@Paganprincess
It's A Mess Inside My Head I'm not sure how long this article will actually be but I'm writing it anyway. A lot of things have changed in the past while and I'm still trying to adjust. I've been massively stressed and it seems every time I start to feel a little bit better, something drags me back to the dark. Honestly my head is just too full right now and I guess I'm hoping typing out some of what's going on in my head will help. I left the man I spent 14 years with. There were a lot of issues that I won't get into but I will say it was not a choice I took lightly. Sometimes things just don't work out the way you hope. In addition to moving, having a new boyfriend and adjusting to a new household dynamic, I also have to come to terms with the fact that my daughter is none too fond of me at the moment. She decided to live with her dad because I chose to walk away. If that weren't enough, she has also decided the best way to get her dad and I back together is to (try to) sabotage my current relationship. The man I am with now is someone she has known her whole life and she has always loved him. He's always loved her like a daughter and it hurts to know her feelings towards him and myself have been so badly turned because she's having a hard time. I understand it's difficult for her coming to terms with the fact I'm happy with someone who isn't her dad. I've done my best to be understanding and thankfully so has my boyfriend. I'm not sure it's having any effect though. Hopefully with time things will change. My ex has stated he is having multiple health problems as of late and I admit, I am worried about him. My boyfriend understands this as well. He knows that the man is not only the father of my child but someone whom I spent over a decade with. I'm not sure what's going on there at the moment but he has promised to keep me up to date on things. Only time will tell, I suppose. I am trying not to think on it too much simply because I have no idea what it is I'm worrying about yet. I'm also worried about my mom. Last year her husband was diagnosed with lung cancer. They tried him on radiation and he got a check up last month. They said there has been no change. The tumors didn't grow or shrink but they aren't offering him any other treatment options. If that weren't enough, she called me today which worried me because she never calls in the middle of the day. Her bearded dragon passed away earlier in the day when she was cuddling him. She knew he wasn't well and had scheduled an appointment with the vet for today but he sadly never made it as he passed before the appointment. My mom has had Rex for several years and I know she's devastated. The problem is with no way there, all I can do is comfort her over text and phone calls. I think that's about all I can handle to write at the moment. My mind is a mess right now.
7 comments
Like you, I've been in situations when I've had to leave my loved ones. We've been in a two-year relationship, and everything was wonderful until one day, when I didn't feel any love for her. I tried everything, but it didn't work, so I broke up with her, and it's become a nightmare for me to think of her, even in the company of my friends. To relieve my feelings, I write an article or an essay on my notepad. Things would happen so quickly that you wouldn't even notice, and then you'd realize how difficult it was to accept.
You did the right thing. Everyone deserves to be happy. Being with someone who doesn't love you makes no one happy plus if you stay you take your partner's chance to meet someone who does. 🍀💖
Yeah, even I'm baffled as to why I'm feeling sorry for myself for letting her leave. I remember when I didn't grasp what love was, I used to play sad songs and didn't comprehend what they meant, but now I realize the true meaning of every word after listening to a sad song.
What counts and what you should tell you is: at that time it felt the right thing to do. I left and never regretted it. My ex found someone new very quickly and I'm happy to be single after all those years.
Hehehe... Maybe I'm a moron who regrets his or her own decisions. Perhaps my viewpoint will shift in the future.
What is meant to be will come to you? 🍀💖
I left and with that, I lost everything. I've been stalked, manipulated, threatened, moved each year. New relationships never made a chance, either did friendships. You have a better start than me so go for it. Your mother is an adult and has to get through this alone. Your daughter made a decision. If she rather fights you instead of seeing you happy it's her choice. Let her be the one she likes to be but elsewhere. If you call your mom it's enough. If you are available as a mom it's enough. It's time to think of what you want, to care about your needs. So go for the one who makes you feel good and doesn't take him for granted. Put that new relationship first. Your ex needs to find a way to deal with his loss, health on his own. Let go that's my advice to you. Let go and give yourself a break and above all the chance to be more happy. 🍀💖