@UsagiGallardo215 29 December 2021 more from that month

This is my saddest Christmas I never thought that I'll be feeling this kind of sadness specially this season of Christmas. But we had a fight me and my husband and it was just a simple thing. And I tried to understand him because that was the right thing to do. But I never expect that he will thrown away our baby's milk and broke it down. Then he also broke our chair it was so thick I never expect it will destroy. It started when he got home in Christmas eve. Then all of sudden his really hot headed and come to think of it his like that sometimes. Then he was about to hurt me then I ran away with our baby. We ran into our aunties house but then no one was there I was really running of hope we just sat on the swing and stay there for a while, I was calling my knees so I can enter there house but there where not answering they told me that they will not go home. Then I also tired to call our neighbor but it's the same they never answered my call. Then I decide to go home even if Its the hardest decision Im going to make. After I got home we didn't talk I was afraid he might hurt me then I ran in our double deck and lay down above. It was my eldest daughter who really lied there and it would only fit for one person but I was scared so I decide to sleep there and that was not my first time. I was really doing it to keep away from him. I didn't really know what is wrong with him I'd even support him, even with his mistakes and shortcomings to us and it was really hard to do because I feel all the pains inside me. And its really unexplainable, sometimes I want to ran very far from him, a place where he can't reach or see me but I can't, because I'll never leave my kids even how hard it is. I will endure all the pain no matter what it takes. I know I'm not good enough but atleast I gave my all to be a good wife and a good mother but it seems it's not enough. And that's really painful for me. When it comes to financial I also admit we also argue about it. He is looking for money and things he bought. And it's really hard to take because where in the world we could depend besides from him. Who will feed us? and where we can welive? what clothes can we were? This is the same question that we don't need to ask because he is the man that needs to answer that. Who will provide that beside from him. If only I don't have a small kid I will work no matter how hard it is. So I can feed them. There was also a time that he hurted me.... The pain is tearing me apart, and I'm just being numb from all of it even words will surely break me. Like he said our life is so easy and sweet but we're all worthless. Sometimes I noticed that he doesn't want us to have a good life he wants not us to be happy either. To tell you the truth we don't have television and last night he turned the main water so low so we will have a hard time doing our Laundry, dishwashing and all about that needs water supply. And we come to his friends he is always generous. Im ashamed to reveal this to all of you because I'm still here, and still he feeds me but how can I release those pains? The hardest is I don't have someone to ran with. No parents no siblings, the world seems mad at me... I never thought he would be like that.... And this is not the only first lonely Christmas I had but I still manage to smile and just embrace my kids they kept me fighting for them. All the pain that I had they kept me strong. And tears is always there after I released it all I stand and pull my self up because no one will help me If I don't help myself. And now we only have two more nights to end this year. What could be the plans we have what journey will be having?? No matter how hard will it takes we just need to embrace our choosen path and be ready for it, because we never now hard will it be....