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@blissweb in January 2021
Happy new year traders
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The past year breaks down into a few eras—none of them, let’s be honest, especially funny. There was the period before the coronavirus pandemic, marked roughly for me from the start of the year to the moment, in March, when, sitting in a coffee shop and reading terrifying things online, I took a last good look at the strangers around me, realizing that I wouldn’t be sitting in such a place again for a while. Surely we heard a bunch of funny jokes back in our pre-covid-19…
And then there were the masks. There has, I suppose, been something pitch-black silly about seeing the many ways that people have misworn them—omitting noses, covering only chins, dangling them off ears. It’s macro failure demonstrated on a micro level, but at least we’re trying. On a hot summer day, I witnessed what could be the pinnacle of the genre: a man walking down the street wearing a pair of ski goggles, ostensibly as prophylactic, his mouth and nose uncovered but…
The Donald Trump impression flourished in the final year of his term, and its most inventive practitioners explored opposite tacks. Sarah Cooper, a comedian and former employee at Google, shot to fame with the TikTok video “How to medical,” in which she lip-synched the audio from one of Trump’s April press conferences, during which he suggested injections of disinfectant to kill the virus. By severing Trump’s words from his person and linking them instead to her own inspired…
Mask-Shaming a Human Centipede “Absolutely disgusting. I just saw a human centipede crawling around outside and the guy at the front of it wasn’t wearing a mask. How selfish can you be???” The comedy writer Keaton Patti made my favorite Twitter joke of the year—a gloriously gross goof on this terrible moment.
It started in April, when, during one of his widely seen coronavirus press conferences, New York’s governor, Andrew Cuomo, mentioned that his daughter Mariah’s boyfriend would be joining the family for a traditional Italian-American Sunday dinner. “The boyfriend is very nice and we like the boyfriend,” he said. “Advice to fathers: the answer on what you think of the boyfriend is always ‘I like the boyfriend.’ Always. Because there’s only two options. Either you like the…
The Legend of Jackie Daytona The comedy series “What We Do in the Shadows,” about a group of grumpy centuries-old vampires sharing a house on Staten Island, is, like “m*a*s*h,” a seemingly unnecessary TV spinoff of a beloved movie that manages to be terrific itself. In this season’s best episode, the vampire Laszlo Cravensworth (Matt Berry), while being pursued by an enemy (played by the guest star Mark Hamill), flees to Pennsylvania, where he masquerades as a “regular human…
What better way is there to start off the New Year than with a laugh? Between making your champagne cocktails and a celebration-worthy New Year's Eve dinner, you're going to want to retell one of these cute jokes. You may not be able to celebrate with a wild New Year's Eve party like last year, but sending one of these to your nearest and dearest is the perfect way to let them know you're thinking about them in the New Year. After all, laughter really is the best medicine.…
My new resolution is to stop procrastinating but I will wait till tomorrow to start😂
If 2020 was a person I will sue him for pain and suffering 😢
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer…
A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek? A: Because he was always spotted.
What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
An elderly couple are in church. The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, "I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?" The husband replies, "First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!"
A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman. Boy: Why do you look so fat? Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me. Boy: Is it a good baby? Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby. Boy: Then why did you eat it?!
There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don't forget. They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. "You might want to write it down," she said. The husband said, "No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream." She then told her husband she wanted a bowl of ice…
Wife: "In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring." Husband: "I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill."
A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said, "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair." The girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister, "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiled and said, "That’s nothing; mine is already eating bananas."
One day Jimmy got home early from school and his mom asked, "Why are you home so early?" He answered, "Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class." She said, "Wow, my son is a genius. What was the question?" Jimmy replied, "The question was 'Who threw the trash can at the principal's head?'"
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Why did the can crusher quit his job?
Why did Adele cross the road? A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
Dad: "Can I see your report card, son?" Son: "I don't have it." Dad: "Why?" Son: "I gave it to my friend. He wanted to scare his parents."
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too." What kind of mum is that
Can February march? No, but April may.
A: I have the perfect son. B: Does he smoke? A: No, he doesn’t. B: Does he drink whiskey? A: No, he doesn’t. B: Does he ever come home late? A: No, he doesn’t. B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
Q. How much room is needed for fungi to grow? A. As mushroom as possible
A young boy came home from school and told his mother, "I had a big fight with my classmate. He called me a sissy." The mother asked, "What did you do?" The boy replied, "I hit him with my purse!"
Q: How do you make a tissue dance? A: Put a little boogie in it
Why did the fish blush? A: Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
Q: What's the difference between a guitar and a fish? A: You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish.
How will I withdraw from this platform
A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands... "Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you. I've been finding…
Q: If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds"…
A young boy comes home from school in a bad mood. His father asks him, "What's wrong, son?" The kid tells his dad that he's upset because another kid has been teasing him and calling him gay. The father says, "Punch him in the face next time he does that. I bet he'll stop." The kid replies, "Yeah, but he's so cute!"
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Teacher: "Answer this math problem: if your father earns $500 a week and gives half to your mother. What will he have?" Student: "A heart attack."
Mother: "Are you talking back to me?!" Son: "Well yeah, that's kinda how communication works."
An Italian mother says, "If you don't eat all the food on this plate, I'll kill you." A Jewish mother says, "If you don't eat all the food on this plate, I'll kill myself."
What type of sandals do frogs wear?
Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse approaches the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You're the father of twins.” “That's odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!” A nurse then yells the second man, “Congratulations! You're the father of triplets!” “That's weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!” A nurse goes up to the third man saying, “Congratulations! You're the father of…
Little Susie, a six-year-old, complained, "Mother, I've got a stomach ache." "That's because your stomach is empty," the mother replied. "You would feel better if you had something in it." That afternoon, her father came complaining that he had a severe headache all day. Susie perked up, "That's because it's empty," she said. "You'd feel better if you had something in it."
A mother went to pick up her daughter from elementary school and found her doing handstands against the wall. When they got into the car, the mother said, "Darling, I wish you wouldn't do that because the boys can see your panties." "Okay, mommy," the little girl replied. The next day, the mother noticed her little girls hands looked dirty, so she asked, "You haven't been doing handstands again and letting those boys see your panties, have you?" "Oh no, mummy," the daughter…
A kid walks up to his mom and asks, "Mom, can I go bungee jumping?" The mom says "No, you were born from broken rubber and I don't want you to go out the same way!"
Q: What do cats eat for breakfast? A: Mice Krispies
Q: What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? A: Swimming trunks.
There is a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, ''Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there is a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!'' Herman says, ''I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!''
What happens once in a minute and twice in a moment but never in a decade? Who knows? 😂😂
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide!!
What is the color of the wind?
A little girl and her older brother were visiting their grandfather's farm. The older brother decided to play a trick on his younger sister. He told her that he discovered a man-eating chicken. The girl was frightened, and ran inside in fear. Then the older brother heard his little sister scream. He ran inside immediately. She was screaming at their grandfather, who was chowing down on a plate of fried chicken. "What is it?" he asked. The sister turned to him in fear and…
A child goes to his father and asks, "Father, how do parents think of names for their children?" The father answers, "Well, son, the night before the mother gives birth, the father goes into the woods and camps for the night. When he wakes the following morning, the first thing he sees is what he names his child, which is why your sister is named Soaring Eagle. Why do you ask, Bear Poop?"
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist tells him that the condoms come in packs of three, nine, or 12, and asks which ones the young man wants. "Well," he says, "Ive been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's the night. We're having dinner with her parents and then we're going out. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack!" The young man makes his…
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist tells him that the condoms come in packs of three, nine, or 12, and asks which ones the young man wants. "Well," he says, "Ive been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's the night. We're having dinner with her parents and then we're going out. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack!" The young man makes his…
Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers? A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!
You know you're getting old when your wife says, "Honey, lets run upstairs and make love," and you answer, "I can't do both."
Little Johnny likes to gamble. One day, his dad gets a new job, so his family has to move to a new city. Johnny's dad thinks, "I'll get a head start on Johnny's gambling." He calls the teacher and says, "My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow, but he likes to gamble, so you'll have to keep an eye on him." The teacher says, "Okay," because she can handle it. The next day, Johnny walks into class and hands the teacher an apple and says, "Hi, my name is Johnny." She…
An Amish husband, wife and son travel to the city on vacation. They visit a shopping mall and while the mother is shopping, the father and son are standing in awe in front of an elevator (having no idea what it is). As they watch, an elderly lady walks into the strange silver doors and the doors close. The father and son watch as the numbers go up, and then back down. When the doors open, a beautiful young woman walks out. The father leans over and whispers to the son, "Son,…
What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?
For a period, Houdini used a trap door in every single show he did…I guess you could say it was a stage he was going through.
Why are hairdressers never late for work?
A husband got his mother-in-law a cemetery plot for Christmas. It came with a coffin, tomb stone, the works. Next Christmas comes by and the husband gets her nothing. When the mother-in-law asks, "Why didn't you get me a gift?" the husband says, "You haven't used the one I got you last year!"
A little girl is serving her father tea while her mother is out shopping. The mother comes home and the father says, "Watch this!" The little girl goes and serves the mother tea. The mother responds, "Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"
Paddy and Murphy are havin' a pint in the pub, when some scuba divers come on the TV. Paddy says, "Murphy, why is it them deep sea divers always sit on the side of the boat with them air tanks on their backs, and fall backwards out of the boat?" Murphy thinks for a minute then says, "That's easy. It's 'cos if they fell forwards, they'd still be in the friggin boat!"
Alfie was listening to his sister practice her singing. "Sis," he said, "I wish you'd sing Christmas carols." "Thats nice of you, Alfie," she replied, "but why?" Alfie replied, "Because then I'd only have to hear your voice once a year!"
It’s a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks. Father Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars. Mother Bear sticks her head out the kitchen door and yells, "For Pete's sake, how many times do…
Assistant: "Sir, can I have a day off next week to visit my mother-in-law?" Boss: "Certainly not!" Assistant: "Thank you so much sir! I knew you would be understanding."
Son: "Dad, when will I be old enough so I don't have to ask mom for her permission to go out?" Dad: "Son, even I haven't grown old enough to go out without her permission!"
2021 My year of multiple bitcoin and unparalleled cashing out
Morning friends
Is there any other platform One can get bitcoin cash
Anyone in need of ethereum?
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
Nigga aren't sending tips
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War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.”
It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.”
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
Pls love👨❤️💋👨
“At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”
At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.” –
If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.” – Ann
Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.”
“I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.”
Where are my friends nah
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.”
“To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.”
Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.”
“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.”
Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.” –
The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper
“Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.” – Betty
Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.”
“If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it’s another nonconformist who doesn’t conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity.”
“Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.”
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”
“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”
“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!”
“I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.”
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.” –
Okay dear
I wonder how people earn here
I tired of posting No one is subscribing
“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.”
“But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.” –
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“He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.”
Kids are natural comedians so why not encourage them to get punny with these kid-approved quips that require little to no explanation from parents? Whether it’s a joke a day for the kids, lunchbox jokes for every day or clean jokes to tell to kids, just don’t be surprised when the comedy sketch goes beyond today! Scroll down for silly jokes and corny jokes, many of which have been sent to us by kid-readers (like you!).
. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping? A dino-snore!
What is fast, loud and crunchy? A rocket chip!
What has ears but cannot hear? A cornfield.
What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells!
Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake!
What did the limestone say to the geologist? Don’t take me for granite!
I will rather stay cool
It's very real
Thanks everyone Its such a nice site
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Is there any benefit of making noise here😂😂😂
Is there any benefit of making noise here😂😂😂
So you’ve heard of Bitcoin Cash — one of the top cryptocurrencies along with BTC and Ethereum. But why does it exist? Is it a cheap copy of Bitcoin? A pump-and-dump scheme? An attempt to hijack the brand and attack Bitcoin? In my estimation, the opposite is true. Bitcoin Cash is everything that Bitcoin was supposed to be, before it was taken over by a small group of radically minded “Core developers”, largely through propaganda and censorship
Why Bitcoin Cash Was Born Bitcoin Cash was born not out of greed, deceit, or opportunism, but rather from the passion of the community who wanted to see Bitcoin continue as peer-to-peer electronic cash. The August 1st fork was (and still is) a divorce with heated emotions on both sides. Although I admit to having my own personal biases, I believe I can present you with 12 objective reasons to support the idea that Bitcoin Cash IS in fact, “the real Bitcoin”.
Reason #1: Bitcoin is Supposed to Have Low Fees Bitcoin, from the early days, was touted as a low fee solution to global payments. It would have never gained any traction to begin with had it not been superior in this regard. Satoshi Nakamoto (Bitcoin’s creator) even said, “We should always allow at least some free transactions”. This has been practically forgotten by the Bitcoin Core supporters. Case in point: The Bitcoin.org website was recently updated to reflect the…
Reason #2: Bitcoin Should be A Reliable Network This is directly related to the high fee situation, which stems from the fatal decision to limit Bitcoin’s transaction capacity. Because transaction capacity is limited, you are unlikely to get your transaction included in the next Bitcoin block unless you pay a higher fee than everyone else who is waiting. This makes the network unreliable and in some cases, unusable. Even if you pay a reasonably high fee, it is possible for…
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Make a joyful noise unto the lord Its the first Sunday of the year😂😂
*Happy new reality of Life* Today is the first blank page of a 365 page book. *Write a good one, be an optimist and think big to have a wonderful story to tell* for it's time to decorate your life with the colors that this new year has brought for you. May this life favor you and shine brighter than a thousand lightning stars. *You will mirror what you admire and become what you respect*
Jeremiah 29:11-for I know the thoughts that I think toward you,saith the Lord , thought of peace,and not of evil,to give you an expected end. So therefore I pray that the God promise for our lives shall be fulfilled IJN.
🚩Rapture will take place any time from now. 🚩Everything hindering the rapture has been removed. 🚩Gospel has been preached almost everywhere. 🚩All the prophecies have been fulfilled. Angels physically seen and captured on camera @ Dansoman also gives a 'sign'. 🚩The devil is working very hard to occupy Christians with the things of this world so that the day will catch them unawares. 🚏 Please be prepared. There is no more time, Use the advantage of this free sms to send this…
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_Yes o, it's a new year, the Lord shall fulfill every good thing in your life, you shall be lifted up, the Lord shall arise for your sake. Victory is yours, success is yours, you shall not fail your generation, this year, Doors of uncommon favour are opened for you and your family in Jesus name...Amen😊😊_ *Happy new year, hope to see you soon❤️*
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To those who ask for tip Let use t and s for normal things 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁 Did u understand 😂
Let's make noise with our tips😂
My thoughts towards noise cash is that they are making more funds through the websites But consequently, they distribute tips to their uses.
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Insect entered my eyes and I couldn't removed it... Pls what can I do
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While our beans is not yet done, we make up the ingredients while those who ate the noddles voraciously will be hungry and dying to eat our beans..... Do you understand? Or You will send T**s
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Bitcoin cash has increased agin
I removed the insects sucked in my eyes yesterday
Am feeling better now
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