@ZoyaAnsari 20 November 2022 more from that month

When I love, I love too hard. I’ve been hurt way too many times by so many people all throughout my life, and yet I still believe in love like an innocent child clinging on to a father’s promise to raise his daughter right. My dad broke that promise and maybe that’s the reason why I easily fall for empty words that eventually turn into compulsive lies. I realized that I longed for the kind of love that my mother never had when she settled for a man who only wanted her in his own terms. I did the same to my last lover. I always waited for the next time he wanted me, until I couldn’t recognize my worth. It took me months walking on eggshells only to figure out that I was letting someone silence my voice so they could take my own power. I never understood why I stayed a little longer, and maybe that’s the exact reason why my mom never left the person who abused us both — we were made to be weak, believing that they were all we had. I forgive myself for letting broken and abusive people build homes out of my sanity and pure intentions. I tolerated warning signs and red flags, but I didn’t dodge the bullet before it was too late. I wish I didn’t have to go through all the traumas, but all I can do is to build myself again. I was held like a pawn in a chess game for the longest time. I deserve to save myself and choose to love me in all ways, from this day forward. Bless the sons and daughters who were broken by the world but never got their hearts corrupted.