@ZoyaAnsari 1 November 2022 more from that month

"Good girl" conditioning is messaging we receive in childhood to be agreeable, polite, and nice. It looks like ... Many girls are told (directly or indirectly) to never show our anger, to allow people to violate our boundaries, and to hide our own needs to please others. Young girls who take on these traits are rewarded in families and within society. They're often seen as "mature for their age." Their worth comes from sacrificing their own needs to tend to the needs of others. Being a "good girl" comes at a high price though because we aren't able to say we're uncomfortable, tell someone 'no' (set a boundary), or express how we truly feel. From a young age, girls start to go into a freeze or fawn trauma response because of this. For example, as a young girl you feel uncomfortable around your uncle. He drinks a lot and is loud. Your intuition tells you to avoid him. Your (well-meaning) mother senses your discomfort. Rather than helping to guide you through your discomfort, to validate you, and to teach you how to honor your own boundaries: she tells you that you have to give him a hug. It's polite. And, you can't "look rude". The messaging is clear. External appearance is more important than internal feelings. No good girl can appear rude. As she hugs him, her body goes into freeze. Slowly, she learns to disconnect from her emotions to appease those around her. As these situations occur throughout childhood, the good girl comes to believe that her role in a social setting is to be liked. This leads to hypervigilance. A focus on what people think of her, how she appears, and if she's being well received. When she isn't in a freeze (dissociated) state, she's in fawn: appeasing, going along with, or avoiding conflict. Good girls don't learn important relational skills like voicing their needs, placing boundaries, or conflict resolution. Eventually, she's angry. Very angry. But, she's been taught to fear her anger. Or, to believe it means something is wrong with her. Until she awakens to the truth. Her anger is valid and her role in life isn't to be liked, it's to be authentic.