Valentine's 2021
Yesterday was Valentine's day. We used to go on vacations or to our favorite restaurants to have a special family dinner but with the pandemic, we had no choice but to stay home.
We decided to have our favorite Japanese food delivered and enjoyed it with the entire family in the safety of our humble abode. Our sweet daughter made a digital drawing of us, wishing us a happy anniversary (it was our 15th year on the 12th) and happy Valentine's. She also wishes to find a love like ours. How cheesy! 😊
This photo collage shows bits and pieces of yesterday's celebration. We ordered a lot of food from Tadakuma, our go-to place for quality Japanese food, but I just ate the California maki and the sashimi. Mom made a purple yam brigadiero cake, plus we had leche flan and brownies delivered from Goldilocks. Of course, I couldn't pass on the desserts so I had those too.
You may notice we still have our tree up, mom dressed it up for Valentine's -- she put flowers and hearts on it to brighten up the festivities. And yes, that's the drawing our daughter made of us. That's how she depicts unconditional love, her dad lovingly caring for her mama in the wheelchair.
We initially planned on going to the beach or booking a hotel for a staycation but things are different this year. We didn't have a grand celebration but that doesn't mean we love each other any less, it still was a special dinner with family. And just like any other day, we are thankful for the time spent with the ones we love! ❤️
dream diary #2
Hey DD, it's me again!
Do you always know how your dreams start? I don't remember how my dreams start, it's like as if walking in the cinema mid-movie, you have no idea what's happening and why it's happening. Anyway, last night's dream went like this:
*There seems to be a lot happening around me, tension is in the air. Fear was the common emotion conveyed in the crowd's faces, it was as if someone is threatening their freedom, their existence. I have no idea what's going on, I just stood there obviously confused. I looked up and saw the sky was full of rainclouds. I had to get some shelter before it starts pouring hard, I thought to myself.*
*I got inside a house which I figured was my own because my belongings were inside. I found my laptop and I panicked. Apparently, it was a time when owning any electronic gadget was deemed illegal so I scrambled to find a place to hide my laptop in case the house got raided. Somewhere among my pile of random stuff was an old purple plastic document case (I owned the exact same one while I was in college), I put my laptop in and it fit snugly then I stashed it under the cabinet. The cabinet looked exactly like the one my parents had at our old rented apartment then I realized the house WAS our old rented apartment! It was just very dilapidated and the furniture inside was just a bit too weird/odd-looking.*
*Anyway, for some reason, I had to work and use my laptop discreetly in case of a raid so I took it out of its hiding place and set it up in the comfort room where I intended to do whatever important thing I needed to do for work. I got distracted when I looked at the mirror because my hair was all white! My mom showed up out of nowhere and handed me a bowl of pre-mixed reddish hair dye and a comb so I started dyeing my hair. Some of the dye got on my skin, I felt a stinging pain on the spots... The dye was like acid, it burned my skin. I wanted to cry because of the pain, I was about to go out of the comfort room but I was surprised because I found my dad at the door. Somehow, he's alive and well, happily smiling at me while offering me a different bowl of hair dye. "Grayish Black", he said and smiled. He assured me it would not burn my skin.*
*I took the dye from dad but I dyed his hair instead. It was white like mine, and I kinda miss dyeing his hair like I used to. Once all of his white hair was covered, I used the leftover dye on my hair to cover up the white parts.*
*Then I woke up.*
The dream started off very weird, like there was a feeling of impending doom... However, before I woke up - I could feel the happiness I felt being with dad again, even if it was only in a dream. It's been over 10 years since he passed, that's an awfully long time to be missing anyone. He really left a void in my heart that can never be filled.
-Donna 02122021
dream diary #1
Hello DD,
I've always had vividly weird dreams but I couldn't remember them. Ever since I got sick, my brain keeps forgetting things. Sometimes I can't even name things around me that I use on a daily basis, I know what they are but their names always get stuck at the tip of my tongue. Perhaps it's memory loss? Or probably just old age? Whatever it is, I've become really forgetful and perhaps my brain got cloudy from being lethargic recently.
Today, I woke up from a dream. Part of it felt like there was a tragedy that happened and part of it woke me up with butterflies in my stomach. I'll try to recount it the best that I can.
*I was in a field with shrubs of some sort of red berries. The sky was dark, only lit up by the crescent moon and a few twinkling stars, and the air was filled with something eerie like something terrible had happened there. I kept walking and realized that the berry shrubs had thorns on them that wounded my legs. I stopped and tried to tend to my wounds and I noticed a tall, dark, and muscular man lurking in the shadows... He walked towards me and I was taken aback because he started hugging me. Surprised, I looked at his face and tried to think about who he was. I couldn't remember if I knew him from the past but he has a handsome face, the kind that couldn't break any rules. A good, manly face, I guess. He hugged me tighter and I just hugged him back. He had this clean, woodsy musk scent that I couldn't seem to get enough of. I looked at him again and he smiled at me, he leaned forward to give my forehead a kiss then bent down to check my wounds. He assured me they were mere scratches and that I would be okay then proceeded to carry me out... I don't know where but presumably somewhere safe.*
I don't know what happened next because I woke up. I tried to remember who the man in my dream was but I don't think I know him in person. Anyway, that's what I can remember of the dream. I have no idea what it means. Finding the meaning isn't really what I seek. I only want to try and get my brain gears turning, you know? This is also a good writing activity. Two birds, one stone kinda thing, right? 😎
-Donna 02092021
7th year on hemodialysis
I'm celebrating my 7th year on hemodialysis today.
Getting diagnosed with End Stage Renal Disease was like a death sentence for me. 7 years ago, I was so hesitant to go on dialysis because people were telling me dialysis would only kill me. People tend to be misinformed, dialysis is life-saving. It has kept me alive and helped my body get rid of toxins and excess water since that fateful day. The truth is, this treatment procedure extended my life and the lives of many others with kidney disease.
Life on dialysis isn't easy but I try to deal with whatever comes my way. As long as I'm still breathing, I'm going to keep on fighting. It feels so good to be alive, even when it gets difficult. We all just need to remember that God is always there for us, He will never forsake us. Whatever it is that we need, He will always provide. I've come to realize this during the course of my illness. I've always triumphed over trials and tribulations because of His guidance and His help.
So today, I will celebrate. It's a celebration because I consider my first day on dialysis as my new lease on life. My life had changed 180 degrees, it's like I'm living a totally different life since I started the treatment. It's a change for the better. My faith is now stronger than my worries, I am contented and I appreciate what God had blessed me with.
Celebrations doesn't usually mean grand parties. Today I'm just super thankful I got to live another day.
For lunch, my mom made some *pancit*, a Filipino noodle dish, which symbolizes longevity and health, perfect for today's celebration!
My husband Toph and my daughter H bought me *lechon* for dinner... *LECHON MANOK* (spit-roasted chicken)! Because for some reason, I really love lechon manok 😎 and my thoughtful brother sent me a red velvet cake which was awesome because I wished I had cake and I got it! It was very delicious too!
I also fried some squid rolls and whipped up a home-made sauce to go with it. It's been a while since I had any streetfood so I was craving for some fish balls but there wasn't any. These squid rolls were just as good!
Anyway, I'm ending my day by sharing it with you. ❤️
Remember to always count your blessings. Life is beautiful, live it! 😘
Dining by the Sea
My family and I love to eat. Before the pandemic, we used to go to new restaurants around town to try out their food or go anywhere that serves Japanese food just because we can't get enough of ramen, sushi, and sashimi! Now, we've been cooped up trying to avoid the virus. Luckily, a very thoughtful friend from New York suggested that we go to the beach for a breather. He was kind enough to wire us some funds for the trip. We initially wanted to go on an overnight beach staycation but since we can only go on a Thursday (it was my husband Toph's only day off), we decided against it because our daughter would have classes the next day. We all settled for a trip to a seafood restaurant by the beach instead.
We went to Prawn House in Opol, more or less a 40-minute ride from the heart of the Cagayan de Oro City. The sky was just full of rainclouds, which was a total bummer because we intended to watch the sunset. There wasn't any grand view, it was dark and windy so we didn't really take photos of ourselves with the beach as the backdrop. We settled in and it started raining. Our meal started with a delicious, piping hot bowl of clam soup which was perfect for the weather! Then our orders started to fill the table: shrimp tempura, grilled rabbitfish, crab foo yong, baked mussels, crispy-fried water spinach, calamari, blue marlin ceviche, and salmon sashimi. By the end of the meal, we were so full that we didn't order dessert anymore!
Here, let me share with you some photos from that day:
Overall, it was a great experience. Relaxing sea breeze, sumptuous food, awesome company, and time well-spent. I'd love to do it again sometime... Hopefully, we can all go on a beach vacation soon! ❤️
Making Peace with Death
I've been grappling with the idea of death and the great beyond lately. My anxiety's been triggered by the thought of dying but I ***THINK*** I want to be at peace with it now. There's still a lot of things left to do, there's a full bucket list of it, but I think my time is very limited given the pain I have to endure daily. It frustrates me that I'm basically a vegetable, I can't do stuff without any help and I can't walk without anyone or anything supporting me. But that's how it is, I'm still here so I'll try my best to do the things that I still can.
My daughter turned thirteen a couple of months ago, I'm doing my best to get into the stuff she likes to do. This way, I can get to know her better and spend more quality time with her. She currently loves watching Anime movies and series so I make it a point to watch with her. This wasn't so hard because I used to watch a lot of Anime shows. I introduced her to the ones I watched like Yu Yu Hakusho, Rurouni Kenshin, and HunterxHunter. She's also doing a lot of digital art/drawings at the moment and I've been bugging her to teach me how but it's kinda difficult given I have no artistic talent whatsoever. Here's a photo of something we did together, a "collab" according to her, I did the face sketch and she did the colors so that explains the outcome. We named her "Flori":
It's fun doing things with my daughter, it makes me forget whatever pain I'm feeling. I've also been sharing my experiences and childhood stories with her and I think that somehow improved our communication because she's been opening up to me about her experiences too. We get to talk about crushes and butterflies-in-your-stomach stuff. It's cute, makes me feel like a teenager again.
My hubby had been very supportive all these years. He's just the best. I try my best to be supportive of him as well. He works hard for our family to sustain our needs, I just try to pitch in as much as I can since I can still work (we both work from home). We used to go out for dates but because of the COVID-19 threat, we'd rather not risk going out. He's good at playing the guitar and I always swoon when I watch him play. We live in a studio room so it's difficult to get some alone time. We just spend family time together watching movies and eating our favorite food (sushi and sashimi, most of the time). We're looking into going on a trip, like to the beach, or somewhere nice and cozy overnight if we can find a place safe enough in this crazy pandemic.
Honestly, if I didn't have a family, I think I would've gone ahead. Y'know, cross that rainbow bridge? But because of them, I have a reason to stay. This is why I fight and endure whatever I have to deal with. I'd really love to make more memories with them. I used to fear death, maybe I still am afraid of it... I know it is inevitable. My family knows this, I also want them to be at peace with that idea -- that one day I won't be here anymore. It will come eventually and I want to be ready for it. How does one prepare for death? I tried to talk about getting a funeral/memorial plan but this makes my family sad, they don't exactly want to talk about it. I can imagine it's depressing. I should get one while I'm still here though. I don't wanna burden them with more expenses when the inevitable happens. Aside from that, how does one really prepare for death? I have no clue. I don't have any regrets at this point and I'd like to think I've lived a happy life so far. I was able to party until I dropped, have fun, go places, meet the love of my life, and have an awesome daughter... Yes, there are still some things I'd like to do (a bucket list), maybe I'll get to do them in a few days, maybe I won't. I'm already contented with my life... I have no idea how much time I have left but I'm going to make the most out of it and spend time with people I love. ❤️
Meet your storyteller: DUNNADELICIOUS
Who is @dunnadelicious?
She's a thirty-something lady whose Spotify playlist is 90s-middle-school-rock-too-many-feelings-rat-pack bad, thanks to her obsessions with Bush, Emo (e.g., All American Rejects, Jimmy Eat World, and American Football), and Frank Sinatra. She listens to a lot of Foo Fighters, Incubus, Deftones, A Perfect Circle, and Tool... She probably thinks she's cool. https://pudding.cool/2020/12/judge-my-spotify/
Seriously though, her name is Donna. She lives in Cagayan de Oro City, Philippines. Being almost 40, she's currently going through a mid-life crisis. She's always conflicted as she wants to do a lot of things yet she feels like she only has a little bit of time left in this world. So little time, so much to do!
She used to blog when she was younger, she'd like to revisit blogging to document her thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Her writing's a bit rusty as it had been a while since she last wrote something. She does have a lot of things to say, perhaps they're all better left in her thoughts, but could be useful when shared here in the blockchain where they can be immortalized. https://steemit.com/@dunnadelirium/posts
So yeah, that's your storyteller.
Subscribe to read Donna's adventures and find out more about her! :)
@dunnadelicious
