A Little Bit Progress: Knowing Myself
Many times and years I tried really hard to find myself. I don't know when I got lost, I don't know where to start, I don't know what to decide, I don't know how to make a new beginning. It's all confuse me until my mind becomes empty after thinking too much thoughts that I can't release. I thought I will be just stucked right here where everything fell down and I can't stand again.
And then, there are people who never stops reaching me out, asking me how's my life and help me to step forward little by little. I know it's hard to move forward again, but I know that I can just one at a time. They never stop telling me that I am like this and that before and so I decided to compete with my old self. Days after days, hours by hours, I realized that I was the one who locked myself to where in the dark I am in. That there are still ways to go through difficulties in life, that there are still ladder to go up and reach the top of getting to know me and be better from it.
My closest friends are right, that somehow rest is the best way to go back to myself or make myself better than past. I know that everyone needs it. **Rest is the key!** If you are tired, exhausted, in pain, feel empty and get worries everytime, just take a rest. TAKE A REST. Whatever ways you may know of having rest in your life, just do it. It could be going anywhere to have some fun, sitting in front of nature view, drinking coffee or tea, could be try hanging out with friends, eat foods you're craving, buy things you want to have, write all your feelings or simply getting enough sleep. I know that we're lack of rest that's why we tend to give up, we wanted to quit, we wanted to be gone but deeply behind those decisions, we just want rest, from everything and from everyone. And so, I took rest, no matter how long, that's fine ***because it takes time to heal***.
When I started to give myself a break, paused and rest, I learned to listen to my inner me, and got knew the reason why it all happened to me. My mind has now clear of what should I think especially remembering who I was before. And now, I am on the process of getting to know myself more and what has to change specifically when it comes for my own good. I will share with you the benefits of rest that I received when I have it.
**Benefits of Rest:**
**• Rest Clears Your Mind**
Nothing can erase your rumbled thoughts in mind but rest. In times of panic attacks, overthinking, anxiety, too worried about anything, too much care for everyone, rest is the only way to get rid of it all.
**• Rest Fulfills Your Emptiness**
Since you have been tired due to loads of work, responsibilities and priorities, there are times that you feel you're empty. You feel like you haven't done anything right and so you stop doing those things and feel numb. Well, that's why you need rest. Whenever you get some rest that cleared your mind, the next thing happen is you regain your passion to what you love you do and that's what will fulfill you. Rest will help you to find yourself healing one at a time.
**• Rest Helps You To Reflect**
After clearing your mind and you're not empty anymore, it is the time for you to realize about everything happened and what will you do next. Rest will help you to reflect about the wrongs and rights you have done in the past few years, weeks or days. It will give you a realization what will you do next time and what are those to avoid. Sometimes, it is what we all need, a time of self - reflect to come up with the best decision today or tomorrow.
**• Rest Discovers New Strengths and Weaknesses**
Change is constant and so everything in this world changes, including you as a person. There are moment that you were paused for a while and told to yourself *"wait, what happened to me? This is not me"*, and you ended up sorry for being like that. And so, since you found out that you're changing, it means that there are new things added in your personality such as weaknesses and strengths. In that case, you will be also know how you will handle or control your changes within you.
**• Rest Will Teach You What Real Happiness is**
The most difficult to find and gain in this world is real happiness or being genuinely happy. We had too much thing to focus on but we forgot to prioritize our real happiness. Somehow it's because we are aligned to accomplish goals that our family told to us, we are carrying the burdens and responsibilities of others because we love them, that's why we think that we're happy by that. But, along the way, the reason why you're been too tired and exhausted was because you weren't happy anymore. Maybe you're smiling at some points yet deep inside you're empty and broken. And so, you need rest! Rest will be the step for you to know what will trully makes you happy. Your time of rest is also a time for discovering new adventures that will not just give you smiles and laughs but also genuine happiness. After all, ***there's nothing more that matters than being really happy alive.***
**• Rest Embraces Past & Present You**
Have you ever thought that sometimes you're too harsh on yourself? That every time you don't finish something, instead of tapping your head, you hated yourself? You know why it happened? Because of expectations that leads to disappointments, because of pressures that leads to stress. Instead of thinking what will going to do next so that you will not fail again, you're too busy discouraging your own self. Why not try to breathe deeply? Take rest. As rest clears your mind, you will realize how brave you are. Rest will help you to tell yourself that ***you're beautiful, you did great! You're not a failure but a conqueror! Your ideas are marvelous!*** Take rest, and appreciate yourself.
**• Rest Creates Better Version of Yourself**
The reason why we can't move forward by this stage is because we're too afraid to fail in the next step and decided to be stagnant. We thought that this is only us, that there's nothing more we can do because we're failure, but you are wrong with that. We can't do more greater things is because we are the ones who stops ourselves to be great and it's also because we lose strengths to fight. That's why you really need rest. Rest will help you to breathe out all heaviness you are having so that you will have the strength again to ***stand up every fall, move forward and be better***.
Always be reminded that you must have some time for yourself alone or with anyone that feels like home. And there are things that is just a waste of your energy and time so you have to stop minding it. If you can be good to others, why not be good to yourself too. You are the only one back up of yourself not unless there are people who really cares for you. If you need help from somebody else, ask them, because I know that they just waiting you to answer their calls. And rest assured, **seek God**. He knows everything about you so He knows what exactly you need. Rest in His presence and let Him show you your purpose.
The benefits of rest listed above are just few, maybe I will learn more as far as I am giving a time for myself to breathe freely and making myself happy even though there times of hardships. And you, I know that you will discover more than I knew once you decided to pause for awhile from what you're doing that makes you exhausted and take a rest. It's not easy, but once you make it, you already know how to move with no stress and just being happy alive.
Thank you for reading! I am thankful to be here at read.cash because it helps me more to know who really I am and it motivates me to continue writing which is my passion too. I love writing articles like this, but I hope I can also share with you my thoughts in a form of poems. Hope this will help you to realize something. Thank you again!
Just Familiar or Totally Similar? There's Difference.
If you are a horse, I am unicorn. If you are a sun, I am moon. If you are struggling, I am at the battle. If you're lost, I'm in the dark. There are moments in life, where we always compare ourselves to other. Sometimes we compare yourself to an old you, also to the future you. It's funny that at this hour, you remember someone or thinking a typical moms who always say ***"Why you can't be better like (name of person)?"***, and it truly hurts knowing that you're doing your best but no one can appreciate 'cause they want you to be like somebody else.
The comparison in life is contagious where it leads to questioning your own value and terms. There are also times that when you open up to your friends the problems you have and you seems you can't fight anymore, they're like ***"Ako nga eh, ganito ganiyan, di naman ako nagpaka apekto"*** (sorry I can't translate it right in english language, but it's about your friend telling you that he/she has problems too but he don't mind to give up, something like that). They simply comparing your battle to their situation when we all know that you has a lot difference to another.
So the question about your life comparing to others is, **ARE THEY EXACTLY THE SAME OR JUST LOOK FAMILIAR?** Totally similar is different from just familiar. Let's make it easier to understand. Example of totally similar; questions on test papers from school, the uniform you're wearing to your workplace, the movie that you and your friend watching in the cinema, they are all exactly the same. On the other hand, the example of just familiar are; answers to exam questionnaire from school - because there are ideas that seems like the answer but not, your job compares to other - in the same field but not in the job description/position, story of the movie that you and your friend watched in the cinema - some ideas are alike but not in perception and understanding. Meaning, your page is not other's page. It's not always about *"Oh! I've been there in that situation, I've just done this and that until I neglect it for good. Do it because it's effective",* but somehow it's also about "I know how it feels, so I'm here. Cry if you want, shout or what just don't hold back, release it until you're feeling better, I am just right here willing to listen.". It's more than motivating the person who's having a hard time, because it's making them feel that their feelings are valid.
There are things that we still don't know and it's up to us if we want to learn it or not. As what the picture shown, they are both fruit. They are the same because they are both apples. But in different of colors which we're familiar of. Somehow, we always relate our own perception to someone's point of view because we thought that yours and his are exactly the same, but not really.
So far, at this age, that's what I've learned in life. We always try to make a bad comparison to the things we have rather than appreciating our own differences. Even in twins, maybe the same in faces, but sometimes a lot differences in likes and dislikes, differences in attitude or personality, differences in mindset, skills, coping up breakdowns and differences in perception about life. Moreover, we can be similar at some things that is nature to human, visuals we seen, lyrics of a song, basic needs, etc. but we are all difference in the way we live. We are similar of having a shelter, but not all called "home". We can be similar in fashion style, but different on reason why. We are similar in color skin, but not all are in the same tribe.
Also, we are born with differences but it should not be the reason of belittling others. I don't know why some people are having hard time to try to stop comparing or judging each other when it's favourable for them. They know that there are situations where it's only for them but they keep on giving it to others to experience. I believed that we have the same finish line, but different in pathways and timeline. When it serve for you, it's not what it serves for anybody else. If you are a horse, I am unicorn - we're in different physical structure but both beautiful and have purpose. If you're lost, I'm in the dark - we're in different side of world, but both crying and breaking. If you're struggling, I'm at the battle - we're in different problems but both fighting for our own good. If you are a sun, I'm a moon - we're in different time to show but both are shining. Try to understand first what differences are, so you can appreciate similarities, because both have purpose, have lessons and both training for us people to be better in living the life. Similarities and Differences are important for us to accept more our own existence in this world and stop questioning our worth.
Therefore, we should now stop practicing about comparing others to another one or belittle them because you're different. But rather uplift them when they are not their time and help them move forward when they are stocked. Because someday, what you achieve will also achieve by them, the things you have now will be the things that other's have. Don't put your situation to them even if it's look like familiar or the same as yours because **even at some alikes, there's difference.**
Always remember this: **be kind to each person whether you know personally or not,** ***because we maybe at the same ocean but not at the same boat.***
***--***
Thank you for reading! I wrote everything what's on my mind, so I hope you learned something from it. And by the way, this is my piece for the 3rd prompt challenge by @JonicaBradley about similarities.
I encourage all to participate in this challenge so that more ideas and thoughts will be learned.
Things to take note for prompt challenge:
• The articles should be:
About Similarities
100% original content
atleast 600 words
Tag @JonicaBradley
Have fun!
I know that sometimes it's hard to write about this and that, but it doesn't mean you can't. The prompt challenge has no time limit so you can join everytime, as long as you enjoy your time creating ideas and write it. Feel free to read and so, feel free to write!
Have a Great Day Ahead Everyone!
How about you? Did you learned something?
Aspiration to Self - Inspiration
I used to wonder, why some people keeps on encouraging other but can't motivate themselves. Deliberating of how they set aside their own struggles just to be with other's circumstances. But more likely, I am ponder of myself because I'm definitely one of them. I always give positive energy to others when they are down but can't apply in my own situation. If you are also kind of this person, do you frequently say to yourself that you're just tired being strong throughout your life? I know how it feels. You're empty yet your mind is full of thoughts that never been said to anyone else. And through that, I stopped thinking positively. I lose hope and spirit to live according to my will. I just decided to go with the flow. Are you in that crisis right now?
According to several studies from DOH and other Psychological Institutions, the percentage of people having a depression and seek mental healthcare have been increased in the time of Covid - 19 pandemic. Most of the people was struggling to earn money since they are unemployed, force separation from work and can't go to their job where it's non - essential facilities. Difficulties in earning money is also a battle to starvation due to not enough support from local government even relatives are in hardship of helping their families because everyone is affected by pandemic. In relation to this, people received more pressures that suddenly become problems they always think, and searching the solutions for it but ended up failing. In that case, worries are turned into anxiety and panic attacks, overthinkings, and confusions that will leads to a level of depression.
We already have ideas or knowledge about depression or anxiety and any other mental issues. We are also aware that it is not a petty thing to not be discuss or have a solutions. It is a serious matter that needs a serious help not just from professionals but also from closest friends up to family. However, there are feelings and thinking that never fade away once heard a good advise from other people. Insecurities are always there in our heads, so the discouragement does. Even we neglect our own comparison to others, we can't unheard the voices in our heads that were created by the people around us who never stop judging us.
It sounds cliche to tell you all the tips and advises about coping out with those things that makes you exhausted in life. Hence, I could give you the best encouragements in the world, even words of wisdom and any other positive comments. But, all of that are nonsense when your mind is automatically blocked it. Encouragements from others are nothing especially when you contradict them with your negative thoughts. It's not bad at all. I mean, It's also good if you don't listen to them sometimes. Because it only means that you're trying your best to be better in your own way or you don't want to change again based on what other's tell you.
The point of this article is to enlighten your souls that can save you. It will talk a lot about you and your biggest enemy at some aspects but your greatest bestfriend in all times - yourself. Is there anything difference between you and yourself? I don't know, only you can figure it out. But personally, **me is differ from "I" within me**.
Who knows about me? Who knows about you? In exception of our Creator, who knows us? Sometimes, even ourselves doesn't know who we really are. We also lost ourselves many times because of uncertainty but what troubles us more is having a hard time to fight what's in our head. Do you have any experience of facing the mirror, looking at your face and start to talk yourself but no words are said? How about watching yourself crying or hating what you look like? Or do you shout at yourself when you're disappointed because other people got upset to you? I exactly did it all. And I'm always disgusted with myself everytime I remember it. I just hated myself from being me.
Not until I found out what's really wrong. I realized, it's true that no one else to blame but only myself for hating me and be like that lonely self. I learned that it's not the people who stopped me from being strong and happy, it's me. I was constantly asked myself before why it all happened to me, or why aren't they see my worth or presence. Then, when I used my "me time" to reflect, I asked me *why I let it all happened, why I let myself losing while chasing other people, why I get disappointed with myself when I didn't please them?* That's only few, but I know you can feel the pain between the lines. So, the real mistakes of mine that I found was because I pushed myself to be somebody else for someone else. I listened to their voices, commands, advises, madness, pressures and expectations. There's literally nothing wrong with being me, but I let them to shake me and changed me to a person that isn't me or don't want to be me. That's the biggest mistake I've done so far. In that, I lose my passion of building my own self. Yet now, I always put in my mind, that this is my time to aspire myself for my self - inspiration.
Self - inspiration is an action that includes self - love and self - care. It looks cool and exciting to be, perhaps hard to do. Though it's not impossible, it takes a brave heart. Self - inspiration is somewhat teaches you on how to be motivated or at first, how to motivate yourself.
Here are steps in aspiring you to self - inspiration:
**1. Define Yourself**
It is important to reflect and start to define who really you are. It classifies your personalities, skills, likes, dislikes and your attitude when you are alone and when with others. Defining yourself is also a help to clarify your mind what should to think and not. Thus, it gives you an awareness about your strengths and weakness, and what things you should do about it.
**2. Accept the Whole You**
They said that acceptance is the key for the happiness, I guess they are right. Accept first your existence, then next the flaws that makes you insecurity and also accept your difference with others. It's not bad to be one of a kind. It is not about you're not belong, but it's about you have your own significance.
**3. Set Goals for yourself**
I didn't mean to not set a goal for others, but definitely the most important is to have goal for yourself too. This time, the reasons of your goals should not include others but only includes your dreams for yourself alone. It's not being selfish but being good to your whole existence. Ofcourse you must be aware when you're out of limits in focusing yourself or when you're losing yourself again.
**4. Do Good Things that makes You Happy**
It doesn't matter what are the sources of your happiness, but as long as it don't hurt anybody or not risking other's safety, do everything that makes you smile or makes you laugh genuinely. Without worries, just be happy.
**5. Keep Your Passion**
Even at time of procrastination, laziness, sadness, and exhaustion, keep doing your passion. Your passion maybe a help to ease those bad feelings and attitude towards situations. Also, it will guide you to get back yourself when you are in pieces.
**6. Be Good To Yourself**
I know you already get the idea, but what's more significant in it is; have time for yourself to rest, love and care yourself and mostly reward yourself when you've done a hard task or achieve something. And when you fail at something, don't be too harsh. Tap your own head and shoulder, telling that tomorrow is another day of breakthrough and smile even if it does not that widely. Also, control your temper especially in hating yourself whenever that people talks behind you. It's not you who they described when gossiping, it's them.
**7. Be Inspired in Yourself first**
If people will only love you if you know how to love yourself, then do it also in a term of inspiration. Be inspired first in your skills and talents, that you can do more and you will achieve your goals. In that, they will get inspired by you because they see how you happily works for it, and by having a good enough confidence they ever wanted too.
These steps are not easy to do as what we think perhaps, you can. It is not impossible to happen when you take it one step at a time. But don't rush, no one is pressuring you to do it all one time big time. It's a process that we should take gradually. It's time to listen in your own voice, not just in head but also the silence ones in the heart.
So, I can say that our lives are no longer in a "go with the flow" phase, but now in a sense of "get up and get go". After all, the motivation must comes from within you. That's why you shouldn't forget to uplift yourself in times of hardships. Keep Moving!
Thank You for reading! I hope you have learn something. Also, I am happy to tell you guys that this is my piece for the prompt challenge.
Special thanks to @JonicaBradley for making another prompt challenge. It helps me to exercise my writing skills and also enhance my thinking with regards to ideas and point of view about topics.
And so, to whom ever read this article, I challenge you to also write about motivation.
Take note of these rules:
The article should be;
about motivation
100% original content
atleast 600 words
Tag @JonicaBradley
Have fun!
We're waiting your entry! Keep writing .
Feel free to comment your insight about my piece or about the topic itself. Thank you!
How Do You Live Your Freedom?
Sometimes, the reason why we can't do something we want is because there is something or someone that hold us or locked us up on not to do it. There are kinds of events that we're stressed and breathe heavily for not doing we think we should act on. In that, we feel that we are in chained or the people/things controlled us. Do you think they just don't want you to be freely happy? No. I believed that it's all about your perception in your own freedom.
We have different insights about being free. We thought we are used and controlled. We may feel that people making us their puppet, yet somehow it's us, who run away, build walls and boarders against our freedom. But from what, where and who? Let's find it out.
**What is Freedom?**
Freedom is a broad word with different perspective to be learned and understand. Is it about political aspect, psychological, physical or biblical? Again, since it is a broad topic, it is sure that we have opposites of ideas and beliefs about it. There's no right nor wrong, but we will get another lessons through this.
According to Dictionary of **Oxford,** Freedom is a noun word referring to a right or a power of a person to act or live without restraint. It also define as state of not being imprisoned or enslaved. It talks about someone's right to live according to his or her will without hindrances and kind of letting the person to choose whatever he wants.
As you can see on the picture of definition of freedom, there are words we can use to fully understand what kind of freedom we are living.
Do you treated your freedom as **Human's Right, Entitlement, Independence, Liberty or Privilege?**
Well, only you can answer that.
Furthermore, I will discuss about how people live the freedom they have based on my observations to people I know that you can be related on or somewhat connected to you. The following statements are lists of where people are free of or not, but as I have mentioned, it's based on my own experiences, observations and encountered.
**Free from Rules**
There are people who are shouting out loud their so - called "rights" from things that kind of prohibited by laws and authorities, even at home or at school, universities and workplace. If you are one of those people who live their freedom to be an exception to the rules, then there's a concept of abusing the freedom involved. There are things that we should freely do yet somehow it's good for us to follow rules and don't abuse freedom.
**Free from Dangers, Threats or Risks**
Do you live your freedom for your safety or you just put your life into dangers because you think, you are free to do anything? That's the problem with us people. Because we have freedom, we obviously think that we can go wherever we want or experience everything we curious about. However, some people uses their freedom to do more as they want yet also thinking the sake of others. The earth is not only revolves around you so stop overuse your freedom for your own contentment.
**Free from Tasks and Responsibilities**
It tells about people who live their freedom or rights to not do the tasks given by the Higher Position in workplace or even at school because they called it overwork which they considered as inhumane thing. Also, there are people who wants to be free from responsibilities in life which is bad for a person should not neglect his or her responsibilities especially when it all happens because of his own choices or decisions in life.
**Free from Problems**
Are we free from battles that life throws to us such as family issues, financial low status, academically weakness, pressures and so on? Of course not! No one is free from problems. But you know what you can be free of? It's being not choosing to be stagnant in the situation that struggles you. It's being free from the source of problems by facing it bravely and solve it positively.
**Free from the Past**
We all know that there are things in the past where we regret and until now thinking about it. It maybe big mistakes, not doing anything, or a huge loss in your life. Did you free yourself from regret? Did you already left the past to do the best in this present life? I hope you are! But if not, it's now the right time to break the chains or rope that keeps you living in the past. Free yourself from what's already happened to save your present especially your future.
**Free from Discrimination, Judgements and Bad Treatment**
Are we free on this? If you are living your freedom where you appreciated all creatures, then you are making others free from this and that's a good thing! You lessen the volume of people who are lost their confidence and talents/skills by not discriminating or treating others bad. It will also help you to be free from your own bad characteristics that may develope.
**Free from Anxiety, Worries, Fear and Overthinking**
Moshe Dayan, an Israeli Military Leader and Politician said that **freedom is an oxygen to a soul**. I know that we are agree on this, for the fact that we can only breathe calmly and peacefully once we are free from what makes our feelings heavy. But what makes our feelings heavy? Most of us will say that it because of panic and anxiety attack, because of countless judgement we hear from other people that leads to overthinking and worst depression. Some are worried too much about their future, money and family. And there are people who feels fear everytime they experienced failure where they don't want to step forward anymore.
After reading those listed above, is there anything questions or realization that comes up in your mind? Are you somehow relate on these? Because you know, being free from things we thought controlling us is not really the freedom we longing for, still we don't know what it is.
Other than that, as long as we have someone to put the blame on, we couldn't see what freedom we are living. We can't look the inside of us where the reason why we don't feel the freedom. Sometimes, we are the ones who locked ourselves in our mind and choices in life. We are the ones who put chains in our hands and feet, who closed the door of hearts, blocked our ears, and who build walls to isolate self. The problem is inside us. The thought of who we are. The mindset we are practicing. The freedom is not always come from the rulers or what the society believes. Freedom must comes first within us. It starts when we are free from our own judgement, self-discouragement or free from our self - cruelty. And there's two choices presented in this article, it is; ***abuse your freedom or free yourself first.***
There are so many ways, tips or steps on how to free yourself. It can be from famous philosophers, international motivational/inspirational speakers, best selling authors, loving parents, pastors, friends, relatives, strangers or who else giving you advises. But at the end of the day, it is **ONLY YOU** who can **FREE YOURSELF**, because it's absolutely comes from **YOUR CHOICE**.
Freedom to self is indeed a chance to be a better person that can also influence other people to make themselves better than their old version of self.
What else can I say? Well, always remember this; use your freedom to do good, be genuinely happy and live your life to the fullest. Because for me, the more important than being a successful is being happy alive in the good term of freedom.
Thank you for reading! And I am glad to inform you that this is my entry to the prompt challenge by @JonicaBradley . Thanks for this challenge for it gave me the opportunity to write especially about freedom.
As to share this kind of motivation, I challenge you @phoenixdown_dee @Eunoia @DeeBeeGee to write your own perception of freedom. (Sorry for the tags.)
Reminders:
The article should be
Anything about freedom
100% original content
atleast 600 words
Don't forget to tag @JonicaBradley
Have fun!
You are also free to comment your opinion about my work or about the freedom itself. Have a Great Day!
The Lost Unknown
The title and lead image itself tells everything about me. Yes, I am lost of who I am but I don't know who really I am. Sounds confusing, right? So, Let me speak to you my story.
Hi! I'm ShyLavender, just my username here. I am 21 years old and living in Philippines. I only finished 1st year college in a course of BS Accountancy, due to financial and family problem. I am on broken family because my mom and dad aren't married and decided to separate ways, I have 4 siblings; 2 sisters, 1 brother, and 1 little brother meaning, I am the 4th child. I'm kinda smart according to my friends or ex classmates, like to solve mathematical computations and present an academical report or performance. I am into writing poems and short stories, editing photos and videos, designing, creating miniatures and DIYs, loves white shoes and shirts colored black, white, gray, army green, maroon, and dark blue. I like reading love even tragedy and sad stories, like being simple and appreciative.
I am happy when I help other people, advising or motivating them is also my thing. I make people laugh, jokes a lot, surprise them, accompany them and so on so forth. In short, I am with them right away whenever they need me. I am one call away, speak to them when they need someone to talk to and comfort them when they are not okay. It's like I am special to them for being the first one they will think of to call or talk and share what's on their minds. I am happy whenever I thought that they trusted me with their personal issues in life and I appreciated then when they told me that I am great in advising or motivating them without any judgement. I am always their shoulder to cry on, but when it's me who needs encouragement or listener from them, no one comes up.
You read that right! Even I have friends, it always seems and feels like I am alone, that I only have myself. The feeling of they don't treat me right the way I treated them. They are my friends but I am look like not their friends. No one is there to help me if I needed, I have no shoulders to cry on when situation is difficult. I don't have someone to talk to when I need to vent out. Literally no one. The reason? Ofcourse they are busy with their own lives. Spending a lot of time in studies, business, family issues, some priorities and some friends.
Even my family. I don't know how to share about them because I don't want them to be bad in the eyes of people. But to make it short, they are the first reason why I don't know myself anymore.
https://www.google.com/search?q=girl+looking+at+the+stars&tbm=isch&sxsrf=ALeKk027Sd4Wm9IFA6P6txWMPDWuEBURWw%3A1622318325388&source=hp&ei=9ZyyYJzEFY6mmAXMrauQAw&oq=girl+looking+&gs_lcp=ChJtb2JpbGUtZ3dzLXdpei1pbWcQARgBMgIIADICCAAyAggAMgIIADICCAA6BwgjEOoCECc6BAgjECc6BQgAELEDOggIABCxAxCDAVD6Gli2M2CsRWgBcAB4AIABmQGIAckMkgEEMC4xM5gBAKABAbABBQ&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-img#imgrc=TNlAUtkJLzr7uM
Do you have any experience of staying outside at night lonely and just keep looking to the moon? And somehow asked yourself "Why is it happening to me? Why they left me like this? Why me?" Because I am.
I asked myself multiple of times with that questions in my mind while crying it all out. I am even confused about my worth, my purpose, my whole life. I never stop asking until it ends up overthinking. I discouraged myself, I blamed myself, I am disappointed and disgusted with myself, I am mad to who I am and I hated my existence. Everything started to fail when I stopped studying to save something I didn't mess up. All I am doing is to let my tears drop every night with the thinking of I am a failure and my whole life is a failure. I lost myself because of what happened after dropping out school.
"You're nothing, you can't even prove yourself because you haven't achieve anything", that's what they always threw to me whenever I corrected them with the things about me that they thought wrong. It's because that I am not a degree holder and doesn't have any job, I am useless. I am worthless. I am nothing but a trash where no one can be proud of me.
I am lost but who really am I? You see, even I was confused. Is it I don't know myself because I am lost? Or I lost myself because in the first place I don't know who I am? Whatever the answer maybe, the one thing I am sure of, is that: I am tired to wake up in the same morning and same society. I am exhausted finding myself in the woods of judgements and failures. I am raising the white flag because my strength is not enough anymore to be who I am and to fight for what I am. I'm just waiting my time to be gone in this world of hopelessness and sorrow. I can't spend another breathe to look for my happiness that never been existed. They told everyone that "no man is an island" but they always left a man lonely.
Thank you for reading! I just wrote what I'm feeling. Hope this will be serve as a sign to fight more in life and be thankful for what you have. Have a great day ahead!
@ShyLavender
