@Veejou

Everything happens for a reason Everything that happens in this life I believe, is not by chance. I believe that everything we go through is for a reason. A lot of people believe that life is all about bliss and happiness but they're quick to forget that life also has it's bad and ugly sides. This life they say, is not a bed of roses and we need to understand and accept that. Not everything will go as planned and these different phases of life make it an interesting school to learn a lot from because we learn a lot from every single phase of life. So last month to be honest was like hell for me. A lot happened; hearts were broken and tears were shed but I went through all that and came out in one piece because my Father God Almighty was there with me and guiding and helping me survive that storm. Also last month, I learnt that God sometimes let unpleasant circumstances come our way to teach us, groom us, and test us so that after all that, we will come forth as gold-pure and beautiful. You see, gold in it's raw form can't be used to make these beautiful jewelries we see, admire and buy to adorn ourselves. It has to go through a series of processes to remove all it's impurities so that it can be pure and good for use and that's what God does in our lives. The Bible says that God hardens us to difficulties and He disciplines those He loves and are His. So He lets unpleasant circumstances come our way to draw us close to Him if we are far and also to make us stronger because if He pampers us, we'll just sit and remain comfortable without knowing how to fight life's battles. Bad times aren't supposed to keep us away from God, it's supposed to draw us closer to Him because we need Him in every step of the way and this is what I had to learn. I always thought that because I believe in Jesus and follow Him, nothing bad should ever happen to me. I mean I thought that since God's Word says that all things work together for those that love God, then I shouldn't have problems because I love God but the truth God revealed to me is that it's not only good circumstances that show that all things are working together for your good, the bad ones also show that all things are working together for your good. The verse didn't say "some things" but ALL things so it doesn't matter if it's good, bad or ugly, what matters is that they are working together for your good. All you need to do is be patient, put your faith in God and trust Him completely. So the Holy Spirit told me to take a decision that was really hard but would make Him happy and also help me in my walk with Him but I wasn't really ready. He wanted me to totally depend on Him and no one else during exams, putting all my trust in Him and leaning on no one else's understanding, even my own. This was really hard but I agreed to it even though part of me knew I couldn't do it perfectly on my own. I honestly needed His grace to do that one. It was going well; I obeyed Him during the first two exams and He really helped me but later on, I stumbled and disobeyed by asking others for help because i was scared of failing if I didn't and i truly wasn't prepared for the exams. God was merciful through it all; He watched me disobey Him and still forgave me and stretched out His arms to accept me and I'm really grateful for that. So when the exams had ended and the results started getting released, my world looked like it was crumbling. The first result wasn't good and I cried bitterly and asked God "why is this happening to me? I didn't expected this" then wiped my tears and hoped for the best. I tried so hard to exercise faith but on seeing that result, a little part of that faith turned to doubt but by God's grace, I read His word and received my faith, hope and strength back. The second result was released and it wasn't good too, I just broke down and cried so much because it was very painful to watch all I hoped for come crashing down. I felt hopeless but God gave me hope again. The third result was released and the same thing happened and honestly, that was it. I almost lost it, it was an unbelievable, terrible and horrific experience. No amount of tears could solve that problem, no one but God knew the immense pain I felt. I started asking God questions because I honestly thought it would be easy; I thought my imaginations and things I hoped for would come true but I guess that was just reality. One thing that made me feel better was crying out to God and letting Him know how it hurt so bad and He in return, gave me His peace that passes all understanding. During that time, I just had to sit back, observe and learn from my situation. Soon, another result was released and to my surprise, I saw a good score which was like rain in my drought of a situation and I was really happy and grateful to God. I know there are other people like me that are going through this kind of storm and my advice to you is to hold on to God and never let go. I know the situations can be tempting and you may feel that God has forsaken you but I can assure you that He's even the closest in that situation. He's not just with you but He's in you, strengthening you so you won't give up. The truth is that God never promised us a stress and trouble free life but He did promise to be with us till the end of everything and never forsake us so please put all your trust in Him and cast your burdens on him because He cares deeply for you. Just felt I should share my experience with everyone because someone can learn from it. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for reading:)

MY Insecurities and I "Why are your knees black? are you bleaching?, Why are your legs so fair and your face dark? What happened to your nape hair? You need to take care of your face, it's looking too rough" There's nothing that makes me feel so insecure like someone noticing my flaws and asking me why they are there. The worst is when they say "you need to take care of this" because I'm very much aware that I have these things and I don't like them either but what can I do?, I certainly can't hate myself for it. To be honest, having flaws especially the physical ones like pimples, acne, spots or even a body size you're not okay with can be really unbearable. You try to accept yourself like that but when people begin to notice it, the uncomfortable, horrible feelings come back up again like an undigested meal. I'm one person who looks normal but has a lot of insecurities that I try my best to hide. When someone spots it and talks about it, I laugh with them but when I'm alone, I remember it and get sad all over again. Well I'm about to write a lot of personal things but it's the way I feel and I know there are also many others like me who are struggling with accepting their flaws so I'll write it anyway. So, it all started when I was in junior secondary School. I was just thirteen years of age when I passed a group of senior year students and one them called me back and plainly told me that I had a flat butt. At that point, I was just shocked and had nothing to say or do about it and so I left. You can imagine what a thirteen year old me even knew about body figures and all because I knew nothing and didn't care much about how I looked. I felt so sad at what she she said and went to stare at myself in the mirror to see if there was any truth in what she was saying and sadly, there was. From that day, I started looking at others and comparing myself to them. In my mind, I said things like "why can't I have this kind of figure? why am I like this? Why couldn't I have been created this way?. I got so insecure about my figure at 13!. It was such a horrible feeling that I had to deal with but I thank God I was able to scale through. So when I entered my senior secondary school, I became very "body conscious". While other girls would wear their underwear to stay in the hostel, I would always tie a blanket over my own underwear because I didn't want anyone noticing the figure of my body and laughing at me. Soon, it became really weird and noticeable to my roommates and classmates and they scolded me which was really scary to experience but as a result of that, I stopped using a blanket to cover my body. On the bright side, I don't really remember anyone laughing at my figure but still, I wasn't satisfied with it. Fitting into my new school wasn't really pleasant. I had a myriad of feelings about everything and everyone. I wasn't the social type so I always stayed in my room and kept to myself but my roommates had friends that kept on visiting and so I had to communicate somehow. Everything was going well until I fell into my hostel's drainage twice and sustained some horrible injuries. It took sometime to heal but that wasn't the problem, the problem was the scars it left behind. These scars were so prominent and embarrassing and I was very thin so you could imagine how noticeable it was. I knew nobody said anything probably because it was an injury but their "pitiful" stares did the talking. This time, I began hiding myself in the crowd so no one would notice me and avoiding eye contact with people. That was hell but soon, I did something remarkable and that was accepting me that way and ignoring the stares. I wasn't even the cause of my problem so I had nothing to worry about. Now fast forward today, I'm still not perfect but at least I'm happy and okay and I know that one day, I'll be where I want to be. I'm even better than how I was before because I've put on a load of weight which I'm happy about and at the same time shocked because it almost feels unbelievable. I still struggle with some insecurities but with the daily effort of seeing myself through God's eyes, I'm constantly reminded that I'm loved and cherished by the One that really matters-God and my family and friends and that's all I need to keep me going in life. I know insecurities might be really hard to keep up with but just know that God loves you just the way you are and you don't have to be perfect for Him. Just come the way you are and He'll help you with every other thing. This article has been long overdue because of school {I'm a medical student} and my phone was having issues but now I'm back and I hope to keep on posting. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy the article.

Being an introvert and ambivert Whether introvert, ambivert or extrovert, we are all equal in this world and we choose to be comfortable wherever and however we are. Some people find peace and comfort being indoors and alone while some find peace and comfort going out and socializing and some find comfort in both being alone and indoors and also going out and interacting with people. I feel good to be one of the many people who possess the qualities of an introvert and extrovert. When I was little, my parents didn't allow me and my brothers go out and play like some other parents did. They preferred seeing us around and close to them and I guess that was for safety reasons. Even when we were growing up, they still didn't allow us go to distant places without their permission. So, all these shaped me into being an introvert because soon enough, I felt so comfortable and happy being indoors. Even when there was an opportunity to go out, I wouldn't because I was used to being at home and being perfectly okay with it. My friends at school didn't like it and it actually affected some aspects of my life. Being an introvert Well, I've been an introvert since childhood and I must say, it's gets really comfortable because i have nothing to worry about; unnecessary attention and being the subject of a gossip. In my mind, I'm like "I'm so glad no one knows me". There were times I was really grateful for being an introvert for example, there was this time that my coursemates were writing anonymous messages about how they feel, what they like and don't like about certain people in my department in college. A lot went down because people wrote a lot of nasty and hurtful things about people and I was so happy because not much people knew me and even if they've seen me, they didn't Know anything about me. So being an introvert was really nice but it had it's discomforting and sad parts. There were times that I needed someone to share things with, a shoulder to cry on and someone to share happy moments with but there wasn't anyone because I shut everyone out. So, I saw the need for a few good friends. I already had but I didn't take them seriously and that's where I decided to change because after all, no one is an island. In my secondary school, I naturally got friends somehow and really good ones. They started bringing out my extremely fun and interesting shades and even my goofy shade because I really can be goofy at times but mostly around people I'm really close to. We had a lot of good and fun times that can never be forgotten but unfortunately it had to be cut short because I was changing my school. But at least, I started stepped out of my box and interacting with different people more often which was a big win. Gradually morphing into an Ambivert :) Since I had to change my school, I actually decided to change my character. I decided to sharpen some rough edges and at least try to fit in but the fact that I was moving into a new environment didn't make things easy for me. I felt I couldn't just try to interact well with people I haven't really known so my introvert mode came back. I became really shy and quiet; I didn't join gatherings but instead stayed alone in my room. That made me look weak and my roommates really took advantage of me for that. That continued till the end of that school term. The next term, I decided to change and become more outspoken and express my feelings more so I could be taken seriously. That was one of the best decisions I ever made because soon enough, I started getting known by people. I started being friends with the "popular girls" in my class. I made people laugh by just doing the silly, goofy things I loved doing. I didn't realize I was becoming less introverted and becoming a better version of me. I even acted a short comedy with my friend in front of the school and till this day, it shocks me but I'm happy because there was a growth and a great improvement. All these shades of me are subject to my mood and the people around me at that point in time though. My mood is dynamic; sometimes, I'm free and dancing in front of people and sometimes I go into my room and stay alone and watch a movie or read a book. I can say and do a lot of silly and stupid things when I'm with my friends and sometimes I can do it in front of random people I don't really know but my friends have to be amongst those people. All I'm happy about is that there is a great difference between me then and me now. Well now, I'm in college and all I can say is I'm a mixture of both qualities but most times I just love being alone. It helps me think about how I live my life because I need to do a lot of that since I'm not getting younger. Even though I love being alone most times, I still go out and hang out with people I care about and share my happiness and pain with them. To be honest, it really helps me not explode because life can be unbearable sometimes. It's also good to spend time with people who can share their own problems and happiness with you; who you can offer a shoulder for them to cry on and napkin to dry their tears. That's all part of life and that makes it beautiful and interesting. My journey from being too introverted to being an Ambivert has been tough but blissful and honestly educating. I've learned a lot of important lessons and one of them is that no one is an island; we all need someone to lean on. Personally, the first person i lean on is God because He doesn't just offer a shoulder, He also offers peace and a solution to said problem. Then I also share them with good friends that care and they also give me advices that help. So it's good to be alone and it's also good to be around the right people. Thanks for reading 😊

Moving on regardless Sometimes moving on can be painful, annoying and tiring but it's something we all have to do in life. It's a part of life and a decision that must be taken at a point in life. My short and temporary stay here on Earth have been really great. A lot has been learned and unlearned. I've gone through good and blissful times, sad and depressing times and all have I been grateful for because I learned from every single one of those experiences. Fitting in, standing out, making friends and being alone have been parts of my life that had their good and bad times but one thing I've always had trouble with is moving on. It's something we all have to do one day. Sometimes, we go through circumstances that our only way out is moving on. A moment ago, everything was fine but now, you have to come to the conclusion that you have to move on because doing that would keep you sane and safe. Well I'm at that point in my life where I have to move on and continue so I can be happy and free. I Made a group of friends in my school and I really can't understand why I was happy. I didn't know if it was because I had finally made friends or because I could be identified with a group of people but I sure was happy. I think it was a great achievement for me because I've always been an antisocial/ selectively social introvert and I tried so much to step out of my little box so I guess my effort paid off. I guess I was so carried away by the fact that I had a nice group of friends that I didn't notice the red flags. I didn't notice they had left me out of somethings that I should have been a part of and when I asked why, I couldn't get a good explanation. They had of group they created on WhatsApp where they shared jokes and threw shades at each other and talked about a lot of things and I wasn't part of it. I actually thought it was me so I tried stepping way out of my own personal space to get closer to then thinking that maybe I would be added but to no avail. So I decided to shake it off and go with the flow since that was the only option to be identified with my group of friends. I started getting called during Hangouts and stuff, started going out and I was happy. I had two other from who warned me about them, telling me they weren't real but my ears were deafened to their "hateful, kill Joy warnings". For all I knew, I was having a good time with my friends. I felt left out sometimes, I wasn't still added to the group and deep down I knew that there was some truth in what my two other friends told me but I blinded my eyes to those red flags. We learned we were going home due to the outrage of the covid-19 pandemic so we decided to have fun one more time before we came back to school in a month or so we thought. We took pictures, made videos and had fun and when I returned home, I watched those videos with a beaming smile because I felt I was a part of something great, something fun which would hopefully last a long while. As time went on, our conversations were good, we'd chat with each other sometimes, call often and everything was cool till what we thought was going to be a break of four weeks became months. During that period, our conversations or rather my conversations with them drastically reduced. I saw it coming though because I'm not really a "chat or call" person but I tried to keep some things going until I was tired and decided to observe things. During that break, I got to know my true friends because even with my not being available, my two other friends and one I made kept calling weekly. Some more than once in a week to check up on me so even though it was not in my nature to call people, I had to because of those wonderful friends. I started spending time talking to the people who actually cared about me even though we were miles apart, we still found a way to make this "friendship thing" work. Somehow I accepted that the fact that I was never going to proplerly fit in in that group and moved on from that stage. Soon, I stopped knowing things happening in the group, I was always the last to know and no one told me anything going on, I just had to find out myself. It was honestly sad for me; coming to the reality that I wasn't really valued or important to them as much as I thought I was was a really hard pill to swallow. Soon, school resumed and I thank God, I set my priorities straight. I decided to stop trying to prove that I was worth it; to stop striving to be close to people who weren't even trying to know me for me, to be the best me. I started being actually left out of things I used to be a part of. I only got to see pictures of people having great fun without me not once, not twice and not even thrice. I'm not gonna lie, seeing those pictures made really sad, I felt so horrible, I felt all alone again. But I had to shake off those thoughts and think about my wonderful Friend God and the other three close friends not to mention the many others I made and be thankful for them. Right now, I'm proud to say that I've moved on past the struggles of trying to fit in, accepting the cold hard truth and forgiving and forgetting. I'm still learning to be happy with where I'm at, who I am and value the people I care about and care about me and still being me but a better version and I must say, it's the most beautiful lesson ever. So, if you ever find yourself in a situation like mine, instead of trying to fit in and be close to people who you deep down know don't care, try to Know yourself more and value the people who have actually shown that they care. The first person is God, He truly cares for you and wants to help you so get closer to Him. Get to Know Him more than you've ever known Him and He'll help you move on and also connect you with real and great friends. I hope you find true friends that care about you. Thanks for reading😊