@Manunuwat

#12 It all started with a dream of becoming a Police officer, i would say a woman not holding a gun to scare people and show them that you is a respectable individual but a woman with integrity and has a heart to help people and maintaining peace and order in the community. Since childhood I really loved playing what they called ( barilbarilan) with the boys in the neighborhood, my brother who's not so supportive, he would not make me gun using banana petiole so i dont have any choice than to make my own toy for me to be able to join them. I still remember what i did to my past self to prove to my childhood friends that I'm deserving to play the role of Police Officer in one of our plays. I did wake up early help the house choirs, go to our farm and help my father of our rice field like to the point they would think I'm gonna be lesbian when i grow up. Thinking about that is not really that hard to me because i really dont know what are they talking about. And time passed by, i did all the best i can to be that someone i dream of when i was a child. After those trials, circumstances, struggles and pain I got the opportunity to be one of the applicant of 2021. I was so excited back then, Region VIII is a huge place than i thought it was and from the municipality i was in, theres no other woman whos applying so without any hesitation, I searched in facebook Philippine National Police Recruitment Region 8 and i follow that page and i always read the updates and i think that time i really need to have friends because you know, I'm not that kind of a person who easily knows everything and also im ashame to ask and im super confused about the guidelines and etc. At first im hesitant to add or send request message to that someone who always comments on the fb page, but my perseverance push me to do that and so i started to send the message and i was so amazed because she replied so fast then call me "MATE" that was the first time i felt that im really on it, that im doing it. So then i asked her on some ways in application and so happen its her second time in applying, theres a step by step or process she said first she fail in neuro examination and all the queries that i have she answer it all, but she cant accommodate me all the time because her boyfriend would get Jealous because she said i really look like a man. She just add me on thier group chat so that i can still be updated and there i found new friends and they accepted me to the group (even if i dont know anything, I'm so happy love you guys imy all) and we talked about when can we meet so that we can plan all the things or the requirements so that we can perform or be included for the BMI( Body Mass Index). Then we meet, i admit i was so shy at first but they make sure that i cant be feel out of place. We went to St. Pauls hospital to have our RTPCR test because we need to follow the protocols and we cannot go to the Training place if we dont have that NEGATIVE results. After 2 days we meet again to get the result. The next day we woke up 3am to prepare everything and went to Police Regional Office 8. I was there and i feel like i already get the dream that i have from my childhood days, i saw lots of Police Uniformed people and the place where trainee should be trained, i feel thrilled and excited. Upon going inside we were instructed to run or jog, no stopping ofcourse they first get our rtprc results and our temperature, information and signature then start jogging until we get to their gymnasium, at that very moment i was so nervous, they gave us number for ourselves, i got NUMBER12 i am very much excited and to make what happened in that hour short I FAILED!!!. Next thing i did, i smiled to all the people in the room and wait for my buddy2, i told them im okay because its normal and honestly im the one who's comforting to someone also that did not passed. I looked strong. I looked okay. I looked comfortable. I looked fine and i looked relaxed and crying is far from what I'll do. But Just imagine what I've been through. The only thing im thinking was MY FAMILY, how they'll react. Another dissapointment, i failed AGAIN. The sound of the police officer seems like echoing and still freshed in my mind. Applicant #12 FAILED. I thought I'm doing just fine, i thought im progressing that im leading to the path i have always wanted but i end up questioning it all, like why am i still in the same place, the same feeling where i started and im so upset because i felt like i didnt moved even a little. You envision your past self quite often and think they would be dissapointed, Somedays, I'll look ar my hands and wonder if all of my dreams still out of reach like as easy as i thought they are. There are times that i badly want to dissapear. Maybe that's life i guess, things doesn't always go as planned. There comes a time when you realize that you're adding fuel to your sad thoughts by sad movies or songs and then you looked up to the sky and think maybe its time to let go, Stop mourning because no one cares how you do it, no one cares the process to be able to get or to become what you are now, they're just like the winning team, if u fail no ones gonna be there for you. As what i have read in a book intitled "The subtle art of not giving a fuck" said You cant be important and life-changing presence for some people without being a joke and an embarrassment to others. You just cant, because theres no such thing as a lack of adversity. It doesn't exist. The old saying goes that no matter where you go, there you are. Well, the same is true for adversity and failure. No matter where you go there's a five hundred load of shit waiting for you, and that's perfectly fine. THE POINT ISN'T TO GET AWAY FROM THE SHIT, THE POINT IS TO FIND THE SHIT YOU ENJOY DEALING WITH. Don't let failure discourage you, i think its brave, its brave to just keep living. One thing i learned from that experience is that you cant get anything you wanted in just one go. Have faith and dont lose hope. I'm just so lucky to have a family who's being supportive and maybe their dissapointed but their not showing it to me because they understand my frustrations. Reminder to all whos been trying to reach their dreams and goals in life, it doesn't mean that you failed today, you'll fail tomorrow, NOOOO, so you must keep moving. A poem written by Edgar Guest 1921 *DON'T QUIT* When things go wrong, as they sometimes will. When the road your trudging seems all uphill. When the funds are low and the debts are high. And you want to smile but you have to sigh , when care is pressing you down a bit- Rest if you must but dont you quit. Success is failure turned inside out, the silver tint of the clouds of doubt. And when you can tell how close you ar, it may be near when it seems afar, SO STICK TO THE FIGHT WHEN YOU'RE HARDEST HIT. It's when things seems worst, YOU MUST NOT QUIT. You must go on adventure to find out where you truly belong- sue fitzmaurice QUÉ- SERÁ-SERÁ❤️

LoveLife As the days passing by, my boredom slowly eating me. So i download TIKTOK and installed it to my cellphone. I always saw tiktok on YouTube and i thought it was just all about dancing, singing and dubbing that's why i didn't installed it before, the first time its was out maybe around 2020 but i found out that this tiktok helped many youngster not just in showing there talents and improving there skills but also to those people who have anxiety, over thinkers, depressed/stressed and etc., in a way that its content has educational purposes, self improvements, inspirational message, personality development, hygienes, workout to follow, jokes that can lighten up your mood and the content that would actually help them feel that in dark moments they are not alone that there are people who suffers more pain than you do. From then on i have something to do and to forget my dark thoughts during bored times or dissapointments and pressures strikes, like for an instance, i think no one will understand my situation because they think my life was easy as 1.2.3 so when i entered my room, I'm imagining myself hanging on there using rope and when i go to kitchen to cook some foods the knife seems shimmering like its calling me to pick it and stab myself. Sometimes i think that way. When i share it to my friend his shocked knowing that I make fun, i jokes around and laugh more that he cant think of me doing such nonsense. I always pray to God that he will make me strong in facing realities of life and peace of mind to do good always and the manifestation of a positive thinking mind. (Ohh i talked so much😅 ). So while scrolling down the Tiktok watching some different clips, my mind was stuck to that new disney movie entitled ENCANTO. (La familia Madrigal) and became interested so i found myself craving to watch the movie and if you want it, you should find a way. Allow me to share my thoughts of every character of familia Madrigal or the story itself ( It was just base on my opinion, i know we have different perspective and i respect that tho😊) Abuela- the person behind the magic or the miracle. The kind of grandma who fears that the magic will fades so she appears to be more strict to her family and eventually becomes a cold grandmother. She have triplets childrens who are Pepa, Bruno and Julieta. Bruno- has given the gift to see the vision of everything in the future, he appears to be a bad person because he tells everyone what's going to happen and they didn't believe that and blame him. But one thing is for sure he loves his family and he didn't actually left the house. Pepa & Felix- They have 3 children Dolores, Camillo and Antonio. Pepa has a gift of weather, the weather will depends on her mood, if she's angry there will be storm, strong wind, lightning and etc. Felix is a very sweet husband to Pepa where he makes Pepa calms and gives Pepa all the loves he have. Dolores- has a gift of hearing. I think some of the people who watch the movie would think she was the villain🤔 because her gift is hearing everything and why did she not tell that Bruno is just there, he didn't actually left and etc. ( Maybe she has her own reasons) Camillo- has a gift that can be able to copy anyone, same image or replica. Antonio- the youngest son of Prpa and Felix, the newly given the gift of animal lover, i mean he can make lion calm, he can talk to birds and any of animals and he also understand them. Julieta & Agustin- They also have 3 childrens Luisa, Isabela and Mirabel. Julieta has an amazing gift which is healing. The cure is in her hands that's why i guess Agustin is just confident to be hurt or everytime that the bee's beating him (thats part was cute😅 ). They are the kind of parents where they didn't pressure anyone in the family to fear that there gift would soon be vanish. The kind of parents where supportive and dont want that one of their childrens would worry and anxious because they didn't have a gift. I think they are the kind of parents everyone's dreami'n of. Luisa- the oldest daughter of Julieta and Agustin , has the gift of being a strong person, she can carry anything, move mountains, houses, bridges and churches. Isabela- has a gift of flowers and beauty and is expected to be perfect all the time, she's the kind of daughter that would do anything to make her abuela happy and proud of her even though its not her happiness. Mirabel- the youngest daughter that doesn't get any gift when its time to be given. She brilliant, positive, confident and wants to help in the family. Have a strong well and perseverance to prove herself to everyone especially to her abuela. Lesson and Realizations from the movie. *God given us different gift, we are unique beings that we should be thank ful for. *from the character of Abulea, at the first look, i thought she was the villain of the story and later on, i found out that she was just protecting her family. Sometimes we are like abuela in the story, we forgot the essence of being a FAMILY because we want something constant. We forgot to ask someone in the family if they are okay ,that if they are still happy because we tend to fucos on more greater good. *we are all like Pepa that have mood swings, the attitude like weather you can't predict and we're trying to control it and that's what makes us so lucky if we'll have someone that can understand us always. Someone that still appreciates you even when ur dealing circumstances or struggling in life. And who'll accept us. And we are very deserving to have a partner like Felix, Pepa's awesome husband. *At some point we are also like Julieta, we are trying to heal everyone not knowing that we felt incomplete deep inside. And Agustin was so supportive husband to her and to his family. * we're Bruno because somehow we're pessimistic to see life, ahead of us that we thought its not better to know what future holds and to just never discuss it because we are so afraid to face realities of life. So we tend and plan to be alone and hide from everyone because you thought you're such a disappointment but the truth is you are as great as the reality. We know that the future are still blurry and uncertain but lets take the steps to show ourselves to people that we are special and we are brave enough to handle things. *We hear things may it be positive or negative, people who called themselves Marites will always has something to say that describe of what kind of person you are in the community but dont let them define who's the real you. Dolores is deserving to the gift she have, she used it in good ways that she thinks she can help. *We tend to copy someone because we thought it looks good on us without knowing we're beautiful and great as we are. *we want people see as a strong and independent person, we are afraid of being weak, that we also struggle but that's not the case because we dont need to be strong all the time, we dont need to be the problem solver all the time, its okay that sometimes we're struggling, and its okay. *We always want to be perfect so that people would admire and be happy to see you but we didn't realize that we are imperfectly, perfect. *My favorite character in the story Mirabel because i always see myself in her. Trying to help someone especially those people around us but it turns out to be not effective and they blame you for whatever happens ( is it wrong to just help) but i hope like mirabel that even though she have all the reasons to give up, still she pursue things because she knows she can do it. In life we always thought that being liked by someone is the description that we are on the right track, that we are beautiful and great Thats the reasons why lots of us trying to be someone else, seems like we dont have trust and confidence that we can do it right through. It doesn't mean that we dont know what gift we have, we are not special because we already shine just the way we are. Always remember that there are always people that will never be happy for your success and is willing to let you down but instead of crying and in pain because of the words you get from them, let it inspires you, do whatever makes you happy, just be you and be real. Stop caring so much about others opinion of you and dont let them lead the way for you to follow, make your own path where you are comfortable doing great and making yourself happy, work harder for your success, DON'T GIVE SOMEONE THE RIGHT AND REASONS TO DRAG YOU DOWN. Ofcourse, working the best for your happiness and humble yourself at the same time, ask God to make you his disciple and lead you to better ways, because one thing is for sure HE HAS A GREAT PLAN FOR YOU, and if you think that God let you struggle, noooo he is making you stronger 💪. My life is not really easy now a days but you know what makes me do better and what keeps me moves forward is that my family needs me and i need to be happy ( i think we all deserve to be happy) i only wish that in my most darkest time, God's presence would be much lighten so that i will always see and realized how great is life to have fun, and how im lucky enough to have this life. We should keep paddling, hustling and move forward, tomorrows never promise we should work hard for it. SO KEEP FIGHTING GUYS 💪 IF EVER YOU WILL READ THIS, REMEMBER THAT I'M SO PROUD OF WHAT MAN/WOMAN YOU'VE BECOME, I'M ROOTING ON YOU!!! ......................... I still dont know what's the title and I'm thinking of LOVE LIFE maybe they would think its all about my lover (sorry but i never been have😅), so its about LOVING LIFE , loving thy self.😊 Sorry for the late update. I hope I'm doing great. God bless you all. Thank you😘

✨Mohsen✨ I'm 23 and it feels like nothing happened in my life, it was just so stagnant that I'm still in the same place where i started my dreams and it feels like I'm always stranded. My family has a mountainous of expectation for me, with the ellegibility to work in a government job and thats what makes it hard for me because i already tried to apply a couple of job but unfortunately I didn't get neither of those and I'm the oldest sibling to the family that adds pressure for me im doing a great job, im confident but i dont know why i cant win the situation and i know there is a reason behind that. 2022 came and all i did was sleep, prepare food, eat, clean the house, read books and overthinking, and will never go to outside unless ask to. Seems like home doesn't feels like home and my room was my favorite area of the house, i think that a family is just a word full of love but for me im just a disappointment that nothing to do with life than messed up. I dont have friends, i mean we are a different person to different people, we have company/acquaintances in drinks, in school, in family, in business and etc, yes we have a choice who to tell our personal problem are and people call them a friend to you but they'll not understand you when you open up something to them, so will just decide to keep it on your own and suffer on your own, cry on your own and for a long time i learned to be alone but not lonely im happy just by myself. Days passed i dont feel good and i want to go somewhere just to battle all the problem on my own without someone expecting it because i know i need to do something but how? pandemic becomes worsen and theres a rampant growth of it to where i wanna go. I decided to stay to our place and find some part time job and while searching theres this app that keeps on pop upping and keeps on saying online dating blah blah blah blah so out of my curiousity, I install the app just to try if i can find someone stranger to talk all the pain that i felt, ofcourse its impossible to find a guy without an intention to date in a dating app (hahaha) BUT... First day, i dont know but not all foreigner aren't that good they will just ask you instantly of nude photos all i did was block them automatically. Second day, as i was getting bored of the app, I matched with this person that has a bio "ask me anything" so i initiated to ask stupid question that goes (why is it called a blackboard when its green?) hahaha and guess what he really answer it with ( because its the word that ancient time used) i was amaze honestly he didn't even knew me but answer me full of respect and i say 'how are you? Then he replied not good then i openly said i wasn't good also and that theres a lot of problems and he openly talk to me about any that come to his mind not the bad one because as he said his so down and dont have time to think any of those. I like him already, nahh not in a romantic way but in a nice way that there are still people whos not disrespectful to make it short we exchange our WhatsApp number and we talked a lot of our problems. Allow me to share some screenshots of our conversation. A conversation full of encouragement and determination. He was the first man whom i got to say and share all i want. He is special in a way that for 23 years of leaving i got to know someone whos willing to listen all your rants and hate in life. That maybe there are person who was really destined to help us in so many ways we cant imagine. I wish you were really real because i got to know more. Why is that when we find that person who assures you that they will be there but they are so far and lives a million miles away, virtual hugs is impossible but only pillows is available. The friendship that we built in such a distance was great, he will understand all the heartaches i get, strangers are better than someone whos near beside you, he makes me calm in so many ways. I cried and cried and cried without judgement. I Never had a boyfriend before so i never felt a guy knows how to comfort me this way. Others won't understand how this compliment hits different. I get to understand that you're attractive to someone because you are beautiful, cute, kind, sexy and etc but someone who'll appreciate the way how you talk and perceive things its kinda giving me butterflies, i cant even imagine that its my first time to hear those words especially from someone stranger to me. And i realized I DONT WANNA LOSE THIS GUY. Someone who understands that your alone and that I'm in need of a friend. He just dont know how lucky i was to have him, i just wish he feels the same way. We kept busy talking about the things that matter and slowly i got to know all about him. Yes, he is an Electrical Engineering 🥰 he is not just only good to make me calm and better but also good all related in math hahaha honestly i got used it. In working out every morning, he was there to cheer up with me hahaha i dont want to brag but he is really fit, he have a good body, good posture , A GOOD MINDSET... i dont know what wrong with him because it feels so right (hahaha) Not just in workout but a supporter and my number one fan in finding part time job. Its my first time to experience and feel such things that someone will say i mean so much to them that im also special person. And someone that will update me in everything even wont ask about it. That someone who doesn't want to be ignored ( he is so funny because you know im just doing laundry and like that hahaha sooooo cute) i know its toxic to some but its my first time to feel wanted that there's someone who wants to talk, to be updated of how my day was and i cant lie IM SO LUCKY to have him as a friend. The reassurance i get whenever i felt im alone again, my dark thought, my toxicity activate he never fails to tell me how much his doing his best to make me happy and never be alone again. But it doesn't mean theres no ending and goodbyes, ofcourse it will come to serve it best. Just be prepared to the worst and to the best. The REALIZATIONS... You'll meet a specific person for a specific problem. This is how i cope up with sadness, i found my hero he saved me. Just to remind you that we need someone to feel okay. Its fine to be independent and strong but dont keep your pain and sadness inside you, learn to share it with someone whom you trust it doesn't mean that u need to do the ways i found my hero but you will find the right one in your heart be comfortable and open some space for them in your heart. I understand that all has an ending and goodbyes are real, we need to learn that people come and people go. Live your life as if its the first time and the last time. Life is too short and way too busy to please everyone. Let them do whatever they want, make sure that you're enjoying every part of your life, regret always comes late. Be forever greatful to the ones who found it worth their while to know you. Thank them and never forget the piece of their life thats is shared with you. Be mindful of unspoken goodbyes. Move forward, move on and learn to go on your own because in the first place you were just alone, you just meet a company to be with you in that specific battle. Always remember that God wants you to be strong enough to face all the hardship in life. You'll meet another stranger/person again that would help you again with another rocky road journey. JUST BE THANKFUL EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO YOU MEET ALONG THE WAY. Life must be so hard for all of us , we just need to learn how to dance with the rain and be thankful for the life we have. I wrote this article just to remind you that not all people who promised to stay will stay. Not all people who's been there for you in the past will still be there for you at the present. Only God knows anything and everything about us just ask him how to be strong and calm in the midst of circumstances. To the person behind this gratitude i felt right now, to you MOHSEN (honestly i dont know whats his real name and he dont know mine😅), thank you in the deepest part of my heart❤️. I know you'll not read this but I'm hoping you will, you just dont know how happy and lucky i am just to have you and to knew you. I have experienced lots of first times with you. I hope that you'll help many person in the future, you are an angel sent from God above, you are so good, we need more of you in the world. I may not share here all the conversation we had but know that i appreciated all of those efforts and time you spent with me. You give me such inspiration to write this and to show how much im greatful and i dont know what the title of this in the first place, so now i realized maybe its your name. I hope to see you in person to hug you and talk about lot of things, even i know its impossible. Thank you is not enough. From the girl in PHILIPPINES to the man from Algeria. I hope you like my first article. And hope you'll get some learning with it. I just want y'all to know that you are free to comment all you want to be my title for my second article. I'm newbie here so please guys guide me. Thank you so much. Have a great day and keep safe.❤️😇

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