Loving Starts With Loving Yourself Above All
When we say "I love", that word that makes sense to everyone, turns into a messy concept salad when they start to talk about its meaning, and it turns into disparate pictures where no one is like the other. Let's say that each of us has similar materials: a canvas, an easel, pens, brushes, paints… When we start to create a work with those materials, paintings called "love" but not at all similar to each other emerge. But there are also common elements, of course. Firstly, we all want it, secondly we are all satisfied with it, and thirdly, we put it at the center of almost everything. No matter how we define it, we want to hold it tight by saying "This is a good thing", we say "It is indispensable". It is not in vain that much has been said about it, it has been the subject of great works of art, and it is so exalted and valued.
It's an emotion. The beauty that envelops us warmly. “What else would one want?” something that moves our hearts so much that we say, that we feel huge, as big and powerful as the universe, that shockingly knocks us off our feet… It's an escape. It is an oasis that makes us smile, makes us feel special and important, and makes ourselves untouchable in this “brutal” world, which we constantly eat and think so even if we do not eat it… It is a satisfaction.
From the first moment we cling to our mother's breast, our hunger, our need for protection and protection, our search for security and peace, that is, a strong connection to life, the state of being whole, born when our needs are met… It is a handle. Something to hold onto when we are out of breath from our rush to find meaning in this chaotic life, the meaning of which we can't quite figure out. As Eric Fromm said, "The only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." You ask why? Since it was so unequivocal that we didn't have to ask questions…
It's a consolation. When we are frightened of our inevitable loneliness and try to get rid of the boredom of ourselves and life, we say, “Well, there is it!” the indispensable comfort zone of saying… It is a fuel. Even the most ordinary thing becomes special when all our actions are carried out with the energy of this fuel, and when we are devoid of it, our efforts do not taste good even if they yield results.
What about loving yourself?
If love is something directed towards someone else, something else, a state of being, an action, an idea, why should you love yourself? Doesn't one have the capacity to love without self-love? Can't there be a feeling of compassion without self-compassion? Isn't it even more loving when you give up yourself and give it to someone else? Unfortunately, no.
Love and compassion are the plants that grow in the soil of our heart, and if that soil is fertilized with worthlessness, self-love, self-hatred, sooner or later and inevitably it will overwhelm the plants that grow. Maybe that's why there is a fine line between love and hate. Because even if we are unconsciously waiting for someone else to close our sense of worthlessness and this expectation is not fulfilled to the extent we want, we can quickly switch from loving it as it is to hating it. If we live in a house where we feed ourselves with worthlessness, there will be some of this in every meal we serve to someone else at the table we set.
If we are sufficiently convinced that we are worthless, the person we love (and loves us) will inevitably suffer from the same unworthiness. The inner voice whispers to us, “Would he choose you if he was valuable?” or “He can't possibly love me, there's a scam in this!” If we doubt our lovability, receiving love is like receiving an award for an achievement we feel we don't deserve. If we receive such an award, it would be uncomfortable to even see it, let alone put it in the corner. Anger, anxiety, disappointment, and hostility grow within us, which sooner or later are revealed.
How about thinking that “loving ourselves is the best thing we can do for the person we love”, even if it sounds like a contradiction, destroys the usual understanding of “glorification of sacrifice” and seems selfish? Every table you set with self-love and self-compassion will turn into a feast for you and your loved ones. Who wouldn't want to be at that table?
Taking Time for Yourself is Not a Luxury, it's a Necessity
Don't we sometimes feel like we all wake up to the same day? In general, we wake up, trying to catch up with something or something. Maybe we sometimes have breakfast, sometimes have a snack and sip our coffee in between the hustle and bustle. If you are a traditional employee, most of your day is spent working. So, when do we realize the moment we are really living in? When do we do what we really want?
Especially if you are doing what you are doing out of necessity, the situation is even worse. After a while, everything starts to overwhelm you. A monotonous, monotonous life unfortunately begins to prevent you from enjoying life. This is not just about the work you do, but considering that we spend an average of 8 hours working per day, what we do is of great importance for our lives. For this reason, if we have the opportunity, I am in favor of really loving what we do first. More precisely, it would be more meaningful if I said that we should do what we love. But unfortunately, knowing that we are facing the reality of the cost of living, I know that we have to do things we don't like to earn money, and this is a very normal situation. We have to live our lives somehow, we have responsibilities.
Sometimes we all get so caught up in our responsibilities that we look at ourselves that days chase days, months to months, years to years… While this is good in a way, it is actually a bad situation in a way. Because when a person looks back, he has to face the things he has not lived through.
That's why we have to give ourselves little treats from time to time. Think about it, when was the last time you did something “just for yourself”? When was the last time you put everything aside for a moment and freely set aside a day just for yourself?
In addition, we should not forget that we must first feel good so that we can spread good energies and make us feel positive emotions. Unless we are feeling well, a cog is always missing, and it does not benefit our closest ones. As a result, we are all part of a whole, and this reflects on all of us with the butterfly effect.
Some see taking time for themselves as selfish. But we should definitely not see this as selfishness. We will feel good so that we can make our loved ones feel good too. But what is the biggest mistake we make? We often think that it would be a shame to say no so that our loved ones would not be offended, and we often return yes to requests even though we don't want to. But No! On the contrary, it is your greatest right to say no and this is as normal an answer as saying yes.
Need to take time for yourself? Leave all plans aside and do whatever makes you happy! Let it stay messy! A little clutter never hurt anyone. Give yourself time to recover!
If everything has been coming your way lately, maybe you have started getting stuck on the little things that you shouldn't have, if you have a big stone sitting on your chest and you don't feel bored no matter what you do, first take three deep breaths and start thinking about what will be good for you at that moment. Put it aside and do what you want to do. Maybe two hours for yourself will calm you down. If you want to cry, cry loudly. Get out and go to a seaside. When I close my eyes, focus on the sound of the sea, take a deep breath and breathe in its scent, a new dimple is always reborn inside me. What is good for everyone is different. Give yourself time to think about what is good for you, to calm down. Rest assured, you will feel much stronger and better.
Of course, sometimes we experience situations that are not possible. There may be those who suffer from love. We may have a loved one we want to be reunited with but cannot, or, even worse, we may be grieving the death of a loved one who is no longer alive. We need to give ourselves much more time for our unrealizable wishes.
“Some pain takes a lot more time to cover up. Because the heaviest burdens we carry come from our unfulfilled desires and emotions.”
But over time, people start to trust the flow and accept everything as it is. Time somehow heals and heals wounds… Unfortunately, we have no choice but to give ourselves time to accept the situation… This is the indispensable rule of life!
But everything comes and goes, my friends. All that remains is the sweet, beautiful moments we had. For this reason, being aware of every moment we live is the greatest good we can do for ourselves. Even if you are bored with the monotony, even if you have financial problems, if you are in deep love, even if the death of a loved one has destroyed you, time flies and never stops!
Whatever we feel, that fire will burn until that fire inside of us goes out! Do not block! Just let your emotions flow. Repression is not the solution. That mourning will be lived, that pain will be shed. It just takes time, but know that it will pass...
To Build Healthy Relationships, Love Yourself First
February 14 is Valentine's Day… Isn't it inevitable that city people, who live everything fast, rush when it comes to their beloved relationships?
Do you think it is possible for the modern person, who jumps from relationship to relationship in order not to be alone, to establish a healthy relationship with himself and to give the love he does not have to others? Maybe that's why we all mistook tiny puddles for oceans? There is a difference between being surrounded by the love that comes from the source and uniting in the ocean and being surrounded by a pond of unknown origin!
This tendency is actually the reason for the unhappiness of modern people who run from relationship to relationship as we do in city life… Tired warriors who are disconnected from themselves and try to be happy with outsiders, today's modern people...
We all want to be loved and loved, and in fact, our wounds attract the men and women we capture in the big picture. Life is not meant for us! Relationships are the best helpers to grow and know ourselves. I'm sure you do too, just as I see it when I look back at people.
True love
True love, true understanding is not wanting the seed you planted in the ground to become a tree. It wasn't about struggling to get you to grow up. True love was taking a step back and being open to the possibility that that seed might not hold onto the soil. And to love him too. He wasn't trying to determine the fate of the seed. It was to love that that seed continue to be a part of this life in spite of all odds. Because the seed was always one with this life. It didn't have to be a tree to be one.
You didn't have to hold on to the ground for me to love you, and I had a big place in my heart when I couldn't hold on to the ground. True love was like the oxygen you get when you enter the forest. And it was never less. It was so mixed up that its subject was neither you nor me.
If I'm not going to love with such love, if I'm not going to be greeted with such love, is there really a need to chase the stage in order not to be alone?
Let it be blank!
Like those anatomical spaces in your body, like the spaces between your fingers. It's like the spaces between your breaths… The space is not death, don't worry. Place of birth… Place of consecration…
The essence of chamomile is to be a chamomile, and the essence of a coffee cup is to be a coffee cup, the same is true for us. Our orientations, our stories constitute our essence and there is no problem in that essence! As long as we are willing to see him, let's look at each other...
True love lies in the intention to see that essence.
One of my moments of enlightenment in my own little world occurred when I realized that at the end of all the strife, all the rage, I was in line for tea at the coffee shop with effort. There was no tea where I wanted, so it was not possible for me to drink tea. It seems so easy, actually, but it's dizzying to realize.
When you start to want something from someone, from life, in an strenuous and tiring way, stop and look at yourself again, what is happening. Aren't you supposed to be dressing the image in your head in front of you?
Kindly ask: Where does life flow?
The most magical thing in the world is to love and be loved!
The door to eternity moment by moment from here… Don't waste a drop of it. Do not push for anything that is not given to you wholeheartedly with an open door. Drop the small accounts. Don't tire your beautiful heart just because I want it to be like this. Existence is blowing life and love into you with every breath. There is so much to love, but everything will be half and incomplete unless you start with yourself!
Come on, hug yourself to the fullest, every part of you, as you are...
Learning the language of nature and knowing yourself
When we look carefully at nature, we can see how similar we are. The branches of the tree are like the veins in our body, the soil is like our skin, the waters are like the liquids within us. We are like each other. Even when you lose your way, the deep-rooted stillness of a tree helps you. Or when you can't find the way, don't know where to start, a sea wave comes and takes you on a journey. "Come on! Of course, new ones will come, but you can't see this wave until you try it," he says, and you get carried away with his enthusiasm. you live. In those moments when you feel bored and lonely when life stops, nature is actually always by your side. Not specifically, it's always there for you to notice.
How many times a day do you look at the sky? Do you think about how flying and dancing birds feel? How does it make you feel when a tree's leaf sways softly in the wind? Do you ever stop and take a break to look at your feelings? Maybe the reason for forgetfulness, fuss, anger and tension is because you don't stop and look. Stop. And look at the rhythms of your heart, the flow of your breath, the sky, the air and beyond, the stars...
Drink the air as you drink the water. Create yourself air breaks. Then send your gaze back inside, maybe from there to the earth… Feel the bottom of your feet. See how close you are to the ground, how confidently you stand on the ground. Go deeper and remember the diversity in the soil. A place full of micro beauties. Remember the different depths of life. In earth, water, air and fire. Because fire also brings life. Isn't the sun a huge fire planet? Giving us life to the world…
That's how your consciousness rises, so that your mind does not create blockages. Nature is in us too. But we don't remember, or because we all have a different distribution, sometimes it's hard to understand. Like nature, our date of birth is a map. According to the density of the signs, we can understand which element is missing or overworked. With this map, we can take a clearer look at ourselves, our reality.
Not even your horoscope, even your mood flow is enough. If you are very angry or enthusiastic during the day, fire, if you are not ready for innovation and want to stand still, earth, if you are in fluctuating situations or if your communication is strong, air, if you are a sensitive person, if you are lost in your emotions and inner world, you may be working the water element intensely.
Likewise, all of them may be working in balance or very little. Maybe it's not working at all. These elements actually meet when we don't understand certain moods or when some people are so opposite to us. It either blends with contrasts or harmonizes with partnerships. These are also our choices. Either we are balanced by the opposite of that person or we start to learn that direction. Or we spend our energy on those we are close to harmony rather than opposite.
Any contact develops us, teaches us something. Here, it is also important to protect our energy field. If you bring an angry person into your life because it will improve, if your water element is intense, it will reflect and start to take it from your water. So first find your own balance within yourself, remember. Cleanse your energy and aura just as you clean your home. Spending time with nature will be a mirror for you during this cleansing or understanding which element is heavy. You are grounded, you find healing with water, you breathe the air well. And maybe you just sit in the sun a little bit and get the heat of the fire.
Or the clothes you wear, the colors in your room may be in the color of these elements. So is the food you eat. This elemental balance also indicates clogged or open chakras. In other words, those who receive energy well and those who do not. If you don't feel rooted, even if you're running around with your feet off the ground, you need rooting. By working the root chakra, the earth energy is balanced. You have dreams but no driving force, no action. Could the fire be missing?
As we begin to understand ourselves, we begin to understand people and nature. In the same way, as we understand nature, we begin to understand ourselves a little. Searching for a meaning that goes back and forth within you is a beautiful journey to start with yourself. But life is such a place that everything can be a mirror, everything can be a teacher, everything can be a guide.
Sometimes even making a distinction between micro and macro remains too materialistic. Trust your soul, trust your consciousness. And open your heart to receive information, to be balanced. Do not see it as lacking, it is your creation. It's there to see it fully. For you to realize the state you are, to see water, fire, earth and air. It's there so you can treat yourself with compassion.
And the map isn't the whole road, it's just a beacon that shines a light on the road. Nature is a huge home you are in. You can discover yourself, whether with your star chart, by observing moods or nature. A person who knows himself realizes his balance, and whoever chooses to feel good also feels good. He who heals himself nourishes those around him. It flows as it is, not on purpose. While listening to the voice of your soul, listen to the voice of nature. Embrace similarity and unity. And you are not alone, feel how much you are inside. Because we are here to feel the most!
Or “How will I feel, where do I start?” you can watch a Hayao Miyazaki movie. In each of his films, he reflects the respect he has for nature, the spirit of nature and our parts in nature so well that he can reach your heart faster. Books, movies, poems are also a mirror, so that you can see faster. Pieces of human hands. We reflect on each other and we keep each other alive.
@Self-Self