@beyourself 1 March 2022

Everyone lives their own life.

Unfortunately, we don't all have the same opportunities in this life. So, does this affect our success in life? of course not. True success is not the opportunities that others offer us, but the effort we make to survive, exist and prove ourselves to ourselves from scratch. We are not all of the same consciousness. Excessive comparison causes jealousy. To explain jealousy simply; It is the feeling and feeling of wanting something that someone else has and not being happy because we don't have it and it's on the other side. Being stuck in the circle of jealousy will cause you to ruin your life. Fortunately, there are ways to deal with jealousy and pave the way for happiness and well-being. Have you ever seen someone post a crappy photo on Facebook? On Facebook, we rarely see couples arguing with each other, people saying how much they hate their job, and declaring bankruptcy. Many people show you how they want to be seen from the other side. In other words, they present their own lives to us by polishing and polishing them. The next time you envy someone's life, remember that you are only looking at a part of that person's life and that part is the part we wanted to show you. Let's think about what feature of the person we envy that we do not have. For example; maybe much more popular and well known than you. On the surface, this indicates that that person is surrounded by people, that he is loved and respected by everyone; but in reality, people may have different opinions about that person. At this point, there may be 2 different situations perceived and seen in reality. E.g; many people can envy the glittering lives of rich and famous people; but have you ever thought about what kind of life a famous person actually has? Ask yourself once, you go out to buy a newspaper in your sweatpants on a Sunday morning, and all of a sudden people surround you and they want to take your picture, even though you don't want to. So what you see isn't always real. In short, the next time you're going to be jealous of someone, keep in mind that you don't have full control over that person's life. Sonia Devine talks about this in her book, How to Stop Envying Other People's Seemingly Perfect Lives: "Even though I may seem like someone who by nature avoids talking about myself, I wasn't always like that. In my 20s, I was always invited to parties, had many friends, was funny, smart, and popular. As time went on I became more introverted and soon I started to get angry with myself for not having many friends. Why wasn't I popular like other people? There was a couple that my husband and I really enjoyed spending time with; however, whenever we saw them, it was necessary to make an appointment months in advance to schedule a program together. They were very socially intense, and seeing this, I asked myself: What will being popular bring me, and what is the essence of popularity really? His answer was simple: I wanted a sense of commitment and belonging. Then I realized that I already had the essence I was looking for. I loved my husband, I had a good family, and I had friends to spend my free time with. I realized that I actually hated everything I didn't have before, and I realized that being popular would make me miserable. The next time you're deprived of someone or something, try to get down to the true core and ask yourself what your thinking will do, along with the question: Isn't this already here?

If you really want to play the comparison game, you must be willing to change your own life completely. That is, to have other lives and replace them with your own. We can do a little exercise to find out if you really want to own someone else's life: If you are ready, think of someone whose life you envy right now. Then take a piece of paper and write in the left column of the paper: 'What do I have that they don't?'. Once you've done that, write in the right column: 'What do I want in them?' Under this question, write anything you want that person to have in you. For example; Does he make a lot of money? Does she have a beautiful house, beautiful clothes and a beautiful girlfriend? After you have written down everything you want to have about the person you admire, move on to the left column and start writing down everything you have and value in your life. E.g; It could be your family, your friends, your pet, and anyone or anything that matters to you. Warning: The person you admire may have friends, family and pets just like you. In this case, you should not look at what that person has; because even if you have the same things, you have a unique relationship with the people you love and your pet. Therefore, it is useful to go through the specific features. Be open and precise about the things you love in your life. It could even be having the opportunity to finish work early and hit the gym on a Thursday at your job. Now it's time to decide, and you've probably written much more on the left-hand list than on the right. Now ask yourself if you are ready to switch to the right and give up everything on the left to have another life. This exercise will show you how valuable and indispensable everything you have is.

***Gratitude exercise*** One of the reasons why you feel jealous may be that you always want to have good things in your life. When you are happy in life, good things will come into your life. Research on happiness has revealed that you don't have to be rich, powerful and famous to be happy. We can easily choose to be happy by paying attention to the good things around you. Before going to bed every night, ask yourself these questions: 1. What do I expect from life? 2. Who do I value in life? 3. Who supports me? 4. What pleasures set me free? 5. What advantages do I have in life? Society has convinced you that your net worth equates to happiness. Many people are always striving for more; but none of these bring lasting happiness. These are always subject to change and non-permanent pursuits. Most importantly, these values ​​consist of what you can earn regardless of your net worth. Now ask yourself: What really makes me happy? Money, property or fame? Or independence, peace or calm? Happiness is the ultimate currency we have, and no law can say there isn't enough. Thanks for reading :)