Conditioned
*"Who are they?"*
That three-worded question haunted me for the rest of my life. And now after fifteen long years, I finally found out the truth.
My stomach clenched, the lunch I ate that afternoon wanted to go back where it entered. But I held my body in place.
"What do you want from me, Annie?" I turned my head and looked from the face of my handler to the picture of the smiling couple in my hands. He started inching to where I was standing. "What's wrong?" His unwavering concern for my well-being ticked me off. The façade needs to stop!
Everything has to stop!
I had to stop it!
I threw the picture to his face, the corner of the paper cut his right cheek. "Who are they?" I spat the question angrily. "Answer me!"
My handler bent down and took the picture from where it dropped on the floor. A lopsided grin formed on his lips. "They are your first hit, why do you suddenly take interest in them again?"
I couldn't contain my anger anymore. I jumped to him, putting my weight on him so he would stay down.
"Don't you dare lie to me!" I pressed, my hand froze in the air. "You're not in liberty to lie!"
"What is this behavior, Annie. Stop it right this moment!" he commanded but his voice passed through my ears. I let a punch hit his perfectly chiseled face.
"This is the last time I'm going to ask you this, who are they?" I wouldn't let him manipulate me again.
"They are no one, Annie!" he insisted but I already knew the truth.
Tears flooded my eyes and I was taken back to a memory I was proud of until this moment.
*"Are you ready for your first mission my little darlin'?" My handler asked, there's a wide smile painted on his face.*
*I was overly excited, I have been waiting for this day for as long as I could remember. This mission will embark my future to the organization and I wouldn't let my handler down. I owed everything to him, I am me because of him. I wouldn't let the harsh training I had undergone go to waste.*
*"I am always ready," I answered pumping my chest with my little fists.*
*"Good now here you go. These are your targets." He handed me a picture of a couple.*
*They looked familiar but I had no idea where I have seen them before. "Who are they?" I let the question slipped out of my mouth though I knew it was against the organization's rules.*
*"You know the rules my little darlin'. Don't ask questions, they are no one. You must kill them."*
*"Yes, sir!" I saluted and went inside the house.*
*I searched for the couple but I easily found them. They were having dinner in a dim-lighted kitchen. Both of their eyes were closed for prayer. And when they opened them, shock immediately covered their exterior.*
*I didn't faze, I fired my gun in the guy's direction. However, no sound came even after another click. I threw the gun away.*
*I hissed annoyed. I knew my handler would still be testing me but I am not one to back down with a simple trick.*
*My eyes immediately found the knife over the countertop. I grabbed it and stabbed the guy on his nasion just where his eyes and nose meet. Blood splattered everywhere followed by the loud shrieking of the female target.*
*I pulled out the knife and jumped off the spasming man. "You're next," I warned the female.*
*"So, they're also using kids now, eh?" She grabbed a knife from a drawer on her back and aimed at me. She managed to slice off half of my long mane, exposing my bare neck and the angry gash below my right ear.*
*I always hated that marking so I keep my hair long to hide it. "You shouldn't have done that! It took me three years to grow that hair!" I fumed however the fire that was inhabiting her disappeared. She looked like a ghost out of a sudden. I didn't care, I took it as my chance to take my hit. I stabbed her repeatedly on the side of her stomach.*
*"I never thought I'll ever see you again. I'm happy though it ended like this," she said caressing my face, letting me murder her. "I have looked everywhere..." The female dropped cold to the ground, dead.*
A heavy sigh escaped my lips, pulling me back to the present. I always thought they were just random people chosen by the system, that they were no one but I was wrong. Nothing was random for the organization.
"Wrong answer." I took a folded picture from my back pocket and showed it to my handler's face. It was the couple and in between, them was a smiling little four-year-old kid. "Now would you tell me who are they?"I pulled the gun from the holster in my right leg.
"I was just a pawn too as much as you are. I don't give orders, you know that my little darlin'. You know that!"
"Wrong answer again!" I fired the gun in the same spot I stabbed that smiling man. And one wasn't enough. I fired my gun again and again until I myself couldn't recognize my handler anymore.
I breathe deeply, collecting myself. Promising to take the whole organization down. They will pay for everything they have done to me, for everything they made me do.
This is only the end of the beginning.
Innocence
*If you can run away, run now, run fast, and don't let the slithering shadows catch you.*
In this reality, we see the perspective of our lives based on the cage we are held captive in; the limited space of the ceiling from the floor to the walls. And the idea of freedom tastes like sweet nectar from Eden. But then not because you can dance around freely means you are at liberty, sometimes we were just too blind to see the invisible boundaries set by societies' manipulating hands.
We are all captives of our own monsters. We are all damsels in distress, waiting for a prince charming in shining armor and white horse. We are all wishing for that fairytale ending to come but happy ever after is but a myth, a farce created by the media to fool the naïve.
Soft yellow lights were reflected from a slightly open door. Voices could be heard from the inside; hushed talking of two elderly men. It was a matter of business and like every business, it concerned nothing more but money. Though it wasn’t just the tangible paper but something an ordinary mind couldn’t possibly comprehend.
"She'll be of age; she needs to learn. Her training should be upped, start it soon," one of the two men stated in a phlegmatic voice. A machine kept beeping somewhere in the room.
"I'll work on it, how 'bout the next auction?" The other one said, the younger one with a steadier voice and healthy breathing.
"When it will be? Two weeks from now, eh?" There was labor in his voice.
"Yes, it'll be exactly on her sixteenth birthday."
"Good, make sure she knows the drill." A coughing fit erupted. "Get out, I need to rest."
"Okay, dad." The man started to leave; his footsteps echoed through the walls.
Panicking, the eavesdropper bumped on a nearby table almost dropping a vase on the floor, if only she was a second slower, she would have. Still clutching the glass ornament, she ran to a corner, hiding from the incoming shadow. Her breathing became ragged with fear, sweat formed intricately on her forehead. She prayed not to get caught.
The girl knew well enough of the training they were talking about. She has been dreading it her whole life and she couldn't do anything to stop it. It was a tradition, done by every past woman in her family. Being an only child and a girl made it worse for her. She was concealed away from the world, raised by domineering men, and ruled with idiosyncratic customs. She was but a mere beautiful robin in a golden cage.
The steps grew quiet along the corridors; the girl made the courage to escape in the direction of her room. She marched without turning to her back.
"Child, where have you been? And you are still dressed up in those clothes!" The chambermaid exclaimed to the gasping girl as she opened her door. Being caught off guard, the vase in her hands shuttered to the floor. The maid immediately kneeled, picking up the glass pieces. "What are you up to, my child?"
"Nothing!" she said, raising her hand in the air. "I u-um, just walking a-around, looking for something, yeah. Why in a hurry Alice?" The girl stammered out; she started undressing as her maid swept down the remains of the vase.
"Your governess is already waiting in the study room, better move faster if you don't want to receive another beating, my child." The maid helped the girl dress fixing her hair so it won't get to her face. The governess wanted the girl to look her best all the time.
"Okay, okay...I need to go now. How do I look, Al?"
The maid appraised the girl with a sly smile. "You look good child; remember to be wary of your actions." The maid tapped the girl's nose; an act of her affection. She was like a daughter to the maid and there was pity in her heart for the life given to both of them.
Nodding, the girl went out and headed to the familiar bricked path. The walls were lighted with candles, emitting soft lights. Though she had lived her entire life in the dingy mansion, it still felt surreal. She wanted it all to be a dream, something she could wake up from but as the red wooden door grew big on her sight with the frowning image of her prim and proper teacher, she couldn't help but cringed.
"Where have you been my dear child? You are always making me wait; you know very well that I don't want my time being wasted. Hasten up now," the governess said, escorting the girl inside the room in a hasty manner.
The girl stopped amid, "I'm sorry, Candice." The girl was trained to smile her sweetest to people, so her lips curved up even though her insides were against it. She hated the governess with a passion; the times spent with her instilling cruelty were nightmares. She wanted to bolt away from her but she was restrained by the voices in her head, giving her forewarning of the consequences it would result. There was no option other than to submit.
"No more nonsense, come here." The governess grabbed the girl's arm, pulling the girl in front of the three men sitting on a black leather couch; faces were hidden behind their masks.
Upon seeing them, the girl's heart went rabid. Though, her exterior remained calm and collected. She was dying to flee but her legs stayed unmoving, cemented on the floor. There was a fine wall that separated the turmoil inside her. She was used to it, used to acting like it was nothing.
"Undress, slowly..." The governess whispered to the girl's ear. The girl reached for the strap of her dress, untying the little ribbons, she let it fall on the ground; exposing her red undergarments to the men in front of her. "Dance..." She maintained eye contact as she started unclasping her brassiere, her hips moved in tune to a silent song in her head. Gone the innocent girl, her inhibitions were washed away as her hands moved to the side of her hips, back bent down, head still raised, she uncovered herself for the three sets of eyes to see.
Her luscious young body exposed, the girl started to close her eyes, palming the curve of her body, giving the men a good show. Right. Left. She swayed without a second thought.
That was her life, her upbringing, her very own damnation.
Author's Note: this is one of my most controversial story hahah... This is just a jist and a prologue of the story.
Memento
The girl wipes the sweat from her forehead. She inhales deeply and lets out a long breath. There's a feeling of nostalgia as she takes a look at the vastness of the place.
She hasn't been in here for a while now. If she would count it, it was exactly one thousand and ninety-six days since she last set foot there. Three long years and yet it seems like it only happened yesterday. And his voice still lingers to her ears as if he was just behind her, guiding her trek like usual. Giving her pats of encouragement whenever she would struggle to climb.
She had never been alone in this place before, he's always been with her. She smiles at the horizon as the sun sets down. It's beautiful, the scene that they've been looking forward to until that tragic event.
The place would usually give her a feeling of euphoria but now it only induced emptiness. Something is missing and she knew exactly what it was. It's the absence of the man she had loved most in the world. Though no amount of wallowing could bring him back. He is already gone.
She questioned herself more than once, why she hadn't thought of checking their gears before their climb like she normally does. Why it has to be that day? She blamed herself for his sudden demise along with his entire family.
It was after endless therapy that she found the courage to set foot in this place again. And for a promise that she must keep.
When the rope gave out, her mind blanked out. She met him at the bottom with only a single word to utter. He didn't even say goodbye nor did she.
"Tree."
It slipped out her mind for so long until recently. And now here she is finally able to go back.
They had a major fight before the accident. The trek was his way of saying sorry; Francis had a big ego. He never said sorry to her and she accepted it. The guy's actions always made up with it.
She walks to the tree he was referring to. She knew that tree very well, it's the witness when he asked her to be his girlfriend. The listener to their cherished moments and the bearer of their hearts. She palms the small engraving of a heart from their first climb. A smile forms on her lips as she palms the inside of the small hole in the middle of the tree.
He used to put gifts inside that hole.
She feels a small box and a piece of paper on the very end of the wall. She pulls it and a gasp escapes her lips.
She drops to the ground and crumples to a ball. Her whole body trembles as she opens the small red box. It has the most beautiful diamond ring she ever set eyes into.
Then her shaking hands unfold the paper.
*"Are you still mad at me? Sorry for not making it to your game. I was busy checking stores for the perfect ring for you. All I ever want is your happiness, seeing your sweet smile for the rest of my life.*
*Please don't be mad at me anymore. And will you marry me?"*
Loud wailing follows her wake.
Author's Note: And yeah I'm back with my melancholic stories. Hahhahaha
Lipstick Stain (Episode 1 - Itch)
**C.E.O. AND BUSINESS MOGUL ANTHONY RICAFORTE DIED OF HEART ATTACK.**
The bold letters of the headline flashed on the TV screen as the image of the old businessman being wheeled in a stretcher gave emphasis to his death. On the sideline, reporters were caught with their own cameras and microphones trying to get hold of the old man's lawyers only to be pushed away for matters of privacy.
Someone changed the channel and the plumped face of the businessman's wife focused on the screen. Babbling words of how the death of her husband was so sudden, it was almost killing her. The lady looked fake though; propped with a small-flowered cloth she kept wiping her invisible tears made it all seemed like an act in a low-budget soap opera. It was the kind of thing that lowers the level of news in the country, there were so many more important things for everyone to know.
People say Jake only sees the thing from his own perspective and perhaps they were right.
He was getting coffee from the pantry when the news over the television caught his attention. It showed how much life was a sucker. The old fucktard got the attention of the media because of money and power but the kid who got run by a drunk spoiled brat that morning was brushed aside, forgotten. Taking his eyes off the screen, dismissing the thought of coffee, he shook his head and traced his way back to his office. It was been a difficult morning, the constant traffic in freaking EDSA added to the boy dying in his arm made it more stressful than usual. Not that he wasn't used to the idea of death; the kid was just too young. He himself got a lot to explore in the world and he has been living in it for twenty-six long years. Imagine what been stolen from that poor child, he didn't even get to see his parents in his last breath and that is if he even got one. Most street children don't, the cruelty of life.
Jake sighed. Cutting his thoughts amid, the phone rang. It was a drag to reach for the annoying piece of technology. He waited for another ring, then another and another until it completely stopped. He breathed out an air of relief; it was too early for something important, too soon for his head to process. Two years since he joined the bureau but he was still adjusting to its ways. He wasn't used to the noise, he hated working with others and human contacts unnerved him. Though, he didn't have the luxury to appear soft and weak-hearted. Jake was always expected to be the best in his unit, the one who could solve it all. He was glad about it but he was getting tired of the monotony of the past months, he wanted something big. Like those in movies he used to admire as a little boy, the ones who made him enter the academy in the first place and later on, the bureau.
"Dude, Jake! Answer your phone! It's the director," shouted one of his colleagues over his office door.
He smiled cheaply, "Oh, yeah! I'm getting to it! My mind was just preoccupied." He waited for the door to click shut before he reached for his phone. The familiar tune of the vibrating device was seriously making his head hurt. If not for the matter of urgency and for the fact that the director was the one calling, he would have turned it off for the day but he got a responsibility and so he answered. "Director," he greeted the other line.
"Jake, Jake! I've been calling you for the past hour!" The angry voice of the director shuddered him and his grip tightened over the phone.
"I-um, I just got something on my mind," he reasoned out.
"Then put whatever that is away! I need you to work on something, something important."
"Okay, I am listening. " The mysterious tone of the director got Jake interested. The fingers on his free hand started tapping over the table, he was getting really excited.
He was the kind of man who got a deep infatuation with solving puzzles, the harder the better.
"You need to listen very carefully Jake, everything we are going to talk about here is strictly confidential, got it?"
Jake nodded even though the director wouldn't see him, he felt eyes watching him "Don't I always?" Being discrete was one of the assets that made the old man trusted him with so many secrets; those that through time became dragging and almost overbearing. Politics was overrated in the country like everywhere else, Jake knew and accepted that once he entered, there was no more chance of backing out and he would be forever tainted.
"Good. I'm setting you a line with Congressman Santiago."
"Okay."
The director's voice faded, a static sound came with it but not for too long. "Hello," greeted a raspy voice on the other line.
"Hello."
"Jake Salazar?"
"Yes, congressman Santiago?" The conversation was getting boring, Jake wanted to start knowing the mystery. He was getting itchy, hands starting to shake and hives were appearing on his arms. He was like an addict and mysteries were his kind of drug. He needed it, he needed it then and there.
"Have you seen the news? You got a TV nearby?"
Jake's brows furrowed with the question, "Why? What's on the news?"
"The news about Anthony Ricaforte, have you seen it? It was all over every station."
"Yes, yes," he answered in understanding yet it still bugged him. The man died of a heart attack, that was what has been reported. His mind raced for possible explanations but only stuck to one... "The businessman who died of a heart attack?"
"He didn't die of heart attack."
The congressman's words thundered inside Jake's head. This is it, he whispered in his head. He was getting what he wanted, finally. "What then?" His voice came off rushing, he was rushing, he wanted the clock to strike six and let the congressman be done with it.
"He was murdered."
The train came so fast, it struck him hard that he almost toppled over. It was of course murder, what else would it be? "How sure are you?" Jake asked just for the pun of it.
"Very, he wasn't the first victim Mr. Salazar, he was actually the third." Fear shot through the man's voice over the phone, he knew more than he was letting out and Jake wanted to find out what it was; mere curiosity more than the need of.
A smile curved on Jake's face. "Okay, tell me everything I need to know about the murder." He was set on his game and no one could have stopped him.
......
Indigo. The color of the still darken horizon; a fine mixture of blue and violet. It was too early but Jake couldn't sleep, his mind wouldn't shut up and he got to do something about it or he would go batshit crazy. After a dozen crosswords and an unhealthy amount of coffee, he decided to seek answers. His right foot stepped on the gas and he drove off to his destination.
The thin standard font of the time, 6:00 AM, was blinking over the blue light of Jake's wristwatch when he cut off his engine and parked the black overused car on the still darkened parking lot of Shangri-La.
Jake walked quietly through the few people in the lobby and passed them without a word or so much as a glance. Though he was still in the same pair of pants and shirt, he carried his body with an air of confidence that would make anyone believe he belonged there with the posh elites. No one paid attention as he maneuvered his way.
He jumped the second the elevator opened up and walked straight to room 113. There were no yellow tapes around the door; an indication that everything was kept quiet as what the director and the governor said. He eagerly swiped the key card he had stolen from the bell boy he encountered on the elevator.
Stepping his feet inside the room, Jake felt alive. Weird it may seem but adrenaline pumped up into his streams the moment his eyes laid on the small red blot on the carpeted floor. Wearing gloves on each hand, he knelt down examining the dried blood. He smelled nothing suspicious about it other than the pungent smell of alcohol mixed with a day-old semen. He then stood up, surveying the entirety of the luscious suite. Everything shouts money from the hanging paintings on the wall to the bottled wines left on the table. The place was preserved just like what he instructed but he could not trust those stupid lawyers, they would do as much as hide precious evidence.
"There has to be something," he whispered quietly to himself.
Just something, anything.
He walked into the center of the room and pictured the position of the businessman's dead body just like in the pictures sent by the congressman. Slumped on the sofa, a bit inclined on the right side, wearing only his boxers, and the rest of his clothing were scattered all over the place. His hands were positioned on the sides, he was left untouched by the unsub. Or it may seem but...something caught Jake's eyes. He reached for the single cigarette butt on the foot of the glass table just beside the empty bottles of wine. It was different from the many on the ashtray.
Raising the piece of evidence in the air, he found something no one had noticed before. A red stain. He inched it closer to his nose and he sniffed. The familiar scent of nicotine hit his nostrils but there was something else in there. Cherry, like the one his last girlfriend loved to wear. The cigarette butt got traces of red lipstick on it.
Fishing out a plastic zip-lock on his back pocket, he put away the evidence. Finally, his mind was getting contented enough so he could sleep. He dimmed the lights on the room and propped himself on the couch.
Tomorrow, I'll definitely get you bitch, he whispered to his brain and he closed his eyes. Sleeping.
Author's Note: This is only an excerpt from my book Lipstick Stain. I hope you liked it. Lols... I'm yet to post a fantasy one shot here. Hahaha. I'm really tired yesterday and I haven't known that I slept while writing. In the end I didn't finish what I'm writing and the idea get washed away with sleep. Lols. Anyway, have a nice day ahead.
Laura
The small boy of not more than four shivers in cold. He hides inside the old closet in the storage room, on the very bottom shelf behind a box of worn-out toys that he's not allowed to touch. His right-hand covers his mouth while the other clutches a tiny piece of paper to his chest.
He must not make any sounds or else the old man will catch him. It arrived a few minutes ago and he instinctively runs to his hiding spot.
His heart beats so fast as if a drummer is making angry music inside. He closes his eyes and prays that the old man is too drunk that it'll just pass out cold on the floor. He wants everything to stop; the bruises on his body from the last beating haven't healed yet. He doesn't want pain anymore. But his wishes rarely ever come true.
A loud banging sound echoes through the four corners of their small apartment followed by the thundering voice of the old man, "Where are you rat? Where are you hiding? Answer me, right this moment!"
The boy starts to panic, sweat dribbles from his forehead to his bended knees. He breathes out deeply, through the darkness he checks the paper in his hand and straightens it. He swallows the build-up of saliva in his throat, he knows he'll be alright as long as he got her.
However, the fear surrounding him is too much. He swears the old man can hear the drumming in his chest and to make it worse the growling of his stomach. He almost forgets about his hunger, he doesn't even remember the last time he ate. But, it isn't the right time to think about food, there are more aggravating things at hand.
*Please. Please, don't let him see me,* he whispers repeatedly inside his head but fate never sided on him.
The door of the storage room opens. "Come out now or I will break every bone in your body!" threatens the old man.
The boy stiffens in his spot and stops breathing. In his young mind, he thought it could help him. Nonetheless, the door of the closest opens and the soft artificial light blinds him for a few seconds that he become disoriented.
He doesn't notice the hand that grabs his foot and drags him out of his hiding place.
"Ah! Let me go please, I'm sorry!" he pleads when everything goes back to him.
The old man snickers, "How many times did I tell not to touch my things?" He snatches the paper in the boy's hand but the kid gives a fight. "Dammit, when did you learn to fight? Huh?" He throws the boy to the floor with a loud thud.
Pain immediately registers in the boy's body, he wants to cry but refuses to let the old man see his weakness. Instead, he manages to stand and hides away the thing in his hand behind his back. "This is mine! Don't take it! She's my friend! She is mine!"
The old man's face reddens with anger. "Give that to me! She doesn't belong to you!" He tries to grab the kid's hand once again.
"No!" A hand connects to the boy's face and he drops to the floor. The paper in his hand flies through the air and drops just below the old man's feet.
The smiling face of a woman greets the old man and all the anger in his body doubles. "You thief!"
The boy sniffs back his tears and cradles his hurting cheek. "I am no thief! She's mine. She's my friend. She gave it to me!"
"Why are you talking such nonsense. That thing is hidden in my closet and you stole it! You little rat!" the old man raises his hand to hit again.
"But Laura says she's my friend! And that this is her gift!" the boy shouts making the old man's had frozen in the air.
"How did you know her name?" The guy drops to his knees, the effect of alcohol leaves his system. The kid hasn't learned how to read. It's impossible that he knows her name without anyone telling him but there's no one in the house! But how is it possible? "Tell me how did you know her name!" He grabs the boy's shoulders, slightly shaking him.
"She told me!"
"Don't you dare lie to me! That's impossible! She's... she's--" The old man couldn't finish the words, he doesn't want the pain that comes with that word.
"But I am not telling lies. She told me in my dreams. She says she's Laura and that no matter what happens. I shouldn't get angry with you. She told me to have patience because you're sad. You're sad that you couldn't be with her anymore." There's a tremble in the kid's voice, he's scared. "She visits me every night in my dreams...telling me stories about you two, how you met in the beach on a summer vacation of her senior year. She also told me how you were happy when you heard the news of my coming. And then how you got devasted when you lose her..."
Tears flow down the old man's face. And for the first time, he looks at his son's face with love and affection. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I've been a horrible father to you. Oh god, what am I been doing?"
The boy hugs the old man, his thin scrawny arms wrap around the man's shoulders. "It's okay, Laura said you just have a stubborn head. She said you'll love me too that I should just wait. And I always love you."
The guy pulls out from the embrace and holds the boy. "I promise to do good this time."
The boy nods. His father pulls him again in a tight embrace. The boy is elated and he couldn't be more than happy. He looks from behind his father's back and smiles. "Thank you," he mouths through the air, looking ahead as if talking to someone.
Author's Notes: Laura or Lora comes from an African word that means dream. This is my try to join a writing prompt. And this is prompt #16 Dream of @JonicaBradley
Doppelganger
"Hah," the girl breathed out, prying her eyes open to the artificial lights of the clinic. A place she was so familiar with, she couldn't think of a week she hadn't wake up lying on the white springy mattress.
"How are you feeling?" asked the nurse, giving her a warm motherly smile, like the one she used to see at the telly. She hated her though, the nurse, she asks too many questions.
Her mouth tasted like chlorine and her chest hurt like someone pounced something hard to it. She winced when she tried breathing deep. The nurse saw her reaction and asked her most dreaded question. "Where's your dad, dear?" She couldn't let them know about her dad, she didn't want to go under the system. It would be harder in there.
"Work," she simply said, averting her eyes down to her feet. "He wouldn't come...he needs to finish something, his boss would get mad..don't call him please." Of course, she was lying, her dad wouldn't go looking for a job unless his booze money is all spent. That could go for days and even weeks. She fidgeted her toes, waiting for the reaction of the nurse.
"Okay then, I'll drive you home." The nurse offered her. She shook her head nervously, not wanting to take the generosity. She didn't want her to see her house. She was ashamed, yes. "If you don't want, then I have to call your dad, dear. You can't go home like that. Do you know that you almost drowned there?" Yes, she does, the memory, engraved well in her head. It was frightening yet satisfying. "Why hadn't you tell anyone that you don't know how to swim?" She refused to talk though she could tell her the truth, of the hand pushing her. But it wouldn't erase all the hurt and the pain. The silence was more like it.
"Okay, I'll go with you." The girl didn't wait for the nurse, she grabbed her bag and went out.
The drive was dead silent. The nurse would ask a thing or two and she would answer a single word, cutting off the conversation midway. Until the nurse got tired and give in to the timid nature of the girl.
An hour has passed and finally, they arrived at the girl's house. Neglect was evident, from the dead plants, the bottle-covered lawn to the unfixed shutters and windows. The nurse had heard several rumors, but she didn't quite believe any of them. A ghastly wind blew as she opened the door of her car, alone piece of paper flew in her face to the direction of the house. A flatter in one of the top windows caught her eye.
A girl with the very same image as the one who just got out of her car was staring at them. Long brown hair, pale skin but the eyes, something was different with the eyes. Though she could be mistaken through the darkening surrounding. She snapped her head to the girl with her and back to the window, as if on cue it vanished. "Do you have a twin? Or a sister?" She asked.
The girl got confused with the question of the nurse. There was only her and her father. "Nope. It was just me and my da ...thank you for taking me home." With a cheapish smile, the girl started to walk down to her house.
*It must have been my imagination,* the nurse thought climbing inside her car. With one more glance, she looked at the window and saw a retreating hand making the curtains sway.
Author's Note: thank you so much for appreciating my works. Love you all guys
Thank you @Zcahrina22 for sponsoring me. It means so much po. Nakakakilig! 💓💓💓
Promiscuous
When it's night and all things are possible.
I'm surprised to see your face in the crowd. You were wearing a blonde wig and contact lenses but I know for sure it's you. It has been long since I last saw you but I couldn't be wrong. I take a deep breath before I muster the courage to approach you.
I still remember the night I first met you. There were uproars on the dance floor and a huddle of people were cheering for someone new. It doesn't normally happen here or so not when I'm around. Then there you are, a petite girl dancing in the middle of the crowd, commanding attention.
You looked so small and fragile yet when your gaze locked on mine; I was easily swept away. There was something about your eccentric beauty that makes my heart flutter; those eyes that bore immeasurable sadness and your smile that contradicted it all.
My sight was glued at you and to your body, swaying in the upbeat song playing in the background. You were like a butterfly dancing around a fire. Your movements induced heat to every pore of my body and I unknowingly loosened my tie.
The men lined up, waiting for their chance to dance with you but you accepted no hand. Instead, you walked your way towards me, as if fulfilling my carnal desires.
I swallowed hard, tension began its onslaught. The men frowned at her choice, sending me pangs of jealousy.
"Hi, I'm Venice. Would you buy me a drink?" You took the seat next to me and motioned for the bartender without waiting for my answer.
"I'm Cole, you're new here?" I asked just to start our conversation.
You smiled at me and gulped the glass the bartender handed you in one go. "Yeah. We just moved to town. Are you a regular here?"
"Nah, just on my day-offs. How about you, you like going to clubs and you're with anyone? Beautiful girls like you shouldn't be going to clubs alone." I signaled for the bartender to get us another set of drinks.
"Well, I like to be alone. Besides, that's why you're the one I chose. You look harmless."
I laughed condescendingly. "Appearance can be deceiving."
"Wells that's true."
You looked innocent up close. I wanted to cover you up away from the prying eyes, protect you from the cruel world, and yet I wanted to break you. Make your knees bend to my words. I simply wanted to hurt you for my own pleasure.
Oh, how I prayed for Him to forgive all my sins.
The conversation went on, I'm on the edge of my seat trying to play it cool. I didn't want to scare you, maybe not on the first night.
However you're the first girl, I couldn't read. It was like you were wearing an impenetrable mask that wouldn't give me a clue of your mind.
"Are we going to drink all night?" you asked out of the sudden, standing from your seat. You bend your back and whispered to me, "Aren't you going to invite me to your place now?" Your hot breath sent chill throughout my body.
My pants tightened at your question. I didn't need any more persuasion. "Well, shall we?"
Though I haven't seen you again after that night or maybe not the girl I once met.
I have come to the same bar for weeks but there was no you. I was dumb not to get your contact in the first place.
Then one night, I saw you again. I come up to you but you were different, your eyes bore no recognition of me. I let you go and didn't press the matter.
I was confused but I couldn't do anything about it. I tried to forget you. Not until this night, when your face glowed within my sight.
I guess I needed something to settle my brain.
"Venice," I say, grabbing your arm. "Would you give me a second?"
You give out an exasperated sigh. "What do you want from me?" There's a coldness in your voice, unlike the first time we talk.
"Do you know me?" I let go of your arm.
Your brows furrowed thinking hard. "Are you one of the men I hooked up with?" you say it without any filter.
I bit on my lower lip with disappointment. I'm not new in that kind of business but I want you all to me. "Yes," I answer truthfully.
"Uh-huh," you laugh slapping your chest. "That's why. Sorry, I don't remember all your faces. I don't even remember that I used that name. You see tonight I'm Florence." My face stays blank, unavailable to comment on what I just heard. "You see, I go here to forget about my reality. In here I can be anyone. I can be no one." You smile and take my hand. "This is just a game for me, sorry if you have been an unwilling participant. Now I must go." You take your back and I stay frozen on my spot.
I sigh. It's my fault. I got captivated with your eyes, in the possibilities they held, the lands that I dreamt they would lead me to. I forgot to forget, but I could still remember the way you looked at me that night. And now, I wonder who you are and who you will be tomorrow.
Author's Note: I'll prolly leave notes once a while.I used to go to clubs and give out different names. I used to tell my friends about a background story of who I will be that night... They always play along and I can be whoever I want to be.
Thank you @Marinov for being my very first sponsor! I'm so darn happy po!
Mori
We fear for death to take us with its claws though it's something we all have in common. It is a thing we cannot escape from; whatever measure we do, it'll be a shadow at our back, haunting us. It has become humanities' worst nightmare, that we spend the entirety of our life preparing to escape it until we realize that there's nothing we can do. We wanted and hoped that we could go to the promised land without the need of going through it. We all thought that it's our end but who's to say that it's not our beginning? That death is just a door to another world.
......
I took a deep breath and the smell of moist dirt hit my nose. I coughed hard as a dribble of blood dropped at the corner of my mouth. My lungs were giving up on me. It's a drag to take in a single gulp of air let alone breathe. My breathing hitched until it became labor. A lone ant traveled to my arm, it went to my ear and bit me. I didn't give a dam with the pain until the lone ant became an army of hundred soldiers. I laid there unmoving, unable to swat the little insects feasting on my flesh. I dragged the last breath out, it was too much body pain that I wanted badly it to stop. I closed my eyes as a small bark ended my life.
"No! No! NO!" I cried, dragging the words as I wailed into the dark still night. My body was covered with sweat and the teddy bear shirt I was wearing clung to me like a second layer of skin. My breathing hitched, I could still feel it, the pain in my lungs like I was still trapped inside the awful dream. I covered my eyes with both of my hands afraid it would happen again.
A loud banging sound entered my room. My mom clicked the switch open and she gave me a worried look. She sat beside me, two long arms wrapped around my trembling body and I cried harder.
"Baby, what's wrong? It was just a dream." She crooned in my ears trying to calm me.
I didn't believe her, it wasn't just a dream. It was never just a dream.
"No," I said as I took my hands down, looking my mom straight in the eyes. "Mrs. Gonzales' dog is gonna die. It's sick, mommy."
"What!? Mara, we've talked about this for over a month now. It's just a dream, the dog is not going to die! Are we clear? You're thinking too much of it." She held my shoulders slightly shaking me, her eyes clouded with fear.
"But..."
"No buts. Go back to sleep. It's a dream and it's not true. Will you please give me a break, Mara?" Mom with pleaded me.
I nod my head and I lied back down, taking the blanket up to my chin. My mom tucked me in and pressed a kiss on my forehead.
"Mommy loves you, you know that right?"
"Yeah."
She when out and clicked the lights off, leaving me again, alone with my nightmares. I was afraid to close my eyes and let it take over. I hated feeling it, I hated being the dog. I laid still, looking at the twinkling blue stars in the ceiling, wishing for them to save me. I didn't want to sleep but the need was too much and my eyes closed on their own. Darkness took over until the dream caught me and it played on a repeat. Making me suffer from the dog over and over again.
I pried my eyes open as the little rays of sunlight from the slightly open window hit my tear-stained face. My lungs burned from the residual effects of the dream, making it a little bit hard to breathe. I shook my head and jumped off the bed.
I headed downstairs to the sound of murmuring voices. I followed it and I saw mom talking to someone on the half-opened door. The old lady living next to ours was crying her eyes out.
"I'm sorry for your lost, Martha." My mom told her in a grieving tone.
"It's just...it's out of a sudden. I thought Steve was just having a phase but I guess...it was the signs." The old lady started crying harder.
My eyes widened in shock and I stayed glued in my position just steps away from my mom's back. I wanted to reach out for Mrs. Gonzales' hands and tell her that it was because she kept feeding him avocados.
"I got to go now Agnes but thank you a lot for consoling me. It's hard enough that my dear Mathew left me a year ago and now my dog." My mom patted her on the shoulder and the old lady gave my mom a sad smile.
The two bid goodbye and mom closed the door. When she turned her back, she caught me in my eavesdropping. She went to me and kneeled, taking both of her hands on my face, forcing me to look her in the eyes.
"Mara, listen to me. It's just a coincidence, okay? Don't tell this to anyone. No one, understand me?"
"Mom..." My mom cut me off with a hand.
"No. No more of this subject. This ends now. Got it? Do you understand me, Mara?" She said a bit harshly, scaring me.
"Yes, mommy," I said quietly.
I kept quiet but it never stopped.
Ataraxia
There's something about the serenity of night that calms the unsettling thoughts running amok in my head. Somehow, it's like a finger pressing the pause button and everything just stops, at least for a while till the sun comes up.
Sleep rarely comes, I simply cannot put myself to do it. It isn't hard, there's just a lot of things to do, to experience, and to explore. Insomnia, my mom calls it, avoiding the fact that I could be mentally ill.
The need to savor the night is too much. I enjoy laying on my back in the dewy grass staring at the dark sky, tracing my name through the stars, imagining how it feels to be up there. Looking down the world; being mighty and high.
"Not sleepy?" he asks, pulling me to his side. Our eyes met and I smile, loving the feeling they are giving me. The warmth of love and understanding.
I raise my shoulders, my hand goes over to his face then a finger taps the tip of his nose. "You? Aren't you sleepy?"A shrug is his only response. "My dad thinks I'm depressed."
"Are you?"
"No...I don't know," I answer honestly.
"What does your mom says?"
"That I'm just having a phase. Teenagers."
"It'll fade away." He turns his back away from me then points a finger upward, "Do you know my favorite constellation?"
"Um...no?" I answer, laughing innocently not spoiling the story that would come next. I love hearing his voice, the melodic singsong almost feminine sound.
"Leo," he answers, facing me once more. His face inches closer to mine; long curly brown hair frames me as minty breath hits my nostrils.
"Ah-huh."
"Leo the lover. The constellation tells the story of Pyramus and Thisbe. Despite their families' objections, the two lovers decided to elope but when Thisbe arrived at the designated place, her beloved Pyramus was not there. Instead, Thisbe discovered a bloodied lion and ran from it, but not before the mighty lion pawed at her veil and captured it. Meanwhile, Pyramus finally arrived and was overcome with grief when he found the torn bloody veil. Assuming Thisbe was dead and the lion had escaped with her body, he killed himself with his sword. Needing to be certain her lover was dead, Thisbe returned and when she found Pyramus dead, she flung herself onto his sword and died. Zeus took Thisbe's veil and floated it into the sky-- the Coma Berenices-- where it remains beside the lion," he finishes, planting a light kiss on my lips. "I want to be like Pyramus, to love till death."
"But it is sad, just like the story of Romeo and Juliet. I think it's foolish to love like that..." I drag my words as he starts lightly shaking his head, negating me.
"It is never foolish to love, love is the purpose of life." He sits up, looking away, to the darkened street.
"That makes it ephemeral, right?" I pull up my weight and sit up to his side. Casting my eyes straight forward, finding what's making him oblivious of my neighborhood.
"But everyone knows them, Romeo and Juliet are icons of love, they'll live forever till the dawn of time. Longer than the both of us."
"It doesn't make sense to me...can't people just move on? We ought to move on after hurting, we don't just stop. It's part of being human." I slump back in the grass, putting my hands over my head.
Sighing, he moves on top of me, hands on each of my sides. "I would die if I lose you."
"I won't leave you." I put my hands on his neck, pulling him down on me, our nose touches, "Never. You, would you leave me?"
Instead of answering, he crashes his weight on me, pinning me down. Our lips lock into a kiss. The familiar tingling sensation stabs my toes and I curl them as our tongues explore each others' mouths. Butterflies all over my stomach, my hands start ruffling his hair. A low moan escapes from him. The kiss deepens until I push him up before everything escalates into something else. "I love you," he whispers closely in my ears.
"But..you didn't answer me." I put both hands on his cheeks, forcing him to look me in the eyes-- the blues of his to the greens of mine. "Answer me," I plead.
"Darling...darling, baby? Are you there?" My mom walks into our backyard, looking for me. I keep a deaf ear to her shouting.
I focus on him, "Please?" His smile transforms into a lonely frown.
"Darling!" My mom's voice gets nearer as the click-clacking of her high-heeled shoes, it's eerie hours and she's still wearing her darn shoes. "There you are!" she exclaims finally seeing me.
"You ruined it," I mumble in my mom's direction.
"What are doing here, honey?" I sit up, looking at her. "Thinking of him again?" No words come out. I don't want to talk. "Hon, you know you can talk to me, right?"
I nod my yes, "I know." She sits beside me, enveloping me in a tight hug. "I miss him."
"Of course you do, of course," she says consoling me. Fat angry tears flow down my face and all the bottled-up emotions are unleashed. "Cry out, cry it all out."
"Would he hate me?" I stammer between the crying.
"No, it's your right honey."
"But we promised! I promised."
The scenery before me transforms; the grass becomes a plate of red bricks, behind me is an abandoned building and above the sky, pitch darkness without any twinkling stars. The air turns chilling; as it is nearing the solstice. It is dead silence with the casual chirping of one or two crickets.
"Are you being nervous?" I blink at his question. I'm not yet done thinking actually. Nodding, I answer him, afraid of the voice that will come out. "I love you," he says, our forehead touching. He helps me tighten the grip over the metal.
"I know, I love you too..." Tasting the salty tears flowing down my face, I swallow the build-up of saliva.
*Bye,* he mouths on me. Our fingers both press it and a loud *bang* echoes through my hearing. Red splatters everywhere in my face, shock has eaten me with a dreadful claw.
I freeze.stop.nothing.
"Honey, look at me." My mom grabs both my shoulders, forcing me to focus on her, waking me up from the melancholic epiphanies. "It's not your fault that you chose to live. It only means that you are strong, stronger than him."
"But I love him. He'd hate me. I broke our promise."
"No, he won't."
"How'd you know? He's gone, mama."
"Because he loves you." I free away, standing up. Finding Leo in the sky.
"Why did he do it?" I ask still looking up. "Why didn't I saw it all?"
"Because we tend to look only parts of the whole picture. We mainly focus on happy smiles. Honey even the happiest person hides dark secrets."
"Don't go shrinking on me, I'm not one of your patients."
She sighs, "Aren't you sleeping yet?"
"I still want to look at the stars."
"Okay, get in when you are done. I'll make you some sandwich."
"Thanks, mom." She squeezes my hand before walking out.
Though an apparition he reappears in my vanguard from out of thin air. "I uh...you know...t-that...I need to move on."
"I know..."
"But it's easier to pretend."
"I know, but you have to let me go. You have to, love," he says, caressing my face, wiping off my tears.
"I can't...it's easier to pretend that you're still here, beside me...than thinking that you are gone. Dead." The tears become a flood, blinding my sight.
"Move on, be happy."
I shake my head, burrowing it behind my hands as my legs become wobbly and slump to the ground.
Maybe I should have pulled the trigger after he did. Then, maybe the night wouldn't turn so wretched especially when it strikes twelve when everything should feel calm. And maybe I will finally be able to sleep.
Author's Notes: This story is somewhat similar to Ephemeral. But I love story so much I want to post it here.
Ephemeral was a story entered in a contest. And the essence of the story basically comes from Ataraxia. It won second place. Hehe.
And to give you a jist about how I write, I write basically tragic stories with cliffhangers. I mostly write dark romance, thrillers on my novels. But with one shots that I post here, I'm more on romance and fantasy. Yeah, I'll be posting fantasy one shots too. And one more, I might be writing in my original tongue too one of these days. Though I'm having a hard time writing in Filipino. Haha.
So yeah, that's for now. Thank you for those who found their way to my stories..
Fight or Flight
Have you ever experienced that phase of life where everything you do seemed so wrong? That every decision you make is out of utter stupidity. From the hanging clothes in your closet to the person who you fell in love. It makes you want to stop and rethink all the choices you made, for putting you in a miserable position. A wreaking havoc of your own undoing.
I sat in front of the chocolate cake I baked hours ago as it goes dry and cold. My hand climbed up to my face then down embracing myself, feeling frustrated, waiting for nothing. The sweetness I've tasted after making the cake was somehow replaced with bitterness. I peered for the nth time in my phone trying to decipher the message behind *his* text though it seemed plain and ordinary. The process made my head hurt a thousandfold. No amount of rereading would change the fact in it.
*I can't come, sorry. Next time babe, she needs me now. I promise I'll make it up to you. Love you, babe.*
The phone came flying; slipping out of my hand, throwing it without my knowledge. The song of an incoming call was silenced as it made contact with the white concrete wall in front of me. A loud wailing cry filled my apartment, *our* apartment. I slumped both hands on the table. Tears ruining my mascara, making angry lines of black on my face. I didn't know for how long I stayed there, looking at my wrecked phone, unblinking. My mind going round and round with questions I rather not hear the answers, for I already knew it, right from the very beginning, even before our story started.
He will be forever hers and I'll be forever his sideline. I accepted it. I hold on to the words he uttered in my lips, the night he kissed me, stealing away my sanity. Leftovers were fine to me, I was contented. In my own bubble of a fairytale, I was happy, *literally.* I have him and that's all that matters, he had been my life. The sun where my world revolved. The air that I couldn't live without. The bearer of half of my soul.
Though all said, he was also a poison to me. I changed myself, every single bit just to satisfy his need to a point that I was almost wearing his skin. I became his shadow but unlike the dark silhouette that follows people around, he kept me hidden in his closet like a dark secret. He was a drug I had gone addicted to and like every addict no matter how much convincing I get from people, I kept a deaf ear. It was no use, I knew that there was something wrong but I chose to lie with myself. I have him beside me but the distance between us was hundreds of miles. Yes, I won part of him yet in the end I was still the loser.
With a heavy sigh, I finally made the effort of standing from my position. My neck went slightly stiff. The ticking of the clock rang a certain bell in my brain. I was wasting precious time that I couldn't bring back. I need to face a decision that would declare my future. It was a life-altering moment. Everything just stopped, it stayed still; a second stretched for an eternity.
Without a prior thought of what I would do next, I made way to the familiar tiled floor of the place until I came face to face to the door that held most of our cherished memories. My shaking hands gripped the metal knob, hesitation bloomed in my heart. Burning sensations traveled throughout my body. I couldn't do it, I just simply couldn't. I backed down a step or two. Then it hit me, of how the scene was like a broken record. I couldn't count how many times, I've been on the brink of leaving. Always the same, him breaking his promise, leaving me shattered. Alone.
*"You're like the smartest person I have ever known and yet also the dumbest! Why are you doing this to yourself to?" My best friend shouted, her hand connected to my face, leaving my ears with a tingling sound.*
*"Because I love him...I-" I was cut off, of her shaking me, wanting to pull me out from my fantasy world.*
*"Love? Love is supposed to make people happy not miserable! Look at yourself, you're...you're breaking! I don't even know who you are."*
The conversation I had with my best friend weeks ago targeted a wake-up button. I promised myself one last chance and that was it, my final string. I turned the knob and I went for the largest suitcase I could get my hand. I stuck it of clothes after clothes but I stopped halfway through, it all reeked of him. Instead of finishing what I started, I grabbed the pen and paper from the drawer next to me. In a tear-stained face and shaking hands, I started writing. Unleashing all the bottled emotions, the sadness that was rotting me from the inside.
*Dear Bunny,*
*Have you forgotten what day it was? I'm hoping this time you would keep the promise, ow hell I've bet my everything with the devil that you would. But I guess she is just more important than me. I know, I know she would always be. Stupid, silly me to expect. I love you, you know that, right? I'm loving you too much that I'm almost drowning. I freaking wish every time we're together for the night to last forever, for I know when I open my eyes, you won't be there to greet me about the morning. You're a dream I don't want to wake up from but I guess, every dream needs an end. Reality is kicking me hard, love. I want to be with you but I know when choosing comes it won't be me. I heard about the phone call from your secretary, the engagement? It's awesome for you not to tell me. Just fucking great! Do you even want to tell me? Oh god, I need to stop this, this BS. All I really wanted to say is goodbye and thank you. That's it goodbye and thank you.*
*M.*
I stood up and leave the paper on the bed where he would easily find it. I fished out tissue, wiping off all the smudge makeup on my face. I paced, I didn't have any plan. I got no one to talk to, I got no effing phone. I shook my head, grabbed the keys to my car, and headed down.
"Good morning," greeted the guard on the parking lot of the condo. I smiled cheaply at him then looked up the time in my wrist. I cringed, it was three o'clock in the morning. I pranced hurriedly to my car and that was how *shit* happened.
He was coming out of his car. It froze me in my spot, I momentarily battled myself for giving him yet another chance, the final, final chance. *NO!* The voice in my head shouted angrily. *STOP BEING AN AIRHEAD! IT'S TIME TO GROW A BRAIN!* It added more.
I continued my walk straight to him, not flinching, keeping a solid mask. His eyes grew wide the moment he saw me. I walked past him but he grabbed my arm, the pain it caused me and I gave in.
"Morris, what are you doing!? Where are you going? Stop this childish game!" I still ignored him and continued my act. " I'm sorry baby happy birthday," he said, pleading, forcing my body into an awkward hug. A necklace he fastened in my neck. My farce broke and the tears flowed down unwillingly.
"Stop it, Alex! I'm...I'm going." I pushed him hard breaking the embrace. I pulled down the necklace and threw it down his feet. "Not this time. Not anymore."
"What's this from? Angela needs me and you know that-"
I cut him off. "That she'll always come first? I know." My voice came off as a whisper, almost inaudible. I turned my back and climbed into the car.
"You'll come back. You always do, you can't resist me! You love me right? MORRIS! Fucking answer me!" He shouted angrily, slamming his hands on my window.
I rolled down the glass and looked him in the eyes. Trying to catch every reaction he would do. "Yes. I love you. I love you that it's killing me knowing that I will always come in second. You, do you love me? Tell me, Alex, tell me the truth."
"Of course! I love you, baby! I always do!" He grabbed my chin, tilted it to the side and he owned my lips. I let him kissed me, I kissed back. I wanted to memorize it; the dancing butterflies in my stomach, the thumping in my heart, and the sweet minty taste of him. How could we fit in each others' arms perfectly? We were like a jigsaw that completes each other. How I wished to stay and be with him for my entire existence.
"Alex," I said, pulling away. My right hand pushed his chest furthermore. "You love me? Then why are you marrying her?" He stopped, taken aback by the question. I startled him and he wasn't expecting it.
I got my answer with his silence. I rolled up my window and started the car. I pressed the gas and drove away. His reflection on my mirror grew tiny as he stayed unmoving in his position. Finally, I've been brave enough and I chose to fly and getaway.
Most of the time when given a choice there are only two options: either you flight or you fight. We all got fears, a demon we should tame inside us, bearing the worst in us. Facing our nightmares of not repeating the mistake of others and not letting history repeat itself. We fear because we know, we might lose. Then maybe, just maybe running away and soaring the sky-high isn't always a bad decision but the best; taking a huge leap of putting everything behind your back and starting anew. Though it doesn't mean that when you fly, you're going to be flying forever. Even birds get tired.
I rubbed my tummy and whispered something to myself. *"We made the right decision."*
Happenstance
You could always wish to go back through time and do it a different way. Either from not wearing that itchy red shirt to your first date, to not taking that awful road that made you late for your first interview. There are a lot of things, if given a chance, we would gladly want to change. Then again, maybe these things happened for a ton of good reasons, the very reason to where you are standing now, or to where you will be tomorrow. That may be our well-planned lives are just a series of *happenstance.*
My body swayed to the loud banging music of the club, grinding to the bodies of the two guys I have been dancing with. I was tired but I didn't have the slightest idea of stopping. My lips go over to the drink in my hand, I gulped the whole thing in one go and whispered for the guy in front of me for another one. He willingly went over the bar and I continued dancing, pressing my body carelessly to the guy on my back.
I needed all the alcohol and the flirting in my system, hoping it would wash me off the memory of the *shitty* break-up with that stupid asshole*.*
*"Damn if she didn't look like her, I might not be able to stand the sight of her, lest kissing her."*
*I heard my boyfriend Craig said as my hand hovered to the knob of his door. I stopped midway with this; afraid of the unthinkable or much more of the reality of my situation. Instead of opening the door, I pressed my body closer until my right ear was almost glued to the wood.*
*"Dude. Come on? Would you seriously think that I'm in love with that weirdo? Oh god no!" Craig stopped, laughing horrendously at something hilarious, making him sound like a snorting pig.*
*"Yeah...yeah...we will do it tonight but when I pin her down and thrust into her, it'll not be her but her goddess sister I would be seeing! Yeah, man!"*
*My whole body shivered with anger and I just couldn't stop myself; I opened the door. His face was a keepsake when our eyes met, his mouth hanging wide open. He snapped out of it, threw the glowing phone in his bed, and hurriedly started going to where I was rooted.*
*It was too late, he was too late. I threw him the brownies his mom and I baked. Hot angry tears running down my face; I slammed shut the door before he could get to me.*
*"Baby wait!" he shouted, pleading with me to go back.*
*"We are done!" I shouted back, I was too gone and I kept running until I get into my car and started driving; nowhere in particular.*
"Here you go, beautiful." I smiled at the guy as he handed me my fourth glass and I downed it, again in one go. I mouthed my thanks to him. He mirrored the plastered smile on my face and we continued grinding; exchanging body heat.
I was getting bored when I pushed them away- the two guys I have been dancing with for the past quarter-hour. I made way to the center of the throbbing bodies, parting them to make space for me. When I got what I wanted, I motioned with my hand, as if billowing all the boys to come and dance with me. In sync with the thundering music in my head, I stepped into the beat and swayed my hips. Eyes closed, my hands raised to the air and down palming the curve of my body. I inhaled deeply, taking the intoxicating smell of the place, making me high.
I heard whistling and voices of encouragement. I should have gone running a long time ago but the alcohol must be working perfectly fine, dowsing all of my leftover inhibitions. I felt no fear just pure ecstasy.
"Hi, babe you're helluva sexy vixen." I pried my eyes open to the voice whispered in my ears. "Ahh?" The guy asked, holding a white pill in his right palm, motioning me to open up my mouth. I smiled, willingly parted my mouth and he popped in the pill. My mouth slightly sucked his fingers on their way out. "Oh, goddammit! You're so hot," he breathed out in my ears, his hands measuring the humps in my back.
I should be happy, but I couldn't be. Not when what was happening were all lies. It wasn't me they were seeing but her. The carbon copy of mine.
*I cried and cried in my car, driving for almost over an hour to god knows where. Then something just clicked in; I was tired of being the shadow, the good daughter, and the incognita between the two of us. I drove my way home and jumped at the sound of the dying engine. I pranced to the stairs, opening the door of the room to the left side.*
*I knew very well that she wasn't there so without thinking, I opened her closet and took the hanged dress she wore to the prom. I admired the black strapless dress very much but it was too revealing for my taste, to my parent's taste. She got away with it though, she always did.*
*I went to the bathroom, taking a quick change. Once out, I appraised myself in the full-length mirror out in the hallway then I went back to her room for the last tiny bits of things: her golden stilettos and two of her recent photos.*
*"Get me this look." I handed the girl one of the photos. She looked at it for a few seconds and nodded her head for approval.*
*I stared unblinking at my reflection as huge chunks of my beautiful long hair were chopped off. Maybe if I would be like her, if I look like her; they'll like me too.*
"Want to get out of here baby?" asked the guy between our tangled lips. My head was running wild, spinning in circles. Nothing was making sense anymore. I felt like I was on a roller coaster ride, but much, much faster than the normal one. I felt my insides were fighting with each other for the first one to get out. "Come on!" The guy pulled me out to the side, away from the people.
"No. I think it's not a good idea." I pushed away from the guy, my words coming out as slurs. But he was strong, stronger than me that I couldn't get a fighting chance.
"Hey! I'm taking my sister!" a familiar voice shouted, overpowering the noise. A hand pulled me away in a tight grip.
"I'm taking her asshole!" shouted the girl. I was almost looking in a mirror; a laugh escaped my mouth as the girl started dragging me out of the club to the eerie night.
"Get away from me! Who the hell are you to tell me what I should do!" I shouted angrily. It was because of her that I became scarred, a ruined toyed thing.
"What are you talking about? Damn dimwit! Craig called telling me that you run out on him! It was just by a stroke of stupid luck that you left your GPS on! What's going on you, Carrie?"
She kept dragging me away, to her car she pushed me in. My face slumped down, face first.
"You are what's wrong with me! I hate you! *I HATE YOU!*" I kicked my legs at the back of her seat like a five-year-old brat. She kept deaf ears though, oblivious to her driving. Then out of sudden she stopped, went out without a word to the convenience store outside.
I peered out the window, to my sister's back. I changed my seat and went to the driver's side.
"What are you doing Carrie? Why are you copying me? Wearing my clothes? You love that hair." She asked me the moment she entered the passenger side with cold water and an Advil in her right hand. "Drink this."
I looked at her angrily but bid to her request. I took the pill and popped it into my mouth and doused it with water.
"I hate you, you know?"
"I know, Carrie. I know."
"He likes you. He only dated me because I look exactly like you! Because I'm your twin! I wish you would die!" I spurted angrily to her; tears flowed down my face ruining my perfect drawn makeup.
"You're only saying that because you are mad. Let's go home Carrie, please? Switch places with me?" She pleaded but I won't give in this time.
I turned the ignition and started driving.
"Stop the car, Carrie! Right this minute!" she shouted, trying to take the wheel from my shaking hands.
"NO!" I retaliated, glancing at her for three short seconds but... it was enough for another car to make us swerve in circles. With a big *ump* and a lot of thudding sounds, our car crashed and I lost consciousness, drowning in the sea of the dark abyss.
"Cassie? Cassie? Oh my god! Simon our baby is waking up, call the doctor!" The voice of my mom wakes me up from my deep slumber. I tried moving my arms but I was hindered by so much pain.
"Mom? It hurts..." I croaked.
"Don't worry baby the doctor is on its way, hold on okay?" mom said, caressing my hair with a soft touch.
I nodded and smile, "Where is Cassie, mom?"
"What are you talking about Cassie? You are Cassie baby...and your sister, she's...she's...*Oh god.*" My mom cried, not finishing her sentence. Dad went to her side and pulled her away, in time for the doctor to come.
"What are you feeling?" The doctor asked me, a little light she flashed in my eyes, checking.
"Fine mostly but there's pain. My mom, why is she calling me Cassie I'm not her, I'm Carrie..." I whimpered.
"It's okay, you got a concussion. It'll be clearer as you heal." The doctor injected something into my IV and then my lids felt heavy with sleep.
"Are you two sure that she's the right twin?"
"Yes...yes...she got the tattoo on her back."
The voice faded as sleep finally took me in with embracing arms.
*" I love you, Carrie you know that, right? I love you that I...I forgive you. It's okay Carrie, go on live your life. Live it and be happy."*
Klaus
Talk about batshit crazy things? I'm currently following a killer. I know, I should have gone to a shrink or admit myself in a psych ward the moment I heard the voices in my head or more likely when I woke up in that dark alley. I guess curiosity got the better of me. Or maybe, it's the need to do well.
One-shot it will take to kill him. Easy money.
There are better things to do, like knowing who I am. Klaus says in a paper stuffed in a wallet in my back pocket. But I can't be sure, the name holds no bearing or any emotional attachments; just plain letters that formed a word.
The smell of coffee wafts in the air, I look at the blonde waitress walking in my direction. "Thank you," I say as she sets my Americano down. The caffeine helps with the headache and I feel more alive.
The killer is sitting three tables to my right, enjoying a cup of coffee and a hefty serving of red velvet. His mind is quiet for the time being with the occasional rant about the sweetness of the cake he's eating.
His phone rings; for the past three hours I'm tailing him he had talked over the phone approximately five times. Each phone is a burner that he tosses after use, like the one he just thrown in the bin.
La Marea, Building B, third floor. He chanted repeatedly in his head like those rhyming songs little children sing in a game of skip rope. He crosses the street and I stand up, leaving my payment on the table.
I've known more about the killer than myself now. His name is Kyle Jenkins, forty-two and a father of three. He works in a printing company as the janitor but in his spare time he kills; a retired sniper in Iraq.
I mixed myself with the people on the street while Kyle walks. He stops beside a black car, looking sidewards he starts picking the lock. Not any moment longer, he climbs inside and the car starts.
I panic. He shouldn't go far from me, the connection dims when I'm far from him as the signal of a cellphone. I raise my hand in the air, a cab beckons to me.
"See that black car? Follow that," I say to the cabby, pointing at the said car.
"Are you a spook sir? I-I don't want trouble..."
I look at the man and shake my head, "No. I'm not police, just follow the damn car." In fear, the cabby starts driving. "Don't lose him, I'll pay you to double. Keep a five-car distance."
I sigh, catching sight of my reflection. I cringe; I don't even recognize myself: Tousled black hair, deep green eyes, and square jaw. Could it be possible that I'm not what I'm seeing?
I run inside the building where Kyle's stolen car stopped. I go straight to the lift before it closes in my face. "Sorry," I say getting in. My body squeezes between Kyle, no recognition in his eyes.
Stupid guy. I should shoot him. He's making me late for my appointment.
Sweat trickle down my back, my hands feel clammy and I stiffen. He got a damn gun on him. I smile at Kyle, hiding away my fear.
The number three glows and we reach the supposed destination. Kyle didn't move out, he stays rooted.
"Hey, what building is this? I think I'm lost..." I ask the lady on my right side.
"La Marea, Building A." Realization hits me; the target is in the other building.
An image pops into Kyle's head, a guy in his sixties; wrinkled face with a mop of grey hair. Fuck, it's Senator Krueger. I've seen a lot of him in the posters around the city.
I jump out of the lift the second it dings. I need to move faster before he assassinates the senator. I couldn't explain the urgency in me; I just need to do it.
"Name?" Asks the lady outside the hall of the senator's press con. I lick my lips in annoyance, unable to give her a name. I can read Kyle's mind, why the hell not her too? Shit!
Egor is running late again. We should replace him. Magically, a voice creeps into my head.
"Egor..."
"Egor Salvador? From Global?"
"Yes! Yes, my mom's Russian," I say smiling as the lady hands me my identification.
Guards sweep me before I can enter.
Inside, there's no stage or an incline; better access for me. The conference is yet to start but the senator is still nowhere in sight.
A minute passed, the emcee's voice booms, "Everyone! Let's welcome Senator Martin Krueger!" The stout figure of the senator comes into view. I manage to come closer.
A glinting of some sort can be seen in the glass window and I waste no time to grab down the senator. Three bangs echoed through the walls, one came from a tiny hole in the window.
The senator is safe. My head slumps down the floor, a pool of blood under my body. Memories bombarded my brain before I'm dragged into a dark abyss.
*I'm running, I don't know how long but I'm getting tired and my chest is bleeding. "This can't be my end." The organization I trusted so long, betrayed me, hunted me.*
*With the energy left inside me I closed my eyes; willing my soul to get out of the body I inhabit. Successful to be out in astral, I circle the city for the perfect vessel.*
*In a dark alley, a guy is being beaten to a pulp. He is just barely hanging on the rope when I enter him. Too weak, I know I'll lose my memory so I pull a paper from the wallet in the guy's pocket.*
*Klaus, I wrote. The organization I'm going to destroy.*
*I will make them pay.*
Change. It's Now or Never.
**WHY DO I NEED TO CHANGE?**
Seven months ago, I was on the brink of depression. I was struggling to keep my emotional stability at bay, there were problems at home and the work I used to cherish became unbearable. I felt unproductive and useless that there were times where I would find myself staring blankly into nothingness, asking myself: Is this what you want to do for the rest of your life? I was wreaking havoc and at any given moment I would have exploded like a ticking bomb. At that moment something clicked inside me. It made me realized that if I wanted to salvage my remaining sanity, I needed to make hurried decisions. It was then or never, if it wasn’t the right time then, when will it be? So, without much thinking and any plan in particular, I passed my resignation on the 12th of October 2020. There were uproars in the office and no one has guessed that I would be so reckless. The management tried to stop my leaving multiple times through the course of my one month rendering, offering the usual increase but the stubborn part of me hold the end of the bargain. I was decided, nothing could have stopped me back then.
**DID I MAKE THE WRONG DECISION?**
Within a month, I was jobless. Amid the pandemic, I had nowhere to go. The previous month leading to that point played a slow-motion inside my head. It suddenly dawned on me, how stupid it was. I had a stable job when others don’t and the meager savings I have in the bank wouldn’t last long. I never felt conflicted in my entire life. I was naïve to think that it would be easy. The fire inside me dawdled and I was left in a puddle.
Would it be better if I stayed in the job that literally shows no future? I couldn’t have known; I already made my choice and the only option I had was to move forward and let things fall into pieces. Regret and disappointments followed but I guess everything has its ups and downs.
**WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT IT?**
I cannot wallow on the downside of my choice, I need to be brave enough and make a move. No one will wait for me; I need to do it by myself. But the true question is, how? There will be no one to guide you and you'll be the puppeteer of your own body.
Two months have passed since my unemployment when I met with a couple of my friends, both engineers like me; one happened to be unemployed too. Our talk diverted from merriments to the inner workings of a company. We discussed the unfairness in our previous works, how easy it would be if and only we are the bosses of ourselves. Then suddenly the possibility of putting our own business came out of nowhere. Right there and then, the three of us voted yes for it is a great idea. We strategized on the spot how we would run the business and everything that we would need that literally the next day we were getting business permit and other documents to make it legitimate the fastest way possible. And within a week we were on our feet scouting for possible clients. But the hard part was just about to start; we realized that putting our ideas into reality was labor.
**WAS IT ALL WORTH IT?**
The clients we scouted were not easily convinced, no one can blame them. We were strangers in the field we chose and we had no bargaining chips for them. The only thing we had is our bare talents. It was hard and getting even harder every passing day but we didn’t stop, we kept our brave face, finding that single needle in a room full of haystack.
And look at us today, three months into our journey we are still striving to reach our goal. We now have our clients and we are making money. It isn’t big yet but it is enough for us. Besides, nothing starts from big, right? At least we are now the proud owner of our own company.
**WHEN IS THE PERFECT TIME FOR A CHANGE?**
Honestly, no one can answer that for you. You are the only person who can give a definite time for that, if you are brave enough, then go for it. And if you aren’t happy with where you are now, then maybe it’s time for a change. Besides, change is inevitable it’s constant in our everyday lives. If you don’t welcome change, then you also don’t welcome growth. The only time you grow is the moment you accept changes in your lives. Why would you settle for less when you know you could have more? Don’t be afraid, it’s normal to make wrong decisions just make sure you do something to make it right.
Always remember, it is now or never. You wouldn’t know unless you try. I promise you, it will be all worth it. You don't want to look back on your shoulder and regret that you weren't brave enough to try.
Is it the time for you to make a change?
@baoxian23