@ZoyaAnsari 16 November 2022 more from that month

I want to collapse today, out of helplessness. It's been so long since I'm pretending to be happy. Now I have no energy to pretend that I'm strong, when I have nothing inside, no place to hide within myself. I'm just a structure that belongs to the ground. I want to collapse before dying so that I can rebuild my home out of happiness, if I ever going to feel in my life. And if not, then I'll become this again, a baseless human, whose only purpose is to smile so widely that he becomes the most happy person, people have ever seen. Even if I have to make this smile out of concrete. But I want to collapse today, to tell the world that I'm a human, who can cry loudly in front of the people who never imagined me crying like a baby. I want to tell them that I'm not what I look like.