Jesus, The Equivalent ... recently, Today And Until The End Of Time
Jesus, the equivalent ... recently, today and until the end of time
Who is this man called Jesus?
The writer of that unknown New Testament "Letter to the Hebrews," obviously composing at an at once, when there was extraordinary contradiction, both inside the congregation and the more extensive culture, about the character and personality of the man called Jesus, endeavored to clear things up when he expressed: "Jesus Christ, the equivalent, yesterday, today and for eternity."
There has never been all inclusive arrangement about Jesus
In spite of the best exertion and expectations of that author and numerous others, nonetheless, there never has been enduring understanding about who Jesus truly was. As you watch out over the range of history, you rapidly understand that there are currently, and consistently have been, incalculable contrasting originations of Jesus. Indeed, even in the main century, when the individuals who had seen and realized him actually were as yet alive, there was warmed discussion.
The messenger Paul spilled out his life to introduce the Christian message. He made a trip from nation to nation, overcoming tempest and demise, attempting the keep separated chapels together, yet no sooner had he suppressed one debate than another jumped up in its place. New instructors and prophets showed up all over. There were groups and splinter bunches all over. From the beginning, church pioneers saw the requirement for association, for this new religion was in a real sense blasting at the creases.
The congregation was made, to a great extent, as an endeavor to put together the Jesus development into a reasonable entirety. It didn't work.
Therefore there step by step built up an astounding arrangement of tenets and ideologies, gatherings and panels, a religious chain of importance, clerics, cardinals and popes. However no push to coordinate would actually contain the dynamic power that had been released in the individual of Jesus Christ.
The historical backdrop of the congregation is one of logical inconsistency and struggle: from campaigns and blessed battles in which many thousands are killed for the sake of Jesus, to works of mending and empathy in Christian schools, clinics and colleges. From the inquisitor who tormented apostates with rack and chain, to delicate St. Francis who lectured the sparrows and strolled among the lilies; Christians have arrived at the most conflicting resolutions all for the sake of this one man.
"Jesus the equivalent, yesterday, today and until the end of time." Yes, a similar conundrum a similar puzzle, the equivalent agitating force and presence.
Still his gospel ignites the most different responses. There are business heads who accept their prosperity can be ascribed to a profound individual confidence, while others trust Christ guides an existence of neediness and selflessness. There are Christian duty gatherers, and the individuals who will not compensation charges in his name. There are Generals of the Army who follow Christ into fight, and there are radicals who accept that the Christian must be a fighter of harmony. There are Christian Scientists who deny clinical therapy in his name and there are clinical specialists who distinguish Christ as the incredible doctor. There are priests who lecture on organization TV, so their words can be heard far and wide; and there are Quakers who accept that the best love is peacefully.
All in all, how would we clarify this variety?
One clarification for the variety of assessment in the congregation is that our disparities mirror our restricted forces of recognition. Recollect the old tale about the visually impaired men who were directed to the bazaar to experience an elephant for the absolute first time. They contact various pieces of the elephant's body and arrived at fundamentally distinction decisions about its shape and appearance. On contacts its leg and thinks about the elephant to a tree; another contacts its tail and presumes that an elephant is actually similar to a brush, yet the one who connects toward the elephant's trunk out of nowhere winds up being lifted high noticeable all around. As he is ready there contemplating whether he will actually get down to earth, he yells down to his colleagues, "I don't have the foggiest idea what elephants resemble, yet it sure feels like this elephant can fly!"
There might be a more profound explanation behind the variety of perspectives about Jesus.
As it was for the visually impaired men so it is for us. A considerable lot of our disparities mirror our restricted forces of observation. Be that as it may, there is another and I accept more significant explanation behind our variety. At the point when we look at the assortment of Christian experience, when we follow back the different strings of our Christian confidence, we are driven back unavoidably to the root and wellspring of all our variety, back to Christ himself.
At the point when you understand that this one man is the wellspring of so many differentiating sees, it is enticing to infer that he was purposefully befuddling. Maybe he didn't need an away from of himself to be fixed in the psyches of the individuals. Unquestionably Jesus didn't spill out his spirit or dress before the press like present day characters. Indeed, there were minutes when he stayed away from public consideration inside and out. On a few events he requested his devotees to keep what he had said and done mystery.
The mystery of Jesus
He wouldn't organize breathtaking wonders that would have ensured moment fame. He didn't remain in one spot sufficiently long to permit individuals to know him well. As you read the pages of the New Testament you understand how rapidly he moved here and there. One envisions him stepping through a town, halting to chat with a couple of people for a second, however then proceeding onward. As he strolled through the roads most observers would have seen all things considered a brief look at him; they would have heard, probably, a couple of words. They may have seen a solitary demonstration of kindness. However, as fast as he had come, he would go, out over the lake, over the ascent of the following slope, up to the high mountains to be distant from everyone else.
A procedure of avoidance
Since he picked this methodology, we know all around very minimal about him. The accounts themselves give shockingly little data. They are short, unbelievably short. They give us a harsh blueprint of his most recent three years, however the remainder of his life is generally overlooked. We become familiar with a contemporary character in the twenty minutes of a TV television show then we think about Jesus from the whole New Testament.
Found in this light doubtlessly Christ decided to take care of business of secret. Indeed, even those couple of direct citations we do have are hard to comprehend. He almost consistently talked in illustrations, stories or platitudes which are available to a wide assortment of understanding.
We can acknowledge how questionable he was the point at which we consider that his nearest trains frequently couldn't concede to what he said. The thirteen men who knew him best continually confused his lessons. At the hour of his passing, not one of them truly comprehended what he had been stating from the start.
He came not to address questions, but rather to outline them.
At the point when we think about this: the contention inside the contemporary church, the disarray and logical inconsistencies of chapel history, the discussion even among his nearest educates, we should reason that he was deliberately confusing. He came not to take care of life's issues, yet to work up significantly more troublesome inquiries. He takes the entirety of our agreeable banalities and he detonates them directly in front of us.
Main concern: he came to uncover a God who resists human arrangement.
Christ came to uncover a God who opposes human agreement. He talked about a God who is more noteworthy than any definition, past any convention, more significant than any way of thinking, more excellent than all nature, more adoring than any holy person. His motivation was to uncover the constraints of human information, to prick our human pride and to point past himself to the stature and expansiveness and profundity of God.
The supplication of St. Paul in his letter to the Ephesians shows the heading he would have us take. "Out of his endless magnificence, composed Paul, "may he give you capacity to get a handle on the expansiveness and the length, the stature and the profundity, until knowing the affection for Christ which is past all information, you are loaded up with the absolute totality of God."
The misfortune is that when we talk about Jesus Christ, we pull him down into our ordinary casing of reference. We attempt to characterize him by utilizing the very adages he came to detonate. We make him into a man so unadulterated, so cherishing, so solid that even the most hard of heart should respect him.
I once heard a well known evangelist depict Christ's actual appearance, his great body, his attractive face. "Jesus," said the evangelist, "was the most grounded man on the planet." I don't have the foggiest idea what your perspective on Jesus is, however you'll discover none of this in the New Testament. All things considered, the size of his biceps is of next to no result to the salvation of the world.
He would not like to be a symbol, a sculpture, an unmistakable picture fixed in the human creative mind and changed into an icon.
All things considered it is an amazing impulse to extend our #1 temperances on him. We cast him in the picture of the hero, thus overlook what's really important altogether. He would not like to be respected as a superman. This is exactly why he was so short and even obtuse. He needed to coordinate the consideration away from himself, to turn your consideration internal, to uncover the musings and expectations of your heart, to open your psyche to the last strict experience, that state past all information, when you are loaded up with the absolute completion of God.
"Jesus Christ a similar yesterday, today and until the end of time." Yes, Jesus, a similar intriguing, yet stupefying presence, a similar secret, a similar conundrum. Since Christ is truly divine, he will consistently be past any human definition.
What might it resemble were Jesus to return, the same number of accept he will?
Numerous Christians accept, obviously, that one day we will have every one of our inquiries concerning Jesus replied, for he will re-visitation of this world in an occasion alluded to as the Second Coming. Yet, did you actually think about what it would resemble if Christ did reemerge our reality and remained before you face to face? The pictures from the Bible that depict this occasion are ones of expectation, no doubt, and include the satisfaction of the most profound human longings, however they likewise are pictures of a horrible force set free upon the world, toppling all that we hold natural.
Truth be told, nobody understands what marvelous occasions, what earth shattering turnings anticipate us in the months and years to come. The occasions that are currently occurring in our reality, forecast incredible opportunities for good, yet additionally for evil. Who understands what the last results will be of the progressions that we presently observe clearing across countless countries. Have these occasions something to do with the finish of history as some accept?
Unmistakably, nobody realizes the response to such inquiries.
In any case, whatever the results of world occasions might be, all of us should ask why it would matter if Christ did return and introduce himself before us? Why might it matter in your arrangements during the current day, tomorrow or one week from now in the event that you realized that this were the hour when you would actually face the living Christ?
What might be your reaction on the off chance that you realized that this were, indeed, the hour that individuals have been sitting tight for since the get-go? Might it be able to be that the expressions of that unknown author would, truth be told, end up being definitely obvious, "Jesus, the equivalent, yesterday, today and for eternity." And that the Jesus we experience toward the finish of time, may be a similar one who asks not that we bow before him in love and commitment, yet rather that we make us fully aware of see the God who is past all human knowing?
Storyteller
_
(For Dante's tournament)
"Taking a blank page and painting it with words is more than art, its magic!"
Centuries before the birth of Christ. There was a fad of storytelling in the deserts of Persia. Confined far from any oasis, in the deepest, darkest prison is the man who started it all, Farzin.
Farzin had just got home after a hard day's work at the farm. As he walked through the door his lovely young daughter greeted him and made the long days under the sun worth it. "Papa, can you please continue your story?" Shadi excitedly asked. Her young face was aglow and her big beautiful brown eyes just like her mother’s shone as she smiled and waited for his reply.
"Let your father wash up and have his dinner first Shadi, and then the story time." Nousha being the loving and dutiful wife that she was placed a bowl of water on the floor as she knelt down with the towel to help wash her husband's feet.
Nousha relishes in the duty of serving her husband and has always been so proud of Farzin's limitless imagination. "Just a thought, why not sell your stories my husband. You have natural talent for storytelling." Nousha suggested patting his feet dry. "What about the farm?" Farzin asked. “I can help with the farm, and Shadi is old enough now to have some responsibilities of the house.”
At just the thought of her father actually writing and selling the stories that she loved so much the ten years old Shadi proudly boasted, "Yes papa I can bake bread now, help momma with the dishes and even do laundry.”
So our tale continues as, it didn’t take long before the popularity and demand of Farzin's tales traveled from tribe to tribe. He had become quite the celebrity where people knew his face upon seeing it and his voice upon hearing it. Everyone loves a good story.
One day around mid-afternoon, Farzin's errand boy, Navid, came running to give Farzin the good news. "Sir the Sultan has requested a performance from you for the Prince's upcoming fifteenth birthday." The boy said panting. "Thank you Navid," Farzin said as he went back inside.
Seeing the worried and stressful look on her husband’s face Nousha asked, "Why are you sad my husband, isn't it an honor to be invited into the palace?" "Yes it is an honor, my only concern is the Sultan's son, Jahangir.” Farzin said as he continued, “His is most difficult and can be a spoiled brat mostly because he is the only child.” “Not to mention he is cruel and to be honest the prince would rather see beheadings than hear stories,” as he said these things Farzin with his wild imagination could see his own head rolling towards the Prince's feet.
Knowing that none could turn down the Sultan, Nousha already packed Farzin's bag with bread, money and scrolls of his best works. She gently encouraged Farzin by saying, "Get ready now my husband, the palace is a good two days travel." She filled his water pouch ready to go.
"We have enough silvers to last us a lifetime, more money than the Sheikh (tribal leader). Let's run away and start over." Farzin suggested still dreading the young prince of Persia. Shadi having never seen her father so worried asked, "What's wrong papa?" As she trotted up to him wrapping her arms around him for a hug he replied, "Nothing's wrong Shadi.” "I have faith in you my husband, don’t diminish your talent," Nousha lovingly said as she too wrapped her arms around him.
"Alright I'll go, but Nousha promise me should things be too difficult for you to bear alone you'll send Shadi to her uncle that way she is safe.” Farzin requested. "Yes my husband to ease your mind I will comply with your request however, I am sure that we will be fine" Nousha said, as she kissed him goodbye.
To be continued..
Janie Got A Gun (Part 1)
The blood had dried on her face by now, of the many wounds and cuts that had been inflicted upon her since that morning when they had arrested her.
These men were dogs, she thought. Just like her daddy dear.
That brought a smile on her face.
Outside her tiny cell, she saw a demon grinning back at her from inside the little mirror, hanging above the rickety chair of the sheriff who had gone out for a smoke with his underlings about an hour ago. They had gotten quite bored of hitting her anyway. She was too quiet; grunts of suppressed pain instead of the squeals they so yearned for. Perhaps now when they came back, they were going to fuck her to get more satisfaction and then hit her. Harder.
But she didn't care. She was used to the ways of men. She had long since turned into the impervious shell of a bullet. Nothing about these blustering pathetic dogs scared her anymore. Thanks to her daddy, she was so used to it all.
She stared back at the grinning demon. The face looked the same, the blonde hair cascading in a tangled mess, the ripped t-shirt that revealed a laced black bra underneath that had turned grey when they had dragged her across the ground. She had bruises all over her face, which was puffed up brutally. Only her eyes talked back to her. A maniac glint full of wild fire. And the bruised lips, parched, twisted into a smile that could scare even the grim reaper away. The corners of her lips had bled, but the red was etched upon her face in a dried layer. She stuck out her tongue to lick it. She could taste the metal and the salt.
Blood tasted so good.
And it looked even better outside. Especially on her skin. She had felt the same when it was on her father's skin that morning. The blood had soaked his shirt and went all the way down to his jeans. And then it had poured out in torrents. Such blood loss couldn't have sustained his life for much longer.
He had stared at her in disbelief, never thinking that the object of his produce and pleasure would turn against him some day.
She looked exactly like him – blonde hair, tanned skin, all credits due to the Texas sun.
"You bitch," he had said before collapsing on the tracks.
"Yes... your bitch, motherfucker," she had said.
And then the train ran over him, his blood misting the air around her.
If he had had even a little trickle of sense in him, he would have seen it coming, Janie thought.
He should have been more careful, because raising a demon is no joke. You must keep it shackled all the time, otherwise the day will come when it will break its chains and bite back. And a lethal bite it shall be. He should have known that he had fathered a demon; a demon who became his death.
He shouldn't have raised one if he couldn't handle one, Janie thought with grim satisfaction.
And Janie thought the Sheriff could have taken a lesson out of her daddy dear's demise, because tonight too, she had been left practically unshackled. The blithering idiots had as good as left the key with her. There are more ways than one to undo handcuffs.
And with a clank, the cuffs fell off.
Janie twisted her freed hands, fingers trailing soothingly around her wrists. She could see the red cuff marks like a red bracelet on each hand.
She got up heavily, and almost staggered to a fall, but stopped short as she managed to balance herself by holding onto one of the bars. She drew the pin that she had used to unlock the cuffs and started working on the lock. It took less than a minute when she heard the satisfying click.
The dogs hadn't returned yet. She looked around, and saw her black leather jacket lying in the corner of the room. They had thrown it unceremoniously when they had brought her in. She picked it up, and dusted it lightly before putting it on.
To be continued...
Two Locked Hearts (Part 25)
When they finished, back in their room, Sawyer asked Ethan to lay on the bottom bunk with him. They didn't cuddle or anything but Sawyer relaxed while Ethan lay there awkwardly. "Uh, what am I doing down here," he asked Sawyer.
"I just thought you would be happier if you were down here with me. Did you have any homework you had to finish or something?"
"No, I didn't." Ethan replied.
Ethan cuddled close to Sawyer while Sawyer took out a book and began to read. Sawyer put his right arm behind Ethan's back and Ethan cuddled Sawyer's side. In minutes he was asleep.
Sawyer read for a little while before he to felt like taking a nap. The camping trip was exhausting for both of them and neither had slept all that well, given what they had done and been through. Sawyer put down his book and held Ethan with both arms and went to sleep.
Ethan woke up to find himself in Sawyer's arms. Oh, how he wanted to keep the camaraderie going, however, Ethan was hot. He wriggled out of Sawyer's arms slowly as not to wake him, then decided to get some air. He walked outside and folded his arms. Sawyer's house looked beautiful at night. His land stretched out pretty far and you could see the green grass from the street lights sway back and forth in the wind. Ethan couldn't believe how happy he was.
He thought about his school, his parents, and his future. What would happen should he and Sawyer become a couple? How would that affect his college life and his future? Shoot, how would it affect his high school life? People already disliked him for being Sawyer's friend. He had no idea how much worse it could be should he become Sawyer's boyfriend. He wasn't the type to hide things, so he was sure he would tell the truth about him and Sawyer. Sawyer would have more of a problem than he would about the relationship being in the light. Ethan always lived his life in the truth. If he ended up gay and in a relationship with another guy, he wouldn't hide it. Sawyer would.
Ethan sat down in the rocking chair on Sawyer's front porch. Ethan could tell that he was still sore from his camping trip. Him and Sawyer had been very rough with each other, making love and breaking their virginities. They hadn't gone easy on each other. Well, it was Sawyer's fault and pride. Sawyer had refused to allow Ethan to be rough with him, even though it was in Ethan's nature. You're supposed to follow your heart when you make love, not your head as Sawyer had done. Sawyer is gentle and slow by nature. Ethan wasn't. That's probably why their first time had been so rough. Sawyer hadn't yet accepted who he was in the relationship.
Ethan turned around and went back inside so he could get some more sleep. He'd be up and getting ready for school in less than seven more hours and he needed to get some rest to be energized and ready for tomorrow.
Ethan opened his eyes. Dang! Still sore. Just how long is this going to last?
He hopped out of his bed and climbed down the latter to the floor. Sawyer was still asleep.
Ethan was touched Sawyer wasn't getting up early anymore for school only to avoid him. After their last fight, Ethan had been sure Sawyer was done with him. He certainly wasn't going to test the stars by getting into another one. He loved Sawyer and cherished his relationship too much with him. He leaned over and kissed Sawyer on the forehead. Afterwards he went to take a shower and get ready for school.
Sawyer woke up at seven-thirty. Getting to his feet, Sawyer checked to make sure Ethan wasn't still asleep. He saw Ethan had already gotten up and left. Sawyer went and showered. He noticed he was still sore from his camping trip. Nothing intense today during PE, Sawyer mentally told himself. He showered and changed into some school clothes. Once he was ready for school, he left and made his way to the jeep. On his windshield wiper, Sawyer noticed a note.
Sawyer
Meet me at the bleachers
of the football field at lunch. I
would like to spend some time
with you. I love you.
Ethan
Two Locked Hearts (Part 24)
Sawyer grabbed Ethan in his untold story and squeezed as hard as he could. Ethan went to his knees, then Ethan grabbed his wrist, which only intensified Sawyer's resolve. Sawyer grabbed him by his hair and jerked his head back and kissed his neck. Then Ethan landed on his back with Sawyer on top, attacking in the most romantic and savage way a boy his age could.
When the night ended and the moment had ceased, there were no longer two virgins in Destin Woods.
They went into the tent feeling violated and beaten. Climbing into their sleeping bags, both boys shivered against the heater waiting for their bodies to dry.
Neither spoke to the other.
When an hour passed, Ethan finally looked at Sawyer. "Are you mad at me?"
Sawyer looked at him. "No Ethan. I'm just sore as hell. I never dreamed my first time would be like that."
"It wasn't that bad."
"Speak for yourself. I have never felt like that ever in my life. You brought something out of me that I didn't even know was there."
"You weren't complaining too much while I was doing it."
"Neither did you, punk."
"I'm used to feeling sore and beaten. I work out and play sports. You only sprinkle yourself in it. I feel sorry for you in the morning."
Sawyer looked at Ethan seriously. "If I'm too sore tomorrow Ethan I will never have sex with you again."
Ethan closed his mouth at that one. Both boys went to sleep several minutes later.
Sunday morning arrived way too soon. Sawyer was already up cooking breakfast. He still looked awful from the night before, but felt better since he had gotten a full night's sleep.
He was cooking eggs and bacon in the mini cooker his mom had given him. When he finished Ethan was coming out of his tent. He looked better than Sawyer did.
"You hungry Ethan?"
Ethan looked at him. "Yes. A little," he confessed.
Sawyer placed Ethan's food on a paper plate and then he poured Ethan a cup of dr. pepper. He handed Ethan his portion and Ethan smiled. "Gosh Sawyer, thanks. This is a lot of food."
Sawyer smiled.
They sat on the chairs they brought and ate in peace and silence.
Ethan looked at Sawyer. "Sawyer, I love you."
Sawyer looked at Ethan. "I love you to Ethan."
They looked at each other and smiled. Then finished their breakfast.
The ride home was a quiet one. Neither Sawyer or Ethan knew what the future had in store. They hadn't acknowledged that they were boyfriends yet, but the relationship certainly implied it due to the love and affection. Only time would tell where this dynamic duo would take their relationship and how it would affect their lives.
Ethan Fester and Sawyer Lancelot made it back to Sawyer's house from their camping trip Sunday afternoon. Ethan was living with Sawyer after having moved out of his parents house.
Ethan started receiving calls and texts from home shortly before their camping trip. Ethan had been keeping it a secret. He was afraid if he told Sawyer or Mr. and Mrs. Lancelot they would make him leave. He didn't want to make up with his parents, even though his parents were reaching out and trying. Ethan was their only child. It was only natural that they'd eventually want to reach back out and save the relationship they had with their only child. He was precious to them. But unfortunately, as precious as he was, Ethan simply wasn't ready. He loved his parents, but he loved Sawyer to and wanted to see where that was going to go. He knew if he made up with his parents they would try to make him move back and try to control his life again. Ethan enjoyed his newfound freedom. It was fresh air. He didn't want to go back.
When his phone vibrated after Sawyer pulled into the driveway, Ethan looked to find yet another text message from his mother.
"Ethan, I miss you. I'm sorry for what I said. Please forgive me."
Ethan hit clear to remove the unwanted notification. Then he got out of the jeep and helped Sawyer unpack and return everything to where it belonged.
Two Locked Hearts (Part 23)
Well I love you to Ethan."
"But?" Ethan asked.
"But nothing. You just need to learn that if someone is important to you, you treat them with respect and cherish them."
"It's hard Sawyer. I am who I am."
"Yeah, but so am I Ethan. I don't do drama."
"We won't last if it continues," Sawyer added.
"I couldn't bare to see that," Ethan declared.
"Then don't Ethan."
What Sawyer said went over Ethan's head. It worried Sawyer. As smart as Ethan was, occasionally he could be really dense.
Ethan woke up and took a walk along the lake that resided in Destin Woods. It was small, but incredibly beautiful. Ethan walked along the edge. He thought about last night. He didn't know what came over him, grabbing Sawyer like that and kissing him.
He wasn't officially in a relationship with Sawyer yet, but he believed things were heading in the right direction.
He started to miss Sawyer, so he headed back to the tent.
Ethan entered the tent and got back into his sleeping bag. When he laid sideways in his sleeping bag, he looked at Sawyer. Just then Sawyer opened his eyes and he and Ethan made eye contact.
Ethan leaned over and kissed Sawyer on the lips. He held Sawyer's kiss for a long moment, then he went to kiss his eyes. Sawyer closed them so he could. Ethan kissed both eyes. Then he went back to Sawyer's lips. The back of his fingertips caressed Sawyer's cheeks.
"I love you Sawyer."
Sawyer whispered it back. Ethans eyes released a few tears. Sawyer didn't seem to notice. Ethan cradled Sawyer in his arms.
Ethan kissed Sawyer all over his face. "I love you so much Sawyer."
Sawyer just gave in to Ethan. "I have never met anyone so beautiful and so loving in all my life," Ethan continued. "I love your hair, your eyes, and the feel of your lips to mine."
Ethan pulled Sawyer closer to him, and squeezed him hard. "Ethan!"
Ethan took Sawyer again with his lips, this time sticking his tongue deep into Sawyer's mouth. He pulled Sawyer on top of him, and continued his kiss. Sawyer could hardly breathe Ethan was so rough.
They rolled. Ethan pulled himself out of his sleeping bag and went into Sawyers'. Sawyer cried out, Ethan went for his stomach and nearly died upon feeling how soft it was. "Ethan stop! Please. I - I can't breathe. I'm still so new at this. Let's go slowly." Ethan kissed Sawyer.
Then coaxingly replied. "Ok Sawyer. Ok. I just want you so badly."
He kissed Sawyer again, then slowly pulled away and out of Sawyer's sleeping bag.
"I love you Sawyer." He cradled Sawyer in his arms. "I love you so much."
He continued to kiss Sawyer's face, kissed it until Sawyer fell asleep in his arms.
Sawyer laid in Ethan's arms until late that evening. All they did the entire day was swap kisses and tell each other how much they loved one another. Ethan was crazy about Sawyer. Sawyer loved it to.
They finally pulled themselves out of the tent late into the evening and grabbed some marshmallows and made a fire and dangled twelve until they were black and creamy in the middle.
"Damn," Ethan said. "These are good." They were finally tearing into them.
Sawyer smiled. "They really are. Dad makes smores using chocolate and graham crackers when we go camping."
Ethan smiled. "Yeah. My dad doesn't camp ..................... in fact, I don't think Dad does anything except numbers and business."
Sawyer empathized. "Well, my dad hasn't taken me camping in years."
When they finished eating, they made their way to the lake. At first it was just to hang out. Sawyer said he loved standing over water, enjoyed feeling the water vapors in the air and the sparkle of light dancing off of the sky. But then he looked at Ethan looking devilish. "Wanna go swimming?"
Ethan smiled from ear to ear. "Sawyer, I didn't bring any swimming trunks."
"Just go in your briefs. It's not that cold."
Ethan laughed so hard it scared Sawyer.
Sawyer then stripped of his shirt. Then he took his shoes, socks, and shorts off.
"I'm going in. You can stay out here if you want."
Sawyer jumped into the water. Ethan watched as he splashed around and swam about.
"Are you coming in!"
Ethan looked at him. "Ok."
Ethan stripped down to his briefs then jumped into the water.
Sawyer watched him swim the lake more fluidly than any fish he'd ever seen.
"Good God Ethan, is there anything you can't do?"
Ethan laughed.
He swam up close to Sawyer. "Tennis. I can't play tennis to save my life."
"Wow. Ethan isn't invincible after all."
Sawyer joked.
They were nose to nose. "No I'm invincible," Ethan smiled.
Sawyer smiled even more.
Ethan laughed. "Sawyer, are you going to kiss me?"
Sawyer looked dumbfounded for a second. "Yeah."
Sawyer kissed Ethan. His movement was slow and gentle, unlike Ethan who loved to be rough. Sawyer's bottom lip went over Ethans'. He withdrew.
Ethan ducked underwater suddenly. Sawyer had no idea what he was doing until he felt something touch him under the water. It's better left unsaid concerning what happened next, but needless to say, Sawyer was screaming for mercy by the time Ethan was through.
They got out of the water in a flash.
"Do you think you can do just anything you want to me Ethan?" Sawyer said, getting in his face and pushing him.
"Just how inexperienced are you Sawyer?"
"I'll show you inexperienced."
Two Locked Hearts (Part 22)
Ethan had a good feeling in his heart the next morning. He felt good. Sawyer woke up at six and left at seven. When Ethan went through his morning routine, he could not find Sawyer anywhere.
He tried to keep Sawyer out of his mind. He knew if he clung to him too much, he would wind up disappointed again.
Ethan found himself overly sensitive when it came to his and Sawyer's relationship. Just mentioning Sawyer brought out a vulnerable and a secret Ethan that no one else knew. Sawyer didn't know much about him. Ethan still thought Sawyer was straight. Only time would tell where that relationship went.
A week passed by and Ethan allowed Sawyer to breathe. He let him get up early in the morning without saying anything about it. He didn't look for Sawyer in the hallway. He didn't say too much his way while they were in the bedroom at the same time. Ethan truly tried to give Sawyer his space.
It started to work to. Sawyer approached Ethan the following week and asked him if he wanted to go camping. Ethan agreed enthusiastically.
"I haven't been in a long time, and I kinda want to get away for the weekend but I don't want to be alone."
"You won't be alone Sawyer. I'll be there."
Sawyer smiled at Ethan, lighting his whole face.
Sawyer and Ethan had everything packed and ready to go. Ethan didn't do much because Sawyer had all the supplies.
The destination was Destin Woods. It was a very nice wooded area in the middle of the state about three hours from Sawyer's house.
Sawyer was taking his jeep and doing all of the driving.
The highway they drove down became very woodsey around and about them. It looked nice and serene.
"I can't believe I haven't been camping on my own before," Ethan admonished.
"Well once we do it you'll be able to say you have," Sawyer smiled.
They drove on until it got kinda dark. "Oh my God. It's gonna be awfully scary when we set up the tent," Ethan cried with a laugh.
"We'll have each other," Sawyer smiled.
Ethan smiled, "awe thanks Sawyer."
"Y'know Ethan. You really are a lot of fun to be around. Don't ever sell yourself short. People love you for a reason."
Ethan just smiled on.
The place they chose was in the middle of the woods where no one else went near. Sawyer grabbed the tent and began to put it together. Ethan grabbed the sleeping bags and gasoline and cooler and put everything together and got everything ready to use.
Ethan was amazed at Sawyer's work by the time he was through. His tent was literally the size of a small house.
"Oh my God," Ethan joyfully rang out. He walked inside and looked around as if he were in a magical land or something. Sawyer looked at him like he was crazy.
"It's just a tent Ethan."
"No it's not. It's an amazing structure all on its own."
"Well maybe it's because I've seen it before. This is your first time."
"Pretty much."
They lugged their sleeping bags and other overnight essentials into the tent, then they shut the door and placed their sleeping bags beside each other. "It's gonna be cold tonight, and even though I believe our heater will help, it may not be enough. We should sleep close together tonight in case we need body heat," Sawyer suggested.
"Yeah I know. I'm very cold natured to."
They wrapped up into their sleeping bags and faced each other.
"So." Sawyer said.
"So," Ethan replied.
"Didn't you want to talk to me about us, Ethan?"
Ethan's heart started beating fast.
"Yes I did," Ethan replied, looking more serious now.
"Well I am all ears now," Sawyer said.
Ethan looked at Sawyer. Saw how beautiful and kind he was.
"Well I have to be honest here. I find myself missing you when you are not there. Ever since our fight, I have felt as though I have lost you somehow. You've withdrawn from me. I don't care that you do it to others. Just not to me. I love you Sawyer."
Ethan lunged forward and caught Sawyer in a kiss. His lips went between Sawyers'. Ethan's lips were strong. They held Sawyer's with a fervent passion. When he finished, he backed away a little. Sawyer seemed disappointed when he did so.
"Why did you back away?" Sawyer asked.
Ethan smiled. "I'm not use to kissing guys."
Sawyer smiled back.
Two Locked Hearts (Part 21)
Ethan turned and faced Sawyer.
"No, I was thinking about things and eventually concluded I was at fault. I stood in front of your car like an idiot and I shouldn't have. I force you to do a lot of stuff I shouldn't. I'm sorry."
Sawyer weighed Ethan's word.
"Well still. I kept thinking about your concussion. The image of you falling down because of me kept replaying in my mind and it was torturing me like mad crazy. I can't believe how much I love you Ethan."
Tears ran down Sawyer's face. Ethan was stunned. Literally no words would come out. Sawyer rolled over on his side and went to sleep.
Ethan hardly went to sleep that night. Sawyer's words literally pierced his heart. Ethan had never heard the L word from Sawyer before.
Was it the accident? Did something awake in Sawyer? Ethan didn't know. Maybe Sawyer was reminded of Ethan's accident somehow when Sawyer knocked him over with his jeep.
Either way, Ethan saw Sawyer's love for him, and his resolve was once again strengthened.
Ethan woke up the next morning and didn't find Sawyer in his bed. He sorta sighed and had a sloping spirit.
"I guess things are back to the way were before," Ethan said aloud.
He was disappointed, however, he didn't know for sure things were still bad between him and Sawyer. He just knew Sawyer was still getting up early in the morning, possibly to avoid him.
Ethan didn't see him when he went to school. He even looked for him during lunch and in the parking lot at the end of the day.
He was a little worried but tried not to say anything. He decided to text Sawyer.
"Hey. I haven't seen you in school all day. Are you ok?"
When he hit sent, Ethan went home hoping to see Sawyer there.
Ethan did not see Sawyer when he got home. He was not in his room and Ethan was near panicked.
He asked Mrs. Lancelot where Sawyer was and she told him he'd asked for the day off from school and said he was going to a lake or something for r & r.
Ethan knew exactly where that was and instantly took off.
Ethan slowly made his way to the bridge. He'd already parked his car. The sky was cloudy and the wind was really strong.
Ethan spotted Sawyer in the middle of the bridge with his hands folded. He was looking out over the water, as he always did.
Suddenly Ethan was nervous.
He walked over slowly to where Sawyer stood.
He inched closer and closer. Finally side by side with Sawyer, Ethan put his arm around Sawyer's middle. Sawyer actually moved so that he could. Ethan rested his chin on Sawyer's shoulder.
"Sawyer I love you."
Sawyer nodded. "I love you to Ethan."
Ethan rested his face on Sawyer's back. Sawyer never pushed him away. They stayed that way for a long time.
It was going on nine o'clock and Ethan -n- Sawyer were still cuddling up on the bridge. Neither had really spoken about what had happened, and Ethan knew that it would have to happen eventually.
"It's getting dark Ethan. I think we should be heading back soon. Mom wouldn't really care but I have assignments to finish up. Gotta keep my grade up."
"Are you going back to school early in the morning Sawyer?"
"I'm not sure yet Ethan."
"What is that supposed to mean? Have we not made up? Have we not confessed something deep to each other?"
"Yes Ethan, we have. But I'm still mad at you. You punched me in my face. I didn't appreciate you hitting me like that and I am not moving forward going through something like that again. What we have is far from stable."
"You go back to school tomorrow and continue to avoid me and then what?"
"I don't know."
Ethan jerked himself away from Sawyer and marched straight back to his convertible. He got to his car and hopped over the door and fiercely cranked his car. He screeched his way out of there and onto the road. Sawyer just watched him with raised eyebrows.
Sawyer got home about twenty minutes after Ethan did. He walked in and expected Ethan to be asleep, but he was wide awake. He had the light off but he was laying on his back. Sawyer knew he was usually awake when he laid that way.
Sawyer changed clothes and put on boxers and a T- shirt. He looked Ethan's way but didn't say anything. When Sawyer sat down on his bed, he heard Ethan speak.
"I'm sorry Sawyer. I didn't mean to walk out on you and end things the way I did."
Sawyer paused for a moment, then replied. "It's ok Ethan. I know you are the sensitive type."
"I love you Sawyer."
"I love you to Ethan."
Both went to sleep minutes later.
Two Locked Hearts (Part 20)
Ethan had a bunch of people hanging out with him after school when he spotted Sawyer walking across the parking lot alone. Sawyer looked as though he were in a hurry. Ethan told his friend Lance to run after and stop Sawyer. Lance went running after and caught him just as he was about to step into his jeep.
Sawyer was slightly unnerved and gave out a look of warning to Lance, then Lance pointed to Ethan. Sawyer looked at what Lance was pointing at and fury rebirthed in Sawyer's face and he hurriedly climbed into his jeep. Ethan took off for him.
When Sawyer had his car cranked and his gear put in drive he looked up to see Ethan standing in front of the jeep. Sawyer shook his head. Ethan understood what that mean't but he didn't budge. Ethan motioned toward his heart, signed that it was breaking. He ran his fingers down Sawyer's jeep so Sawyer wouldn't drive away. Sawyer already had his window down.
Ethan got inches toward the door when Sawyer punched out at Ethan. Ethan cowered but only slightly.
"Do you think it's ok to punch somebody in the face one day and then love on them the next Ethan? I don't think so. I'm not your punching bag and I am not someone you take out your frustrations on."
"Sawyer I was on my medication. I am still sick. You turned the TV up as loud as it could go. You literally busted my eardrums. Should you really expect anything less? You're lucky I didn't beat your ass. Anybody else would have."
"That's why you need to be in your own room at your own house where nobody can do that to you. Don't blame the medicine. You were flipping out on me all day. I got tired of it."
"I am still sick Sawyer!"
"Then until you get better my suggestion to you is to stay away from me."
Sawyer floored the gas pedal; his sideview mirror hitting Ethan and knocking him off his feet.
Six people went rushing over to help Ethan.
"That bastard." Lane Gypsy screeched.
"He needs his ass beat," Nathan Lesky hissed.
"No. No. It's my fault. I should've left him alone. I hit him yesterday and he's still pissed off about it," Ethan said, allowing his friends to help him up. "Leave him alone."
"You need to stay away from him Ethan. He's crazy. The whole school thinks so," Nathan said.
"I know the whole school hates him Nathan." Ethan said. "Let's drop it and go to the varsity. I need to take my medicine."
Ethan and his friends left the school parking lot and went to the varsity to hang out.
Ethan thought about what Sawyer said the entire time he hung out at the varsity. His friends could tell he was a million miles away.
What puzzled Ethan the most was the fact that deep down Sawyer was right. Ethan had been kinda cruel to him, and he had been doing it on purpose. He had done it because Sawyer had gone out on a date with Annabelle. He hated it.
He thought about how he could fix the matter with Sawyer. Knew he had to take responsibility for his part. Maybe Sawyer shouldn't have almost hit him with his jeep, but Ethan had no right standing in front of it either. Sawyer has every right in the world to drive out of the school parking lot when he feels like it. Ethan knew he had no right barging in on Sawyer like he did. In fact he'd been doing that a lot. From the time he called the vice principal to hold Sawyer accountable to his contract, to the times he ran after Sawyer when Sawyer was mad at him. Now Ethan was barging in on him at home by living with him, and even had the audacity to hit him. Ethan felt like he was terrible person. "I don't know how Sawyer does it," he said out loud.
Ethan stayed at the varsity until 7pm. He had a salad and something healthy to drink. His friends kept him company. Ethan himself did his best to keep Sawyer off the subject of conversation. He'd almost forgotten anything had happened between them until he'd forgotten himself and headed in the direction of his house instead of Sawyers'. Whoa, I live at Sawyer's now, Ethan said, making a U turn.
Ethan drove to Sawyer's house a little nervous. He couldn't believe he still had feelings for him even after what had happened. It had been almost three months since he and Sawyer had gotten close. And one heck of a ride.
When Ethan got back to the house everyone was asleep. All the lights were off and there wasn't a single sound. When Ethan walked into his room he saw Sawyer laying on his back. Ethan proceeded to change into his night clothes. When he was finished, Sawyer's voice rang through the room.
"I didn't mean to knock you down earlier today. I just didn't feel comfortable in front of all your friends."
Two Locked Hearts (Part 19)
Sawyer woke Ethan up turning on the television. It was 8:45pm. Ethan looked at the tv for a second, then he raised his voice for Sawyer to hear.
"Can you turn that off please? I need to get some sleep."
Sawyer snatched the remote control and pushed the off button. Then he got up and faced Ethan.
"Who do you think you are talking to me like that?"
Ethan had his back turned to Sawyer. He didn't even acknowledge Sawyer. Sawyer took the remote control and turned the TV back on and turned it all the way up. That did it. Ethan turned around in a rage and sat up. "Gimme that remote." Ethan lunged forward at Sawyer and instead of trying to take the remote, Ethan socked the hell out of Sawyer's jaw.
Sawyer backed up and away from Ethan before he got hurt. Then he took the remote still in his hand, and he chucked it as hard as he could at Ethan. It got Ethan right in the face. Miraculously, Ethan sobered up. He calmed down and searched for the remote. He took it and cut the TV down.
"You are just like my mom. You are disrespectful and disgusting. Either help me or get the fuck out of my life. I am still sick and I need respect. Respect and space and privacy and peace and quiet. Now shut the fuck up and let me get some sleep." He then threw the remote into the wall with his athletic arm and Sawyer watched as it shattered into four pieces. Angry and full of rage, Sawyer ran out of the bedroom to report Ethan to his parents. He wanted Ethan out before he committed murder.
Sawyer rode the horse his parents owned up the side of the front yard back and forth trying to calm down. Mrs. Lancelot told Sawyer to give Ethan a break. "The boy is still sick Sawyer. What you did was unfair."
Sawyer saw red after Ethan had punched him. All he wanted to do was break Ethan's neck. He was severely angry at him. Nobody hits me like that!
The horse Sawyer was on was getting agitated. Sawyer was being too rough. Several minutes later, Sawyer got off and let the horse roam free.
The wind started to blow rather hard. I guess I need to go in and do my homework. The world doesn't stop just because Ethan's sick and in a bad mood, Sawyer said to himself. I'm not staying out of my bedroom forever either. That room is just as much mine as it is his. Really it's not even his.
Sawyer marched back to the house and was ready to battle again with Ethan, should he start another fight with his attitude.
Ironically Ethan was sound asleep when Sawyer walked back into his room. He found the remote still on the floor in pieces. Sawyer scooped them up and sat down trying to focus. He looked at the pieces and did his best to put the remote back together. It was no use. Sawyer had broken it.
He'd already told his mom and she was on her way to the store to get another one. Obviously she felt sorry for Ethan because she was willing to rush to best buy and have the remote replaced as soon as possible to keep the peace between Ethan and Sawyer.
Sawyer found it comical and ridiculous. He also didn't think it was going to work. Sawyer was a guy with a nasty temper and very good at holding grudges and harboring unforgiveness. It didn't look good for Ethan.
Yet, Ethan slept like a baby as if he didn't even care. Sawyer sat down and did his homework. Afterwards, he to went to bed and decided to let Ethan leave his mind. He had a lot to do the next day and Ethan wasn't even on his list of priorities.
Sawyer was still so ticked at Ethan he went to school an hour early to avoid having to talk to or acknowledge him. Normally he knew Ethan got up at six to jog a mile, but that isn't happening anymore since he's now recovering from a concussion.
Now Ethan is sleeping until seven and Sawyer took it as an opportunity to bail early to avoid him. He knew he'd have to face him sooner or later, but he was way too angry to do it now.
He wished Ethan would make up with his parents and go back home and return to being Ethan again like before. He hated the role he now played beside Ethan. It was like they were brothers now or something. He didn't think too fondly of that now that Ethan had slugged him in the face.
Everytime he thought of that he wanted to get Ethan back somehow. Not that it mattered at all to Sawyer, but it certainly looked as though he now hated Ethan, and that it was something similar to permanent.
Ethan got up and got dressed. He was late for school having overslept. Normally Sawyer would wake him up. He must still be mad at me, Ethan thought. He knew Sawyer was good at holding grudges. Him and Sawyer had had plenty of fights over the course of their friendship, and Ethan had to, more than once, ask for Sawyer's forgiveness. He feared he'd be faced with doing that again, especially if he wanted any chance with him romantically.
He couldn't let that deter his focus at the moment though. He was late for school and he still had to recover from his concussion. He was just about caught up with his school work. Still had a few more assignments to turn in. His teachers were being lenient toward him, but it'd only go so far. He couldn't let Sawyer get in the way of that. His primary focus had to be his recovery and school, even if it mean't he and Sawyer part for a while.
He tried not to think about it. Instead Ethan poured himself into getting ready for school and seeing what the day had to bring.
Two Locked Hearts (Part 18)
Ethan's cell phone began to ring off the hook again. He didn't like that because it'd go off at night and wake both he and Sawyer. Sawyer had never seen anything like it. He knew people received messages often, but Ethan got them all night.
"Just what do you have over you Ethan? A love spell or something?" Sawyer asked one night nearly asleep. "Everyone is all over you constantly."
Ethan pondered Sawyer's remark. "It's the sports Sawyer. I excelled in all of them and took first place in every one of them. I think the only sport I didn't play was tennis."
"Oh," Sawyer said before he started snoring.
Ethan smiled over that.
He had his overhead lamp on finishing his homework. He had it hooked to the railing of his bunk bed. He stayed up two extra hours every night catching up in all of his classes. Calculus was the only challenge. Sawyer helped him there. The tutoring sessions for that continued once again. Ethan now needed it. Sawyer didn't have a problem with it, especially since he had signed a contract agreeing to do it anyway. Plus, Ethan was his new best friend so he rather benefitted from the time.
When Ethan turned the light off, Sawyer surprised him by saying his name. "Ethan."
Opening his eyes, Ethan responded.
"Yes Sawyer?"
"Did you know I went on a date with Annabelle Newson two days before you went to the hospital?"
Ethan's heart started beating rapidly in his chest.
"No Sawyer I didn't."
Ethan eventually wanted to tell Sawyer how he felt about him. Ethan was in love with him, yet hadn't told him yet.
"Yeah. She came up to me one day after school and asked for my number. We talked for several days and then she asked me out to the movies. We went and saw Final Fantasy Dream ..... I wanted to know what your opinion was. Do you think she's sexy and worth my time?"
Ethan carried a sour look on his face he knew Sawyer wouldn't want to see.
Ethan pretended to snore to put an end to the conversation. Sawyer just looked up and said incredible. Then went to sleep himself.
Ethan laid sideways and thought for a moment. Sawyer likes a girl. A very pretty girl to. Ethan didn't know what he could do to compete with that. Closing his eyes, the tears started to pour. Several minutes later Ethan was out.
Ethan could not get the thought of Sawyer going out on a date with Annabelle Newson out of his head to save his life. All throughout the day and in most of his classes Ethan continually thought it over.
Annabelle wasn't even popular. She was pretty and had a very beautiful smile, but Ethan had never even heard of her in any social circle he'd been in. The only reason he knew her was because he saw her around over the years growing up once or twice and happen to see her name and picture one year in his yearbook. Aside from that, he knew nothing about her. He never saw Sawyer talking on the phone either.
"Ethan, you need to get your head out of the clouds." Mrs. Seedie snapped. "I can see you daydreaming from here. Sit up and pay attention. I don't do all this talking and teaching for nothing. Either listen or go to study hall."
Ethan sat up and refocused.
"Ok. I'm back."
Half the class laughed. Ethan just looked on innocently. "So this clause here insinuates ......." Mrs. Seedie went on with the lecture, rebuking her students.
Ethan pretended to listen with a little more effort. But eventually his thoughts returned to Annabelle. Ethan didn't enjoy this breaking news about Annabelle at all. In fact it was borderline torture.
Ethan sat on the top bunk reading a book assigned to him for a book report due in one week. Sawyer walked in suddenly with his book bag. He looked at Ethan and smiled.
"Hey Ethan."
Ethan pretended he didn't hear Sawyer. Sawyer tapped him on the leg.
Ethan looked up. "Yes?"
"I said hey," Sawyer declared.
"And?" Ethan remarked.
"Excuse me?" Sawyer asked. "What's with the attitude all of a sudden?"
"Sawyer, leave me alone, ok. I am tired and don't feel good. I'm up to my eyeballs in schoolwork and I need some much needed space."
"Well excuse me for acknowledging you. I won't do it again."
Sawyer sat on his bottom bunk and laid down to take a nap. His day had been long and exhausting. Ethan could hear him snore from up top and had to fight the urge to smile. Sawyer really was funny. And had the worst temper to. Ethan tried to focus on his homework but Sawyer's words kept echoing in his ears. "I won't do it again." I hope I didn't ruin anything between Sawyer and I, Ethan thought to himself. He went back to his book only slightly into it.
Two Locked Hearts (Part 17)
Sawyer reached over and shook Ethan. "Buddy, we're home."
Ethan smiled at the sound of that. "Home."
It went over Sawyer's head. "Yes, we're home. Let's grab your suitcases and set them up in my bedroom and you can climb on the top bunk where you will be sleeping and get some sleep."
Ethan nodded.
Both of them got out of the car and grabbed a few suitcases and made their way inside the house. Ethan, oddly enough, had never been to Sawyer's house. Sawyer had only been to Ethans'. Ethan was amazed at Sawyer's home. It was big, on some nice country land, and it was very clean and homey.
"Sawyer your house looks amazing." Ethan said.
Sawyer laughed. "Everybody says that Ethan."
Once they found Sawyer's bedroom, Ethan and Sawyer entered and placed the suitcases in the corner. "Ethan, climb on the top bunk and get some sleep. I am sure you are exhausted over the drama with your mom and over the concussion you are still recovering from. My parents don't care that you are here. They just want you to take care of yourself. Treat this house as your own was mom's message to you. I say the same thing, but only after you get some sleep."
Ethan smiled, climbed up to the top bunk, laid on his back, and closed his eyes. Sawyer went and got the rest of Ethan's suitcases. When he was finished, Sawyer shut his bedroom door, turned off the light, and climbed on the top bunk and woke Ethan up.
Ethan looked at him like he was crazy.
"I just wanted to give you a hug. You have no idea how much I worried about you and missed you."
Ethan had to force the tears from leaving his eyes. After all, Ethan was in love with Sawyer. He hadn't told Sawyer yet how he felt, and was still sure Sawyer was straight.
Instead, Ethan sat up, reached for Sawyer, and wrapped one of his arms around him. Sawyer wrapped both of his arms around Ethan and gently caressed him. Sawyer started crying. "Sorry Ethan. I have been holding these tears in for four solid days now. I really was worried about you."
Ethan held the hug steady and allowed Sawyer's release. Deep down Ethan was giddy as hell. But he also understood where Sawyer was coming from. Seeing someone get hurt is never fun, especially someone you care about.
Ethan had not recovered all of his strength, so eventually he asked Sawyer to let him go. Sawyer did. Gave his best friend a wink, then climbed down into his own bed.
"Good night Ethan. Don't worry about your parents. Eventually you'll make up with them," Sawyer called up to him.
"I know Sawyer," Ethan yawned. "I just needed some space. Good night man."
Both boys fell asleep minutes later.
Ethan had to take it easy for a total of two months. Really six weeks. He also had to follow up with his doctor in four weeks.
Sawyer's mom was a nurse, but she didn't hover over Ethan. She helped him by giving him advice. He asked her if she'd go with him to the doctor in four weeks and she said she would.
"What is your opinion about my recovery Mrs. Lancelot?"
"Well Ethan you really should listen to whatever the doctor tells you. Since you went to the emergency room, your doctor should have had a nurse draw up some paperwork with instructions on what you needed to do. Simply follow those directions. If you have any needs, you need to let it be known. No one can help you if they don't know what you need. I don't believe in hovering over anyone and suffocating them with kindness. I believe in fresh air and freedom."
"Well, I've been following the paper instructions just fine. I retire when I don't feel good and I've been lightly moving around."
"A concussion is nothing to play around with, but it doesn't last forever and a full recovery is possible. Just be careful. Wait two or three months before you go back to sports. Sawyer told me you are pretty intense with workouts and competing. I don't think you should stop or slow down over a concussion, but I do believe you should be more careful."
"Have you been talking to Sawyer?"
Ethan asked.
"Yes. He says you are very intense with your workouts. That you like to pace yourself at a mean and unfair pace. Be careful, I repeat. When you go back to it, be careful."
"Ok." Ethan said.
Ethan knew he had a long time before he went back to all that. He'd finished all his school sports anyways. He had even landed a scholarship in track for Duke University. He didn't need to hurry back to all that. College didn't start until the following Fall. It was still barely February.
Ethan returned to school a week after he moved into Sawyer's house. His teachers and all his friends missed him and hovered over him when he returned. He could not walk down the hall without at least six people wanting to walk with him, and every teacher he had wanted to bombard him with schoolwork. He voiced his concerns about that to his school counselor, Mrs. Wise, and she had to pull a few strings and help him out.
Two Locked Hearts (Part 16)
Sawyer hung the phone up then returned to the dining room. Sawyer smiled from ear to ear, happy Ethan was out of the hospital and on his way to a full recovery. God had answered his prayer.
Ethan hated his parents. They would not allow him to get out of bed or eat anything good. He had to drink nasty tonic twice a day and he was only allowed water to drink. Soup or fruit were his daily diet and it was about to drive him mad.
"Mom, you can't keep me in this bed. The doctor said I had to get up and exercise."
"How do you know what the doctor said?"
"Because I had private conversations with him while you slept on the couch."
"He told me not to let you do any physical activity for the first week you were home."
"That does not include walking and taking a bath. I'm not a handicap. I will not be treated like an invalid."
Mrs. Fester slammed the door of his bedroom, on her way out, so hard his ears rattled from the echo.
He climbed out of bed and walked to the door. He locked the doorknob. Feeling better, he went back to his bed and fell asleep in minutes. Ethan wasn't interrupted again.
"They're driving me crazy. Please ask your parents if I can stay with them for a while. I'm serious. I'm so angry at my family I could spit fire," Ethan declared to Sawyer that same night.
"Ethan, you know my mom and dad will let you stay here. But are you ok with bunk beds, because you won't have your own room."
"Yes, I'm fine with it. Just get permission tomorrow. I'm leaving this God-forsakened place first thing."
"Ok. I'll call you when I know something."
"Thanks," Ethan said. He hung up then placed his cell phone on the dresser. He cut his light off then laid down. Closing his eyes, he thanked God for Sawyer's friendship.
"What!" Mrs Fester boomed. "You can't just move out Ethan. You are our son."
"I'm moving out mom. You and dad are driving me crazy. I'm sorry."
"You haven't seen crazy Ethan. I can surely show you crazy. I will not be bullied. You walk out that door and your ass will not be back. And you can forget about college to."
"Don't threaten me. I have a scholarship and will take out a loan," Ethan slammed the door shut, holding the last suitcase his mom caught him carrying to Sawyer's jeep.
"You do that you ungrateful brat. Don't you dare come back either," his mom screamed from the front door.
Ethan raised his middle finger for Mrs. Fester to see. Surprisingly, she did it right back then slammed the door shut.
Sawyer drove his jeep down the road with Ethan's suitcases. Ethan himself sat in the backseat and slept. Sawyer could easily tell Ethan was still sick.
Sawyer couldn't believe he told Ethan he could live with him. He knew his parents loved Ethan, and would let him stay. That wasn't the problem. The problem Sawyer saw was how incredibly close they'd become in less than a few months. It wasn't a bad thing, but it made Sawyer a little uncomfortable. Ethan stirred feelings inside Sawyer he had never felt before. But despite that, Sawyer knew he cared about Ethan. A lot. Knew he would help him anyway he could.
Ethan woke up as Sawyer's jeep went down the rock-filled driveway. His vehicle sorta swayed back and forth. Holding onto one of his suitcases, Ethan looked at Sawyer as he maneuvered his car. "Are we finally there?" He asked.
Sawyer looked at Ethan through the rearview mirror. "Yes, we're nearly there. My parents own forty acres of land. It's about another two or three blocks."
"Oh my God. I'm gonna throw up Sawyer. Can you go easy on the driving please?"
"Ethan, it's a rocky driveway. I can't really do that."
"Well I'm still sick dammit."
Sawyer stopped his car. He looked back at Sawyer. "Get out and get in the front seat."
Ethan opened the door and squeezed out of Sawyer's jeep. He made his way to the front and got into the passenger seat.
"Now, lean your seat all the way back. And get some sleep. I'll slow down, I promise," Sawyer vowed.
Ethan obeyed and instantly found solace and peace. True to his word, Sawyer slowed his driving. Until Sawyer got to his house, there was no more arguing.
The Legend Of The Rain 2
He tried pulling her out of the tree, but then he noticed that the fire was already burning her body.
"Save yourself," she whispered weakly, "I'm about to die, that is certain. This tree holds my life. It's already burning to ashes. It will be futile. Leave me."
Feeling weak, she laid her head low. He argued with her. He won't let her burn in the forest. He already made his vows, his promises that he would love her for eternity. He would water her when she's thirsty, and would make her leaves dance in the air just like she wanted to.
"I love you," he finally said, breaking down in tears.
He couldn't believe that such a moment could be so bittersweet. Confessing his love to someone dying is blissful and at the same time, painful. She smiled and a tear also escaped her eye. He sobbed at her dying body. She smiled at him and finally said—
"I love you too. Because in this world, even though we are never meant to be together, you chose to love me. But in this time, you have to let go. It is my destiny to be in death's hand. You deserve to live. The universe chose us to be away from each other. Please, live for me."
She cried softly as the flames reached her.
He couldn't bear the pain anymore. But he didn’t run. He held her hand and placed it on his chest. She looked at him in confusion as he smiled at her. Painfully, he uttered, "I won't let you die as long as you let me live. If I can’t save you, then I shall die too."
"What's the use of living if you are gone from my side?” he continued, “I made a vow that I would love you all my life. And I won't break that promise. As we die here together, I I will love you with all my heart, even after death," he said, and they kissed.
They kissed even as the flames destroyed them. They didn’t let go of each other, even as everything around them burnt down to ashes. They chose love, even if the price of this undying choice was death.
They were burned together in the place where they found love. The flames did not extinguish its rage. Men and women took buckets of water to annihilate the devastating fire. But no matter what they did, the flames didn't die.
The annihilating flames lasted all night, until the next morning. The people from the village were scared, and were about to lose hope. Suddenly, smoke appeared somewhere away from the woods. Every one wondered, what other place could be burning? And what would give smoke the color of light gray?
The huge gray smoke approached the burning forest, and then the village. It engulfed them everything in the vicinity, and the villagers couldn’t tell what was happening.
Then, water started to drop from the sky. Everyone was stunned.
The water drops grew stronger and heavier. The villagers cheered as the flames began to subside in the forest. The gray smoke watered the forest, the houses, and everything in its path. The villagers were relieved, and danced under the waterfall.
After the waterfall, the smoke subsided and sunlight came. They checked the forest and saw only burnt trees and ashes everywhere the forest. But a child saw something wonderful. Under the trunk of a fallen tree was a beautiful new grown flower, surrounded by ashes and bones. Its petals were as white and pure as snow, and soft and moist as water.
They looked at skies and saw the gray smoke had already turned white, as an unknown breeze blew.
They named the smoke 'clouds', the smoke that saved them from the flames.
They called its waters the 'rain', the drops that saved their village.
They called the breeze as the 'wind', the air that taught the leaves how to dance.
Whenever the clouds got angry, they would bring thunder and rain together with the strong wind. It rained to quench the trees' thirst; it blew winds to play with its leaves.
The woodcutter had kept his promise. The Woman was stuck on the earth, and he was trapped in the skies. But their love never died no matter how far they were from each other. Their love lasted for eternity even though they could no longer touch each other's lips.
This is the love untold— a love between the clouds and the trees.
This is the story of love everlasting.
A tale that should forever be embedded in our hearts and minds.
This is the legend of an undying death.
The Legend of the Rain.
The Legend Of The Rain 1
Years ago, clouds ceased to exist.
There is only the sun, and no rain has come forth to the world.
There are no winds, and only the scorching heat of the sun exists.
It was only the sun at day, and the moon and stars at night.
One day, a woodcutter wandered into the forest to find some wood. He brought his ax with him on his shoulders and whistled through his way. As he paced his way through the forest, he found a huge tree with no leaves on its branches. This would be his lucky day, he thought.
He prepared to swing his ax at the tree until…
"Stop!"
He froze. He turned to where the voice and was astonished at what he saw. It was a woman, stuck on a tree with vines crawling at her body. Her brown hair had twigs growing in it and her green eyes had the same color of her leaves.
"If you cut this tree, I will die. Please don't cut this tree. I beg of you!" says she.
The woodcutter was shocked at this sight. He dropped his ax and went to the woman stuck in the tree.
"What happened to you?" he asked as he touched the vines that entangled the woman.
"I was cursed by an enchantress. She told me that I would be stuck in this tree forever. This tree is dying. The other trees are taller, and it can't reach the energy the enchantress is giving," the woman said as she struggled to catch her breath.
"What type of energy does she give?" the woodcutter asked.
"I have no idea, but please… I want to live, please give me something to eat."
The woman begged and the woodcutter ran back to his cottage to get some food for her. When he came back, he brought fruits, bread, meat, and fish.
He fed her, and watched her chew, but no matter what he fed to her, she still felt weak. The woodcutter felt hopeless at her condition, but when he turned to his side, he saw a well. This gave him an idea. He took the pail and fetched some water from the well.
Just when he was about to rush to the woman's aid, he stumbled upon a twig and splashed the water on the tree. Suddenly, a small plant sprouted on its side and the woman felt a sudden urge of strength on her body.
"That's it! Whatever you did, keep on doing it!" the woman said gleefully.
And the woodcutter did as he was told. He kept on watering the tree, and he also watered her body. The woman felt better and stronger, and noticed the little buds of flower sprouting from the ground.
"Thank you so much, I owe my life to you," she said.
The man smiled at her, and she returned the smile as well.
Everyday, he would visit her and water her tree. They would chat and exchange stories with each other. Over time, they became closer than ever.
The man had never been so happy all his life. He could not explain the joy he was feeling every time they met. He enjoyed her company, and she enjoyed his as well.
Unbeknownst to them, they had started to fall for each other.
One night, they were talking about their dreams and staring together at the stars. The woodcutter gazed at her eyes as she spoke. He went closer to her and held her chin. Slowly they kissed, and the moon and stars were their only witnesses.
They made love under the moonlight, and they kissed under the beautiful starry night.
The man knew he was in love. They are in love. It was beautiful, and magical at the same time. Ever since that night, the man had one dream, and it was to love her, to take care of her, to live with her forever.
But all good things, that must come to an end.
One day, the man went to the market to buy some meat. An old woman came to him and asked for food. He smiled at her and gave some fruits and vegetables. The woman smiled at him, but not blissfully. It was a smile of sorrow.
"One burning leaf could destroy an entire forest," the old woman said.
The woodcutter was confused by her words, and before he could react, she had left with her basket of fruits. As he returned to the forest, he felt a strange sensation in his chest. It was painful, painful enough for him to halt in his steps.
When he looked at the sky, he saw smoke coming from the forest, where his love resides. His eyes widened, and he ran swiftly towards the gigantic black smoke. Fear crept into him. Fear that he would lose the only person who loves him, the only person he has ever loved.
When he came closer, he saw massive flames and burnt trees. He was on the verge of crying. Pain ascended in his chest. When he reached her tree, he saw it being eaten by a huge fire. The flowers on the trunk were being dried up, the leaves were burnt.
There she was, breathing heavily, and the fire had almost reached her. He took the pail to the well and splashed her with it. But the fire grew stronger, and a tree fell on her. He screamed painfully, but no creature of this forest or this land heard him.
Mayday 3
"Child, the music is clearly exhibiting the composer's indecision. Listen to the way it races through the octave only to descend in the next breath. Doesn't it create a feeling of being off-kilter? Unsteady? Taking said feelings into account, wouldn't it be better to represent it with a jagged or broken line? Yet you have drawn a smooth curve."
She gazed up at the lady, incomprehension evident. The woman walked away huffily.
She turned her attention back to the troubling curve in question. Indecision? Where? The musician knew exactly where he was going. The tempestuous music was clearly to rile up an audience, the storm before the calm. As such, the calm would assuage all feelings of insecurity the earlier part of the music might have unearthed. It would be the perfect balm, a comfort blanket to wrap all people if need be. It was like a mother's generous embrace, welcoming, forgiving; that's what her books described them as anyway. What better way to represent this than with the breath-taking symmetry of a circle and its philanthropic tendencies; it literally made the world go round.
The melody ended with the same unsettling music it had begun with. She smiled, satisfied. It had come full circle.
The smile was the twig that broke the camel's back. Our Mayflower already chalked up several strikes in the past few minutes; burgeoning curiosity, free thought, opinions, contentment with her work, not to mention the little needling voice at the back of her head. Happiness, however slight, was the last straw. Well, that and her talking into thin air. That one's on me, I'm bad at being seen.
The men in white carted her off, taking great care to separate her from the music; while it was state-approved due to its rhythmic nature, its subjective effect on the listener had placed its existence under review. Bop to the same beat but ensure the tappity-tap isn't the sound of a revolutionary come a-knockin'.
The most curious phenomenon was observed by those who placed May under a similar review. They had originally hypothesized that the music was responsible for the onslaught of emotions that pinged them off; despite her bright yellow name, a child as properly gray as May was all but transparent to our esteemed doctors of the doctrine. Yet her gray was mystifyingly translucent.
It was unsettling, put mildly. It was concluded that she was ill and severely so, must be for the alternative was unthinkable. If their objective truth was akin gravity, then our lil' May was afloat. A false truth, reason objects; a mere shadow marketed as tangible reality.
May had to go.
They kicked her out of the reformatory, a rare feat if there ever was. She was first quarantined and when it was deemed non-contagious, politely isolated.
*****
It's May now and I'm still sitting in the same spot, stewing in the same pot. At this point I'm worse than stagnant water for even that possesses the potential to spread disease while I can only contract one. My shoulders ache so much, I might as well be Atlas; at least the weight of his world didn't flatten him into a pancake. Frankly, it should have. We'd have had a Titan frisbee. All future godly debates could be resolved with a quick frisbee match. No slice and dice while in flight. Speaking of which, I'd like a word with god. Or whichever inter-subjective concept is trending these days. Not to call him up on his crap, no nothing of the sort. I just wanna know when the sadness ends. It's the fear of forever that weighs my heart down the most. What if I'm never fully happy again? all my emotions seem flushed with grey, but joy is the one I miss most.
Still May, but while my friends are flying to college, I'm limping to my meds. How am I supposed to be happy for them when my own happiness is contained in a tiny yellow pill. But I try. And I feel like a massive flake, a subtle fake. I just– I feel so bitter. I wanted to go to college too. But I'm just stuck here. Stuck trying to get up, get out of this endless gray wasteland, reserved for my private perusal.
Where are my neon signs of exit, demarcating happiness.
An erratic switch to first person pronouns instead of third person ones, such a pitiable folly. Won't you sit with me as I try to find precisely where I dropped the ball, a ball of burple yarn? You haven't seen it, have you? You haven't seen May, have you?
Mayday 2
Her hand reached for the iPod to skip the current song before she realised that she had forgotten to bring it along. She was veritably naked to the world's chaos yet even more unsettling was the fact that she had begun associating skipping songs as a way to change her own train of thought. And now, bereft of this handy anomaly, she was stuck on their words, like those cassettes from when dinosaurs roamed the earth. Or a fly on flypaper, but that wasn't nearly as romantic a thought as dinosaurs.
"I beg your pardon, but could you repeat it just once more?" her mother said in an unfeeling monotone, almost as if she felt obliged to. Probably thought she was. Maybe she wanted to do full dramatic justice to the scene.
The man across the table sighed. " As I was saying, we can no longer continue to accommodate your ward at our institution" he continued patiently. "The authorities feel that she simply doesn't meet the criteria; to be frank, she's unfit to continue residence in these halls."
The man winced. The higher-ups had specifically mentioned that he was not, in any way, to cushion the blow. Not that he felt much, of course. The wince was triggered by his verbose phrasing of the last sentence. If he wasn't conscientious, some might even rule the judgment as "subjective". The horror.
(two months before the conversation)
the music continued, an interminable drone in her left ear. her mother favoured to walk on her right, so she kept that ear free for an equally interminable drone, but much less welcome.
"Are you listening." it wasn't a question; she obviously was. it was a command to contribute to the conversation, disguised as concern. not that she would ever point that out. Pointless.
"Yeah, sorry, could you repeat that." she replied, carefully keeping inflection out of her words. It took two to tango.
If her mother noticed, she didn't let on. A popular trend. Recently, she had realised that people only ever noticed what they wanted to see and then proceeded to draw conclusions from their own severely limited observations.
She had begun using this universal tendency to render herself invisible in uncomfortable situations.
When the teacher called home to report her absence even though she was on the front bench.
When she spilled acid on her hands during lab, since the assistant miscounted and she couldn't be bothered to correct him– it took too much energy. And a little acid was no biggie.
When her mother had been late for work, waiting for her to return from the shop, even though she had been in her room for an hour and a half. Somehow, it was still her fault. Which was strange.
Perhaps uncomfortable situations is stretching it. Could a flesh-and-blood (or lack thereof) superpower ever cease to be useful?
I do wish May had done something a tad more proactive. I miss being visible. Do I exist if none can vouch for it?
(11 days before the conversation)
She skimmed through the book, its contents failing to relieve her boredom. With a sigh to rival a gale, she set it down but refused to resign herself to a dull evening. Not with the sun still up. A medium ochre sun.
The music was, of course, playing in the background. The a comfortable familiarity of it, however, put it out of the running to be considered a distraction. Her fingers tapped out the rhythms unconsciously as song after song traversed the well worn lanes of memory– fragments reaching out to snag her attention.
"You're doing it wrong". She turned to face the nagging voice
She looked down at the page. She hadn't been aware there was a wrong way to do it.
"What's wrong with it?" she asked, genuinely curious.
"Your work is supposed to reflect the music" clear exasperation
"But it does."
Mayday
I want to spin a yarn, truly I do. There's nothing more that I'd like more than to weave like the proverbial grandmother; unknit those eyebrows, oh skeptical reader dear. Lend me an ear and some credibility while you're at it; believe me kid, I like hyperbole as much as the next guy, which is to say I like it very much indeed. Which might be a slight exaggeration. Yes, I'm proud of that.
Oh do wipe that silly grimace off your face now, wouldn't you? I have such a fun scarf planned out, won't you stay and watch it unfold? Don't rush the creativity, tsk tsk. It comes and goes. I bid adieu.
Here's something you must understand; I'm not May, our protagonist. Dear me, I couldn't be, what with me being born in April and what not. Such a shame, truly. To despise a skein of skin so much that you isolate it, call it “Burple” and pretend it doesn't hold significance, for the colour “burple” doesn't exist. Not to be confused with purple, potted beside.
Let me paint you a picture all burple-y. It's a portrait of May, side profile, no not that side the other one, point her chin a little and there! Perfect. Ah, forgot you were there. Fret not, you didn't just lose out on the next Mona Lisa; I lied, this artwork wasn't perfect. On the flipside, neither was it a disaster. It just was. Burple looks a lot like grey from where I'm standing.
May grew up like any other, like you and I, well more me than you. Her mother couldn't knit, but could nitpick with the pros while her father dubbed her a half-wit. In an articulate manner of course, for rudeness is expression of some underlying emotion and we don't do emotion in here. Or much else, all things considered.
She never possessed any particular passion, and more's the pity I'm sure you'll agree. Things came easily to her; a skill unlearned as of yet simply since she hadn't invested sufficient time. Her parents, the well-educated respectable people they were, forgot to teach her how to be mediocre, a medium ochre– a colour far removed from her smudged monochromatic being.
It's a colourless way to exist; strangely artful in its existence. Somewhere down the road she realised that all anyone cares about is the outcome; the input may be compromised upon as pleased. The theory of minimal effort.
It was frustrating; she was but a child, the frustration a flavorful emotion she occasionally indulged in. She wanted to mean something greater than the sum of her parts. Humans, she reasoned, were never meant to be mathematical truths. Why, then, must her two plus two add up to a simple four, when there were so many exotic numbers just waiting to equal her.
Understandable, I suppose. Even more so are your cries to do away with math. Shush oh reader mine, May wouldn't last a day in this Allspice world of ours. How do I know, you challenge. You saw a spark of something in her, you insist. She could make it here if only given the chance, you reason.
But she couldn't. Took me along for the ride and I'm yet to find my sea legs. How to paddle sans pedal-ers indeed.
The first instance of her trying to equal any number but the one she was expected to was also regrettably, but unsurprisingly, the last. It had to be, for each was assigned their own number and would never amount to anything more than what the number dictated. Didn't, however, act as a blanket for those who failed to hold the same value as the number in the first place; the surplus greased the cogs of society. It kept things simple, clean, peaceful; whenever will you find two mathematical truths competing for dominance? They simply are. And they simply were.
Occasionally, misguided souls like our dear May would rebel but that's the thing about objective truths like gravity, which deceitful society equated it's structure to. Disbelief doesn't dissipate. Yet May disappeared.
Now creep up most carefully and keep up right behind me, since I plan to do a spot of spying and I don't wish for your ineptitude to slow us down. Don't fall through the window either in your big-footed clumsiness, lest the time-stream dissolve you. (Can time streams do that I wonder). Don't be terribly miffed now, if they catch us you can rest all blame on me. Be warned however, I am purely fictitious these days; picked it up on another spying stint and nothing has felt quite real since. But I digress.
*****
Self You're More Than Enough
Self, you are beautiful.
If anyone in this world thinks you’re ugly, it’s you.
But see, the thing is, you’re the only one who thinks that. Haven’t you seen yourself in the mirror lately? You brush your hair like its locks are each connected to a part of your soul. You religiously put on that make up that further accentuates your best features. And don’t get me started on the way that your eyes sparkle like precious gems and the sweet creases beside your mouth appear whenever you belt out the sweetest laughter I have ever heard.
Even in your sadness, you are beautiful. The vulnerable part of you shines even in the darkest and lowest times in your life.
So please, stow away that idea that you are ugly.
Because you’re not.
And you never were.
Self, you are strong.
Yes, you are far stronger than anyone else you know.
In times when nobody else would lend a helping hand, you were there for others. You were there to listen and to talk to them in their times of weakness, even when you yourself had burdens you carry.
Yes, life shattered some of your dreams.
Yes, life got in the way of some goals you wanted to have.
And finally, yes, some people eventually broke your heart and crushed your soul.
Yet, despite of all the triumphs and tribulations, you rose above it. When you told yourself you were weak, you were actually strong for having admitted that. You’ve been telling yourself to just give up, to just let go… yet you still hold on and you still carry on. You picked yourself up and started running the race of life again. And you will keep doing that over and over again.
So please, always keep fighting because you are strong.
Self, stop worrying aboout what may happen and enjoy what is happening.
Yes, you do not live in the past.
This moment right here, right now, you have the chance to become the best version of yourself. What may happen in the future will never come to pass if you will always worry about it.
I know, I know, you are anxious that jumping oceans for people may eventually hurt you.
And yes, it might happen. But what if it’s worth it?
You’re only anxious because of that future that may break you. But what if it will make you?
This will sound clichéd, but as they say, what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. Stop worrying so much about what may happen. Do not forget to live in the present where life offers you so much.
Feel the moment and watch its beauty and madness unfold right in front of you.
So live today, and let the future worry for itself.
Self, love yourself just as fiercely as you love others.
Yes, your heart is big enough to love other people and yourself at the same time.
Sometimes you fiercely love others and forget that you need to value yourself too. You forget that you cannot give what you yourself don’t have.
How can you love others so passionately but deprive yourself of the love that you need?
You do not need other people’s love to feel complete. You are more than enough for yourself. You deserve all the love that you can give. People will come and go, just as their love will be given and taken back.
But you, my beautiful dear, shall always remain and persevere with or without the love that they can give because you are worth the love that you have inside you.
So please, begin to love yourself before you give love to someone else.
My dearest self, you are more than enough and will always be worth all the joys that life can give.
Why They Didn't Tell Us In Fairy Tail
Under the chilly breeze of that night, he knew he had fallen for her.
He validates this idea in the way her smile sends a mini electric shock in his system.
The way her hair gently grazes her cheeks, how the pitch of her voice soothes him, and the mere idea of simply being near her... was enough to knock him upside down.
She had been with him for as long as he could remember.
They shared popsicles and scraped knees. They dug out worms and seashells. They practically did everything together.
'Why just now?' he pondered.
She was glowing. Her stride somewhat like bubbles, bouncing and very light. Those eyes of hers held him with a silent promise as she dragged him away from the crowd.
Like a sucker that he is, he gave in and let himself be led to who-knows-where.
Then, her stride came to a halt. He followed. Eyes too focused on how her body spun in front of him.
"Ready?" she asked.
"For what?"
Her lips formed into a cute pout as her brows furrowed.
"Impatient, aren't we?" she said succinctly.
He fought the urge to lean down at her teeth worrying her plump lower lip.
"What is it?" His voice coming out to more of a hiss.
She beamed and in that milisecond, he lost his breath. Slowly, her hands took his and entwined their fingers. He was fixated at the sight.
"I---"
"There you are! I was wondering where you guys went!" another voice floated behind him.
Abruptly, she freed her hands from his and bowed her head. He looked back to the girl approaching them, a wave of irritation threatening to surface.
"The guys are putting off the bonfire. We're about to leave," the newcomer informed them with a smile. They just stared at her.
"Uh? Am I interrupting?"
"No, oh no, It's fine." She was the first to speak with her hands linking on the other girl's arm. She faced him, her eyes lost the glow she had a few minutes ago.
"Let's go."
...
"Where is she?!" he screamed, as he saw her. His eyes wild and cheeks red as he came to her. His hands reached out shaking her shoulders desperately.
"I went to her room. It was empty. There was nothing. No note," he rasped.
Before saying anything, she took a good look at him. He was crazed like a kicked puppy and it broke her heart to be the one to break things to him.
"She left," She spoke as gently as she can.
"No! She didn't!"
"Yes, she did," She willed herself not to wince at how hard his nails were digging on her shoulders.
"You're lying! Tell me where she went. I'll go to her. Tell me where----"
"Can't you understand?!" She said in a voice that was louder than her liking.
"She left us! She didn't want us to know where she went!" And with this, she couldn't help but to let the silent tears drop one by one. The trembling she fought so hard to still conquered her. Her knees felt weak underneath her.
His hands let go of her shoulders and she crumbled on the floor in a weeping mess.
...
"He misses you," she whispered.
"I know he does."
"You know you could make him better."
"I know."
She coughs. Then, it turns into sporadic hacks.
She was contemplating if she needed to buzz for a nurse but her right hand raised up.
"It's fine," she manages to say. Another gulp of oxygen steadies her. She pauses.
"No, You are not."
"It's for the best."
"He's turning into a mess."
"Then, why did you stop us? That night... At the beach?"
She lets go of her frail hand, suddenly repulsed by it.
"I------" She bowed her head low as she was at a loss of words. Frail hands took hers and squeezed weakly.
"You, too, knew it was for the best."
There was no contempt in her voice. Her head shot up.
"I was selfish," She sobbed.
"We both are," her dried lips ghosted in a smile.
...
"I'm sorry," she spoke.
"I understand," he said dully.
His eyes focused to the girl lying on the bed. He observed numerous tubes with liquids jotting to and fro her body. Her hair limp and scattered under a bony head. Her eyes were closed. The translucence of her skin made her glow. It reminded him of her bubbly stride, her playfulness, her high-pitched voice, and her signature smile in that beach on that night a few years ago.
For the second time, he realized how far he has fallen.
"Please forgive her," the girl behind him broke him from reverie.
"There's nothing to forgive."
"Why are you saying this?! This is too much! This is----"
"I love you, too," he spoke.
She ran out of the room.
He felt a lone tear fall on his left cheek.
The heart monitor turned into a flat line.
An Open Door
Love is an open door. I never really believed that until I saw your eyes the first time you hailed the room with your presence. I will never forget that day, that chance encounter when I saw the guy who held the key to my heart a few months later.
I remember the way you looked that day, you were glowing, you were shining, you stood out among your friends. You were smiling and laughing, you were happy. There was not a day that I didn’t see you smile. Soon, your smile became my smile, and your sadness became mine. You made flowers grow in me and gave me warmth, like an eternal winter finally coming to an end.
I remember the day I told you I liked you, you were smiling like crazy that I wasn’t able to keep myself from smiling too. I never told you this, but I already loved you then. I had already fallen for the way your eyes twinkle as I tell you a funny story, I had already fallen for the way you laugh at silly things, I had already fallen for every little thing you do, but I was scared. Love is scary that way. It makes you see things that aren’t really there, makes you believe in promises that aren’t real, and makes you hope for things that would never really happen. You see, I loved you then and I love you now.
I remember the way I chased you and how you stopped in your tracks to look back and wait for me. I remember how I’d tell you stories and things I wondered about and how you’d listen to all of them. I remember how you’d smile every time I tell you how much I adore you and how I see galaxies in you whenever you’d tell me how flawed you are. I remember how much I loved you, and how you allowed me to.
But love is an open door, and an open door entails coming and going. It continuously welcomes the people it encounters and bids goodbye to the people that leave. That was how I met you, and that was how I lost you too. Love is an open door, and as much as I want to close it, to keep you by my side, and to just get lost in you, I know that love is not meant to be that way. Love is not selfish. It is about giving the person you love the freedom to choose, while hoping that he chooses you. And if he does not, it is about allowing him to spread his wings, it is letting him go to discover the world, it is about giving him the freedom to fly even if the places he wants to travel are the places you’re not a part of anymore. Love is sacrificing your happiness, just so he could have his.
I remember how much I loved you, and how you allowed me to. I know you loved me too, and although it was a love that cannot withstand challenges and struggles, I am grateful for all the memories. So now, let me remember the end, allow me to remind myself that no matter how many times I revisit the beginning, our story is always bound to end. Let me remember those petty fights, the misunderstandings, and the tears. Let me remember the painful nights spent crying as I think about what went wrong this time and how I could fix it. Let me remember my messages that never received any replies because you were too busy to respond. Let me remember the memories, for even if they were filled with sadness and pain, I wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else other than you.
Love is an open door, and I can still remember the day you finally decided to leave. I can still remember how I tried to fix something I didn’t know was broken, how I tried to pick up the shards of something that I didn’t know was cracked, I remember the pieces and how it wounded me trying to make everything better. My love, you may have left, but I stayed for you. For that, I hope you forgive me for holding on when all you wanted me to do was to finally let go. Forgive me for keeping the memories when you told me to forget them. Forgive me for loving you still even if you’ve already stopped loving me. Forgive me, my love, but let me remind you even though you’re away and probably not thinking of me anymore, that you are still the universe and a thousand galaxies combined for me, you are still the only star I would love staring at, you are still the sun that warms my winter days. Forgive me, my love for loving you and I will forgive you for taking the key of my heart away from my grasp, for keeping it in your palm and for not returning it.
Love is an open door. It was and it will always be open for the day you decide to return. And until then, I will be waiting for you, counting the days and months, counting the hours and seconds it took you to come back. And if that day never comes, and all we were supposed to be were two different roads that once met only to part again, then my love, can’t we just do it all over again?
Two Locked Hearts (Part 15)
Ethan was taken by ambulance to the hospital. The paramedics allowed Sawyer to ride with them. When they rolled Ethan in, nurses stopped Sawyer from going any farther and directed him to a finely dressed waiting room. He was told to sit tight until notified. Complying, Sawyer sat down, put his hands together, and prayed for Ethan to be ok. It didn't look much like it, but Sawyer was scared and afraid for his friend. The knot on Ethan's head was huge, and the look on his face showed true anguish. Sawyer tried not to shed any tears, but they were trying to come out.
"Why is it God that you don't realize how important people are to you until they're hurt?" Sawyer said out loud, then laid back and closed his eyes.
He thought about the past year with Ethan. It had been a rocky road. It had been a week since their talk by the lake. There had been no problems or fights. Sawyer was truly happy for the first time.
The hand on the clock was ticking by slowly. Sawyer decided to curl up and get some sleep. He was out in minutes.
Sawyer was tapped on his head. Mrs. Fester was standing to the side, worry etched on her face. Sawyer opened his eyes and looked up.
"I just spoke with the doctor Sawyer. Ethan has a mild concussion. He's going to be fine. Why don't you go on home and we'll talk to you later. He's gonna be in the hospital for three days to make sure he heals properly."
"Ok." Sawyer replied. He pulled himself up off the sofa and stretched. He looked at Mrs. Fester and gave her a hug.
Afterwards Sawyer called his mom and asked if she'd pick him up. He explained Ethan was in the hospital and went through the story as best he could. As a nurse, Mrs Lancelot knew all too well the things Sawyer had been through and was more than accommodating.
"I'll be there soon Sawyer."
Sawyer went outside and sat on the bench in front of the entrance and waited for his mom.
When Mrs. Lancelot dropped Sawyer off at Ethan's house to get his jeep, Sawyer kissed his mom goodbye.
Sawyer drove his jeep out of Ethan's driveway and made his way to their lake. It was misty out and Sawyer felt a little uncomfortable. He hated murky, wet weather. Truthfully, he never came out here. But tonight, with Ethan in the hospital, Sawyer felt the need to be there.
He thought back on their journey together. He remembered Ethan picking him up off the side of the road near the varsity. He remembered their tutoring sessions and watching Ethan win every race he ran. Ethan's smile appeared in Sawyer's memory and tears began to roll down his cheeks.
I can't believe how much Ethan has changed my life, he thought to himself. Literally, Sawyer went from having no social life to having it all over night. He even went out on a date a few nights ago, yet hadn't told Ethan yet.
I owe everything to that boy.
Sawyer leaned against the railing and looked out over the lake. Once again he prayed for Ethan to make it through ok. When he was finished, Sawyer left the place he was standing and walked back toward his car, still dejected inside.
Word spread throughout Sawyer's school about what happened to Ethan. Sawyer was known for hanging out with Ethan. People at his school didn't like it, but no one had yet to challenge it. A few students went from idol worship over Ethan to downright despising him. His reputation didn't take a dive, but it wasn't perfect anymore. Ethan didn't really care though. He only had four more months before he graduated.
One of the students that despised Ethan was Harold Jepp. He made his way to Sawyer's locker the second day after Ethan entered the hospital and made the mistake of running his mouth.
"I heard your faggot friend is in the hospital."
Sawyer turned around and knocked Harold all the way across the hallway. Harold went careening into the wall and saw stars. He kept his balance, turned around, and saw Sawyer's fist hit him again. He hit the floor that time. Sawyer then kicked him in the stomach for good measure, slowly backed away, and retreated before he got in trouble by a teacher. Sawyer was livid for the rest of the day.
Ethan couldn't believe a small hit to the head could be so painful. He explained to his doctor what had happened and described the anguish he'd been in. Dr. Alexander told him it wasn't uncommon to feel what he had, especially if he'd never been injured before. He called it temporary shock. He told Ethan he was free to go. Ethan was relieved.
"You can leave as early as this afternoon. Just let me finish up with a few tests to make sure everything is fine, then you can be on your way. Also, be sure to follow up with your primary care physician in three weeks. Stay in bed the first two days you're out and get plenty of rest. Eat healthily and drink plenty of water."
Ethan nodded.
"I will swing by here around two and see you off."
"Ok," Ethan replied.
Dr. Alexander exited Ethan's room and Ethan's medication began to take effect again. Laying his head back on the pillow, Ethan closed his eyes and went to sleep.
Sawyer's cell phone rang in the middle of dinner Thursday evening and Mr. and Mrs. Lancelot told their son to take it out in the hall and to be brief. Sawyer looked at the caller I.D. and saw it was Mrs. Fester.
Sawyer rushed into the hallway with his phone and answered immediately.
"Hello," Sawyer said.
"Hey buddy. It's Ethan." Sawyer heard a sweet voice ring out.
"Oh my God. Hey Ethan! You sound so different."
"Yeah I'm heavily medicated. My mom and dad just helped me to my room. I'm out of the hospital."
"I am so glad to hear from you. I was so worried about you man."
"I missed you Sawyer. Why didn't you come see me?"
"I didn't have time Ethan. I had to return to school and the hospital wouldn't let non-family members visit you."
"Yeah, mom put up strict regulations on my behalf. Her and dad don't play."
"I know they don't buddy."
"Ok. Well I'm home so come and see me this weekend. I've missed you man. Don't be a stranger, ok?"
"Ok Ethan I won't. Get some rest!"
"Bye man."
"Bye Ethan."
Sawyer hung the phone up then returned to the dining room. Sawyer smiled from ear to ear, happy Ethan was out of the hospital and on his way to a full recovery. God had answered his prayer.
Two Locked Hearts (Part 14)
He stepped out onto the wood, and looked over the edge. He saw the lights shining as Sawyer said they would. He walked on until Ethan just happened to look up. There, in front of him, was Sawyer. Sawyer was leaning over the railing looking into the water. He still looked stern, but you could tell he was at peace with himself.
Ethan walked slowly forward.
"Oh my God. I didn't expect you to be here," Ethan said gently but cheerfully.
Thrown off course, Sawyer looked up with incredible shock.
There, he saw Ethan in his track uniform.
"What are you doing here Ethan?"
Ethan looked down. "I don't know. I guess I wanted to come out here and see what the big deal was, what made it so attractive to you and to others."
Sawyer just looked at him.
"Plus, I needed to be alone after the race. Everyone really was getting on my nerves." He walked up and leaned onto the railing right beside Sawyer, in the exact same pose.
Sawyer didn't move away.
"It feels good out here. It's windy and cool."
"It's the water. You can feel the vapors in the atmosphere," Sawyer declared.
Ethan nodded.
He moved in a little closer to Sawyer. "Sawyer," he said.
Sawyer look over at Ethan. "We need to talk," Ethan said.
"About what?" Sawyer asked, looking away.
"About a lot of things."
Sawyer looked out over the water again, trying not to allow his peace to be disturbed.
Ethan put his hand on Sawyer's arm.
"Sawyer, I can feel you pulling away already. Can you at least give me five minutes of your time?"
Sawyer looked back at Ethan. "Ethan what do you have to say that you haven't said already?"
"The end of the year is approaching and so are our tutoring sessions and I need to talk to you one last time. It's for me dammit, it doesn't even have anything to do with you."
"Yeah well I have already told you my peace and I'm not going to keep repeating it like some cheap ass record. I'm pretty much steady that way. I don't budge. Understand?"
"Yeah well maybe what I have to say this time is different."
Sawyer laughed. "Bullshit."
"Well, can I at least get it out?"
Sawyer looked again at the water. He was trembling with anger. Very much trying hard to stay in control.
"Say it Ethan. Afterwards the subject is dropped forever. Am I clear?"
"Yes." Ethan replied.
"Can we start over? I know I messed things up, but ....... Sawyer, you're the first real friend I have ever made. I can't lose you. I will stand up for you and help you with whatever hardships come at you because of me."
"That's the thing Ethan. I was alone. You don't know how to stand up for anyone. You're not going to bust somebody's mouth for me?"
"I went to my mom, whose on the school board. I told her about our problem and she informed me that she would do what she could if we were to have anymore problems. But you have to give it another chance first. She has the power to call for anyone's expulsion she feels is violating school policy. School bullying is a big no no."
"How does that help me?"
"Well, if you tell me whose bothering you, we can stop it. Mr. Sanc has promised anyone's suspension who is directly related to our hardship."
"Please Sawyer."
"I don't know Ethan."
"Just try one last time. If it fails, we go our separate ways."
Sawyer looked out over the water and thought for a moment. "Ok. One last time. But this is it Ethan. I'm not into drama and melodramatic stupidity. This is the last time."
Ethan smiled from ear to ear. He hugged Sawyer. Literally made him turn and face him and hugged him hard. Sawyer rested his chin on Ethan's shoulder. Ethan literally shedded a tear over it. Then came the rest of them. He hoped Sawyer didn't pull away before he had a chance to wipe them away.
Ethan and Sawyer walked back to their cars together. It was starting to get cold and both had their hands deep in their pockets looking down at the ground.
"You'll be at my house tomorrow right? For the tutoring?"
"Yes," Sawyer replied.
Ethan walked to the side of his car. "You know Sawyer. The lake was as beautiful as you said it'd be." He looked at Sawyer with an intense smile, and held it for a long moment.
Sawyer's breath caught in his chest. Ethan succeeded at rapturing Sawyer's heart just then. Only time would tell where the story would go from there.
Ethan Fester, the most popular boy in school, pulled up on the bar to do his final pull up when his hand slipped. He immediately fell, hitting his head hard on the metal railing. When he landed on the ground, he didn't land on his feet. He landed on his side. He cried in anguish as his best friend, Sawyer Lancelot, came running to his side.
"Ethan, are you ok?" He peered down at his friend and placed his hand on his shoulder.
Ethan continued to cry. "No Sawyer, I'm not."
As soon as Ethan's reply came out, he blacked out, unconscious.
Two Locked Hearts (Part 13)
"Ethan, every time I get near you I wind up experiencing difficulty of some kind. Since we've parted ways I haven't had any drama, hardly any inconveniences, and my life is getting back to the way it was. I explained to your low life friends I am tutoring you in calculus and now they've started leaving me alone again, and I couldn't be happier with the outcome ........ besides you will meet new people in college. Why waste time and energy on me?"
Ethan just shook his head in disagreement. Cheeks red, Ethan let Sawyer go. Once the front door closed, Ethan fell to the floor and sobbed like a little child.
Ethan jogged around his neighborhood in deep thought. He had four in a half more months before school ended, and only a month in a half left with Sawyer as his tutor. He kept wondering what he could do to salvage his relationship with him. Not only that, but he also wanted to revive the connection that was there. Unfortunately, he didn't have any ideas on how to do that.
"I don't really know how to salvage the relationship mom. I've done everything I know to do."
"And you say it's because of the school, right?"
"Well everybody has been sticking their nose in the friendship and making things hard for him. They've told him he's not good enough for me, and laugh at him. He says they aren't doing it anymore so he'd prefer not to be in a friendship with me."
"Why does this mean so much to you Ethan?"
"Because he's the first real friend I've made, that's why."
"You could go to the principal. They have a way of desciplining the whole school when stuff like this occurs."
"Really."
"Yes. I'll go with you tomorrow."
"Thanks Mom."
Mrs. Fester and Ethan make their way through the school and into the principal's office early the next morning. Mr. Sanc was a serious man and no pushover. He'd be hard to handle if you didn't weigh your words carefully.
Mr. Sanc walked into his office looking like a man on a mission. Funny thing about it was so did Mrs. Fester.
"What can I do for you two?"
"Yes," Mrs. Fester said, beating Ethan to the punchline. "I am here today to inquire about your policy on school bullying."
"Why? What seems to be the problem?"
"I'm on the school board. Which means I could have your job. Answer the question Mr. Sanc. Don't ask any."
Mr. Sanc was literally knocked backwards.
"Uh. Uh. Well of course our school is against anything heinous like that Mrs. Fester."
"One of your students is experiencing it."
"Which one?"
"A very prominent one," Mrs Fester said.
"I'm taking it to the next school board meeting if it's not taken care of. His name is Sawyer Lancelot. Do not disrupt this boys high school career over this matter either."
"Well thank you Mrs Fester. I will see what I can do."
Mrs. Fester bade Ethan farewell and told him to keep her posted.
He promised. "Bye Mr Sanc." Mrs. Fester marched out of the office.
Ethan ran the next race with a huge smile and all the hope in the world. He won first place. A lot of people tried to congratulate him but they were cut off. Ethan ran to the back of the bleachers and rested, pouring sweat.
He pulled out his phone.
"Sawyer," he texted. "I won the final race of my senior year."
Of course, he knew Sawyer wasn't going to text back, but he had to keep up impressions.
Afterwards, he hurried off to his car before anyone else could find him.
When Ethan and Sawyer were friends, Sawyer told Ethan about a place he'd go to to unwind or to be alone. It was at this nice lake with a bridge over it. There were lights that shone over the waters every night year round, sky blue in color.
Ethan had been wanting to check it out for the longest. He actually pictured doing it with Sawyer. Tonight though, after having won his final race of the year, decided to go and to check it out on his own.
There was a small surprise for him there to.
Sawyer stood over the lake and watched the ships sail across the waters. He'd been coming here since he was old enough to drive. Had actually found it by accident.
Now, he enjoyed the cool breeze that blew by. It was getting nippy, but perfect for tonight.
He thought about a lot of things. He thought about his grades. He thought about his parents. He also thought about college and went back and forth mentally still trying to decide where he wanted to go. He wished he could say he was going to miss this place. But he wasn't.
He not to long ago received a text from Ethan, informing him he had won the schools final race. Apparently Ethan didn't understand what Sawyer meant by "leave me alone." Sawyer hardly had the words to describe that particular situation. No words at all.
Ethan parked by a rocky road that dipped upward onto the ground from the street. It was very becoming. Ethan got out slowly and looked around. It was quite breath taking. He'd been to this area before, he realized. During the day it was even more amazing. It was so impressive rich movie stars lived there. Ethan had seen it for himself.
He walked on and began to search for the bridge Sawyer had mentioned. It didn't take too long before he found it.
Two Locked Hearts (Part 12)
Ethan sat up. "No Sawyer we still have ten minutes. My mom paid for thirty full minutes."
Sawyer scowled.
"You got all your answers right Ethan. I have nothing else to teach you today."
"Then sit there and look pretty then." Ethan snapped.
Sawyer looked as though he were about to blow up. The only thing that kept him from jumping on Ethan was the threat Ethan had to go to the vice principal. Sawyer had never been manipulated or controlled by anybody his whole life. Why on earth he was allowing Ethan to do it now was beyond him.
"You aren't cute Ethan, just so you know."
Ethan laughed and smiled with pure delight. "Oh Sawyer but really I am. All the girls think so. You're just mad because I'm making you do your job."
Sawyer looked away.
Ethan relished every uncomfortable second Sawyer had.
Thursday Ethan called in sick from school. He was so tired and had nothing to do nor any tests to take. He used that particular moment to regain new strength and prepare for his final tutoring session of the week with Sawyer. Ethan cried a little, letting his heart break as healthily as he could. He'd be glad when it completely healed.
Mrs. Fester stood in Ethan's doorway. Ethan was on his stomach in the bed looking at a comic. Mrs Fester tapped on the door frame, and Ethan looked up.
"Why didn't you go to school today?"
She asked.
"Mom, come on. I haven't called in any this year, and I'm not feeling myself today. I needed the break. I had nothing to turn in nor to work on."
"I know your grades are great Ethan. But you love going to school. I have never seen you apathetic like this," she walked in and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Son, look me in the eye."
Ethan looked up and over at his mother. When his eyes met hers he literally lost it.
"Oh my God mom I have lost it," he said, rushing into her arms. He gripped his mom's arms like a vice. "My heart has been torn into pieces," Ethan sobbed and sobbed.
"This is over a girl?"
Ethan cried even more.
"Yes mom. A girl. A spoiled rotten horrible girl I got cursed into falling in love with."
Mrs. Fester held her son. For five minutes he cried and cried.
When it was over, his mom let him go and asked him to look up at her.
"Look Ethan. Growing up isn't always easy to do. But it's necessary in life. Your heart will heal. It will take a little while, but I promise, your heart will eventually heal."
Ethan wiped his tears with the back of his hand. "How do you know?"
"Because I have had my heart broken to. Everyone has honey. It's apart of life."
"Yeah I know but it's so hard."
"Of course it is. Love is never easy sweetie. Wait til you get married. It's even worse." Ethan and Mrs Fester laughed over that. Mrs. Fester reached for her son again.
"Just give it a little time. If you need anything you know I'm here. So is your father."
"I know mom. Thanks for the talk."
Mrs. Fester smiled as a tear for her son nearly slid down her cheek. "Anytime baby."
Ethan returned to school more energized than the day before. He smiled a little more, and several people even gained the confidence to approach and say hey to him.
He still remembered how they had ruined his love life, but he was a little for accommodating than before.
He went through his day focused completely on school and didn't think about Sawyer once. When he drove home, he took a shower and changed clothes. He brushes his teeth and looked as good as he could possibly muster.
Ten minutes didn't even pass before the door bell rang. Ethan walked down the stairs and grabbed the doorknob. Taking a deep breath, Ethan took a small leap into the future holding onto what little courage he had left and opened the door.
Sawyer had his bookbag on his back and looked as good as ever. He looked at Ethan and waited to be invited in. Ethan slowly gave the invitation.
Sawyer walked in and Ethan closed the door behind him.
"How was your day today? Ethan asked.
Sawyer walked on and only half listened.
"Fine I guess. Normal."
Both guys set up the session and were ready to begin in minutes.
Ethan listened intently as Sawyer poured into the lesson as best as he could. Ethan took notes and listened.
"How have your grades been? I've been curious on how my tutoring has benefited you."
"The truth? Well it's hasn't been too bad. Eighty nine is my average. It could've been worse. Before the tutoring I had a c minus, or a seventy five. I want to make an A but with only a few weeks left in the quarter I really don't think it is possible."
"It's not impossible .... you could ask your teacher for extra credit."
"To be honest Sawyer I'm so sick of that school, I'll be glad when it's over."
"You to, huh?"
"Yes. There isn't a single person there I really like. And that's pretty bad coming from me."
"It's not surprising though. That school is awful."
"Where are you going to college?" Ethan asked.
"I don't know yet. I am torn between Harvard and Stanford ..... I received acceptance letters from both universities. Mom has the money to send me so ..... Trust me, it won't be in this town."
"I got accepted to Duke. I haven't even opened any of the other letters. I'm glad to be leaving this place."
"Awesome. Well it looks like we are finished here."
Sawyer began to pack his things. The hasty way he was doing it made Ethan's heart ache.
"Sawyer please don't let this school tear us apart. You are the first real friend I've made here."
Sawyer just looked at Ethan.
Two Locked Hearts (Part 11)
Ethan let go of Sawyer. Sawyer walked away without another word. Ethan felt like crying like a small child.
Ethan cried all the way home in his car. How could I let a guy like Sawyer get ahold of my heart? Ethan asked himself. Why me of all people?
Ethan wanted to text Sawyer but nothing ever sounded right. He always ended up tossing his phone aside instead. At school he began to change towards people. He started to look at them differently, no longer the way he'd seen them before. Many called his cell and got no answer. Many spoke to him in the hall but their voice fell on deaf ears. Ethan viewed his high school career as almost over. He had a few more months and he'd be looking forward to college. He'd already been accepted to Duke University anyway.
Literally, he fell off the face of the Earth except for his continued success in sports and academics. Because of his school and the students there, he no longer had the love of his life.
Sawyer didn't show up at Ethan's house the following Monday for the tutoring session and Ethan was livid. He called the school and reported him to the vice principal.
"Mrs. Keems, I need Sawyer Lancelot in my office please."
"Ok. He's in the middle of an exa--"
"NOW Mrs. Keems," the vice principal snapped.
The class looked at Sawyer. One of the students bellowed, "what did you do to piss off the vice principal Sawyer?"
Sawyer was puzzled over it.
Mrs. Keems looked at Sawyer. "Best be on your way Sawyer. You'll have to finish your test tomorrow."
Sawyer closed his folders and made a hasty retreat.
"Do you see this contract young man?"
"Yes I do."
"Mrs Fester paid for your services and it's been paid in full for three whole months. Would you like to tell me why you were not at Ethan's house doing what you legally promised to do?"
Sawyer was stunned into silence. None of the adults or any of the teacher faculty have ever raised their voice at him. He was literally about to cry.
"Mr. Whitaker, I'm not getting along with the student in question. I thought it would be best to end my services."
"That's not your decision to make young man. Why aren't you getting along with him?"
"I haven't really got an answer."
"I should report this to your mother."
Sawyer's eyes grew big. "Don't do that. I'll finish my contract. If he needs help in the future though, he will need another tutor. I can't do it again after this."
"One more infraction like this and you are suspended young man. My suggestion to you. Report any absences henceforth. And please. Keep a copy of this contract in case you are tempted to do anything this irresponsible again, and our conversation in your memory. You are dismissed."
Sawyer grabbed his bookbag and left, shaken to his core.
Ethan's doorbell rang while he was pulling the trash from the can. "Coming." Ethan called out.
He washed his hands then answered the door. Sawyer stood there looking like a dead zombie, completely expressionless.
Ethan couldn't help but smile despite himself. "Oh hey Sawyer. Are you here for the study session?"
"Yes, and thirty minutes is all you get."
Ethan was snapped back into reality real quick. "Sawyer, don't take your frustration out on me. I'm not the one that signed the contract then tried to bail on it."
"No Ethan you're not," Sawyer replied sarcastically.
Ethan had to bite his tongue to keep from saying something rude, and it was very hard to stay in a good mood. Sawyer walked into the living room and slammed his books on the table, then he began to set up the study session.
Looking up at Ethan, he said, "don't just stand there. Go get your books and let's get started. I've got my own homework and studying to do."
Ethan ran upstairs and grabbed his calculus book. Coming back down, he sat down near Sawyer and turned to the chapter they last studied together.
Sawyer began to explain the chapter and mechanically went through it with Ethan. Ethan could tell there was no joy or enthusiasm in his voice. His face spelled out misery, and Ethan was about to lose it.
"Sawyer, what is your problem? You literally look sick? Like your dying or something. It's not that bad."
"I hate you Ethan. What can I say?"
"Wow." Ethan said in disgust. "Well, hate me as much as you want. But go through the formulas right. Do your job the way you did it before or I'll go to the vice principal. I'm serious about my calculus grade."
Then sit up and act like you're interested. You aren't even paying any attention. You have some kind of lopsided smile on your face I wish I could slap off."
Ethan sat up and sat much closer to Sawyer. "Teach!"
Sawyer went back to the lesson, and tried to put a little more passion into his voice. Ethan could tell to. He was satisfied for the moment, but he knew he'd ask more from Sawyer as the sessions continued.
Sawyer ran a lap around the track, then stretched. He was alone on the field. It was the next day, and he hadn't spoken to Sawyer all day. He tried not to look for him, but it was hard. He accidentally did it out of habit twice.
He ran another lap, and thought about the past events that led him to where he was now. He'd have another session with Sawyer the next day. He kept thinking about it. He wondered if he could find something to say that could make a difference in their otherwise tarnished relationship. The only thing that kept Ethan going was the promise of another private moment with Sawyer, and maybe an opportunity to repair what had been destroyed by the students at his school.
Fresh tears formed in Ethan's eyes. God I love that boy!
He jogged another lap, wondering how in the heck he ended up becoming such a sap.
Sawyer marked all of Ethan's answers correct. "Ok, we're done for the day," Sawyer said. He clapped his book shut and in a haste.
Two Locked Hearts (Part 10)
Josh stood his ground. "You playing soccer. It's a joke!"
"I don't think it's any of your business." Sawyer spat back.
"I am on this school's soccer team. I believe I would know an idiot in cleeks if I saw one."
Sawyer went for Josh. He swung his fist high in the air at Josh's face, but Josh dodged it. Sawyer was just about ready to go for him again when Ethan rushed him and stopped him from trying. "Take it easy Sawyer! He ain't worth it!"
Sawyer shook Ethan off of him and marched back in the direction of the gymnasium. Ethan went tailing after him. Josh and his two friends watched in amazement.
"If I hadn't had these damn cleeks on, I would've gotten him," Sawyer spat, jerking the cleek from his foot and throwing it across the locker room.
Ethan was right behind him. "Sawyer, you don't want to fight anyone before graduation. It could interfere with your studies."
"That's why I don't put myself in situations like that Ethan! I stay away from brainless freaks like Josh Lyner."
"I do my very best to avoid any and all people whenever I hit you up Sawyer. I know more than anyone how these people are."
"Well I'm tired of doing it. I can't even concentrate anymore."
"What does that mean?"
"People look at me as if I have the plague. Apparently people around school have seen us hang out and have developed some sort of opinion about it. I went from being ignored and left alone to being looked at and seen as a wort on someone's nose. It's not how I want to live out my senior year or my school life."
By then Sawyer had changed clothes and was now wearing what he had on before.
"Period." Sawyer walked out of the locker room, slamming the door in the process. Ethan just watched him leave, afraid he'd make matters worse if he followed.
Ethan thought about what Sawyer said all the way home from school. He had no idea Sawyer had been going through stuff on account of him. He knew Sawyer wasn't the most popular guy in school, but he had no idea people would hate the idea of him hanging out with Sawyer. Whats worse is how people hadn't even mentioned it to Ethan. Sawyer was the one going through it all.
He was so surprised about it he didn't even know what to think.
Ethan went by Sawyer's class curious about his mood. The day before he was very angry at the world, mostly at Josh Lyner, but deep down, wondered if his anger stemmed from hanging out with him.
He saw Sawyer talking to one of his teachers. Apparently it was about something important, because Sawyer had a serious look on his face. To Ethan's relief, it wasn't filled with rage like the day before.
"My essay projected the photo with complete accuracy. I don't understand why you marked off incorrect marks here,"
he exclaimed to his English professor.
Ethan backed away from the door feeling a tad bit better. He felt good enough to leave a little note in Sawyer's locker. "Meet me under the bleachers of the football field at 12:45pm. Ethan."
Then he ran off before Sawyer saw him.
Ethan was about to leave upset at 12:50pm when he saw Sawyer popped up out of nowhere.
"Sorry I'm late," he said. "Got held up with my teachers. I swear it's like they've smoked an ounce of weed today or something. None of them are acting right."
Ethan laughed. "It's ok."
Sawyer sat down on a rock and made himself comfortable.
"Mr. Faires gave me some time to rewrite this essay I got a low grade on and I need to get that done as soon as possible so let's make this quick."
Ethan was completely thrown by this.
"I'm sorry? Are you still mad over yesterday or something? You've never dissed me over an excuse for schoolwork before."
"No. It's not that at all. I'm serious. I'm in a time tornado right now."
"I'm familiar with school work Sawyer. I know how the routine works. I'm an elite scholar here to believe it or not. You've never been this blunt with me before. That's all I'm saying. And it just so happened to have been the day after you and Josh had gotten into it, which by chance, was not my fault. So don't take your frustration out on me."
Sawyer jumped up and into Ethan's face. "I'm not taking my frustration out on you Ethan. I'm just saying I don't want to do this anymore. You're more trouble than you're worth and I'm tired of playing the part. The first day you even spoke to me I thought I was gonna get hit by a fucking car. You've tried to drag me to parties where people get shit-faced drunk at. Because of you people are looking at me like I am from another planet, and also because of you I have been in almost two fights. You aren't exactly a good luck charm. If anything, you are a big ass nuisance and I wish you would just leave me the hell alone."
Sawyer was about to run away when Ethan caught him by his arm. "What are you gonna do Sawyer? Run away again? That's your answer for everything, isn't it? Have you ever thought that maybe the problem here is you? Why do you think everyone hates you so much? It's because you are an awful person that hates relationships and yourself. That's why you run away from everything. So don't take your frustration and anger out on me. You have only yourself to blame." Then Ethan forced him into a hug. "But your my good friend and I'm not giving up on you."
Sawyer hadn't put up a fight since his arm had been taken, but now that Ethan had put him into a hug, he started to squirm. "I have to go. Let go of me."
Two Locked Hearts (Part 9)
Ethan ran another race that week and he asked Sawyer to come and watch. Sawyer said he would. When he ran and won first place, the person he went to afterwards was Sawyer. Ethan just sorta slipped through the crowd and found him sitting up at the highest bleacher seat where no one bothered to search for him, and together, they chatted and Ethan spilled a few secrets on how he won everything as an athlete. Sawyer was amazed at how easy going Ethan was, and how easy he made everything seem. His only flaw, Sawyer saw, was in calculus. However, even then, he managed to get everything right after only explaining it to him twice. Sawyer believed the real fault lied with the teacher. He just didn't make that known.
When the week ended, and the weekend arrived, Sawyer was texted by Ethan, asking him if he wanted to go jogging early in the evening at the park not too far from where Sawyer lived. Ethan explained that it would only be for a few minutes. Sawyer agreed on the condition that Ethan took it easy on him, since he wasn't a runner.
They met at Wicket Park and together they jogged the half mile trail a few times before Sawyer said he was tired. They parted ways again.
Ethan was pursuing Sawyer with fervent passion. However, he almost knew Sawyer was straight. Still, he could not shake how he felt for him. I'm gonna have to tell him eventually, Ethan kept saying to himself.
Veronica Erin walked by Ethan's locker and asked him how he was.
Ethan smiled.
"I'm fine."
"You've been awfully quiet lately sexy. I haven't received any texts back from you and I think I sent you several last week."
Ethan looked as smooth as ever.
"Well, I haven't been doing so great in calculus so I've had to get a tutor and have sessions afterwards. It's important that I have a good gpa for Duke University."
"Really," Veronica said. "That must suck."
"Actually, it doesn't. Sawyer Lancelot is tutoring me and I've been making B+'s on all my work since."
"That loser! Since when did he become a tutor? In fact, since when has he ever done anything for anyone? I needed him to open the door for me oneday because I had my arms full of books and he didn't even bother opening the door for me. I ended up falling on my ass and dropping everything on the floor. I actually saw the freak laugh at me when he thought I wasn't looking afterwards."
"Well maybe you should've asked for his help. He doesn't appear to be that bad of a guy to me."
Ethan turned back around signaling to Veronica that she was dismissed. She took it personally but knew she couldn't hold a grudge. Ethan was the most popular boy in school, and the one most sought after. She'd be going against the grain if she did that.
Still. She couldn't believe he was hanging out with the most hated guy in school. It didn't matter that it was just for academics. Veronica couldn't even picture it in her mind.
On the soccer field Ethan was teaching Sawyer how to kick a ball sideways at an angle when a couple of students came out for practice. Sawyer was amazed at how easy it was to replicate the gesture.
"Hey Ethan." Josh Lyner yelled from across the field. Josh was five eleven with long stringy black hair and blue eyes. Girls all over talked about him as if he were a star from a magazine.
Ethan looked up and acknowledged Josh, then went back to talking to Sawyer.
Josh jogged up to Ethan and Sawyer with two other boys following. Josh took one look at who Ethan was hanging out with, and he nearly had a physically sick reaction. Sawyer Lancelot! Hanging out with Ethan Fester!
Josh looked at Ethan. "What's going on?"
Indicating the thing with Sawyer, even looking and hinting toward him.
Ethan looked at him like he was crazy. "Teaching Sawyer how to play soccer."
Josh laughed out loud. "Sawyer play soccer? As if ...... "
Sawyer instantly froze with rage.
"What did you just say?"
Two Locked Hearts (Part 8)
Sawyer pulled into Ethan's driveway feeling apprehensive about coming over to play a video game. He almost said no. He liked Ethan, but felt both of them were from two separate sides of the track. The fight they had days before proved it. Sawyer wanted to avoid another at all cost.
Ethan met him at the door. He was smiling from ear to ear. Typical Ethan, Sawyer thought.
Ethan and Sawyer played "Call of Duty" for over three hours before Sawyer got tired. He stated he was getting exhausted to Ethan.
"My parents went to church to attend some type of seminar. Would you like to stay for dinner? I'm cooking," Ethan said.
Sawyer thought for a moment. "Sure. Why not?"
Ethan smiled. "Great."
Ethan was nervous as he got out his mom's cook book and read through a few of the recipes. Within thirty minutes Ethan found the perfect meal to prepare. "White Cheese Pizza From Scratch."
Ethan had the dough perfectly flat in twenty minutes. Then he started on the sauce. It was much easier.
Once the spread was done, Ethan started on the cheese. He added spinach to the mix. Once he finished, Ethan placed the pizza into the oven for thirty minutes to cook.
While the pizza cooled, Ethan went upstairs to take a quick shower. He was filthy from all that dough. He also put on some nicer clothes. Sawyer had dressed very nicely for their time together so Ethan wanted to do the same. He also put on some cologne. His favorite was Aspen. He hoped Sawyer didn't read too much into it. When he finished, he went back downstairs to get the pizza and to see how Sawyer was going to like it.
Ethan entered into his living room looking like a million bucks, carrying his pizza right along.
Sawyer looked first at the pizza, then at Sawyer. "Wow Ethan. I've never seen you wear clothes like that!" Sawyer actually smiled as he said it.
Ethan got goosebumps. "Well you know, I kinda got messy from the pizza dough so I had to change."
"Here, let me help you with that." Sawyer grabbed the dish and helped Ethan with the pizza.
Once everything was ready they began to eat. Ethan took one look at Sawyer downing his pizza like a snake and knew he'd done a terrific job cooking.
When they finished dinner Sawyer had to go. He said bye to Ethan and left. Ethan watched him leave, then went back to his room to get a little sleep. It had been a rather long evening and he wanted to rest. He secretly hoped Sawyer was getting over their fight, and hoped was now thinking he had made an awesome new friend in Ethan.
Sawyer drove home and replayed the events of the day with Ethan. He made a mental note to write out new lesson plans for their calculus sessions.
He wanted Ethan to not only pass, but to make an A. He saw the potential. Plus, nobody took calculus their senior year in high school. He was obviously very smart. He was one of the top fifty students in his year. Sawyer was one of the top ten.
Once he got home, Sawyer texted Ethan and told him he was gonna make new lesson plans. Ethan texted back saying ok. Afterwards, Sawyer decided to get some rest.
Ethan and Sawyer met up every afternoon for the rest of the week. They had three sessions scheduled each week for three solid months, hoping his grades in calculus would improve.
Not only did they meet up every afternoon that week, but they also hung out at the varsity afterwards. Ethan had to pull teeth to get Sawyer to go, but it worked. Sawyer wasn't really that hard to convince to do anything as long as you treated him right. Upon Ethan's observation, he was really a softy. He just looked tough.
They would eat at the varsity then go their own separate ways afterwards.
Two Locked Hearts (Part 7)
Both boys hugged each other for several minutes. When both men finally released each other, they accidentally looked into each other's eyes. When it happened, everything changed. Ethan knew he had fallen in love for the first time ever in his life.
Ethan ran across the finish line first place. All that day he kept thinking about Sawyer. If it had been a girl Ethan would've been smiling from ear to ear. Plus, he would've told the girl how he felt. With Sawyer being a guy, he wasn't too inclined on telling him. Not until he was able to look into the situation more deeply. He was sure Sawyer was straight, but he still couldn't shake the feelings he had. Day by day they had only gotten stronger. As he thought about it now, looking back, Ethan realized he had been drawn to Sawyer for quite a while.
Ethan went into the locker room in a daze thinking about Sawyer even more, and ran right into the captain of the football team. "Ow," both guys yelped simultaneously. Tyler Terrance saw that it was Ethan and instantly forgave him. Everyone knew and loved Ethan. "Sorry about that buddy. It was my fault," Tyler said. Though truly it had been Ethans'.
"No it was mine. Sorry about that." Ethan smiled and hurried by. He changed back into his school clothes then made his way back into the school building. Ethan walked through the halls looking for Sawyer. He didn't see him anywhere. He went through the motions and attended all of his classes, then went home and got some sleep. He was grounded for four more days so he couldn't really do anything. He was still feeling kinda bad over disappointing his parents, so he tried to avoid them so as not to make matters worse.
Ethan woke up to the sound of his cell phone ringing. It was Sawyer.
Ethan's heart starting beating hard in his chest. Breathing in, Ethan answered the phone.
"Hey Sawyer! What's up?" Ethan sounded much softer than he meant to, but played it cool.
"Hey. I was wondering if you still wanted me to come over and tutor you. We still have three sessions this week."
"Yes," Ethan said. "Please do. I will remind my mom."
"Ok."
Ethan said bye and hung up.
The doorbell rang and Ethan answered the door. He answered it a little too eagerly because Sawyer was amazed at how fast the door opened.
With a big smile, Sawyer met Ethan's gaze. "Wow, that was fast."
Ethan smiled and pretended to laugh heartily. Realizing his mistake, Ethan took a deep breath as they made their way into the living room.
I need to relax, Ethan thought.
Sawyer sat down on the sofa and opened Ethan's calculus book. Ethan walked over and sat down beside him.
Looking at the book, Sawyer then looked at Ethan. "Do you remember where we left off Ethan? After last time, I sorta lost my itinerary and lesson plans on this?"
Nervous, Ethan did his best to remember where they last left off. In no time at all, Sawyer gained momentum. Before they knew it the session ended.
Sawyer was headed for the front door with his bookbag when Ethan called his name. Sawyer turned around bemused.
"Yes."
"Would you like to come over tomorrow and play "Call of Duty"? I could use your wit on how to beat this one area I'm stuck in."
Sawyer's eyebrows raised slightly. Ethan took it as a sign to be careful. It was clear Sawyer was still hurt over their last fight.
"Sure Ethan. Sounds like fun."
Breathing a sigh of relief, Ethan smiled. Inside though, he was a mess. It obviously took more time for Sawyer to get over things than it did Ethan.
"Sawyer," Ethan said. Sawyer turned around again. "Listen. About the night of our fight."
Sawyer listened on. "I wanted to tell you how sorry I was for the things I said. You're really an amazing person. Otherwise you wouldn't win those awards all the time."
Sawyer smiled. "Thanks Ethan. I appreciate you saying that."
Ethan returned the smile.
@Trishaa