also discover brand new songs.
-We will continue to prepare playlists for travels in advance, of course, it is necessary and useful to plan some things. However, just as we cannot predict the best song for the moment, we will choose some songs on the way or change their order.
-We will learn to tear down our walls out of spite in order that constantly teaches us to raise our walls one more floor and to rely less and less on people. We will try to be open, both coming and going. It is not known how much, how much we can do, but effort will make a difference.
There are countless useful things about what and how we can compile it. We use what we need anyway. So if we are doing less exercise, it is possible to increase this in the new year or start learning a new language in the new year. Most of our goals will take effort and of course not easy. However, since we have learned what to do, what not to do, how to collect, how to arrange, how to plan, since the first day we started to learn something, these muscles are stronger. Let's try to learn the harder one this year; Let's release that we cannot influence.
The energy to release is also very powerful. Let's keep moving things, work, try. But on the other hand, let's leave things as they are. If we do not get the result we want at that time, or even if we do not get any results, if we think that we are not acting, let's leave it alone.
We cannot put everything in its place, we cannot complete each piece by looking at a predetermined picture like a puzzle. We can just set our intention right and try to do our part, and then all the parts will find their place at just the right moment.
Even if we can't see the end, let's set off. Let's try to trust the road.
Before I started writing, I had other things in my mind, but the writing flowed in a very different way. I found myself asking how to say, we'll collect it, and let's free it a bit. Yet I realized that I was essentially loyal to my intention; I talked about things that I believe will be good for us. I think it fits the spirit of 2021 more like that and it absorbed me too. Sometimes this is enough; Whatever we set out by thinking or planning, the place where the road brings us is absorbed.
Life is a postponed naivety - Death of the Eight
So the man finished his letter. The most meaningful place where his limping foot worked was the limp like himself, one foot shorter than the other, and the stand fixed when he leaned his limping leg on it. It was time to leave now. Now the only thing that would bring the limping coffee table to balance in the absence of the man was this last letter to be written. He folded the letter on the short foot of the coffee table and made it a buttress. He left the room he had left behind, glancing at one last time and saying "**I hope**".
Towards the evening, sirens sounded a few blocks from the penthouse. Curious crowd, jammed traffic, police officers empowering traffic from a single lane, an unidentified corpse with no claim yet. On the corpse, there were a few seagulls clustering screaming on the scene, and a few pieces of newspaper covering the still fresh dead. Near the nose of the body, a handful of noodles clustered neatly, and a sack full of dirty towels that have fallen to the tip of their feet, some of them scattered on the floor, this is now the scene.
The phone of the homicide bureau chief rang three times at short intervals. Employees of the office, which had been silent for about three months, did not find it odd. It was probably about another invitation from the prosecutor's office, which was tied to a routine in the expert files. The voice of the telephone that rang for the fourth time this time rang in a fast, bitter tone, like a seagull cry; this melody only appeared on outside line calls. At the time, the attention of the woman, who was solving the puzzle of the local newspaper to which she had subscribed for almost twenty years, suddenly turned to the phone.
Local police on the phone are reporting details from the scene; barley noodles, seagulls gathered next to the corpse, and Hostel Freya letterheaded cherry rot towels were listed as striking details. In the last detail, when he said that the corpse had an envelope in the left palm curled towards the wrist and stuck into the artery, and the letter F481 scratched with a knife-like hard metal on it, it did not take the woman half an hour to jump from the table and arrive at the scene.
- Who was this man? And why now?
With all its aesthetics and irresistible charm, this scene was like a painting created by Caravaggio. The detective woman wanted to delay the setting of the sun a little longer, and to embroider the taste of the scene with Handel - Giulio Cesare into a memory that will never be erased. She could not stand it, she succumbed to her passion. With Handel on the headset, he is re-depicting the scene, and the possible scenario is counting down all the moves.
In the first analysis, what was reflected in his report was that the man may have been in his late thirties, a faintly purple pink on his face and an alcohol addict, possibly in the grip of an ailment ranging from liver failure. While Handel wrapped her head for the third time, the woman, who proceeded in her report, noted that the man had a permanent injury to his left foot, significant swelling on the tips of his fingers and wrinkles caused by exposure to water. With these wrinkles, it was easy to answer the suspicion that the man was a dishwasher or a cleaning unit with dirty towels in the overturned sack. What is unusual at this hour when the day ends at night; Although he thinks that this man, who is sleepless at night from the oily layer on his eyelids and has a distinct slippage in one eye, is working as a tailor until late after work, he does not have a needle thimble on his left hand, middle finger or index finger - it is obvious that the strong hand is his right hand - when he cannot see a mark of him he understood that he was a man who spends his nights reading.
*And what a reading!*
For, although his death at first glance gave the impression of a murder, it was now completely obvious that it was a suicide with blood loss from the end of a letter. Only a passionate reader or writer could have chosen such a suicide route. The body was taken into a body bag to be sent to the forensic medicine.
There were two question marks at the end of the report; The first was the semi-humid noodle cluster with bird scent?
The second question mark was, why did he appear in a view directly opposite his hotel room? This is the story that has happened and whose questions have not ended yet?
At that moment his eyes caught the F481 scratched envelope opener. This day was 08.04.2021. This is also in the Freya hotel. -Can't? It can't be a woman, and she repeated the blessings in her a few times, and when she looked up at the windows of her hotel room, - Could it be? she said. Own room number 481? Could the Freya hotel be room 481? She was horrified.
His dismay was awakened by the cries of the seagulls that clustered on the noodle grains as the body left the scene. The interesting thing was that the seven seagulls he counted did not swallow the noodle grains in their beaks. The seagulls were lined up with the discipline of a squad soldier, filling their beaks and landing on the roof of an old building that could count up to eight floors, just a few blocks away from the front, and they were returning, almost unloading their loads. This go-and-go continued with the same order and care until the last grain of noodle was finished. The woman was now in the middle of it, where one could easily observe from a roof on the eighth floor, and on the opposite side, Freya hotel was a place where her room no 481 on the fourth floor could be watched with the naked eye.
This is the scene! New questions now arise here. Identification through the corpse, etc. a document was not issued. The identity of the man could be discovered with fingerprints and DNA findings after autopsy, but the quicker answer would be found with a few simple questions from the hotel management, such as to whom the towels were washed.
The fact that the address of the now identified man, whose autopsy had not yet been completed, lived in the attic of the eight-story building, terrified the woman again and her mind was going to a manga seagull at the crime scene. Who was this man whose identity was deciphered really? It took about seven or eight minutes to get to the penthouse for answers.
It was in the attic of the building called Prometheus now. The view that appears when the door of the room is opened, A clothesline separating the interior of the room, towels left to dry with Freya letterhead on the rope. There was a Renaissance-era cabinet from the end of the outer door to the bathroom and a half-steamed mirror with a hot water system running over it, with one edge cracked diagonally. In front of the mirror, there was a green telephone with no rotary dial next to the divine comedy and the King Oedipus books. In the bathroom was a yellowed tub and a rinsed saucepan lined with plates and cutlery. In the place where the roof was curled with the roar of the wind, there was a whistle-like rustling noises coming from a hollow, in the direction of the sound, a makeshift shelf crashed into the roof, and on it, pulses and noodle rice packages were visible. The day was evening, the woman sat on the corner seat opposite the whatnot to rest for a little while trying to take a look at the divine comedy she was holding, while the book slipping from her hand with fatigue first hit the coffee table in front of the sofa, and then its pages were opened and it collapsed face down on the floor. When she leaned over to get the book, she found a paper tucked under the foot of the coffee table, picked it up, and leaned back. She stretched her left foot to the coffee table, the coffee table was fixed, the woman plunged into the letter.
In the letter, he was confronted with a manifesto describing the seven murders, seven layers of heaven, seven layers of heaven and hell, the Goddess Freya and the "forethought" Prometheus and more, which were committed as examples of the seven major sins and whose file was not closed. By the end of the letter, he realized that the unsolved cases he had spent the last eight years were actually punishing a lover who was despised for his limping foot by a woman dedicated to excellence. The last death was the eighth death, not murder, but suicide, the most headed sin, and it was the eight lying in that place with eternal torment.
Eight's letter ended with a poem. The woman, who lifted her head at the end of the poem, was startled by the smile of the man who was freed from her glitch in the misty mirror, at that moment she abandoned her badge, gun, and notebook in the dirty towel basket next to the door. A pair of peaceful and sinful eyes in the cracked, misty mirror were like an infinite eight on its side.
A Psychotherapist's Thoughts on Dreaming
Dreams have always attracted my attention. I have always looked for something mystical in its content. I wonder if I might be seeing something about my "**past life**"? Or could this dream be warning me about the future? There are still moments today when I believe I will experience what I saw. When someone tells me about metaphysical events, although I have been able to come up with all kinds of logical explanations and to dispel mystical arguments with observations and studies made and being done in the past, when I am alone with myself, my dreams are trying to convey a message to me, from forces other than me or from somewhere outside this time. thinking gives me an incredible pleasure.
With my psychotherapist identity, I still have two sides today: one is scientific and trying to explain everything, the other insists on believing in dreamy and metaphysical powers. Although it seems like I'm talking about two different personalities here, I never thought it was. Such contradictions show that we are rather human. Life teaches us to live despite contradictions and contradictions by trying to make sense out of them.
Actually, I want to talk about dreams. If you are interested in dreams, my goal is to make you think a little bit about it, but also to write what is in my head. So I start.
For me, dreams are like playful dwarfs who want me to pursue something I don't understand and track down with their tips. I want to understand. I wonder how they came about, what they wanted to tell, what they were trying to show. And if it is me, those dwarfs, I wonder what I want to show myself what I have been keeping from myself. According to Freud, our dreams hide what we know from us. So it doesn't really want us to notice what's going on. On the contrary, it asks us not to understand.
If we notice, it scripts our memories that we will have difficulty coping with in a very professional way. These scenarios are obvious, often creating stories that we can make sense of instantly. Thus, while we think we have found meaning, memories that will shake us deeply remain hidden. They prevent us from seeing the real phenomenon with a scenario that confuses the target and is close to our daily life.
It still surprises me that every dream is so relevant to daily life and at the same time so fantastic and distant. You must have experienced everyday scenes in your dreams such as going to the grocery store and buying tomatoes and peppers. Then another day you see that you are fighting dragons and flying from place to place. Both are dreams. There are dreams some mornings you're excited to get up and tell someone. "I had a weird dream, can I tell you ?!" you jump out of bed. And those silly dreams. There are those who say "I had a ridiculous dream" and chose to forget. Why are our dreams that we find absurd, for example, or how do we decide what we find meaningful to be meaningful?
Freud thought a lot on this for us. Then the Mesopotamians, Egyptians and Greeks thought a lot on this issue. Those who find dreams strange, mystical, meaningful or meaningless, and who realize that there is something precious beyond them are people who lived and died before 2500 BC. So me and you who think like me have not been alone for a long time.
In ancient times, emperors who saw symbols that they should be careful in their dreams before going to war, took their dreams seriously enough to take certain precautions before the war. There were even those who changed the day they were going to make stickers just because of this. Some scientists also dreamed of the formula that they could not find for months and finalized the problem in the morning. I am also hearing about this today. In the light of studies on the brain in our time, it is possible to provide some scientific explanations for such situations. But I just can't get rid of the mystical feeling it aroused in me. I guess I don't want to get rid of it either.
So far, I have written down my dreams, I have been thinking a lot about my dreams. I came across many stories about myself that even I did not know, or rather knew but did not know. There were so many stories out there. I was the password saver and I was the password cracker. Even encountering this said a lot about myself.
When my clients bring their dreams in the therapy sessions, I feel excited as if a child was given a huge colored box that he doesn't know what's inside. I want to open that box as soon as possible and see what's in it. I watch with curiosity the moments when my client comes into contact with his dream, sometimes his eyes sparkle when he sees it, and sometimes he chooses not to see when he realizes that he will see.
What kind of world does he have? Does he see the sky blue or gray? I search what is there with the same curiosity every time. I am waiting for my dreams like the next season as a series that has not arrived yet. What am I hiding from myself again?
The first dream analysis of Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalytic science and a neurologist, came true after a dream. This dream, which sheds light on his work, is called "Irma’s Injection".
It was 5 years ago. During an education I went to in Vienna, they took us to Am Himmel, the hill where Freud had this dream. This place was an hour away from the city center of Vienna. On the way from Vienna to Am Himmel, I remember we passed vineyards and green meadows on the hillsides. Vienna looked like a huge village in the distance as it climbed to the top. In June 1895, Freud crossed the same road with a horse-drawn carriage and reached the Am Himmel hill, where his hotel was located. Today, that hotel is not there, but the night he spent there, Freud saw this dream, and thanks to this dream he saw that the dreams contained data on the waking daily life and psychology of the dreamer, and that dreams could be examined in this manner, and even "the idea that the basis of dreams is the fulfillment of a secret desire" improves.
When I tell about Freud's own dream, I think it will be more understandable how dreams speak, how they are hidden or how they are revealed.
Freud was dealing with a patient named Irma throughout the summer of 1895. Seeking a cure for his patient, Freud finally offered a cure for himself. Irma did not want the treatment. However, when he and his colleague went to control Irma after a while, when he saw that Irma had made little progress but not very well, he saw the dream that was engraved in the literature as "Irma's Injection" that night. The dream is as follows.
Freud is in a large ballroom and has a lot of guests. Irma is one of these guests. When he sees him, he pulls into a corner and wants to talk about his treatment that he has not yet accepted and says to him: "If your pain continues, it's your fault." Irma said to her: "You don't know how my throat, muscles and stomach are aching right now, I am choking!" he replies.
Freud panics at this answer, and when he sees Irma's face pale, he thinks that he may be missing an organic reason. So he takes her to the edge of the window to check Irma's throat. However, Irma does not want to open her mouth stubbornly. When he finally opens it, Freud sees a huge filling between Irma's teeth and elsewhere, large white gray crusts on some folds.
Thereupon Dr. He calls M and asks him to repeat the examination. Dr. M performs the inspection and confirms the situation. Dr. M is different in a dream than it is. For example, his face is pale, he staggers and shaves. Then, suddenly, he sees his friend Otto right next to his patient Irma. Again, his friend Leopold gives a consultation and he comments on the skin of Irma's left shoulder. Dr. "There is no doubt that this is an infection, but the toxins will be removed no matter what," says M.
Freud also mentions that they are aware of the origin of the infection and that his friend Otto recently gave him the necessary injections. "Maybe the injection was done carelessly, maybe the syringe wasn't clean enough!" he thinks. The dream ends at this point, and as soon as Freud wakes up, he writes down his dream and analyzes it to the finest detail.
Freud found this dream more special than other dreams because it was up to date. According to him, the events he experienced the day before were the starting point of this dream. Thereupon, he matched every real life, spouse, friend and sick person with the people he saw in his dreams. In other words, he realized that these people he saw in his dreams could be related to people in his real life and in this way he started to interpret his dream.
Freud was quite satisfied and confident with his treatment decision some time ago. Although Irma had not yet recovered and refused treatment, she did not even think to admit that she might have made a mistake and pushed these feelings and thoughts deep into her mind.
But the dream showed that even though Freud did not consciously think of the contrary possibilities, the feelings of being guilty were still in his mind, and when the dreams came up at night, he again tried to explain to him in an unaccustomed way what he was actually thinking and what he might be feeling. In the script he created in his dream, the mistake was in someone else. The responsibility of desire to be fulfilled in the dream is Dr. It was to install on M and Otto.
According to Freud, the reason why he had this dream was his guilt. For a moment, he thought of the medical mistakes he had made, and as a result of the dream analysis, he realized that he was trying to get rid of the crime they caused subconsciously.
This dream did not paint a picture contrary to Freud's belief. In fact, everything he saw was exactly what he thought. His method of treatment worked. He was the patient who was always dysfunctional. Or it must have been something else he overlooked. Because no matter what, he was right. He couldn't have made a mistake. In his dream, a picture in the same way was drawn in different colors; The treatment didn't work, but the reason it didn't work was not Freud, but his patient Irma who didn't listen to Freud, or one of his two doctor friends who did the wrong procedure.
The recurring theme here coincided with real life. Freud didn't want to be mistaken.
**Dreams are complex and simple. What we are looking for is always there. However, since the seeker is the dreamer himself, what he finds is what he wishes to find.**
Feminist perspective is necessary for both women and men
I often hear from female clients: I want to feel competent and valued. This feeling of inadequacy and worthlessness is directly related to the culture and environment we live in. A woman who grows up in a social environment that makes her feel worthless and in a secondary position cannot establish a healthy relationship, and this distorted system is passed on to the next generations through children. I would like to tell you a little bit about feminist therapy in this post, in the hope that it will raise awareness on this issue.
Most of the clients who come for psychological counseling are women. In fact, most of the master level psychotherapy practitioners are women. Therefore, it is clear that there is a need for a theory stemming from women's thinking systems and experiences. Many therapeutic approaches, especially psychoanalysis, have been created by the Western white man.
Here, feminist therapists have challenged male assumptions about the characteristics of a mentally ill person and asked some important questions: Why are women diagnosed with depression more often than men? Can theories developed by white men from Western culture meet the needs of female clients in counseling? What about women of different races? Or that of women faced with suppression and devaluation?
The feminist perspective is important in that it offers a unique approach to understanding the roles that both women and men socialize to accept. Because, according to feminist therapy, to understand a person (whether male or female), it is necessary to consider the social and cultural factors that contribute to that person's problems. Feminist therapy does not have a single founder, it was created as a result of the joint efforts of many people. Names such as Jean Baker Miller, Carolyn Zerbe Enns, Olivia Espin and Laura Brown have made significant contributions to feminist therapy.
There are two basic concepts in feminist therapy. The first of these is the psychological pressure of women, and the other is the limitations created by the sociopolitical status they are demoted. Accordingly, the dominant culture supports the submissive and altruistic behavior of women. According to feminist therapy, counseling / psychotherapy is irresistibly culturally dependent. The beginning of the therapy is based on women's movements in the 1960s. This is a time when women raise their voices together to express their dissatisfaction with the limiting nature of traditional female roles. In the 1980s, efforts to define feminist therapy as an entity in itself are increasing, and individual therapy becomes the most common form of feminist therapy.
Feminist therapists emphasize that gender role expectations deeply affect a person's identity from birth and are deeply rooted in the adult personality. Gender politics, especially in western societies, cause us to see ourselves as boys and girls, women and men throughout our lives. Girls are typically cute, sensitive and well-behaved, while boys are strong, resilient and brave.
***Principles of feminist psychology***
Some feminist therapists put forward principles that underpin the practice of feminist therapy. These principles are interrelated and intertwined.
***The individual is political.***
The individual problems of the client have social and political roots. Identifying the external sources of problems usually brings with it anger, and anger can be transformed into the energy of action to make change happen. If the environment is an important pathological resource in the lives of women and men, individual change is possible and the harmful characteristics of the environment should be changed. The aim is to develop a different perspective of social organization that frees both women and men from the constraints imposed by gender role expectations.
***Personal and social identity are linked.***
The best understanding of clients is possible by understanding their sociocultural environment. Framing clients' problems in a cultural context leads to empowerment, which is only possible with social change. The main goal is to intervene in a way that will bring about change in our dysfunctional sociopolitical environment.
The concepts of stress and "mental health" have been reformulated.
Feminist therapy rejects the "illness model" of mental illness. Psychological stress is not an illness, but a form of communication about unfair systems. Suffering is not a deficiency or defect, but resistance and the ability and willingness to live.
The feminist therapist performs an analysis of suppression in an integrated way.
Feminist therapists point out that both women and men are affected by being brought up in a culture that gives different privileges to the genders. Men who learn that vulnerability is a weakness may have difficulty expressing their emotions both during and outside of the therapeutic relationship. Women who learn to give up on their own wishes to care for their family may find it difficult to describe and value their expectations from therapy. Feminist therapy opposes not only oppression of women, but any form of social oppression.
Psychological counseling process is based on the principle of equal relationship.
According to feminist therapy, clients are experts in themselves and their lives. Therapeutic relationship is a collaborative process in which clients are seen as active participants in redefining themselves. It is necessary to develop methods to share power with clients and solve the mystery of therapy because feminist therapists believe that all relationships must strive for equality, or even better, reciprocity (a true relationship between the client and the counselor).
***Women's perspective is valuable.***
Women's perspectives are extremely important in understanding the difficulties they face.
Feminist therapists have harshly criticized the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) classification system. Many feminist therapists today do not or reluctantly use diagnostic definitions. Because, according to them, using diagnostic definitions is severely limiting. They attribute the limitation of diagnosing to the following reasons:
Diagnostic definitions focus on the individual's symptoms, not the social factors that cause dysfunctional behavior.
-These definitions and classifications are largely a means of suppression as part of a system developed by white male psychiatrists.
-Especially personality disorders support gender role stereotypes and encourage compliance with status quo norms.
-Diagnostic descriptions may reflect the inappropriate use of power in the therapeutic relationship.
-Diagnosis leads to excessive emphasis on individual solutions rather than social change.
Diagnosing someone has the potential to reduce people's respect for that person.
For all these reasons, feminist therapy says that many symptoms are not evidence of pathology (disease, disorder), they are some kind of coping or survival strategy. Under every symptom, no matter how dysfunctional and challenging it may seem, there is an effort to survive. Diagnosing a dysfunctional living strategy with a "disease" not only labels the person but also seals the problem. It is getting harder to unravel something that has been sealed. Here, the non-diagnostic perspective of feminist therapy is very important for the well-being of both the individual and the society.
Let's Manage Our Mental Energy Through Daily Rituals
Do you think you are using your energy efficiently? Or are you wasting it on unnecessary things? I'm talking about both physical and mental energy here. How about starting to feel more energetic and to spend your energy more efficiently with minor changes that you will add to your life?
You can start by making a chart to understand how you manage your energy. Write down your sleeping and waking times in a notebook. Are you sleeping well enough? How is your diet? Where is exercise in your life? You can get information about your physical energy and ways to increase it from your doctor and a dietician about your diet.
Let's get to how to manage our mental energy. This time write down the following in your notebook. What do you do for your spiritual care during the day? Again, how do you talk to yourself in your mind during the day? What kind of movies and TV shows do you watch? You know very well how our feelings and thoughts affect our energy level. I'm sure you don't feel very energetic when you are full of negative thoughts and you look at the world with negative eyes. So what can we do to prevent our minds from negatively affecting our energy levels?
If people who annoy you are constantly occupying your mind, if you fight them in your mind, you are wasting your energy. Again, if you use social media a lot, if the bad comments written there bother you, then you are using your energy badly. You can spend the time you will spend on these unnecessary activities by feeding your mind with beauty. Say goodbye to the quarrels you have in your head.
Use social media sparingly, and do social media detox frequently. Read books that inspire you and are good for your soul. Watch movies without violence. Meditate to give your mind a rest break. Don't watch the news that much. Don't waste your precious time persuading people who disagree with you on an issue. Make it a habit to calm your mind and focus your attention on this moment with some rituals that you will add to your life. Charge your mind and increase your energy level with breaks during the day. Here are three suggestions for this.
**1.Do not fight your mind, accept it and give attention to the moment.**
I know this sounds like a puzzle, but there are many techniques to do with this, especially in Eastern teachings like Zen Buddhism. Let's say you are in a day when you make bad words to yourself in your mind. Instead of fighting the words in your mind and trying to change them, accept their existence and pay attention to this moment. One of the techniques that will be useful in giving your attention to this moment is the "**5-4-3-2-1 Technique**" that I mentioned in one of my previous articles. How will you apply this technique?
5: Become aware of the 5 things you see around you. This could be the vase in your living room or the blanket on your sofa.
4: Be aware of 4 things you can touch around you. This could be your pillow, your chair or your book.
3: Become aware of 3 things you hear around you. This could be the footsteps of your upstairs neighbor, the chirping of birds entering your house when you open the window.
2: Be aware of 2 things around you that you can smell. These can be your perfume or soap.
1: Be aware of 1 thing around you that you can enjoy. For example, taste a fruit in your home just by paying attention to it.
With the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 technique, try to bring your attention to the present moment, to the present. Our mind is inherently past or future oriented. When you feel that you are starting to lose yourself in your mind, make it a habit to bring your mind back to the moment with these types of techniques.
**2.Do the tea meditation**
Tea meditation is to focus our full attention on the color and smell of the tea and the act of drinking tea while we are making and drinking our tea. You can drink any type of tea you love to practice this meditation. The tea ceremony is part of the Zen meditation rituals. According to legend, the emergence of the tea plant is related to Bodhidharma, the founder of Zen Buddhism. Adding a relaxing activity like tea meditation to your daily life will help you charge your mind nicely. Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese Buddhist priest and activist, describes the meditative effect of drinking tea very nicely: “When I drink tea, I only have tea and I. The rest of the world melts away. There is neither anxiety for the future nor dwelling on past mistakes.
**3. Keep a Thanksgiving diary**
I am giving a recommendation that I have given over the years, because it is really important. How many complaints are we complaining during the day, right? Yet how many things in our lives to be thankful for. A study published in Personality and Individual Differences in 2012 found that people who are often grateful for their lives feel healthier than people who are not.
According to research by Dr. Robert A. Emmons, one of the world's leading researchers in gratitude, being grateful can protect us from the negative effects of toxic emotions such as grudge and jealousy. From today, you can take a step towards making gratitude a part of your life by keeping Thanksgiving Diary. Take a notebook from the stationer and write down three topics that make you happy and thankful every day. You will start to feel much better at the end of the month.
To understand how you spend your energy, make a habit of asking yourself the following question every day: "Do I use my mental energy today to make myself feel good and do things that are beneficial to life, or is it to feel bad?"
I wish that we learn to manage our energy well and spend all our energy to beautify and heal ourselves and the world. Come on together to love ourselves and make the world beautiful.
People May Not Know, They May Also Forget What They Know
After my plant children grew and flourished, I brought new siblings for them this time. They're both very cute, baby, beautiful green plants. They took their places in my study right next to their older sister and brother. Especially one of them is a baby, what a delicate little green. After a week with other plants; I am comfortable because they are all together, frankly, I am not in extreme control; I saw that a leaf started to dry. "Oops!" I said, "**What happened to you?**" I said, and after I asked, I actually understood immediately.
It was smaller, it was a baby. He needed special attention; to be observed more often, to see if he needs to be observed more often than others. I just left him with the others, because he was already safe. It flew away from my mind that they were all different, all of their needs were very different. Now I took this baby into the room where I was sleeping. More in front of my eyes, so that I can be more on my eyes. And leaving him in the company of others before we can mingle with each other?
She, doesn't this tell you very deep things right now? Yes, he does. And how does he tell.
I am very fond of studying child development. I have been reading and observing my surroundings as long as I can remember. I also distribute (I was distributing judgments, now I understand) to mothers. It is said, "Of course, it is easy to divorce a single husband and wife." If I criticize myself, I have that exact account a bit. Yes I am reading it, but it is a tiny fact that I have no experience. Theory and practice are always very different; This is another fact that I know from all of my life.
And when it comes to human beings, they understand very differently; it was also a completely different truth. Frankly, I criticize my mother too; for her motherhood. I am very triggered; i get angry, i am angry, i am sad, as much as i am happy. Then a moment comes I say:
She does as much as she knows. You get angry but he doesn't know. He is human like everyone else. He may not know too, he may make mistakes. Don't you do it in your life? You say understanding; At this point, understanding is what is most needed. You can't be angry with someone who doesn't know. "
I calm down on this. I say ok, he doesn't know. Not a day passes over; I'm getting angry again. As I attribute big and big meanings to the word mother; even I am crushed under it.
I can't feel my anger, it doesn't work, what should I do with this anger? As he stood, the little green told me today; It was reminded again that the mother who is also a human being, may not know, or even worse, forget that even if she knows! Because although I know that all children have different needs, I forgot!
I am indebted to my little green. He showed me something that I could not solve in myself for a long time, many things I had not seen. Thank you dear little green! You started telling like you came. Let's see how our adventure will continue with you.
Is it part of anger to my own mom Since I have experienced it myself, I think I will understand from another layer. I need to spend some good time in this area. People may not know and forget what they know. Because being human is exactly what it is like. Not everything happens at once. The best medicine to internalize: Time. Then again and as always, we ask with curiosity: What awaited our hero?
I Have an Unending Curiosity for Life and a Monkey Appetite
For years I have always been accused of having ape-hungry, occasionally internalizing the accusations, blaming myself. Choosing a field and getting deeper in that area, clear people whose path and journey is clear, I both envied and wondered about their feelings. Weren't they bored? It has always been a factor that frightens me when I move something that you think you enjoy very much, or when you try to carry it to a professional level, with duties and responsibilities.
I guess there is also the question of whether or not to be willing to pay for the awards. That's why I have always respected people who can say "My life is not without it, I can't live without it", but there were times when I had trouble understanding them at the same time, and from time to time I couldn't help wondering if they were really sincere.
Throughout my life, I have been a person with an interest in many things and an average skill and desire to them. Life is a cumulative flowing adventure; I feel the traces of this accumulation lately. As it flows, I see that it is the appetite that I, or in essence, society despises, the monkey appetite, that is, curiosity is a gift that keeps me vigorous in life, and as I continue to strive to know myself, I am just beginning to see it.
When I was in college, my friends who appreciated my versatility the most were my foreign friends, and there were similarities with them that I observed, yes, they had a lot of little hobbies. What they did on average just for fun… But nobody judged them for being ape-minded. We talked about this issue in our deepening conversations. I think that cultural and social differences lie at the heart of this issue.
Unfortunately, we do not have a positive proverb about "**Curiosity**", which is the raw material of science and art to produce something and enriches our lives, unfortunately, this is very sad and thought-provoking. “**A lot of curiosity puts people in the grave**”, “**What happens out of curiosity**”, “**Too much curiosity is not good**” For example, why is it not good? Why do we want to make life so gray, and why are we so afraid of colors, why do we want to turn our backs on the rainbow? In our country, curiosity is reflected as trouble, Goethe says that curiosity gives wings to everyone. Instead of fear, it gives courage. Thomas Gray says "*An endless curiosity is the most important medicine for not aging*", as if it would be a medicine for us.
We should have the freedom to wonder what we want in our lives as much as we want, and to combine our different curiosities with creativity. We are changing, we are shifting, I want to share my feelings and thoughts so that our children do not live. As parents, as educators, we must offer children many opportunities; From art to science, technology to literature, food to music, sports to mathematics.
It is very nice for them to deepen in the areas they choose and find the areas they want, and it is a situation that needs to be supported. We should applaud the children who make their choice. I agree on that, but we must open our arms to children who do not know how long they want to stand in which area, who enjoy trying different areas, and who love change and color. We should feed their appetites without likening them like monkeys, without stigmatizing them, and we should not miss their appetite.
We should say that curiosity is good, it is not something that should be avoided, we should underline that. Because I think curiosity is actually the raw material of learning, the gasoline of our mind. And maybe it is time to show that we applaud the curiosity of children by producing new aphorisms and giving them a lot of place in everyday life.
Self-Serving Bias: Success and Failure
You enter an interview and your interview goes very well, you give meaningful answers to every question asked and you feel that you are influencing the other party. In the end, the job is yours. You know that the success behind this result is entirely your work.
However, if your interview is bad or you are eliminated, you immediately look for an external reason, blame the questions asked, the interviewers or anything else other than you, and you put all the responsibility on external factors. While most people readily accept that the architect of success is their own, they argue that failure or mistakes are caused by other people, circumstances, or external conspirators. This is due to the "self serving bias" in our cognitive system. In self-serving prejudice, one attributes its failures or mistakes to external factors while bragging about their achievements. Choosing not to see his own shortcomings or mistakes, he also misses the chance to learn and develop from them.
The biggest reason for this behavior is to protect our self-esteem. Self-esteem is the measure of how much a person values himself, how much he approves and appreciates himself. It is very important for the person to continue their success. When self-esteem is low, the person may feel defeated, weak or depressed. Even when his self-esteem is low, he can make bad decisions, bog his relationships, so he can be trapped in an impenetrable cycle. In self-esteem swelling, the person displays narcissistic characteristics, their empathy ability decreases, and their relationships begin to suffer. As in all matters, balance is also important here.
Here, self-serving bias is one of the factors that make us feel valuable and keep our self-esteem high. In a sense, while this enables us to add success to our successes, it may also cause us to overlook one point: The underlying reasons for failure ...
A person who puts the reason for his failures on the outside world cannot see that the fault is in himself. Since he cannot see his error, he cannot understand the underlying factors and have the opportunity to improve himself. Every person makes mistakes, but modern society has created the illusion that people can be faultless. This consciousness, which is placed with school in our childhood, appears before us both in our social environment and in our business life. A student who gets a low grade at school is punished or mistreated, the person who makes a mistake against his friend is excluded from the group, the person who makes a mistake with his lover is abandoned, and a mistake at work is never acceptable.
However, human nature and limited physical capacity are the main indicators that fault is in our nature. Think about your daily life, you have an item you forgot to take with you, your e-mails sent without an attachment, your getting on the wrong bus, your straying even on your way home… You can see dozens of these mistakes in every person's life. Assuming that we will not make mistakes while we are so open to making mistakes is actually a deceit that we prepare ourselves.
**So what can you do?**
In addition to protecting your self-esteem by experiencing the rightful joy of your successes, you can also evaluate your failures or mistakes in this way. As a result of a failure, first become aware of your "self-serving bias". For example, what could you change among the reasons you were not selected for that interview? What do you need to do better? What did this defeat teach you? What will you do differently from now on?
While recognizing, accepting and reflecting on failure or failure may feel good at first, failing to take action to improve them will damage your self-esteem after a while. While examining your mistakes, it is very important to learn realistic lessons, determine the actions you can take, and complete these actions to protect your self-esteem.
**Depression**
People need to see themselves and their situation in a positive way, but exceptions are also common. The "self-serving bias" equation I mentioned above works the other way around in people who are depressed or pessimistic. In other words, while these people think that they are the only responsible for the failure, they say that success comes entirely with luck.
Although they take responsibility for failure, they may not be able to find the strength to fix it. This situation feeds their depression by making their situation even more difficult. They can escape this cycle with the help of cognitive psychology therapy.
The Moment I Wake Up In My Dream
I loved the words of Edgar Allan Poe, who said that all we see or seem to see is a dream in a dream. In this article, I want to explain this with the definition of "**Wrong Awakening**".
Even though we knew at that moment, I understood 100 percent that life has a plan for us and this is beyond all plans. Trust should come from the core and be reflected in the whole sphere of life. I forgot that I am a woman from the crazy hustle and bustle of life. It helped me remember it again.
Wake up wrong is seeing we wake up in our dreams. I don't know if you remember that it ever happened to you, but everyone has surely lived it. In our dream, lying on our own bed, we wake up in our room where everything is the same, we see us getting out of bed and waking up, and in a short time we really wake up. This situation is the state of dreaming in a dream.
Some of us compare this situation with a lucid dream, but this is not a lucid dream. It may have something to do with Lucid, but it is not itself. Sometimes it can happen very often in those who do lucid exercises, and sometimes it can happen right after the lucid dream.
If we know that he is in the wrong waking up, we have the chance to turn it into a lucid dream. Especially if we are working on lucid dreams, if we consciously code ourselves and fall asleep, we can turn false awakenings into lucid dreams.
The most obvious feature of waking up wrong is that you wake up in the same bedroom. But sleep and dream researchers have noticed that the power of controlling exercises limits what we can do with the wrong awakenings. In other words, consciously interfering with false awakenings reduces the effect of our freedom and creativity during the dream process. For this reason, I think that doing more intermittent exercises would be more directive and liberating than exercises performed repeatedly during false awakenings.
Exercises can be interrupted without becoming regular in case of wrong awakenings. I think there is a side that increases our awareness in false awakenings. What happens when you experience the wrong waking up, how do you feel? Thinking that you are awake, many questions can be asked, such as the lives of other individuals in your home and how they are affected by this situation. I think that guidance is conveyed in false awakenings from my own experiences and from the experiences of people who share their dreams, especially in revising our sense of control and intervention. If there are those who think they have had the wrong awakening, if they share it with me, we can go over them in the next articles.
My effort to become the perfect mother came out, which I suppressed by ignoring it. The masks I wore to cover my childhood wounds fell somewhere. This process was instrumental in restoring my motherhood. I had serious losses. I questioned the concept of friendship. I am balanced. I had the opportunity to observe, read and listen. I faced my definitions, my fears. Many different gates of knowledge have been opened. I would heal my own wounds if you healed him. I did things that I said never do. I stayed in the place I said never to go for months.
We came to the point of breaking up with my wife. The problem had surfaced so much that I really had a hard time stopping my running anger. I didn't stop it, then I drained it until it was over. I saw myself through his eyes. I was hurt, pity, and hurt. Then I realized that separation was not a solution and sent my love. To him, myself, my own mistakes, my childhood, my experiences, my strength, my weakness. I tried to rise from my ashes. Let's see what will be born from here, I said and gave birth to self-therapy. I had the opportunity to breathe and meditate a lot.
My Strategy To Replace My Bad Days With The Good
There is always the possibility, with a positive attitude, to turn a bad day into a good one. I tried one of the following ways to do this. In every country of the world, people set new goals and make promises to achieve themselves. If you don't feel like setting goals because of the feeling of uncertainty given by the pandemic this year, keep reading. Setting goals has positive effects such as motivating us and making us realize what our priorities are. Thanks to our goals, we can understand what our expectations from life are. Especially in this period we are going through, setting goals and achieving them can help us deal with the uncertainty caused by the pandemic. It can increase our level of optimism and hope.
Bad days take all your energy. If you're having a bad day, everything you do takes less energy than a normal day. Don't make yourself a huge list of things to do. Make a priority list and don't list your 100% necessary and not urgent jobs. That way, you'll feel better.
***Believe that your day will be good!***
***Believe that your day will be good!***
***Here is how much, according to research.***
*It is possible to reduce daily stress with small measures.*
*It is a small albeit in everyday life. Do not think of others*
Has anyone ever said that when you're having a bad day, you should think about people who are less fortunate than you? This is supposed to help you feel better, but it really isn't. While you are already feeling bad, thinking about other People's bad luck will make you feel even worse.
You probably prefer to lie on the sofa in your pajamas instead of getting up and getting dressed on days when you feel bad. Get dressed now and go to exercise. If you are a member of a gym, run or walk on the treadmill for an hour. If you don't have a membership, take a walk around your house or somewhere on the beach. Exercise helps your body to release happiness hormones. Also, instead of feeling guilty about slumbering at home, you experience the satiety of doing something useful.
Setting goals is very important for our mental health. As research shows, goal setting has positive effects on our well-being. In a study investigating the relationship between goal setting and well-being, one of the groups participated in short 1-hour sessions in which they set goals. When the researchers compared those who participated in these goal setting sessions and those who did not, they observed that there was a relationship between goal setting and subjective well-being. Another study revealed that setting goals positively contributed to the treatment processes of adults receiving depression treatment.
There are some issues we need to pay attention to in order to achieve our goals. Edwin Locke and Gary Latham explained the “**5 principles of goal setting**” that will be useful in the realization of our goals in “**goal setting theories**”. These are clarity, challenge, commitment, feedback, and task difficulty, respectively.
According to Locke and Latham, setting specific and specific goals will help us achieve our goals. Difficult and challenging goals will push us to think bigger, which will help us achieve more. In addition to these, our commitment to our goals will enable us to reach our goals more easily. Again, according to Locke and Latham, we understand what we did right or wrong while achieving our goals thanks to feedback. It is also important to set goals that match the challenge of the task. When we set more challenging goals, we can perform at a higher level.
**Yes, some of us may find it unnecessary to set goals in this period. However, it should not be forgotten that setting goals for ourselves and seeing that we achieve our goals is very important, as it may lead us to gain the sense of control we lost due to the pandemic period. So, we shouldn't let ourselves go just because there is a pandemic, and we should cling to achieving our goals.**
The Reality of the Universe is Human
****For some of us****, the reality of life consists of being a mother. For some of us, only our careers are the reality of our lives, the biggest goal of this life is to come to enviable places in our career, to talk about our heads. For some of us, the reality of our lives is to always seek the better, to achieve the best, to bring degrees in every race we enter, and to prove who we are to everyone, to the whole world.
Some of us, on the other hand, are sent to this world as an ant, having a core shell that it will eat in its nest in winter is an ant that is the only truth of its life. Some of us, on the other hand, come to this life as a great oak, the only purpose of our life is that it is the beautiful oak that has been programmed to open its shade green in spring and to sprinkle its shadow with the forest and modestly share it with the whole forest, while in the winter it will pour all its leaves tirelessly and remain naked.
Some of us are sent to this life as butterflies, the reality of our life is limited to just one day. Yes, while years are not enough for some of us, the time we will spend in this world, for that beautiful butterfly, you did not read wrong, it is limited to only one day and there is actually a huge life. We spread our beautiful wings and we live that day to the full, knowing and breathing all the reality that our presence here brings.
This is how we live our lives, at the limits of our own reality, in our own reality. Today I want to ask you together: **What is reality?** That is, is life something comparable to the lives we live in, which we are supposedly better, wealthier, perhaps luckier, perhaps more peaceful or happier than we do? Could this reality, which our minds are capable of, actually be a part of a much higher plan? Which of us's life can be judged by which our reality is better, worse, higher, simpler? Can we afford this?
For people, reality means believing in presence to which feelings relate. There is no fixed reality. As perceptions expand and increase, feelings and realities also change and gain scope. That is to say, the state of the realities that rise and change from the bottom up in the mechanism of conscience shows the speed of reaching and walking the being towards its mission plan. Because realities walk with realization. The more perceptions increase, the more realities expand and gain scope. That is, the presence of the feelings increases and their power to adopt and digest increases; thus higher and advanced realities are reached.
A person climbing a mountain can only see a small piece of land in front of him while he is at the foot of the mountain. As you climb the mountain and rise, the land that opens in front of your eyes widens at that rate. And when he goes to the top of the mountain, he sees and grasps the plain in its entirety. Here, as the perception increases, so does the scope of realities.
When a person lives completely in a reality, when he encounters points that begin to not satisfy himself there and feels the need to search for the higher, the reality he is in becomes an element that should fall into the second level, that becomes a state of self.
The difficult events that I was going through during a period completely closed my view of reality and the reality of life. I was deceived, my dreams were taken away, I was left alone and lost in every way. This was my reality, which was the definition of my life; to lose So what happened next, time passed and I started to be able to look at all events and what life has to offer me with different eyes. In this life, neither of us was less fortunate nor deserved more pain than the other. It was just the path of life, our life path created in a divine order and a magnificent plan for each of us. The only thing we could control was our perspective, our reality, from which we would choose to see this path.
Today I can almost look at the plains, oceans, storms, seas, deserts, poles of my life from the top of a mountain. All of them are the only parts of a huge flow that cannot and cannot be given up.
Here is the reality of our life, that is, the things, events, perspectives that are our reality today, all of them are actually part of a huge whole, all we have to do is get rid of our limited interpretations, our limitations, our one-sided gaze.
**The reality of your life, of the world, of this huge universe is human, so what is your reality?**
Let's Strengthen Our Creative Muscles
We all want to create the life we dream of, but many of us hang out at the same basic points. Most of our barriers come from our incomplete or incorrect knowledge of the nature of creation.
In this post, I would like to share some basic and important ideas about creativity with you.
Last December, I designed a workshop to clear our creative confusions. We had a great closing to 2020 with colorful participants. During this two-day workshop, we talked about why we couldn't create and deciphered the golden formula of creation. If you missed it, don't worry, I have planned a series of workshops this year on creation.
2020 has been a year in which we have laid the foundations for a more creative life. Life has forced us to cleanse our conditioning so that we can be more essential. If you are one of those who embrace change instead of resisting, this year will be a year where you will live your creativity to the fullest.
**Every person is creative**
If, like most people, you think that creativity is unique to artists and is only about an artistic endeavor, you are wrong. Everything from breathing, eating, chatting with a friend to the way you express yourself can turn into a creative activity and yes every person is creative.
**Learn to choose the creative**
With the simplest recipe, you are creative whenever you choose the light and cheerful for you. When you feel heavy and find yourself trapped in obligations, you are not creative. It is that simple. Be careful, I did not say that you are creative while painting, and not creative while doing math calculations. If you think you need to go to a painting or dance class to be creative and you complain about not being able to spare time for this, all you do is complain and waste your precious energy and is to delay.
You can get creative right now, right now. It doesn't matter where you are, whether you are in an office room or lying in a bed. Make a light and cheerful choice right now. This could be getting up from your table and making a cup of coffee, calling a friend to share a funny memory that comes to mind, or taking a deep breath and relaxing your body. What you need is just stepping into a light and joyful experience in the first place. As the number of creative moments in your life increases, you will get stronger and you will begin to find lightness even in the experiences that are difficult for you. Start with easy moments and grow stronger by choosing the lighter and cheerful one for you whenever possible.
Creativity is a skill that gets stronger as we practice, just like the muscles in our body. You have to teach your brain to see and choose what is creative.
**All you need is to rejuvenate your frozen muscles**
Every person is creative, but not everyone lives a creative life because only some people have developed their creative muscles. An unused machine will have difficulty working, and you may find it a bit difficult when you want to use your creative muscles for the first time. Please don't give up because things will get much easier as you practice and life will open up great opportunities as you get creative.
For this, see every moment as an opportunity. If your conversation with a friend is not flowing, try streamlining the conversation instead of walking away. Cook your own meals at home. If you are tired of eating the same dishes, try easy and interesting recipes from different cuisines. Move your body, you can try some of the dozens of free exercise videos you like on the internet, or you can turn on a music and just leave your body to the beat of the music. Think about the things you complain about the most and find out what you can do to bring about a change that will please you. The things you constantly complain about are your greatest interests and places where possibly your greatest talents are hidden. You need to stop complaining and take responsibility for these treasures to be exposed.
If you want to discipline yourself in strengthening your creative muscles, I suggest you start the morning pages practice. It is a very simple and effective application. Every morning as soon as you wake up, the first thing is to write down whatever you have in mind on 3 sheets of white paper. These will not be logical sentences, they may be disconnected or even inconsistent sentences. Let whatever is in your mind is written on paper from your hands. Our aim is not to write a meaningful article, but to empty our minds. I call this my mind going to the toilet, and every morning I practice this I start with a fresh mind.
**If you want a more rigorous practice in developing your creativity, I recommend the book The Artist's Way. Good reads to you already.**
The Shortest Way to Ourselves
Where did I get around this? A speech by **Alain de Botton**, one of the prominent philosophers of the modern age, made years ago, it hit the match. I tried to write what I know about this topic.
According to **Alain**, the most dominant emotion of modern society is jealousy (we cannot deny it) and the basis of the feeling of jealousy is the spirit of equality. Think of **Queen Elizabeth of England**, she says, richer than any of us, she has a big house. Why are none of us jealous of her?
Meanwhile, the TV series **The Crown** came to my mind, and I was surprised to realize that I hadn't really looked at the queen once with envy. According to Alain de Botton, none of us are jealous of the queen, the reason is obvious: we don't associate ourselves with her. “*When you cannot associate yourself with someone else, you cannot be jealous of him*” he says. “*The closer two people are of age or background, the greater the danger of jealousy*”. This is the reason why we escaped from the rice days of the school every nook and cranny; because there is no such strong reference point as the people we attend to the same school. Today's world is like a huge high school; everyone wears similar things, uses similar products; we are equal in many ways, but we are not really. The real trap starts here.
What is jealousy?
Many psychologists, psychiatrists who know the job have made various definitions. Negative attitude, envy, annoyance when someone shows superiority or when it is concluded that a loved one is interested in someone else. On the other hand, "**jealousy**" in us corresponds to two different words in English: "**jealousy**", that is, jealousy as we know it and "envy", maybe a top tone of the "**envy**" we know. It sounds pretty harsh when you say jealousy, but think about it, can describing your situation as "**strong envy**" might change things a little bit?
Like desire, it is one of the sad emotions that affect the existence of many individuals. Feelings such as discontent, uselessness, misery, ruthlessness, and powerlessness are regularly gifted as well as jealousy. These feelings are combined with thoughts about uselessness and vulnerability. It is a tendency that can be felt both when it is thought that it can lose ownership and that others should have what they have. The negative disposition adopted when someone excels or is assumed to be a friend or family member. curious about another person, jealousy.
Our subject is not the shows of jealousy of a couple, friends and family. Opposition infection. "*You have it, why don't I have it?*" The basic issue is the disease in which the mindset that thinks as an individual is acquired. They are double lives. Seeing and needing is tying into someone else's life, copying not their own tastes and own pleasures, but the lives and tastes of others.
Jealousy and need come from madly both material and good longing. While item starvation is like cash, office, brilliance, notoriety, property, property race; The attack from the other world may resemble jealousy of harmony, love, satisfaction. Similar to a wolf, many people involved in this insult chew on themselves and their immediate environmental factors. He speaks casually about his constant demands. The soul sees and needs because it is lacking, the monkey is enthusiastic and incredibly greedy. Individuals who see themselves as incomplete and useless, or whose sense of value are actively affected by external influences, often desire.
Individuals who experience desire find it difficult to maintain their trust and confidence. They feel like an unhelpful, overlooked, ignored and disliked individual who believes they will lose the race in the opposition they believe to be continuing. Desire is a kind of terror that comes from the need to preserve what it has. According to several, this is simply the behavior of incompetent individuals who need self-confidence and consists of a sense of inadequacy.
What can we learn from our strong sense of envy?
Philosophical meditation. This method, which does not pacify the mind like meditation as we know it, but proceeds with questions, suggests the following: Everything that we envy or is wreaked by a strong sense of envy may actually be what we want to have. For example, when you hear about someone's marriage proposal, the new hair color of the other, and the promotion of the other, if you feel a “**scratchy**” - which could be - you have a deep desire for all this.
**Worth thinking about it, right? Who knows, maybe the way you devour you is one of the shortest ways to meet yourself.**
I See You and I'm Here
We've never been so isolated since 2020. I never thought I would see these days. While we had to get away from each other with social distances and masks, we had a desire to connect and communicate more than in the past. Although we realize the value and importance of our connection with each other, we do not make enough effort to realize this. Unfortunately, most of us are far from being overwhelmed by the feeling of appreciating each other and being grateful for what we've done. No matter how much we feel connected and communicating, we cannot give up our habitual greeting routines.
**"Hello", "Good evening", "Thank you", "Come easy", "What's up?", "Are you okay?"** or **"How are you?"** Are our most basic words and questions loaded with their real meanings, or is it just because it is one of our habits? Can we really look into each other's eyes?
There is actually no obstacle to our habit of looking into each other's eyes while talking and listening. We can look at masks and distances, but we refrain from looking. We are always busy to stop, we don't have time to feel, and we are not always convenient to get to know someone who communicates with us.
Really seeing each other is the most basic form of respect. The word "**respect**" which comes from the Latin word respicere in English means "**to see clearly**". When we see it, we respect it. When we really see each other, we see our common humanity and feel our shared weaknesses.
When we really see each other, we no longer define and act as separate or other from us. We see who they are and create a shared compassionate space. We bring the light with our real vision; both the seer and the seen are inspired and empowered.
"**I see you**" is a phrase that originated in **South Africa's Zulu** tribe, which also inspired **James Cameron**'s movie **Avatar** in 2009. It means: I see your soul, your true essence, what you really are, I respect you, greet, love, honor and notice. In response to this phrase, it is said, "I also see you." What would it be like if we said this to each other at work, at home, everywhere we meet?
"I see you" honors that we are both here now. Saying this in the group opens up space for everyone to integrate, to get together by lifting borders, in short, to experience a state of unity. Everyone feels that they are seen and valued with "I see you", which increases the warmth in the environment with the bond established between us. As a result, we come together in a space that will warm everyone, make faces smile, and accept each other with affection.
Words alone may not solve deep problems. Of course, everything will be very different if we express the words with sincere intention when saying the words. When we say the words, all we need is to express and value the existence of the other person with awareness.
With I See You, we can create a transformative effect of being seen and seeing as we greet people. In fact, there is a compassionate space at the heart of everything, where we accept each other as we are. As far as this is concerned, violent discrimination, judgments and criticisms are set aside. We can exist by opening our hearts to every eventuality.
**We need more connection right now than ever before. We can create a peaceful, non-violent communication environment by saluting with awareness. We can create exactly this environment at our work, at school, with our spouse, family, friends and new acquaintances.**
It Is Possible To Catch Life While Waiting
I have a few videos to shoot. I can use it on other platforms. I should have done this for the last 1 month, but I still couldn't do it every day saying "**Today, I will do it tomorrow**". I couldn't because I waited for it to come. You have to poke yourself a little bit, especially if you have a tendency to be lazy, because you can not feel what you expect. Even if it does, sometimes your head is so full that you may not be able to hear it.
The same things kept turning around in my mind. My mind was not thirsty so that I could be fine, be with make-up, be vigorous and pull it out, when I looked stylish so that it would look better, and when my hair was open and puffy. Yes, you didn't hear it wrong. He has been talking every day for a whole month, talking like that and leaving me no room for movement. I am not saying that my mind is not guilty by saying that he did not let go, of course, there should be no misunderstanding. I take my power and say, “**No, you are just mind. You don't like me doing different things, so this is reactive. Step aside now, there is no place for you at this table right now** ”I just couldn't say. On the contrary, the more I listened to him, the stronger he grew and thundered, and time passed.
Look into the mind. How intangible, but it produces incredibly powerful excuses as energy, specific to everyone's patterns and beliefs.
It turns out how perfectionist I am. How many mistakes I could not tolerate. I never knew myself that much. This situation hit me in the face during this period when I could not shoot videos. However, if you ask me, I would describe myself as relaxed and not even remotely related to perfectionism. I really get to know myself all over again. But still not very much like me, on the one hand, this is "get everything just right or I'd better do nothing!" harsh voice that says. So who does it belong to?
I didn't have to think much. This is my mother. My mother, who has not been able to invite those same people to dinner for 20 years, saying that everything should be complete and perfect, then I will call these people to dinner. 20 years. Little time? This means a lifetime.
Life passes and you, like your mother, expect everything to be complete and perfect. And you die more and more every day you expect. Wait. Please don't wait anymore. Do not spend this precious life that you have chosen. Didn't you wait long enough? Don't wait any longer. Without knowing what to expect, your mother has been waiting for 65 years, you 35. The look, name, shape and color of what she expects always changes, but the wait remains the same.
Waiting for the exact, waiting for the perfect. Waiting for the future. So, waiting for what isn't actually coming. But don't be afraid. Life is new and starting over every day. You will never be late for anything. Time is a very relative concept. It is not tangible; It varies a lot from moment to moment and from person to person. So you are not late. Now is the time! Start!
Whatever you have, start with whatever you have. Long live Gamze. Dive into life as you are and as much as you are. See how you will enjoy it. I give a guarantee. Life is starting from a completely different page, right now, with this decision. You know what? Life also needs you to participate in life.
***Therefore, get started. From where you are, as you are and as far as you can be. I love you the most when you are right now. Do not forget that either.***
***Stay with love.***
If There Is No Meaning In Our Lives, There Is No Happiness
I have been working on the science of happiness for a long time, receiving training, giving and developing my consultancy practice within this framework. In addition, I have benefited from many teachings over the years to cure my current illness. After all, I have a few personal implications for healing, well-being, and happiness that I would like to share with you.
People generally think that the state of being in eternal joy and meeting their expectations is "**happiness**". However, finding meaning, getting help and supporting, and developing different perspectives even in difficult times is one of the most important investments of happiness. It is even more valuable than having everything you want. Because having everything you want causes us to get used to it quickly and get bored and pursue a new desire due to hedonic adaptation, getting through difficult times by finding meaning and getting social support improves us and our relationships.
According to positive psychology, social relationships and meaning, which are the components of happiness, are the two most important elements that give people hope and accelerate their recovery. Then comes positive emotions, being in the moment and in the flow, and success. However, we often tend to prioritize those that come next.
Recovery, just like happiness, is not the end point to be reached. It is a lifetime journey where you discover different layers at every stop you arrive. Like the layers of an onion, each micro-healing or purification brings a new discovery. Knowing that there is something new under that layer makes you realize that the healing is a lifetime deepening.
If we are lucky and working on it, we are on the path of healing and happiness by constantly experiencing the positive and negative and making inferences. As we move up the spiral of being, we experience joy and pain at a wider frequency than before. In other words, our container is expanding. The more experiences and meaning we make, the more likely our container is to expand.
While experiencing all these, being able to hold on to a solid understanding of meaning enables us to internalize the experiences patiently. It can easily fall apart when there is no meaning, "**Why me?**" We can lose our direction wit their complaints.
Looking positive, being happy is not just experiencing good things or hoping good things will happen; It's about seeing the good, the teaching, the positive even in negative situations. As we ask more and more what difficult situations taught us, how they improve us, what they add to our outlook on life, we consolidate meaning in our lives.
As meaning becomes more visible in our lives, not only our present and future, but also our past can change. Now think, what could a negative experience have taught you, how could it empower you? What can you be grateful for about this experience?
One of my most valuable discoveries about life and happiness is that in the absence of meaning, happiness becomes a purely pleasurable and addictive cycle, which we call *Hedonic Happiness*. Hedonic happiness, unfortunately, does not make you happy in the long run. Of course, I cannot make a claim like **"Let's remove pleasures, pleasures, positive emotions from our lives"**. Life would be very uninspired without these. But a life that contains only these, devoid of meaning, cannot go beyond a shallow fragment that has not deepened enough.
I wish to focus on the richness of our inner treasures, which we will discover as we deepen, instead of the habits of the consuming culture imposed on us. So that every frame of our movies is worth watching.
Let's Remove Illusions in Life
*I set out for small changes in my life. Two questions that will remove big illusions in life: What are you doing to live? How long have you been in this world?*
Our commitment to our identities is through the simplest questions we ask. The people we evaluate according to what they do and their educational background will of course try to get their value needs from these identities. This is a seemingly hidden and natural manipulation of society.
As soon as they ask you about your job, they have a "***bias***" about your living conditions, financial situation, possible tastes and abilities. Since this is a judgment, they need to be patient and persistent to see the truth in you. Because they have "***their own judgment***" to transcend. This is not about you. It is about asking.
The part about you is that you try to derive your desire to be valued in the opposite eye mirror not from your own self-worth, but from the other's judgment mechanism. So, if you do not have an affiliated profession, you may be inclined to see yourself as "loser", "inadequate", and if you have an affiliated profession, you may be inclined to see yourself at the opposite point. And in order to satisfy your need for love, you hold onto an identity that is beyond what you are, and begin to nurture it. You are trapped in relationships where you get tired and end yourself. The professions people perform do not determine what they are. People are not beings that fill professions, professions are people's kitchen aprons!
Is the heart's width measured according to the kitchen apron? What matters is the way you do whatever you do. It is attitude. The world is like an open titr market. We spend everything, even our soul, our life energy to buy. Trying to be a "***thing***". This is to "***buy***" a place in other people's eyes. It's like buying a plot from fake heaven. The promised lands are barren, but hollow.
If we change our question, we constantly remind ourselves that we are in an area where we are concerned with skill rather than identity, where we are concerned with the characteristics of the person. Our judgment towards both ourselves and others begins to melt like a soap, only with a change of questions.
People may be musicians, but they are secretaries for a living. People may be researchers, but they are businesses for a living. And you can use anything, all your skills, your knowledge to live, all of these are actually to perpetuate what you are passionate about. What you are passionate about may be life itself. You can sacrifice your identity to enjoy it!
***Our second question to change is: "How old are you?"***
When we ask people how old they are, we open up a window of “***prejudice***” again. We go on a gently sneaking trip to an area where we will validate what he says according to his age. Therefore, young children tend to "***grow up***" their age, and those who get older than a certain limit tend to "***shrink***". This is a method of escaping judgment.
Our behavior is independent of our age! The expression of our existence is independent of our age! Age is an insidious illusion. We judge the other according to age, "Too young to say this", "Too old to act like that", "Can", "Can't".
Naturally, every human being in this hypnosis gradually begins to put himself into "dictated" forms after a certain period of his journey on earth; to wrinkle, to have quiet fun, to get tired, to regard diseases as natural, to take unwanted as natural, to ignore and wait for new beginnings. One scraps himself only because of a judgment to which he is bound with infinite loyalty.
Judging people by the time they spend in the world causes us to ignore the abilities that they harbor within them. "To take certainty that someone we find mature for his age can make mistakes", "to ignore what children say and feel", "to treat old people as children, to shame them", "to ignore uneducated talents", "to wait and hold to take a step."
However, we are all travelers and visitors of this planet earth. "**How long have you been in this world?**" To ask is to honor his life experiences and existence. Hence your own. To be able to look at each child as a guest, to be curious about the news brought by the newcomer and what he / she will tell. It is to value the experiences of the ancients, to be open to surprises and the miracle of human beings.
Because this question brings along the knowledge that he is a wanderer, that this world is only one of the stops, that the experience of being is not limited to this life, to see the whole, that life is not all in these bodies, and the infinity, the ability and knowledge to contain life.
**Change your questions! This is the manifestation of the perception of life. Greetings to all passengers, residents, departures, new arrivals!**
The Effect of Technology on My Life
There is a word that I use frequently in daily life lately, technology. When asked about the true meaning of the technology that has gone through at least once in most of my conversations, few can give a complete answer. In this article, you can find many topics you want to know about what technology really means, the benefits and harms of technology, technology addiction, technology tools.
Innovation is defined as the whole of knowledge, skills, techniques and cycles that create, change, and even change the climate used to address the problems and desires of individuals. Individuals can use innovation for purposes such as obtaining products or benefits, accessing and using data. Because of innovation, logical investigation should be possible and important research should be completed to assist humanity.
**History of Innovation**
The historical background of innovation begins simultaneously with the fitting of devices and methods. The term innovation comes from the Greek word techne, which denotes expressions and features. The word used to describe the phrases implemented recently is currently used to describe progress and changes in our current situation. If we take a look at the innovation point in human existence today, it seems that the historical background of innovation will end with the end of a series of human experiences.
**What are the Benefits of Technology?**
Innovation has countless unlimited advantages. Innovation basically provides convenience in accessing data. It saves people time in transportation, treatment techniques, logical research, family affairs and many more. Makes correspondence easier while moving the distance closer. It has development gaps in many areas such as banking. It makes it possible for individuals to not manage the use of human-made consciousness and ensures their survival.
Innovative developments help improve the lifestyles of workplaces and individuals in the work environment. Representative inspiration, government aid, high profitability and development rates, expansion in efforts that transfer resources to innovation. Innovation allows remote work in extreme conditions such as a pandemic. Internal and external correspondence, board planning and profitability are facilitated by innovation devices.
The idea of computerized reasoning, which is one of the advantages of innovation, is growing rapidly. Although man-made brainpower is a recent innovation, its advantages, especially in healthcare and industry, do not end in installments. Individuals are just imagining right now, creating and applying it to man-made reasoning. It is believed that with the advancement of today's innovation, the work of man-made brainpower in facilitating responsibility will increase.
Innovation in school education brings something fun to the main room. Encouraging skills can be created and logical techniques coordinated to draw inspiration from downstream work. Programming and mechanical devices are accessible to assist sub-training in their training. Adjusting these to the study room climate contributes to successful learning. Also, distance education innovation is recognized as possibly the biggest advantage of innovation.
**What are the Disadvantages of Technology?**
The harms of innovation can be evaluated mentally and physiologically. One of its negative mental effects is known as separation. For example, although developments such as online media are aimed at bringing individuals together, they can sometimes have the opposite effect. There are views that show that individuals with significant online media use are much more disconnected from their social environment than those with low levels.
One of the physiological disadvantages of innovation is eye strain. Moreover, the necessity of innovation can cause serious suffering in the head, neck and shoulder areas of the body. Posture problem, which is one of the prolonged effects, can also disrupt the musculoskeletal system in the long term. Experts recommend applying the 20-20-20 standard (20 minutes screen-20 seconds break-20 steps navigation) to be less affected by real cynicism.
Likewise, individuals are very committed to innovation and ignore the real things and the need to help. The obsession with innovation can turn into an infection now and again. Young people spend a ton of energy and can be subject to cyberbullying through online media. This adversely affects their psychological state and causes them to lose interest throughout their daily life.
Innovation affects the way people give information, learn and think. It helps society and decides how individuals interact with each other in normal daily existence. It tends to be said that innovation affects learning most in the presence of society. It encourages individuals to better relate to the materials they have learned and have problems by making learning more intelligent and collaborative. It encourages entry into assets.
Another effect is seen in the field of correspondence. Innovation is currently creating a lot of new electronic specialty techniques and bringing them into our lives. For example, it is possible to talk to an individual living across the world due to messages and interpersonal organizations. Because of this correspondence, innovation can grow even faster.
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