The sincerest apology
So you messed up and you gotta say I'm sorry, the problem is the other person, they're not having it. So what you can do when you're apologizing but the other person isn’t ready to accept it?
Part of the reality of being a human, unfortunately, is that we mess up. We hurt people and we do things that we have to apologize for. It is not fun and it's not pleasant but it happens. So have you ever been in a situation where you do that - you mess up and you say I'm sorry? You apologize to the other person and then they're not ready to accept your apology?
So what to do then?
Stay steady in your apology and don't take it back
I can't tell you how many times I've seen or heard this happen where someone says I'm sorry and the other person says I don't accept your apology. You basically say like “well I wasn't sorry anyway.” We’re not third graders on a playground right?
When someone doesn't accept your apology it stings and you kind of your stunts avoid that knee-jerk reaction of taking the apology back. Stay steady and leave the apology out there.
Don't get defensive
Apologizing is very vulnerable right? Because you're approaching that apology and that person kind of putting yourself out there, sticking your neck up there and acknowledging your wrongdoing. So when someone doesn't accept your apology, you often feel rejected, hurt, disappointed. So sit with those emotions right. Don't flip them into anger or frustration and then get defensive. Acknowledge those feelings for what they are. You feel hurt, rejected, disappointed, confused, caught off guard, you feel stuck, whatever it is acknowledged those emotions. Don't turn them around and get defensive. That will not help your case.
Give them some space
Back off a little bit. You know the phrase if at first you don't succeed, try and try again. That does not apply in this situation at least not right away. If you've apologized and they're not ready to hear it or accept your apology, respect their space. Back off and give them some time. Whatever you did in the first place that prompted the apology that was bad enough right, don't make it worse by disrespecting their wishes and ignoring their need for space. Put the apology out there. Stick with it and don't get defensive and then give them some space to process and absorb and think through.
Show them your apology with your actions
That phrase that your parents probably said over and over as a kid “actions speak louder than words” that applies here. Whatever it is that you're apologizing for, show them that you're sorry by working on or correcting those actions. So if you've been more irritable with your partner and you snapped at them and you're apologizing for that but they're not hearing it, stick with it and show them. Be more patient, be more kind, be more thoughtful in your communications. If you haven't been checking on a friend and you been a little too into yourself and they acknowledge that it hurt their feelings and they're not ready to accept your apology, be consistent. Continue to show up for them. Don't just talk about it, do it.
If they're not hearing or taking your verbal apology, continue to show them through the way you interact that you are working to do things differently.
Revisit the issue right
If you've done those four things, if you've you know stuck with the apology, you haven't gotten defenses, you've given them their space, you've shown them with actions and if a little bit of time has passed, revisit the issue. See how the relationship feels. If it still feels like there's tension or awkwardness or something needs some repair revisit the issue.
Have Spare Time? Then Do this…
We live in a time where most people have a lot of free time and don't know how to use it. Many of us end up spending countless hours browsing through social media or binge content to waste time. We can all do better.
If you want to improve your life, there are five of the best things you can do in your free time
Exercise
We need to add the energy to be productive during our free time. We no longer get the amount of labour and exercise our body normally requires to function well. There are many proven benefits of exercising including an increase in energy levels and in cognitive function. Go workout or do some cardio.
I recommend starting strength for beginners. Stop doing effortless activities and improve your fitness.
Learning
I don't mean the stuff you learn in school. Most of it is useless in the real world. In this day and age, you don't even have to read anymore to learn, you can listen to audio books or even watch informative videos. Learn stuff that you're interested in.
I recommend learning about self development because it is practical knowledge that can be applied in real life.
Meditation
Many people don't believe in it even though thousands of studies have shown how beneficial it is. Maybe this is because it doesn't seem very appealing. You sit and you do nothing. That sounds kind of lame however there's more to it. When you meditate, you train your brain to focus on certain thoughts and ignore others. It improves your concentration and your happiness. And the best part is you only need to spend ten minutes a day to start reaping the benefits.
Passion
Everyone has a passion that triggers an excitement in them. Your passion is your source of fulfilment. Without it, you will feel that something is missing in your life. Work on it and hone your craft. Better yet try to make income with it through a business. If you don't know what it is yet, keep trying new things and see what excites you.
Self reflection
These days it is easy to get lost in the blame game for your problem. Instead, slowdown to see if you are the problem. This is different from meditation. We want to question our goals, behavior and state of mind.
To start, first identify important questions then go to your list and explore those questions. Just dink and brainstorm. You can write them down, just dink or even talk to someone about it. Your approach is up to you.
Social Status and Health
Ever compare yourself to other people and feel like you just don't measure up? Like, why does that other person can get all the like?
Well, did you know that comparing yourself to others might not just damage your ego but actually make you sick?
The United States is one of the most unequal countries of all developed nations in terms of financial inequality. That means that there's a huge gap in wealth between the rich and the poor. The gap hasn't been this big since the “Great Depression” back in the early 30s and it keeps widening with the upper class getting richer and the lower class getting poorer.
You might have heard of “Occupy Wall Street”, which was a movement that brought a lot of attention to these class differences. But complain with corporate greed and social inequality are resonating far beyond the streets of New York.
What exactly is social?
It's a bunch of things how much money you make, your education and how fancy your job is. These are all factors in how others see and how you see your class in society. What this does is create a social class ladder and that actually impacts your health.
Is it true that the higher you are in the social ladder the better your health? Because more money means healthier food, more exercise and better healthcare?
Researchers have long known that social class is one of the most powerful predictors of health. More powerful than genes smoking or how much alcohol you drink. But there's another component of social class but often doesn't get as much attention - how you feel you compared to other people or your subjective social status.
So does your subjective social status affects your health and if it does how to figure this out?
We have to start at the beginning with the famous Whitehall study back in the 1970s. Researchers track the health of over eighteen thousand British government workers. They fell into their own version of the social ladder - messengers and doormen at the bottom, execs up top. What they found was remarkable. Those at the bottom were three times as likely to die from just about any cause compared to those at the top. More remarkable still was that each class of worker had better health in the class just directly below it. This led researchers to look at subjective social status more closely. In fact you can even find this in high school students.
In a study similar to the Whitehall study, researchers track the health of two hundred and fifty students. They looked at the social class of their parents but also asked the students how they felt when they are compared to their classmates. Turned out the social class of their parents wasn't nearly as important as students subjective social status. Students that felt they were lower on the social ladder had higher blood pressure and reported getting sick more often.
Correlation versus causation
Maybe it's not that low social class is causing people to be less healthy, maybe it's the other way around. People who are less healthy are in a lower social class.
We can look at animal studies. Monkeys are close cousins on the evolutionary tree also form their own social ladders. In a study published in the journal Science researchers found that if you change the monkeys position on the ladder you could alter its immune system. Moving the monkey from the top of the ladder down to the bottom actually decrease the level of disease fighting cells. Researchers think that what's happening to the monkeys might also be happening to us humans. They call it the biological embedding of status.
Being lower on the social ladder is associated with chronic elevated levels of the stress hormone cortisol. Cortisol plays a large part in the fight-or-flight response. Example: You show up to class and totally forgot about a test. Cortisol kicks in allowing you to either rise to the occasion in focus or pull a 180 and head home. Once the situation is over, your cortisol levels will drop but if you're chronically stressed out like many on the bottom of the social ladder those cortisol levels stay up which harms your immune system.
@Rants