Aged-old society mindset to break
Have you ever imagined how long have this mindset been started?
At this time most individuals are still adapting and surviving the world of online possibilities.
There is this one person that can be not as strong as your mental health.
Maybe he/she is still trying to figure out what's his/her goal in life. Maybe he has so much to carry on his own? maybe he/ she is feeling stucked? maybe they are prone to bottling things up? maybe they were shut down and never heard? Maybe they have had brutal experiences before? maybe they don't have friends? maybe they are constantly being bullied?
In a world full of critics, one might refuse to live.
It's not important now where this mindset came from but the world is changing, so should we improve for the betterment too.
Here are some of society's mindsets that are somehow, might be very harmful to someone:
Once you cry, you are weak!
It's cool to show off your fangs and a strong personality but at some point in life, it's okay also to feel every negative emotion and your feelings are valid. We are human beings, not a robot. Some people might dictate what to feel or how should we react but we have different personalities, different circumstances, where we came from, and different stories to tell.
Crying just shows off how brave you are to see the situation clearer. To embrace the pain, to see where chaos came from, and to plan for your next move.
Women are designed from birth to be the housekeeper, just inside the house.
Women-girls-ladies-mothers-girl at heart etc. These are strong, independent, and capable human beings. Value them while you can and never abuse their love and sacrifices. Even if their hearts are devotedly loving and caring, they can be as cold as ice too sometimes.
If you plan to marry her because you want someone to keep everything organized, someone to cook your daily meal, wash your clothes, give you everything you want then that somehow calls for a big reassessment dude. Unless your wife agreed with it then it's fine, but if you insist on doing what you only want and expected of her without respecting her decisions then just go live her alone.
Respect every woman in the world. They are born special and wonderful. Help them invest in the things they want to do, not just cage them inside the house to fulfill duties. Make them happy and feel loved.
You should have your own house or own car or own family by the '20s.
Argh! The endless rootless comparison and unsolicited voices.🤮 next, please!
Haha you know what I mean, it's common and they're not helping out but judging you around.
Just never mind these people and do things at your own pace. Set realistic achievable goals for a more productive outcome and happier you. They are not your responsibility and they don't give any positive input in your life so just let them bark while you shine.
Once a headstrong, always a headstrong
Without giving second chances and concluding that they will never change is a big no-no. If one can't be done through peaceful, decent talks, or if you are so pissed off to that person. Be it your child, a brother, a co-worker, a toxic relative.
I'm writing this as a reminder to myself also.
If there are deep cuts already, and that maybe you never talk about the problem.
For your peace of mind, just pray for them and your healing. Forgive them. You cannot change a person especially if he/she plays the victim or was too blind to see her mistakes and flaws. You should learn how to deal with them without compromising your health before it's too late for you.
After graduation, a child is responsible to get the whole family or parents out of poverty.
I've seen this a lot. In fact, most of the children I know have experienced this. They also know the feeling that they have no choice but to give and give and give until they have their own family, some are still the breadwinner and there to provide. Even if some are still studying, some parents would say "study harder for you to graduate on time, have a job and let's rise from this muddy life."
They think of their child/children as a ladder to success or an investment.
Children are in awe of every parent's love and sacrifice. Paying back to what they've done is normal especially here in the Philippines, most families have a closer and intact bond. Children also can't take it when their parents are still experiencing hardships with their age.
Somehow this should be discussed within the family, how much you can give, how your work is, sometimes your cashflow(for them to understand), and if the baggage is too heavy, ask someone to help out(if there's any), and how long(this is the hardest, I don't know if parents would understand that you have your own life too, own bills and payments, etc etc.)
I just wish things go well through better communication in the family.
It's okay to abuse a girl. (physically, emotionally, mentally like a society of sexism)
I have mentioned this before in my previous article. Check it here. https://read.cash/@Shyryl/things-i-dont-want-my-future-kids-to-be-exposed-3f7b9ef6.
By any means, I don't want to see this again but I've experienced this even inside the house, in my previous workplace. Girls are being laughed at about how they categorize women are weak.
I had an incident where I am expected to just agree and laugh with them because of their bad jokes about women but I never did. They tried to bully me, I excelled in work even more and that left them speechless. Sometimes I do things to show them that we can be as equal as men, sometimes even powerful when suppressed.
To every woman out there. Cheer up! You are strong and beautiful.💕
Happy women's month!.🥂
How glad I am to have him
At your lowest, it'll really reveal who your friends are.
This saying for me is appropriate, although instead of friends, I can relate this with everyone in my life, not just the mere "friends".
I know that life is never a fairytale but it's crazy how overwhelming life's challenges could be.
I, no matter how much I take care of myself and take my meds and vitamins, have received so many comments recently that I lost so much weight. That I looked stressed and that I am a lady that's looking like I have 10 kids already.
It's funny because I'm hearing the truth from them for the first time. I kept denying that to myself whenever I have to go outside the house and wear my pants. Every cloth I wear looked saggy and they're not my fit anymore.
The things that I don't like hearing are conclusions and side comments about my life now that I am not employed.
I do have extra incomes but they aren't enough to sustain us, siblings. Maybe if it's all for myself then I can just buy what I really wanna wear.
I mentioned before that I longed to be here with my family and that I swallowed my pride not to work here in our place. Pandemic is the reason why I changed my mind. I lost my grandmother last 2020 because of leukemia. The last time I see her was when we had a video call and she was so lively, dancing like there's no tomorrow as she said it was her prod for me. She surprised me with her fried chicken and stir-fried noodles that she cooked for that day-my first pandemic birthday.
It was through video call also that I see her being revived for hours, staffs let us see what was happening because they notified us already about the possibilities. They even called every child of Lola to be there in the hospital.
That I never get to see her again and be there for the rest of the family while grieving. That pain pushed me to go home, that same pain made me value my family even more. To the point that I abuse myself stressing out how to survive: fetch water countless times a day, look for food, cook for them, stock firewood, clean, budget, replenish groceries, anything that builds a house. I always prioritize and think of them more than myself.
Believe me, I am used to doing all household chores and everything but this time it feels exhausting 10,000x. It wasn't my body alone who was drowning in my cell but my mind is what's making it way harder. Overthinking about the what-ifs, the should be, the missed opportunities, the voices of endless comparison with the figurative value of what their daughter/son is earning without me asking them, the insults, unsolicited hateful comments, etc, etc.
I was overwhelmed by the day-to-day tasks around the house. That I never realized how much time I've wasted. I knew what was missing in my life and that's the only way to break the routine.
I am crazy expecting things to turn out well when I don't do anything about the solution I know.
Somehow it dreads me to just be thinking of what I must do "now", the preparations, and also the fear of being rejected because of the big unemployment span.
Everyone showed disgust, laughed silently after the fake " how are you's?", some abandoned you but there is this one person who never left me.
He sticks around even more. He is no other than Jb, my love.
Yesterday he came to our house again although from Friday to Saturday he came over to see me already with limited hours only.
Yesterday we decided to go see the Motoad 2022 in Sorsogon City.
The starting and finish line is in Rompeolas Sorsogon or the so-called Sorsogon Baywalk/pier.
There were almost two thousand participants there and the route covered almost all around the Province of Sorsogon, Philippines.
Jb liked to join there too but some considerations and preparations that made him to withdraw with the idea. Maybe next year we can join the event.
Yes night, we've been there until 9 in the evening. It's quite a record because I've never been this late outside and it felt like I'm a young lady who just learned to go on a date. Haha
We spent hours of meaningful talks and sincere how are you. He never judged me of my stressed looks now but he motivated me to do that first step that dreads me and do necessary adjustments for me to have enough time to do the things that I need.
Ever since, I was the slow or late-bloomer between us two. We graduated with the same course, same academic year but we had different time span and different career path.
I am so grateful to have this support system that never spoils me but made me realize how important it is to have my own backbone and do things on my own.
Before I wrote this article, I already updated my CV and browsed several job portals already but I haven't seen vacancies in my preferred area(near my family for me to still look after them). But if opportunity knocks in another nearby City, I will grab it regardless if I'm a girl.
I am making this decision for myself(for a change) because before I always think of everyone in the household. The needs, the chores, house organization, deadlines of modules, the mini-store but I was wasting my talent. I know I can learn more, I can do both providing and helping around just like before. I just lost the course but somehow I am aligned now and enlightened.
Thank you, Lord, for blessing me a guy who's unexpectedly so patient and kind.
He helps me face my fears and push my limits.
How about you? Do you have your constant companion and person to rely on? How did he/she impact your life?
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I would like to thank @JonicaBradley for my sponsorship, this motivates me to write more. I am super grateful❤.
Things I don't want my future kids to be exposed
I'm still single. Yes, single, I mean my marital status is single (I know maybe you'll say something like "who cares if you're single?" Haha let me just write my thoughts down please since I tend to be an overthinker a lot of times). I always love some kids around me: 0-7 years old most specially because sometimes its more fun for me to be with this age range than an older kid. I like playing with them, carrying them around, taking care of them even put to sleep when I have a chance to borrow a child haha. Lately, I can borrow my niece or friend's child for me to carry/ play with. Synergizing with the kids is beneficial to us too. Haha, This idea just entered my mind. I tried to finish this article yesterday night but my body was so tired and just fall asleep.
So anyway, these are the things that I don't want my kids to engage or even expose.
**Brutal words and cursing**
I want to instill in their minds the importance of gentleness and respect for the elderly from an early age. Words can be as sharp as an arrow that can kill a person and ruin a relationship. I learned that the hard way. Just recently I burst out my anger and said things over a person I never wanted in my life. A person who's like always seeking attention with his mocking words and smirks. I never said vulgar nor brutal words but I've exposed my codename for that person and that he's disgusting to me. I never said those in front of him, I said those after I walked away out of anger and ranted out loud inside our house. Unknowingly, someone would relay what he has just conceived and said another version. Then everyone was mad at me, then it became known to everyone, relatives, neighbors, you name it. Everyone thinks I was a weird, over-reacting, and disrespectful person of all time. Just that first time of me voicing out what I really felt, without knowing where my anger came from, they've already abandoned me and ignored me like they never know me at all.
None of these things should have mattered to me but it bothers me still. Like without an explanation why would they be acting that way while in fact, they weren't the ones I am raging about?
You know the feeling when you're used to being close to them then suddenly they distance themselves from you like you were the one disgusting. Regardless of what I'm going through now and my why's for them, I decided not to fill my heart with anger.
It breaks my heart to just be looking at them from the window, secretly capturing them because I miss them so much and praying to God that I know one day everything will be fine.
Okay, this one made me cry while writing, it's too personal yet I wanted to share for everyone to be aware that wordings matter. Even if you never meant to hurt them but if everyone misunderstood you, even if you've done so many positive things that won't impact them but that single negative news will be unforgettable. No matter how challenging as it may sound still, practice gentleness and forgiveness.
**Sexist, racist, body-shamers**
Gosh! I can go on and on with this but let me focus on sexist community and mindset.
Because sexist, racist, body shamers are somehow the same for me and they all exist even until now. They are stereotypes, super-spreaders of the negativity in the world.
If everyone is the same(sexist), I want them to think and see things differently.
That women can be out there too just as men and can never be treated as slaves in the house. Let women have a voice in their workplace and never be shut down or humiliated just because they are a girl, an externally soft and emotionally person. Have them blossom on what they do best. Encourage them and show some love. Women are born multi-taskers.
Women aren't a threat to men or society but they are co-contributors to a better future, a better world.
**Porns**
I really can't say that I can watch over my future kids 24/7 nor will I ever control what they want to do or they're doing if nobody's watching them. But I will give them advice not to watch porn because I believe if we feed our eyes, lust will grow, curiosity will arise, addiction may occur, problems may be faced unexpectedly. Just let them be aware that children shouldn't be exposed to that kind of videos or photos or books, tell them the consequences and importance of purity up until they get married. Just because it's becoming the norm now, it doesn't mean that everyone should be. I mean, I have nothing against everyone who does as long as they're responsible adults, it's just that this is my personal thoughts about it, for my future kids.
**Illegal Drugs**
Not to mention the numerous cases of rape and crimes all over the world because of that so call "way tó heaven" substance. I stand firm against illegal drugs, I just can't see any good things it could bring if the person is under the illegal drugs, plus it's addictive and can ruin you as a person.
________________________
So there, those are the things I think I cannot tolerate my child to be engaging someday. As you can see, I stress myself out of things that aren't happening yet. Children? Kids? Of my own? I wasn't enganged in the first place. Haha That's how abstract my mind is, I spent 90℅ of my mind overthinking. I'll make an updated version of this article once I have an additional something on the list. Haha
Take care and thanks for dropping by my article😊
Void in us.
As I look back how painful it is to grow up without a father, wondering about how things could have been different if he's still with us. I then looked at my younger siblings who are still so innocent to life even as of the moment.
They may be little children when our father died, maybe they didn't experience the pain of losing a loved one in just a snap because they were so playful and still a milk sucker that time.
It makes me wonder how they feel inside now that we can never touch our papa physically or do their memories of papa remained in their heads or just picture dependent?
I was lucky enough I was a matured 12 years old that time with responsibilities on my shoulder as an acting mom when mama wasn't around.
I had so many memories with my father, but how about them?
Do they have something to clasp?
Are they wondering how it feels like to have a father beside them, cheering them, training them, guiding them, protecting them and loving them? I know they do.
I knew they feel envious too sometimes as they witness children holding their fathers hand going to school, playing basketball with their father or even eating out with their whole family.
Do they ever experience getting bullied in school for not having a father growing up?
How having a broken family affected their adolescence?
Does it make them feel like they're less of a person?
Below, I will just write something like imagining things from our youngest perspective.
[A.k.a Medz]
They said my father
was handsome.
They said my father
has strong physique.
They said he's tall,
has full moustache,
thick brows and manly jaw.
They said my father
was responsible
and a generous man.
They said my father
was a loving father
despite being a
disciplinarian.
They said my father
was an ideal husband.
Family as his
strength and wealth.
They said my father
has a strong sense
of humor and
was very clever.
They said my father
was a carpenter,
A laborer, a cook,
a farmer and a good
father and a singer.
They said my father
was a fighter.
Never receding
to lifes hardship.
Always pressing through
Never quiting.
What are they actually
Lies or truth?
What They said are
things I cannot
confirm nor deny.
Things I just need
to hear about
and let go by
Their moments can
never be mine.
I have no memories
with my father,
nor pictures with
him to cling on
To build picture of him
in my head
I simply listen
and imagine
8th months old,
thats how I am
when he left us.
So quickly
and irreversible
Can I ever see him again?
I have this void
no one can ever fill.
I have questions
no one can ever answer.
I have visions
no one can ever fulfill.
Wondering those why's
Distressed by what if's
No matter how I feel
God showed me I am whole
and forever loved.
He cares truly
and always been there for me
to experience my kind of peace.
I remember I used to show them pictures of our father numerous times for them to recall what our father's name is, and how he looked like.
Money can never replace the stolen moments they should be having with our father nor can provide us happiness of being cared of by a father. But I know that God let this happen for a reason. He knew we have weaknesses and relying on Him more can make us strong.
I can never fill in what's missing in my siblings lives no matter what I do but I will never get tired of showing them that they're not alone and that they are truly sincerely and greatly loved.
*I am actually challenging myself to write everyday despite of how busybee I get and how slow the internet is, as long as I keep pushing through. Thanks for taking time reading my article today. 💕*
Loving with condition?
Today as I read @JonicaBradleyJonicaBradley's article, I got interested to write about her prompt topic #22: "Love".
It's beeen a month after the Valentines day and who says this subject expires? We can still talk about Love anytime anywhere, not just during Christmas and Valentines day right?
I was clueless of how to start this and quite hesitant at first because maybe I was too late to join this prompt but I suddenly remembered the question in slambook: For you what is love?
As I've got the idea in my mind, I then let my fingers type on.
Many have tried defining the word "love". Many have written the definitions gathered from the classic response that love is blind, love is patient, or might have defined it with their own words.
I know you have your own meaning of love too. Regardless of the different definitions, I believe that love should be shown and be given to every creature on earth- aside from us, humans.
But in reality, not every human is as sympathetic and compassionate to other creatures such as animals, specifically to "dogs".
For example those videos I never searched about dog-cruelty but already appeared in my youtube account. It breaks my heart when I saw some dogs being brutally beaten up. I know they can develop traumas too.
Honestly, I was not the most affectionate person when it comes to animals but with dogs, I never knew it could be my soft spot.
I dreamed of having pets before but my ideal pets are first-fishes, second- birds and lastly are dogs. Although I have experienced petting a dog before but I wasn't really that hands-on at all because we just co-pet or co-owned what we had before with the whole family members. Usually, it was always my father or mother who fed our animals. We are mostly on the playtime or the physical journey of the dogs but we just do that only when we wanted to.
Personally, I prefer dogs than cats because I grow up having them around in the house. Most of my family members before had kids asthma and chose not to pet a cat since we observed that cats hair have bigger effects on my siblings.
Not until my big brother's birthday last Nov.19, 2021. Mama asked for puppies from a friend after we got robbed and then at 6am of my big brothers birthday, a little boy knocked in our house giving the puppies away.
He said that the puppies can now eat solid foods. Kuya( my big brother)'s birthday was the official date that we officially adopted them.
That was the first picture we took during their first day with us.
Meet "Silly" puppy number one on the left and "Lazy" puppy number two whos looking at the camera.
My little sister named them: "Silly" since she's so hyper, always moving around, and biting everything while the other is named "Lazy" because she was the sleepy one and super slow in eating food. She barely drinks water too, we improvised some dropper for her to drink some water or milk.
I don't know much about dog breeds but I know that these puppies are called "askal" here in the Philippines. Mostly neglected because they are considered stray dogs found in streets that can survive on their own. Anyway, regardless of the breed they deserve to be loved also even if they're not the prettiest of their relative species.
During that first day, my sister was the one feeding them since I was busy in our store.
Everybody was fond of playing with our new found pets. However, Silly likes to be with me and even followed me in our mini-store.
I was so fascinated by their different traits. I even mentioned them in some of my posts in noise.cash.
We also had a cute and stout puppy named "tubby", she didn't even last a month with us after she was accidentally stepped on her tummy by my aunt. She had gone so much before she died. My first ever puppy and she's the sweetest among the three.(I love you tubby, I'll make a separate article for you too.)
Everything seemed happy until my puppies got infected by other neighbors dog and cats through daily interaction. They were scratching their head constantly and they were wounded in most parts of their body.
That was the time they (my other family members) changed their treatment to the puppies. They didn't want them around anymore. They beat them with whatever they grab first: stick, slippers, hard cloth,soft broom, hard broom etc.
In addition to their disgust, my puppies no matter how much I potty train them, they still sneak and pee or poop around the house. I can't bear to see them being beaten, they said that it was just part of disciplining dogs. No matter how I defend that dogs can't actually connect their anger and loud voices towards what they've done. That dogs are just pooping and peeing on almost same spot because they just based it on smell.
They decided to cage them. It breaks my heart that we can't do our play time and walk every morning since they warned me. Puppies cried all day and all night long. The cage was old yet I just put some clean cloth inside for them to have a place to sleep. Also a cover for rain and wind.
The scratching and shaking of head still continous and even worsen. I remember it just started with these tiny bumps in their head that formed a line.
Their skin looks red, dry and dehydrated but still I played with them, fed them and put to sleep. I then managed to put some antiseptic to their wounds when they fall asleep everynight. Sometimes I used the topical ointment that I made for them made from "Madre de Cacao". As I searched, it said that it helps improve the dogs skin condition, can repel ticks and fleas too. They were laughing because I shouldn't be doing all these just for the puppies and just let them be. "It's better that they get the disease than to us humans, they're just dogs. When they die, we'll ask for another one". I was caught speechless for what I've heard. I can't bear to just neglect them as my family's suggesting. I treat these creatures as my own babies. They needed help more than just the feeding.
I still like to carry them around no matter what skin condition they have.
It took me so long enough to figure out what I should be doing to my puppies because how will I suppose to address the problem when I don't know exactly what my puppies problem really are in the first place?
I just can't bear anymore to see them silently crying while being disturbed by unwanted guests in their body and wake themselves up just to scratch in the middle of the night.
I just recently discovered also that Silly have an allergic reaction when she eats chicken. Her redness worsen and scratching never stops. One day after she ate chicken, she woke up with really red diluted eyes, swollen skin and very red. I was alarmed yet before I gave her antihistamine, I searched if humans medicine like antihistamine are safe for dogs and the safe dosage. Thank God for everything and thank you google, the inflammation subsided and her eyes normalized.
I felt sorry to these puppies, if only I had enough money. Maybe their nutrition won't be compromise and I'll go all out with their needs. If only I had money, visiting to a vet will always be the first option than to self medicate them but that's not the case.
These puppies helped me discover many things, from terminologies to practices and trainings, to realization that I have this so much love inside me for so long that's just waiting to come out even if they call me crazy.
I suspected it to be scabies and fleas so I scheduled them a weekly medicated bath with the sulfur soap and wash-out that I bought. Wash-out is mixed with water for their last rinse.
I removed fish and chicken in their daily intake, I bought 3kgs of Vitality dog food. It says that its made from lamb and beef which my puppies love, also it can help in regrowing healthy and shiny puppies coat as they claim.
Our neighbor even put a topical drops of ivermectin to the two, with 2 weeks no to bathing them.
I got fleas from lazy's coat also few times within the treatment maybe because her hairs are longer than silly's and they want to hide there.
Their skin improved a lot, just the slight redness for silly and still waiting for her body to regrow her hairs.
This is now their skin and coats condition after a month.
I am just glad that this first-time pet parenthood experience are beneficial to both dogs and humans.
Sometimes loving is way easier when everything was fine and perfect, but if chances don't favor your expectations, and everything goes wrong. Will you go break the bond for your convenience?
Maybe we can't change them, they have freedom whom to love. But we can always do our part to give and always choose to love.
Thanks for your time reading mine.
"Madaling araw na pagtutula"
*Sa mga magbabasa,*
*Babala: Ipagpaumanhin ninyo at ilang taon na akong sabog ng ganito.lol*
*Disclaimer: Hindi lahat ng nasa tula nangyari sa buhay ko o kung may pagkakapareho man po sa inyo, hindi ko po sinasadya at kasalanan lang po yan ng utak kong maimbento sa oras na ito.*
Dahil wala akong maisip na isulat pero gusto kong magsulat dahil alas dos na naman ng madaling araw ngunit mata ko'y mulat na mulat. Naisipan kong buksan muli ang aking telepono at magsulat ng artikulo.
Pagpasensiyahan ninyo na ang aking pagtatagalog dahil minsan mas komportable talaga akong magsulat ng Ingles ngunit napaka-aktibo pa ng aking utak sa mga oras na ito. Kaya ito, pinaninindigan niyang managalog at hayaang ang salita ay maging pararilala pararila parirala(tama ba? 🤣 ibig kong sabihin ay phrase) at ang phrase ay maging pangungusap hanggang sa maging buong ganito.
Nahawa kasi ako kay ate @leejhen sa pagcompile niya ng mga tula pero itong akin ngayon ko lang bubuohin. Salamat ate sa pa-ideya😘
**"MULI"**
by: Shyryl
Heto na naman ako
nagmamahal sa matipunong ginoo.
Pilit mong binabasag ang pader
na aking binuo.
Kinikitil na damdamin
Pilit paring lumalim.
Kulang pa ba ang sakit ng kahapon?
Pait at hirap, lahat ba un itatapon?
Ayoko na sanang maniwala
sa konseptong ganito.
Ang magmahal muli
at sa pag-ibig maging bilanggo.
Kahinaang naituturing sa
mata ng mga tao.
Ngunit bukod-tangi
kang nanindigan laban sa mundo.
Sinubok ng panahon
lalo pa ring bumabangon.
Lalong tumitibay, lalong umaalalay.
Sa dami ng ginawa mo
nasaksihan mo na nga ang ngiti ko
Galit sa puso'y biglang naglaho
Salamat sa hindi mo pagsuko.
Iisipin ko pa ba?
Mga komento ng iba?
Makasarili ba kung uunahin ko namang sumaya?
Pusong bato nga'y mapapaibig pa pala.
Kumusta naman ang aking nagawa?
Itong pangalawa naman ay tungkol sa pangarap na matagal bago nakamtan.
"LABAN LANG"
by: Shyryl
Pakiusap huwag naman patayin,
Wag naman limitahan,
mga pangarap na hindi pa nga nasisimulan
Pinagtatawanan, pinagkakaitan.
Dahil daw mahirap hanggang dito nalang
Dahil daw pangit walang karapatan,
Dahil daw mahiyain sarilinin nalang.
Mga gawa ko'y laging hindi sapat
Bakit parang kay ilap ng aking mga pangarap?
Tumanda na at lahat,
Hinahamak pa din.
Hindi ka sapat
Hinding hindi karapat-dapat.
Sariling pamilya sinasabing suportado ka nila
pero ika'y mamaliitin din katulad ng iba
Taliwas ang istorya
sa bawat kilos nila.
Kahit ako'y mag-isa sa laban
Aahon at lilipad kahit maging sugatan
Walang mali sa pagsunod sa saiyo'y nagpapasaya.
Malunod man sa ritmo ng musika,
mapaos sa bawat bigkas ng linya
Walang batas na nagbabawal sa matandang kumanta
Hindi krimen ang mangarap ng gising
Sa intablado lang naman ang tanging hiling.
Unti unti na ngang nakakamtan ang kasikatan.
Ngayong may halaga na, madami ng nagpapakilalang kapamilya.
Salamat sa Diyos na siya kong kinapitan,
Nanatiling nakaapak sa lupa at mapagpatawad sa iba.
Hirap ng buhay huwag na huwag susukuan.
Tunay ngang kailangan mo lang Siyang pagkatiwalaan.
Makakamtam mo din ang iyong tunay na kaligayahan.
Ang mga tulang ito ay walang sukat dahil freewriting lamang ito at hindi ko na binusisi talaga para magkaroon ng ekasktong sukat bawat taludtod ng saknong.
Itong pangatlo ay medyo nauna ko nang naisulat sa notes pero isasama ko nalang para maidagdag at humaba ang ating nilalaman.
"KUMPLIKADO"
by: Shyryl
Bakit nga ba ganito?
puso't isip ko'y gulong-gulo.
Batid kong mali,
ngunit bawat nakaw na sandali.
Di mapigilang nararamdaman,
Handa ka nga bang panindigan?
Paulit ulit mong bumibigkas ang katagang
"mahal mo ako"
ngunit pagdududa'y di maikubli sa puso ko
Tapat ka nga bang talaga?
o sadyang pinaglalaruan lamang ako?
Paano ba tayo sasaya ng lubusan?
Kung sa umpisa pa lamang ay may masasaktan?
Pinasok na gulo ay di malampasan
para na tayong may matinding karamdaman.
Lunas na nga ba ang ako'y lumisan?
pagkat wala na akong ibang maisip na paraan.
Salamat pa din at kahit pamandaliang panaginip lang
Naranasan kong ako'y iyong mahalin
higit pa sa isang pinsan🥴😅
ngunit reyalidad ang pinag-uusapan
ikaw at ako ay malabong magkatuluyan.
Sakit na nararamdaman, heto ngayon sa sulat ko dinadaan.
Patawad kung sa palagay mo'y ito lamang isang katatatwang liham
ito na marahil ang panahong pagod na akong lumuha't masaktan.
Ang umasa pa'y karagdagang kasalanan at pait lang.
Kaya malaya ka nang magmahal ng ibang kababaihan
Sapagkat ang mundo ay punong puno ng kagandahan,
Hindi naman ito ang katapusan
habang buhay mo ako magiging "pinsan"
wala naman akong pamimilian niyan.😂
Awit. Natatawa ako sa pinaggagagawa ko kaya sa mga nagbabasa pa po nito. Ang tanging maipapayo ko lamang sainyo po ay matulog kayo ng maaga o kahit hindi maaga basta po ay makatulog kayo sa gabi dahil sayang din ng growth hormones. Kaya siguro ako hindi na tumangkad dahil hindi ko nakolekta ng maayos iyong hormone na iyon. Haha
Maraming salamat po sa pagtangkilik. Maari ninyo po akong makita sa Noise.cash sa parehong pangalan. Isang oras ko din po itong nagawa kaya ngayon ay alas tres na ng umaga.
Magandang gabi at muli salamat po sa pagbabasa.
My Valentine's day will always be a gloomy day.
It has been more than a decade since dad passed away. Sixteen years to be exact, I still find myself grieving, fighting with the pain.
I guess it is true that you will never get over it, the pain of losing a loved one will always be there. That you will just learn how to live with it through time.
It's just a day to go before Valentine's day. The official day that I used to be happy, excited with my family. When we're eating lunch together during Valentine's day, dad will always greet us with warm smiles asking and teasing us about our Valentino or Valentina.
Valentino or Valentina is the first person outside your household that smiled at you on Valentine's day. And you have to make that day special or memorable for him/ her too by doing good and simple things to that person.
Be it giving them some presents or offering a helping hand to whatever they're doing.
*I remember giving a chocolate roll to my grade 3 male classmate who used to bully me with my surname. It felt great, after that he became my playmate during recess.*
Sometimes the tricky part was what if you are not actually on good terms with your Valentino. Maybe that's how it makes sense, to show some love, do something good for them, even just for once.
*I don't know, I didn't fancy researching about Valentino and Valentina thing. Maybe my dad just made up the rules maybe he was so obsessed with Valentine's day. All I knew is that my father was a very expressive person. He likes writing letters and saying what's in his mind or what he feels.*
Valentine's day is one of the days that I was so excited to celebrate. I mean, aside from Christmas, it's when most people even just passing by are always wearing a smile. Showing affection to their loved ones on that special day.
*I remember how girls on our campus got so overwhelmed when they received bouquets from their partners but most singles are the real deal. They count couples in public places during heart's day. They are more joyful because they don't need romantic partners to feel happy about life. They create their own happiness. I mean, Valentine's are not just for couples. We can show some love every day not just on Valentine's day.*
Everything was so perfect until when father died on exactly Valentine's day last 2006.
I will just make a separate article of "*how my father died*" when I was twelve. I want to write it down soon, I will just save some more courage to do so.
After my father left us for good, I found myself so disheartened to do the things that I really want to do and things that I used to do, including writing and singing. I develop traumas, even riding a motorcycle scares me.
Valentine's day used to be so special and a happy day for me but now it's like a mourning day. I can't even post-death anniversary captions on my social media(is that really a special day to celebrate? Anniversary of the dead?).
*Dad, I remember you, always. Not just when the day you died. Not just on Valentine's day.*
I cannot emphasize enough how painful that was, to witness how his last moments were and to hear his voice the last time.
When I think of Valentine's day, all I can see is my father's face. No matter how much I focus on the present and be excited for tomorrow, Valentine's day seems like dragging me back to that same scenario when dad died.
I am currently learning to overcome my traumas with the help of the people around me. Especially to the most patient one, my love.
Thanks for reading my article.
I will be fine soon, life is more beautiful if we experience both the good and the bad feelings. It will make us stronger and braver to face the other day.
Never a priority
Today I was reminded again how life is unjust and full of chaos.
My life's perspective did change when my father died.
I was forced to take an absence sometimes to look for my siblings, take good care of them, made sure they have eaten in proper time. Sometimes I bring them with me to school if there were exams. Keep your sibling quiet while we are taking exams, sell food to classmates and teachers during recess and walk kilometers to go home. I knew how hard life was even when I was a child.
We did sell freshly picked vegetables to houses just to sustain our expenses or sometimes just to trade for rice. Rice is a staple food in most Filipino families. Rice broth"sanaw" also is a traditional alternative to milk when we don't have money to buy milk for my siblings.
Growing up I knew how hard-working my father was too. Up until his last breath, he made sure we can still have at least a month of supply of food. Maybe he knew he was dying. https://read.cash/@Shyryl/my-post-fathers-day-2021-special-f6bb6e54
Like I said we grew up looking up how great dad was. He was never perfect, he drank alcohol sometimes, they had arguments with mom when he was drunk. He can be a bit silly when drunk like showing how flexible he was with his karate exhibitions. But he never hurt mama, sometimes alcohol can make him a sweet talker too.
That was before, everything changed after my father died. Mama sold almost everything dad have, we transferred to grandpa's house. Our living was different, a lot harder and we started to become the favorite topic of our relatives too.
Fast forward, Mama has her own family now, her own house. We love mama so much that we were forced to just accept her decisions every time.
There were times when Mama often boasts about her partner as if my father was worst of all, but our memories say otherwise. She wants me to believe that she's in a better place and with a better man than my father. How can I not be angry when I saw the man's face, he's always with a smirk and mocking smile. How can I not feel the pain that what mama's saying is different than what I'm still seeing? He can't even help mama do their laundry.
Through time we were hardened. We acted like we were used to it. To be set aside. Our family tradition of a complete family while celebrating new years eve was broken too. I knew how to cook since I was 8 but preparing for Christmas eve and New years eve felt different and heavy for me. I still have to be jolly for my siblings. Accepting that we're never a priority. The primary family turns out to be just an extension.
Mama was still clueless or not even bothered when we were hurting in many ways. It's okay that we were suppressed and made fun of by the other family especially the guy who destroyed our family. But the moment I voiced out my anger towards that guy, I was attacked, slammed, cursed, ignored and backstabbed by my own mother. As if we are expected to just be quiet, to agree with the wrongdoings.
Mama didn't even bother to ask me where my anger came from but had taken her side already. I am an adult now but still a human. I have my thoughts and feelings. If everyone is a bully. I can be courageous too to protect myself, my family, especially my siblings. I will try my best to fill the void inside their hearts.
How can I not be mad now? Maybe I was used to it already, the other side of the story will just remain an unheard history.
Maybe we are fighting to make our family whole again but in fact, our family was already crushed into pieces.
How can after all these things that happened, I still care and love mama? I was surprised that I never cried but my heart is hurting so much. I will just let this bad feeling melt away.
Thank you for letting me this out. Tomorrow will be brighter.
"Ignorance"
Who would have thought that planting can make you cry?
It's the courage to plant some bell peppers, moringa stems, and "sigarilyas" or winged beans in that cold gloomy morning last Thursday, February 3, 2020.
***Warning: This article contains
photograph with skin inflammation
and wound. Excuse to those who
are eating, read it with your
discretion.***
I set aside the seeds of one bell pepper that I prepared for new years evening. I spread them in the mini sack with soil in it, a mini-nursery section of seedlings.
I then replanted them already since they grew already with 3-4 leaves. I also replanted some winged beans. The seedlings were given to me by my boyfriend's father-Tito A.
I remember how amazed I was when I saw plenty of matured brown winged beans vegetables hanging over a tall tree in their backyards. Before going home, I was surprised to receive some pasalubong/ takehome treats such as star apples, betta fish, and winged beans.
I always wanted to plant something that will be useful for our family. With pandemic happening, it's not always every day that we got something to serve on the table. I mean it's big deal for me to just harvest vegetables from our yard than buy them in the market. It's very economical and sometimes commercial products are way different in quality than freshly picking vegetables to plate right away.
Going back to that planting day that I've mentioned above. I never got bored nor bothered by the slightly pouring of rain.
The thing that made me stop for a little while was when I got bitten by red ants. I got them hanging in my feet, legs, hands, and elbows. Imagine how I unintentionally gave them the dance steps I never knew I could. They're aggressive ones. I was bitten even in my fingers and palm.
I quite ignored the pain after I got rid of them in my skin and continue what I was doing. I am allergic to insect bites especially ants since I was a child, but I quite knew how to treat them.
After bathing, I put an ointment to relieve the pain and itchiness in those bitten areas. But one spot got my attention because it was more painful than the usual red ant bites yet I treated it the same with the ointment for anti-itchiness and pain.
While the other markings of red are smaller and not so red for its initial reaction after getting bitten. They will eventually be a lot more intense and will become inflamed with a watery texture and sometimes develop pus.
Above is the picture of the bitten area an hour after effect. Swollen and red with mounting pus. In the evening, I felt the stinging become more intense covering a larger circumference of redness and pain in my leg.
Every step I make going to the comfort room became so hard because all I felt was stinging and it felt like the pain runs up to my inner thigh already. I then managed to pop out the pus after several minutes of fighting with pain. Then I cleaned the wound, put some antiseptic, and covered it with bond aid.
The next morning, this is how it looks like in the picture below. Bigger inflamed area with the red circumference spreading even worst. I am in pain once any of that skin inside the green area is touched.
My skin looks deteriorating, the red area became a plastic-like texture around the pus. I told mama yesterday night that it was painful and she just told me to put some ointment around to calm it down.
Today I woke up crying because I couldn't bear the pain. I never thought planting can make me cry out in pain.
After decades of not having any open wounds, here it is now reminding me to be more mindful about my surroundings. I told mama once more hoping to seek some advice on how to treat this. After she saw the wound, she raised her voice and scolded me big time out of I don't know maybe nervousness that it might be a bee sting with venom inside that can make my whole leg rotten like a decaying fruit. I don't know, I thought it was just an ant bite that will eventually fade. I was clueless, I never knew about beebites' side effects on humans or what to do once bitten. I never experienced it when I was a child and all I know now is that it hurts so much.
I just don't want to move my leg. That's how painful it was for me.
Luckily mama told me to drink antibiotic medicine called amoxicillin to fight the stinging and bacteria growing. Aside from the oral, I continued to cleanse and put topical solution for antiseptic then covered it. I also put gumamela flower juice all over that red area( I just recall this one since Kuya was attacked by bees in our childhood, I don't know the scientific explanation but elders say it's also a cure. If only I knew it was bee bite or sting.)
The first picture was right after I drink the oral medicine, looking so much more inflamed and red. Then the second picture was after an hour of drinking the medicine. The inflammation subsided, the red color lessen as well as the pain.
I can now poke it with my finger and walk normally since yesterday and earlier today, I walked like a grandma while being a cry baby, lol.
If you have been bitten by a bee. Make sure to clean the area, sanitize the tweezer that you'll be using to remove the stinger(black color in the area), put some anti-inflammatory ointment, and cover your wound. Open wounds are more vulnerable to dirt and bacterial growth. You can also drink painkillers if it's unbearable.
Anyway, thank you for reading this far. This is my journey to knowing how it feels like to have a bee sting. Haha, luckily I didn't get a fever or even worse effects. It's just that my pain tolerance is low so this experience made me cry. Lol
Okay so time check, it's already almost 1 am. Fruitful night though to finish an article. haha, Good night guys.
Slow writer like me hopes to write more often and faster.
Thank you so much @OfficialGamboaLikeUs for the sponsorship and sweet note. ❤
Facts about us in our 8 year relationship (Feb-ibig special).
Most relationships follow a secret formula for them to last longer. Some even asked their parents or mentors about it, some even googled it just to secure the relationship they have. Some just wanted to know what is best or some might want to know what is lacking in their relationships.
Today I will be sharing some trivia about me and my boyfriend Jb. I am jotting down all these things for future purposes also. **I am not boasting or anything, I just wish you will find a thing or two that can be relevant to your relationship too.** I just love to write my thoughts of the day since I am new to writing and I tend to be lost in my thoughts especially in my spare time, might as well write what's on my mind most of the time which is none other than my love, Jb.
Many are asking and many will still ask me about us, so might as well write it down whenever necessity knocks. I will just send them this article link rather than answering them repeatedly. Hahaha
How are we as a couple? You will know in the list below.
So here are the situations in our relationship that maybe not everyone in our circle or family knows:
Trivia #1.
`We both had crushes on each other when we were starting.`
Unknowingly, we studied in the same Department in our town's State College. When I was in 2nd-year college, I didn't know I had irregular classmates who would just join our class in certain subjects and he was one of them. He is 2 years older than me.
A year after, we became full-time classmates(same major and minor subjects to take). The first time I noticed him was when one of our professors made fun of our surnames. We both have weird but unique surnames. He was so mysterious, quiet, behave, a loner but quite impressive when it comes to his academics and he's a fast learner too.
It's hard to admit that I was the one who asked for his number because he tends to tease me a lot about this matter that I did that on purpose. Yes, that was with a purpose, and that purpose has no malice at all because I only asked for his number for project-related matters. (Oh did I sound like hashtag defensive? Haha, Of course, I will always defend the truth😄.)
Many months after we became close friends through texting but in person, we never initiated to talk and to my surprise, he said that he likes me, our friends felt it already especially one of my "Kuya Kuya" (classmate/ close friend, which I also treat as a big brother) knew how I get to be so awkward when I have a crush to someone😂. He knew I will never talk to that person first. He was the one who started teasing Jb to make a move and I was aware of that because I was there whenever they have "ligawan discussions" or pro tips on how to treat and pursue a girl. Then the awkwardness became known to our "barkadas" (circle of friends), to the whole class, and the whole Department.
Crazy trips and waves of laughter never left us when we were all together with our friends because if we chose to be serious all the time then we might get retarded so soon and won't finish our course on time.
I know that some of you are wondering who said "I love you first?" I would love to answer that on the next trivial fact. Lol
Trivia #2.
`He was the first one to say "I love you":)`
That was an endless discussion for us two😂 but truth be told and he finally conceded. He was the one who said, " I love you first".
My first *I love you* for him was when we were officially in a relationship while he said those when we were still in the courting stage(several times).😜
Trivia #3.
`We had so many conversations about our wedding even when we are just starting.`
Who's gonna cry, who will laugh, what color we are gonna wear, the motif of the wedding, who is invited? Is it going to be intimate? where and when? It's crazy right?😅
We even had a piece of wedding contract signed by both with a sketch of rings on the center.
Haha While writing this, I can't help but laugh. Lol, We are very futuristic individuals.
Another silly thing we did was name our unborn children. Yes, children, hahaha I want two to four children but he negotiated to have another one because he is planning to train them as a basketball team. By the way, their names were pre-selected already by yours truly from my favorite vampire series "The Vampire Diaries" and "The Originals".
Many Filipino first-time parents loved to combine their names or initials to form names of their children but mine are not even related. They are just my favorite CHARACTERS hahaha, when they get old to ask and complain, I will just laugh out loud and point fingers at their dad who agreed with it.
Trivia #4.
`We don't post PDA on social media.`
We are both introverted people and we value privacy so much.
We're not posting hugs, kisses, because we want to make it special and that's super important for us but, of course, we want that cute snuggly relationship.
We are both clingy by the way but we know how our friends are going to react. Or should we? Hahaha
Trivia #5.
`We are a giver but not to the point that we get to be so stressed about constant giftings.`
We are not the type of couple that is stressing themselves out what to give for an upcoming monthsaries or anniversary.
I mean there's nothing wrong with that giver kind of relationship, as long as both of you are happy and are expressing your affection through your love languages then that is fine.
What I was saying is that ours was different, we value quality time over gifting. We prefer to just chill out, cook our food, play our favorite mobile game, and just enjoy the rest of the day, as long as we're together.
Appreciating small things like meaningful conversations matters the most for us. Dating sometimes is much more beautiful if it doesn't cost so much. Just know what will make your partner happy and it will be so much more a rewarding feeling.
Trivia #6.
`We never fought about forgetting our monthsary(monthly special day).`
Yes never, its a very rare offense to both of us because for me it reflects our care for our partner and our relationship if he ever forgot these things then he's dead. Both must know these things, it's your special date of being together unless you have no plans of making your relationship last longer, then none of these dates matter (I hope not).
Luckily, in our case, we never fought about it because no one ever forgets about it so far. It's our special day to start with. If both were busy bees, at least both managed to greet before the day ends, even if it's an evening greeting it was still counted.
Again this is how we are. Of course, monthsary greetings will be valid depending on how deep you understand your partner's situation.
Trivia #7.
`We don't treat disagreements into a battlefield,`
When both of us are angry, we let the emotion subside first before talking to each other to avoid clashing like there was no tomorrow(just like in tv dramas).
How do we deal with fights? we talk about it I don't stop until he tells me how he felt, I always wanna know about the "why's" and if both of us have this rise of emotions then we stop and let everything cool down a little bit and talk again until we both understand each other. Disagreements are chances to listen to other points of view to understand each other and make our bond stronger.
Trivia #8.
`He's sweet but not my kind of sweet, we have different love languages.`
I'm still grateful that Jb isn't a notorious sweet talker (iyong " unli", sinasabi din pala sa iba ang mga sweet messages niya like a player). He is definitely sweet, not the most vocally expressive person I've ever met but instead, I pay close attention to his actions. That's what matters, really(even if I'm a word of affection kind of person).
Does this sound familiar to you? *(Where a girl craves for sweet messages every now and then, or at least once a day but her lover is not as vocal as she wishes he is. They fought about it several times. For the man's interpretation, she's being unreasonable, needy, or demanding gf but in her mind, she knows her worth. She needs to be treated special and cared about by the one she loves, etc etc..)*
In the early stage of our relationship, I often cry out of pity and doubt, "does he really love me?", "Why can't he say those words more often as I do?".
I always think of the "*me*" and not about the "*him*" or the "*us*". A common mistake why most people end up hurting each other.
Through time he learned to express himself more through words and I on the other hand learned to value his ways of conveying his affection. The top three of his love languages are the act of service, quality time, and physical touch. For me, a relationship requires love, trust, compromise, fidelity, and endurance.
Just like in the crypto world, if it's worth it you definitely must hodl it even in trying times as the red market.
Trivia #9.
`We are not talkative.`
We do small talks but we prefer meaningful relationships. We're men of few words or will just answer once asked. Hahaha unless the person I'm talking to is a trusted friend then I'd go all out.
Read and noise helped me improve a lot. I am now very interactive with the comment sections.
Trivia #10.
`We definitely fight.`
Yeah, This happens in most relationships especially if you wanted it to last.
For almost 9 years, we only had 2 big fights. Maybe because he didn't give me even a single reason to get jealous. He made a promise he will never ever cheat on me that's why I feel so secure and blessed:) He never put himself into that situation, like I remember him telling me this after watching a movie "I won't ever trade our relationship/my forever joy into something like a temporary happiness" o "di ko ipagpapalit ang panghabangbuhay kong kaligayahan sa panandaliang saya lang something like that. And it caught me, I'm glad to find someone who values or nurtures this relationship as much as I do.
Bonus facts:
**Trivia #11.**
`We just had our theme song.`
3 months before our 8th anniversary, we finally selected our team song. Hahaha I know, I know. We're that late bloomer😂 have high standards but we both agreed to that song, we accidentally discovered it through a radio station. Although he's the only one who can relate in the second verse of the song, it's fine. I remember how he asked me to dance with him upon hearing that song over a radio. I like the melody. You can play it below. 😊
https://youtu.be/cryFndta0tk
**Trivia #12.**
`Love grows day by day.`
For almost 9yrs and we didn't realize we were in that relationship for so long now. We both feel like we're just starting as a newbie couple. Maybe because of restrictions. There are a lot of things that we wanna do but we still can't. Saying goodnights after he drives me back home feels like we're constantly being separated. It's something I can be proud of. Those plans, those things we wanted to try, places we wanted to go but we couldn't because of pandemic happening, family culture and responsibilities, are something to look forward to after marriage, lots on the list already:)
Yep! I claim it, and I know he's the one. It's just a matter of waiting, persevering, and praying.
Closing thoughts
We all have different stories to tell. Mine was quite cheesy yet simple. Thank you for reading this far but yeah I prefer to write whatever just comes into my mind and unfortunately, it's all about love and reminiscings. https://read.cash/@Shyryl/my-post-fathers-day-2021-special-f6bb6e54
Cheers to all the people who choose to love and to people who are just starting to learn how to love. I pray nothing but healing and happiness to all those who had been hurt or still hurting. Advance **Happy Valentine's** beautiful people.
Sorry to readers who found this cheesy and irritating as well. I didn't mean to, I am just sharing my heart out loud, thank you for bearing with me😁.
"Top 5 songs to combat your secret battles."
Date first drafted: September 15, 2021
Date published: September 30, 2021*
Not every day is a pleasant day, am I right? Wherever you are, whatever you are experiencing, whoever you are with, there will always at some point in your life that you will feel so confused or hopeless or exhausted, sometimes feeling unloved or alone, or worst case, depressed. Pretty much everyone has their silent battles to deal with every day, especially in this time of Pandemic. Regardless if you are still a student or a young professional or a married one.
You have your secret battles to deal with everyday things like being financially broke, having a toxic relationship, unending bills, having a routinary exhausting job, hard to answer out of nowhere questions in modules, perhaps you just lost a loved one or someone just diagnosed with a serious disease. Some however are lucky enough to have their support system during dark days and confusion but most of us are fighting on our own, trying to survive and staying strong.
Luckily, there are undeniably amazing songs that we can relate to with our experiences in life. Sometimes when our mouth cannot utter a word, we tend to find comfort and relief from the things that we love to do, right? from those foods that we like to eat and even from songs that we like to listen to.
One trusted way to breathe is to pause, have yourself some time alone to reflect, pray, meditate, and have some music on in the background.
Here are my top 5 recommended Christian songs that you may or may not want to hear but you still need so I'll be sharing anyway. Lol. I know that not every reader here is a Christian but knowing that we believe that there is Someone who is sovereign among us is what matters. Christian songs are always share-worthy because I would never underestimate the power of music, the internet, and God working His ways to touch others' lives.
Top in my list is:
"Echo" by Tauren Wells
https://youtu.be/Z8agqyGIaD8
I am one of those who like to go deeper with the lyrics and beat before liking a song plus I designate the singer as Bruno Mars of the Christian community because they almost sound the same.
This song may be out for quite some time now but not everyone has heard it before. Most of the time you doubt yourself, most of the time you fear something, or maybe you are constantly worrying about anything. Find strength through this song, you may dance and let go of the negative vibes knowing that God is unstoppable and He won't give up on you either because He loves you.
The next song is,
"Steady my heart" by Kari Jobe
https://youtu.be/T0ip40j82ws
The difficulty in life sometimes causes someone to be blinded and sometimes tend to question God.
Are you one of those who worry and then you worry and you worry so much about everything?
Anxieties and exhaustion can be battled up with this song. Try not to be a worrier but a warrior who can shield the negative thoughts and knows where to run, to God's loving arms. You can experience calm amidst the chaos if you choose to trust God.
The third song is,
"Way Maker" by Leeland
https://youtu.be/iJCV_2H9xD0
There is nothing more to further explain about this song but you just have to listen and believe the lyrics especially in the chorus part. Let this song alone praise God for what He has done, what He is doing, and what He will do to your life. He is doing something even if we cannot feel and see. We are humans bound with limitations, we don't know everything but God knows everything. He's working on something and no one can stop His plans and promises to happen in our lives.
Next is,
"Truth be told" by Matthew West
https://youtu.be/j4wYkS8Z3Io
Most of the time we hide the pain. We are wearing masks intentionally for people to believe that we are just fine and sometimes to avoid getting judged by others.
We allow ourselves to find happiness in the wrong places. Most of the time what is posted online is just a part of the whole story but some people just make up a story they want people to believe.
However, it's fine to admit to ourselves that there is something wrong and that not everything in our life would be perfect. It's okay to be broken inside, feel the negative emotions and just let God heal you. Just believe that He is still under control.
And lastly,
"God's not done with you"
by Tauren Wells
https://youtu.be/cVHrkYBEgFM
We all have our time where we feel hopeless or we feel stagnant and defeated in life. That is normal, there is no guarantee that life is always happy. We will experience challenges, we will fall, we may fail.
God on the other hand never lost a battle, knowing that God is not yet done in your life makes you feel relieved and be grateful. There is something beautiful for you and your family to look up to. Be hopeful, be prayerful, be strong because God is not done yet writing your story.
Closing thoughts
There you have it, a brief look at Christian music but if we only knew what God can do, we could have sung a little louder. I thank God for the gift of music, that they are readily available. The singer may get old and die eventually, but their songs will remain alive, as the vibe and the message will travel all around the world and can transform lives even for future generations.
Sometimes we are just too hard on ourselves. Trying to have control over the things that we cannot control.
I believe that God let our pain happen for us to trust Him even more. You are not alone. Breathe and let go. We can combat our secret battles knowing God is bigger than our problems. These songs are just a reminder.
**due to low internet and busy schedule.*
"To the guy who made me cry when I was fifteen"
July 6, 2021
Hi there Mr. K,
How are you?
Do you still remember how we met?
How we first glanced at each other's eyes?
Not knowing what danger will come
Not realizing feelings would glam.
Do you still remember how we have arranged one seat apart in our math class?
How you and I became groupmates for the whole year in MAPEH?
How months just went by so fast?
And we had so many happy memories together?
How we have so much in common?
How I got so nervous during reports?
How you smiled every time and I suddenly calmed myself down?
Do you still remember how endless teasing echoed in our classes?
How we both have flushed cheeks when you're around?
How you tend to be so shy and just looked away when they're unstoppable?
Do you still remember how you played piano and guitar so well?
And I will receive random glances and smiles from you.
I can't help but be amazed by your talents.
What else can you do so perfectly?
Do you still remember how I thought everything's fine?
But as I looked at you, you have her with you.
Do you still remember how you two were so sweet outside our classroom?
They comforted me already as they said she's your girl.
Do you still remember how I avoided you after that?
Your stare, your smiles, your whole presence.
I don't want to ruin a relationship or be the third party.
At a young age I know my priorities, I know where to stand, even if that means killing my own emotions.
How I tend to just be so competitive in many things but my battle with you was the only exemption.
How I chose to hold back and pretended like I had great sleep every night.
Do you still remember how prom became the talk of the institution?
How everyone had a partner beforehand?
How everyone's anticipating we'd go together?
How awkward our talks turned out even about topics that were never about us?
Do you still remember how you stood in front of me so suddenly that night?
How you bravely asked me to dance with you?
How I slowly looked up after realizing someone's familiar aura?
How I got so surprised to see my Prince show up because I haven't seen you around?
How I was so hesitant at first but got hypnotized by your charming smiles.
Do you still remember how I looked so stiff feeling your hand holding mine?
Do you still remember how I kept staring at you as we were dancing because it felt like a dream?
You told me to just focus on us and enjoy the rest of the night as you caress my hair.
How amazingly pain vanished and I leaned my head on your shoulder instead?
You were my first dance and it just felt fine.
I never thought prom night would be that magical.
Do you still remember that our first was our last dance because it's closing time?
It took only maybe about a couple of songs before we bid good nights.
That night, I didn't fall asleep weeping but with a smile on my face.
So many questions kept bothering me.
So many why's and what if's, doubting what will happen tomorrow.
Why you acted that way, why you were so caring but sometimes as if I was invisible.
But thank you, dancing with you felt like it was just us.
Like there was 'us', which felt so genuine but which part was real?
Confusion,
Was it all an illusion?
Are your feelings untrue?
Do you still remember how many days and months teasing became so extreme?
How they listed us as one of the loveteams in our class?
But we never talked about it,
No one admitted it first, and I am not to blame anyone.
Do you still remember how we parted?
We graduated High School and never saw each other in one year but still met each other the next school year in the same Department where I was in College.
Do you remember how we exchanged smiles and hellos?
I still can see that same glance you gave me the first time we met.
Like you were about to say a word but still chose to keep it.
Do you still remember how our batch asked for an update about us?
I gave nothing but a smile because that's the sweetest thing you ever gave me aside from my first dance.
Thank you for the feelings, talks, and experiences I had with you, my so-called TOTGA (the one that got away).
Maybe I was the only one loving, maybe I was the only one hurting, maybe you never knew? maybe I was the only one expecting? or maybe we were just too shy? Maybe it was all a lie? Maybe you're still with her? Maybe you don't like me at all? Maybe it was the wrong timing? Or maybe we're not meant for each other?
The feelings may seem so true to me but if it's for the wrong person then I would rather keep it with myself and will still make a stand of being a "Dalagang Pilipina".
I'm still grateful I met you and I felt the rollercoaster of emotions with you. I can now face the world braver guarding my heart more.
**CLOSING THOUGHTS**
Loving indeed is a choice, I've chosen to take that risk. I let the person get too close to mine and trusting him not to hurt me. Still no regrets even if I cried a lot over a guy for the first time and still choose to fight and continue for the next day.
This is sad but a true statement that I have read before, I forgot where but this is a reminder for everyone to avoid getting hurt so much "***never assume unless otherwise stated*****"**.
Listen to your parents because they know what's best for their children. They are much more experienced than us and they can see the situations better than the one involved, making decisions merely based on emotions is not suitable. Sometimes not having the chance to entertain love life is the best while you are still a ***student***.
You can always have one true love at the right time, maybe after you find a stable job? maybe while you're in an out of the country trip? Only God knows, just enjoy the process and waiting period. God has set the best story and the best partner for you.
Also, this story will remind you how important ***communication*** is if you want a relationship to work. By saying relationship, I am pertaining not only to a romantic kind of relationship but any kind, be it friendship, siblings, parent-child relationship, etc.
PS. This is just another article of me letting out my messy thoughts of the day and reminiscings. I suddenly got the urge to write about my fourth-year High School crush after I accidentally clicked a playlist in Youtube with the songs we have danced together in that prom night. https://read.cash/@Shyryl/my-post-fathers-day-2021-special-360adf67
Is it still a crush if it lasted for years? Do you have a moving-on story even if there wasn't an "us" between you two?
Who else can relate? Let me know in the comments.😊
Thank you for reading.
My Post-Father's day 2021 special
I am grateful that I am one of those who will never get tired of bringing back to life those memories that they have with their fathers. The fact that I can never bring him back to life but I still can cling to those good memories that soothe the pain and I will never get tired of talking about my father. Everyone has their childhood stories to tell, be it happy, sad, or frustrating.
Today, I chose to recall the good memories of my father.
It was back when I was in my first year of high school (12 years old) when papa died because of an internal hemorrhage in his head due to a motor accident. That was the turn-around of our princess-like stories but for now, I'll be sharing some of my memories about him.
I enjoy reminiscing about my childhood especially when it comes to my father's cool trips, strict side, and some craziness along the way.
One of which is his story-telling:
He said that in one of the Christmas parties he had in high school, they were asked for an exchange gift and an out-of-the-blue idea popped in his head and got ready for execution. Haha, He chased a frog and then wrapped it together with his gift and waited for the priceless reaction of his girl classmate upon unboxing. Glad it turned out to be funny and everyone including his teacher laughed after the terrifying jump of the frog. He loves pranks😂 Not to mention those classic pranks of putting huge rocks and mops made of coconut in his classmate's bag before going home.
The new year when loud exhausting noise from motorcycles wasn't a trend and not prohibited yet. Papa grabbed and dressed up a stray cat and tied a rope with tin cans at the end and put stones inside it. Every step made by the cat will produce noise from the collision of cans to road surfaces and stones. People witnessing cannot stop laughing because they said that was a clever and effortless way to make some noise.😄
Last Christmas we had with him, he got his finger wounded after lighting up five stars fireworks for fun. Papa was really careful and never get injured while doing this but at that time my father was drunk. The firework that he lit up didn't explode after few seconds of throwing, that he even managed to pick it up from the road and ended up being scolded so hard by mama(mom).
Mama got so nervous and run to pee, while mama was in the bathroom papa laughingly made hand signals for us to be quiet and wrote an "I love you bha❤" letter on the table using merely with his blood-yes that was with a heart. "Bha" was their word of endearment, short for "padaba" a Bicolano word that means "love" when translated into English. We found it so sweet and cute that mama's reaction was unexplainable, I saw a surprised reaction, angry, shy, kilig at the same time haha so good to see your parents loving each other so dearly with their love languages.
He was tall and had long legs, that I always call him daddy long legs (from a fictional character in a cartoon called Daddy long legs or famous amine Judy Abbott). Every time we had to walk from our house in Gate 2 Subdivision to our canteen in Gate 3 or vise versa. He always teases me with walking long-paced, both forward and backward walking (to watch over me) and leaving me behind. I was so little that even if I run, I can only keep up for few seconds, and then papa was leaving me nothing but his hard laughs. Once we are near our destination, he would carry me on his shoulder and I would grab some of his hair strands as if I was riding a horse. Lol
I like going out to dark areas. I'm never scared of darkness knowing that every time I went out of the house in the evening, I always have a companion with me which is papa.
He usually plays around with me in the dark, even if I have a flashlight in my hand. I still have moments where papa would play hide and sick and that I can hardly find him.
He loves seeing me get terrified when I couldn't find him anymore and the magic word was for him to show up is "papa, sirit na" or "suko na" or "papa I give up" or when he surprised me with a pick-a-boo behind those huge trees.
Sari-sari store was far from our house, you'll go up some part of a hill that playtime can still be possible. Papa taught me to prank his friends, hide from those huge trees or lay down, act like a dead individual and surprise his friends when they approached that super dark area. That was really fun, they even told me that I can really be a white lady with my skin tone and that I just need to wear a white dress. Hahaha, I just realized lately that my fascination with huge trees started there, if only cameras were that accessible back in those times I would love to shoot more with my father and my victims. Hahaha Anyway, upon going home mama will always ask "what took us so long to buy stuff" and then we(papa and I) will look at each other with giggling smiles.
Papa was the most responsible person I ever know. After work he will go get the containers to fetch water for our whole day consumption, will chop down firewoods and fill the storage, stock it for future use(very important especially that our place is typhoon prone area), he does the laundry, he cooks our food- he's a great cook, fed the poultry, pigs ducks and other pets; my mother loves to plant flowering and ornamental plants but papa love to plant something useful in times of need which are vegetables, crops, and fruitful trees because he's a thriving agriculturist. Before he can finally do some socialization with his amigos, everything must be done first. I never heard him complain about life's hardship, I never saw him got discouraged but he fought life with dignity and gratefulness in his heart.
One day he took a day off and attended a friend's birthday. He told us to feed the pigs but remove first the animal manure in the cage, unfortunately, no one remembered even mom. So the moment Papa went home and checked, we were all rebuked. While my drunk father was ranting, I don't know why I went to mama and my older siblings, but they were laughing at Papas's gestures while cleaning and scolding. When my father noticed us, he throws us the pig's manure that he grabbed in his hands. Glad we had an umbrella there and made it as a shield, pigs' manure continued to shower on us and I never stopped laughing. I thought it was playtime already and that papa's anger subsided. I said, "we have a shhhieeeld" while dancing and sticking my tongue out to Papa which triggered papa to run after me with a bolo knife. I just enjoyed running and running, round and round our house many times and when I got tired I entered the house. Papa didn't catch me maybe because I was just too fast or maybe because his drunk. I was 7 or 8 years old back at that time and I thought we were just playing. Thankful until now that Papa didn't fell while holding that bolo or I'll carry it in my conscience until now.
There, those are just a glimpse of my good memories with my father that are worth remembering that give me life lessons. No matter how poor we may get, we can still be happy by simply appreciating the things and people that surround us. That no matter how tall we may be upon growing up, still we have to follow and honor our parents. Value your family more than you value your work, your money, and other possessions because you will never know when will be their end game in this world and for us not to live with regrets.
This might be a useless article, many will laugh, many will think they're better. Well, that's them and that's life but this is how I can do it, I just let them be and I will just let myself write before I could ever forget. Haha, I know someone out there can relate too, that sometimes we choose to just remember our happy days where we were just playful, energetic, and innocent. Back when the less you know about life, the less stress, conflict, and responsibility you have.
Anyway, ***Happy 15th fathers day*** to you there in heaven Papa. You are forever loved. We will always remember you, when minds can't recall hearts can still be able to remember. Thank you for visiting me in my dreams and seeing you soo happy makes me stronger, able to move forward and fight for another day.
To all daddies and fathers at heart, ***Happy Father's day too***💕 Cheers to being strong throughout many years, drink more calcium because aging is waving.😁
This may seem like a father's week for me but then again *sorry* and *thank you. Sorry* because this is a week late for the real schedule of Fathers day 2021. I'm proud of myself though that I finally conquered the staring stage at my draft😅. Some may be posting one or two articles per day but it took me a week just to finish this. Not bad for a non-writer like me. Better late than never and I will forever write my thoughts because it helps me in different ways. And *thank you* to this platform, I will now be able to share something beautiful from my messy mind.
Thank you for reading. God bless!❤
Thank you ate @Jane for asking if I have an account here. I suddenly checked it after months of inactivity and I'm glad i did check it. My account was not tagged as spam anymore, was it? Haha Yay! Great news 😄
Now I need lots and lots of motivation to write because I'm not really a writer, but I'm still planning to write something for my father because its fathers day tomorrow but I don't know if I can finish it without weeping. Wish me luck😂
My journey to knowing BCH💕(Noob Edition)
I just want to look back, through writing, on how I started to discover and develop the love for Bitcoin cash and why I wish I knew all these things long ago.
Before entering the world of cryptos, I was satisfied with my daily routine and can proudly say that I'm surviving amidst the Covid19 Pandemic. Enough to pay monthly house rent, electric bills, water bills, grocery, super Kalan, etc, etc.
Even if I'm far from my family in the province and anxiety took place from time to time, I made sure to surround myself with people who encourage and fight with me day by day and trust the One who holds the universe that He's still in control of everything no matter what.
I have matured so much when it comes to emotional dealings and mental health, thanks to covid, plus the realization that money is inevitably a necessity. I never dreamed of becoming "rich" even when I was a child. I love to enjoy every single simple thing in life. Family and relationships are more important to me than anything else.
At first, my favorite pastime was playing Mobile Legends Bang Bang(MLBB).
An addictive game like Dota 1 and Dota 2 with heroes in them but accessible in mobile phones. Some may find it a negative game to play with because some players are triggering you, happy to insult you, trash-talking like there's no tomorrow (trash-talk is the best term because mouths utter dirty bad words even throughout the game). The emotions might get too high especially if your internet connection will not cooperate and your phone was lagging insanely as if the hero was participating in a stop-dance competition. What you get at the end of the game are just anger and frustrations.
But just like anything in the world, there are pros and cons to playing ML too. It was just a matter of assessing yourself for what fits for you most. As for me, I enjoyed playing it with my friends and brothers. I'm not after the rank and tournaments, it's just another way for our bonding time.
I know how to filter and know when to react when to pause, when to drink water, and when to take a pee. Yup, as mentioned earlier this game is addictive and players can be very competitive too, to the point that they forget to move the whole day. There are lots of players who got covered by the Philippine news that suffered from a stroke and some deflected in weight just because of that so-called "addiction" to this mobile game.
Then December last year, my boyfriend Jb joined some crypto-related sites, downloaded some mobile applications also where you can earn cryptos. From there, it was always a hot topic for him and I was in the middle of "I don't care" "I don't understand anything from what you said" but "I should support him". That's the first introduction of cryptos for me.
Looking at my family's situation, I can't help but reflect on what should I do to meet those extra needs for my family. I guess it's normal to feel stagnant at the age of '20s with no savings, to begin with (because family responsibility and consumables are much more a priority especially for mama's medicine). Expectations, pressure, and comparison are all over the place, it's normal and I chose not to see it in socials. But to the extent that you have nothing to give for your family's needs is breaking my heart. When they got sick, all you can do is wait for the update and all you can offer was prayer.
By January, Jb asked me to download coins. ph app. I was hesitant and I was babbling like "why should I? For what? I don't need it, I already have one e-wallet" which is Gcash and I was satisfied with it already. He asked me to create an account in Paypal and Paymaya also. Then those accounts weren't used but I searched on how to maximize my android phone and I learned that there are some legit earning apps. It was time-consuming to earn coins there since it works well for referrals. I don't have a talent for referrals, my messages were always in the seen-zone.
Until February 2021, he introduced to me the micro-blogging platform called "**Noise. cash**" and he made me signed-up for the site.
I know I wasn't the only one to enter the platform via emotion driven by the trust in that person introducing or should I say signing-up even without doing their research first. I never exposed myself to cryptocurrencies nor any earning sites before that. I was never interested until someone introduced me so, then I signed-up with **read.cash** just recently. Yes, I just read so many posts about read there and I give it a try also.
Upon using noise.cash, I finally linked it to my coins.ph account.
There are several sites out there that you can mine cryptocurrencies but noise.cash is different. I love that platform because I can just be myself and post something meaningful and original there while earning some Bitcoincash, not to mention you can embrace the giver-spirit within you and gain some beautiful friends too.
Even without losing a single cent from your pocket. But I have high beliefs for BCH. I believe in Bitcoin cash capabilities among others. It is a lot better from BTC especially when it comes to transaction fees and speed.
In that span of a month of using noise, I already converted some BCH to PHP in coins.ph application which I regretted after. I sold it for a higher price and bought it back when the price dropped a little bit. A very impulsive move, I got so excited (I almost buy a load out of it) not realizing the meaning of the graph.
Now, I made a decision to make it my savings for a long-time.
There you go, that's how I met my BCH. Anyway, may God bless those people behind these two beautiful sites that push you to work hard to get the goals you wanted.
03/12/2021
Dear Diary,
I can't remember at all when exactly did I last write something like this but all I know is that it was back when I was in Elementary. I remember that all my entries were read by my mother and everyone in the household and every time they see me, everybody is teasing me that it was so old-fashioned and so unnecessary to write so I ended up throwing my things and give up my love for writing.
I value my family's opinion more than mine and that's quite a problem. Arguments are not my thing. They are the ones deciding for my future and all are strong-willed and in return, I mastered the art of filling my bottle of emotions.
But the ballpen and notebook never left me. Crazy as may sound but I have a fascination with notebooks and pens. I am happy just by staring at them even if they are still so empty and clean as I bought them. I know I'm not the only one, right? They're like my best friends, an extension of myself.
I always wonder how it feels like to publish my writings on a paper or the internet. I admire those names I read in yearly published school magazines. Always just *wonder* and *admiration*.
Until the pandemic happened, suddenly I have time to write on my own. No pieces of training, no background, no idea at all, etc. Driven by just a dream. Yep diary, I am a dreamer. A certified aspiring late bloomer writer and author wanna-be. I'm glad to finally be doing it with the help of this amazing platform.
Diary now is different. I want every dreamer out there to read my content. I want them to realize their dreams. Whatever it is in their hearts. Communicate more to your parents or whosoever person or people involved in your financial needs. Maybe they just don't realize your likes and dislikes yet, as well as your dreams (but that's not my case).
Filling the world with dreamers is great but realizing their dreams without aggrevating someone unfairly is extravagant.
Good night diary.
Always and forever,
Shyryl💕
Tantadadan! Finally an introduction of myself
Hi everyone,
This is supposedly my introductory article, not my first published one. I am Shyryl (a not so well-thought-out username haha) because I'm shy and I'm Sheryl. You know what I mean.
So who am I?
You can call me Sheryl or Shyryl, whichever you prefer. I am new to writing and on this platform. I'm still learning more about read.cash so please bear with me. hahaha. I hope it's not too late to introduce myself to everyone after two weeks of overcoming that stage of just staring at a blank page.
I am a listener rather than someone who speaks a lot. I am simple in every way I can be because you know, simplicity is beauty🤣. I don't like and am not fond of dressing up. You may say that I am not the typical girly-girl person in my generation where almost everyone wears cropped top and shows off their skin to the public. I don't do girly poses or should I say "I am learning" :D
I value love, relationship, and family so much. I don't know if it's normal, but I don't have dreams and goals for myself but I have lots in mind for my family.
I am so aloof at times when they do picture takings because I don't know well about putting myself together (Hair, Make-up, Wardrobe), wacky poses. I'm challenging myself to be out there and break the "I only joke around and talk so much, of course, to people I am close with."
They often call me "stiff" or "killjoy" simply because I don't do night parties, drink alcohol, and laugh at them whenever they throw their malicious jokes. I haven't experienced overnight to a friend's house, getaways, and travels. People see me as a super introverted person but deep inside my heart, I have so much drive and energy to go on an extreme adventure, maybe not now because of the pandemic but I know it will happen soon.
I easily get stressed over a dirty environment or messy rooms, I feel suffocated. I don't want to live with someone who has a different standard and definition of cleanliness and someone who has no initiative to make a cleaner environment(very tita. Who else can relate? let me know in the comment section).
I hate infidelity (I easily get affected by the dramas I've seen, I don't want to experience those, ever haha). I also hate "plastics". So there as you see, I am very into a deeper level of things. hahaha
I just believe that I don't have to change myself just to fit in wherever I am.
**Just because everybody does it, doesn't mean I have to do everything they do also**.
Before I end this, I wanted to give words of advice to everyone at my age, 20's or even younger that life is not always just. We have to be strong, take care of ourselves and keep moving forward but never ever leave our morality. It's just a matter of which standard matters to you most? God's standard or worldly?
At some point in our lives, there are people that we will encounter that will keep barking on, judging us by what they only see on the outside. Don't mind them. Pour your energy into more important things.
As I always say "**KNOW YOUR WORTH**". We can be limitless.
"**BELIEVE MORE, BE BRAVE, BE YOU**"
"I failed"
Papa,
I always wanted you to be my 18th roses when I turned 18,
My escort at my weddings entourage,
My second to the last dance in reception when I got married.
I dreamed of it ever since I was your little girl.
And now that I'm 27, those will just remain as is.
My wants will never happen even if I cry out loud.
Papa, it's been so long but the grief and mourning are still here.
Every time I remember you,
I remember it all clear.
That you were my hero, my backbone, my clever friend.
Up until you utter your last words,
I was there.
I was the one who heard it.
They're all in deep sleep.
Should I be thankful?
Tears unending so my hands are shaking every time I wrote something about you.
You taught us not to be envious of anyone for anything,
You taught us to be contented with what's on our table,
And see things beautifully even in hopeless times.
Yet I failed.
Sometimes I wanted to get lost in the dark.
I get envious, not over things
but having someone to call **'papa**' at their age.
Late 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's and they still have chance to get a bond with their father.
The reality hits me hard.
Life is unjust.
It’s not a fairytale to tell but a constant battle to deal with.
I need to be emotionally tough.
I need to stop my crying,
I didn't see this coming, I never realized I was too blind for life's bargain.
Accepting you'll never be here again, I’m in total pain.
Suddenly fell asleep with tired eyes,
tears seem unendingly flowing from that twinling spring.
That night I dreamed a long dream,
that I got to hug you so tight and felt the father's love.
I will never stop hoping for that day I got to see you
and wait until those beautiful dreams come true.
@Shyryl
