Lazy Female Generation
I think most women are the reason guys always say they have nothing to offer other than sex Cos if as a woman you're independent and all, make ur own money, pay ur own bills no guy will have that audacity to make such comment cos whatever cash gift he's giving you will be just a gift to you not a need but a bonus.
I urge this generation to train their daughters to hustle like men cos in this world you're all alone. Once you become dependent, you make yourself vulnerable to different kinda rubbish, know your worth. You'd see babes receiving beatings of their life from her boyfriend cos she gave her boyfriend opportunity to become her father since he foots all her bills she bcame vulnerable to him. Train your daughter to be a boss lady,
Ladies feel bcos they are using expensive stuffs like bags, hairs, clothes, they feel they have a standard to maintain, like they only date guys that can afford their standard. The question is can you comfortably afford the things that you yourself have, with your own earned money, did u buy them yourself comfortably with the money you worked for? If not, then you're Below your own standard. If relationship is to be by standards, you cannot afford the kinda standard (guy) you want. You want a guy that drives a car, do you've a car?, What if the guy only date ladies that own a car? Or can you afford gifts for him for such guy that wears N130k+ shoe, can you afford it with your own earned money?.
When you start earning, and footing your own bills, then you can talk about standards, else you're only looking for a guy with high standard to leverage on and make yourself look good
That's how a girl told me she stays with her boyfriend while schooling, apart from series of abortion, he beats her mercilessly, even when she had complications during a recent abortion. Any money she gathers he takes from her, after all he's d one feeding her, clothing her, paying her bills, doesn't allow her go out, like she was more like a prisoner.
Now here's d shocking part, she managed to break up( he took her phone as she did, ofcos it's in his name), later he returned it, sent her money and apologize, he wanted her back, her mother told her to take him back bcos she's going for HND and she'll need where to stay🤦🏽♂️ at this point I weak
Man life no easy, we get billed from everywhere.. parents, siblings, in-laws, ur own family(wife ND kids), friends.. at d end of it all we don't get appreciated, children always see mothers as favorite parent, father's day is not celebrated as mothers day. The kinda hurts and shades dey throw at men, it's very unfair. Like Publicly selling charms to compel men, if women were d victims in such case, the whole world will be against men, even men will be against men.. life no easy for man, e no balance, but that's why we are men, we stand strong always!!
We Are Brilliant
We are brilliant: differently
Growing up wasn’t fun. When I tell people my childhood wasn’t pleasant, they choose not to believe– some because of my eloquence, some because they consider I appear stable (not traumatized) to have had a rough childhood. I didn’t develop all the qualities they trust I possess over night, I didn’t have it easy; I didn’t. Some events from growing up still play in my mind with relentless repetition, the characters that dominate in them keep flashing through my mind like taunting ghosts.
When I was in primary school. I was a middle sitter with an anxious mind to prove myself, and an innate fear for failure that I found it hard to concentrate in class. Dad had one day asked I read a passage I was taught in school. With my Macmillan English book one; I sang “Kpa kpa nhọrọ kpa ngolọ…” I remember the look of disbelieve he wore that day, listening to his son who couldn’t possibly comprehend the difference between class lessons and songs his naughty classmates chant during play time. Mum went to school with me the next day. I became a front-sitter, no distraction from anyone. Dad was home on work leave, extra coaching came with brunch and supper. I topped the class that third term, after a first term of sixth position and a second of ninth, I topped the class.
My competitive spirit was on, against myself; to make Dad proud, till primary six when I moved to a new school. I was a city wall gecko parading with village lizards. There was no contender, I didn’t need to read so much; I dropped but still topped.
When I got into secondary school I struggled to fit in. My Cousin was three classes ahead with a reputation of topping his class. I was his shadow the school was waiting for to light up “Arinzechi you can see your cousin! You have to study hard, you didn’t pass my test well, you are not doing as good as your cousin, you are…”, and I am… struggling not be a failure or disappoint my father who paid through his nostrils to foot bills. My father, you see is a humble man with a salary that required he works overtime. I was bullied, mentally challenging my mind into working well. Even though I topped the class all through junior school, there was always that deep fear of “of not giving enough”
I was brilliant, but a lot of things confused me. I barely spoke to or with mum. I had a problem of knowing what to do. I was too scared of being a coward, I began going out of way and I soon started retreating to myself after I get punished for being wrong. I wasn’t good enough (I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t good enough) I convinced myself; retreating to the dark corner of the room. I soon found comfort there. I found writing there too, I found literature and Philosophy. I found a book of Dad’s; an anthology with Wole Shoyinka’s Abiku.
“I am the squirrel teeth, cracked” “the riddle of the palm. Remember” “this, and dig me deeper still into” “the god's swollen foot.”
I memorized those lines. I found solitude. And I lived in it...desolated. Till I failed my tests and exams simultaneously, or I passed, just not well enough to make my any parent proud. My first taste of failure wasn’t a pleasant one. But I had a second chance, and I think a third at both. But I had lost it. My mind. It was a turmoil of a thousand faults, screaming disappointment at my face, but I gained admission into Unical. Guess I failed, but not good enough to be denied admission, even if it was the course I wanted so dearly to study. I became an undergraduate.
I struggled like every fresher would at 100level. Struggled to fit in, struggled to attend classes at different venues, but painstakingly I had to struggle through GSS classes, mastering dates, philosophical foundations of theories and things, and abstract schools of thought. I was chocking to solve logic equations and enjoy my Ethics classes, though the professor was a one kind human being.., I was a four pointer, until sometime when the theories increased, my head was going overboard, and someh
My Spiritual Husband Encounter
I remember once when I had a spirit husband, I was only 15 years old, I'll tell you about it.
It all started in my secondary school, I and ugochi were classmates, seat mates, and friends both in this world and in the other. She was calm, tall, very beautiful with a pleasant aura. Everyone in class wanted to be friends with her, but she seemed not to like a lot of people around her. Just like every other person in class, I craved for her attention and luck finally smiled on me when we became seatmates.
She had a good heart, we would sometimes exchange notes in class and write in each others books, even our teachers couldn't really differentiate our writings, she would buy me things at random and even though I never really had money, I always tried my best to get her stuffs too.
It was a week to her birthday, and I had been saving a lot to get her something really nice but since I wasn't sure what she would really appreciate I decided to ask her.
Ugochi your birthday is in a week's time, so tell me what would really make you happy as a gift? I asked shyly.
My birthday? she responded, Looked at me strangely and left the class.
I followed her almost immediately but I couldn't find her. It was also something strange I had noticed about her. She moves out of sight rather too quickly and returns without being noticed, she also remembers details of conversations she never partook in, she often times makes joke about her being a mother but soon I realized they were no jokes.
"The only thing I need is more power", I turned around it was ugochi, she chuckled and came to sit by me. Can you give me that? She asked
No, I answered.
I don't have any powers to give you, I dnt even understand all this, why do you even behave so strangely? wait do you really have a child? Are you really a princess that lives on water? I questioned.
I will give you the answer and tell you other of my secrets if you will make a blood covenant with me not to tell any one.
So I agreed and we made a covenant, I really didn't know much of it except that we sucked each others blood, I can't even remember if she told me any secrets or not but I never remained the same person that day onward.
I started having strange dreams, and hallucinations. I could read people's minds and do things I could never do before. I told her about it and she said soon you will become powerful. On her birthday night I was initiated into her kingdom, I saw the queen she always talked about, her husband and her child, it was a different world from what we live in. They were warm and friendly, all beautiful and welcomed me well.
They dressed me in their attire, a red flowing gown, and put flowers on my head, a man brought out a calabash and wrote some symbols on my body with white chalk. We stood on water, the wind was heavy and the drummers drummed heavily while everyone danced and cheered along.
Everyone stood in pairs a man and a woman. But I didn't have a man until after 7nights. On the eight night the queen presented me with a man, he was to be my protector and shield. He was dark and fierce, the symbol on his face had a semblance with four, written in roman numerals.(IV)
On the third day of every week, he would make love to me, I would struggle with him and moan in strange languages, words that I couldn't understand myself, this continued for several months until the night my mother caught me!
Cry Me A River
So this fateful evening on my way from church, it was dark already, but I wasn't worried cos the area is safe, to an extent at least due to the vigilantes on duty. I walked home enjoying the cool breeze, then a voice struck me, it's by far the most beautiful voice I've ever heard along side the sound of a guitar vamping giving the voice an angelica rhythm, I stood awhile to enjoy the nice melody, but it has gotten really late so I had to rush home. I couldn't get that voice off my head that night, so I said to myself I must find out who She was, yes it's a she.
I decided to go through that route the next day, same time. I went by that area again, but this time I didn't hear any one singing, I was disappointed at first, but I decided to wait. I waited for about 30mins, then I heard this beautiful melodious voice again. She was signing "Listen By Beyonce", I was almost in tears hearing her beautiful voice, she sang it more than Beyonce herself with so much passion in it, I decided to walk towards the sound to see the angel singing only for her to notice me coming and ran inside, I was surprised but later went home.
My search for Melody began, yea that's what I named her. I went by that neighbor hood asking people about her, they were like, "do you mean that blind singer??", blind? I said to myself, it can't be. They directed me to her mother's shop, it was close to where I do hear her sing. I went there, only for me to see the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, she was light skinned with a pointed nose. Could this be Melody, hello good day I said, on getting close I noticed she kept looking elsewhere while asking what do you want to buy Sir without facing at my direction, could it be true that she's really blind, oh such a pity. I saw her mom inside the store and greeted her, then I turned to this young lady I saw you the other night singing while playing your guitar, I tried to come join you but you ran away. I came to apologize for scaring you away, she smiled and said thank you, that she's very shy around People, so she likes staying on her own. We talked at length, she had a good sense of humor. I went by her shop everyday since then, soon we started singing together at night. I wasn't a good singer, but her voice made mine beautiful in a duet. Her name is Ifeoma but I still called her Melody, she love me calling her Melody. She has been blind since birth, she found interest in music, so her mom got her a guitar when she was 8. Everything she learnt, she taught herself, I was marveled at her story. Her dad left them, he couldn't harbour a blind child. I told her about my self, I found myself falling for her. I asked her mom if it was okay to take her out on a date, she agreed, but told me to bring her back early.
She has always wanted to play her guitar by the river side, so I took her to the beach, we had so much fun, made lots of friend, her singing attracted so many people to us. I just sat there crying, watching her sing, she told me, Crystal, please do me a favor, never pity me or treat me differently, this days I've been with you has been the happiest days of my life, I promised her I'd stop crying. I just wish she could see me, but the truth is that I wasn't really crying out of pain, I cried cos it's amazing watching her sing, laughing and smiling and always so happy even when she's going through so much pain.
She told me the only time she could see, is when she's dreaming, that from her dream the world is very beautiful, music takes her far from her pain and situation. She is always very happy when she hears beautiful music so I took her to a concert and registered her name as a performer. I didn't tell her until we got there, at first she refused cos she was nervous until i told her I'd join her on stage, then she agreed. Her performance was so beautiful, she sang "my redeemer lives.." The crowd loved her, she won the best performer that day, but she turned their gift down, she felt they only gifted her out of pity because of her disability, she smiled all along, no sadness at all in her.
I took her to my home for dinner, she insisted to do the cooking but told me to assist her since she doesn't know her way around my kitchen. She made vegetable soup, and I fell in love with her more, She was just perfect in everyway. We were done eating, so we went on the roof top, watching the stars while she was singing and playing her guitar. One thing led to the other and we kissed and made love. After the sex, I noticed she bled I never knew she was a Virgin. With tears in her eyes, she looked straight at me and said Crystal I love you, I've been told this several times from girls but this words she said, I could tell that she really meant it. I loved her so much, I saw a life with her, Love can make you do crazy things, like they said, there's a little madness in love that's what makes it worthwhile. I am not ready to let this feeling go, I'm not ready to let it pass me by, I promised never to hurt her, she said I know you won't. She was just so beautiful, why would God allow such beautiful person go through all this, I promised her I'll be her eyes as long as I live. She slept at my place that day, we were so attached to each other, no day will go by without me seeing her.
My friends and family would discourage me from loving her, "she's a blind girl, you can never have a life with her, what will people say" they all said, but none of that matter. I was already deep in love with Melody, my whole life was soaked in hers already. For the first time, I actually know what love feels like, I'm not ready to let that go.
Until one fateful day, I was out with Melody, she held me by the hands with tears in her eyes, smiling at me. For the first time I could see pain and sadness in her eyes, she looked up and told me, Crystal I love you, I really do, you're an amazing person, within this few days you have given me forever she said, i never believed i could feel love till you walked into my life. I am grateful she said, and I was speechless, short of words, her words hit me hard.
Crystal I'd be travelling very far away, and I won't be coming back soon she said, What do you mean you won't be coming back soon I asked Her, she said she can't explain that we should enjoy the few moments we have together before she travels.
I can't start to imagine a day without her. Where is she travelling to, it kept me wondering, I vowed to make her happy each day before she travels, which I tried my best to do.
Till this day, I went to see Melody as usual, only for me to get to her house and found everywhere locked, not even her mom was home. Did they travel together, I asked myself. I left to come back the next day.
Several days I checked on her, still no one in, and she doesn't use a phone. After 4days of me going to her house everyday, I met her mom inside the house and it was unusually quiet. I told her I've been here severally but didn't meet anyone, mama how is melody where is she, is she back from her travel, I asked several questions curious on getting an answer. She just kept mute, but I noticed this unusual sadness in her eyes as she handed over a box to me. She wanted you to have this, mama said. I collected the box from her, i saw pictures we took together, I saw a chaplet in it too, I saw an iPod, it contained all the songs she composed, even the one she sang for us, then I saw a CD plate, and decided to play it.
"Dear Crystal Nkem, I told mom to give you this tape long after I've gone, yes I know i told you I'd be travelling and I'm really sorry, but the truth is that I travelled far to the great beyond, by the time you'd get this tape I'd be long gone. I've been suffering from cancer, its part of what caused my disability, I didn't know how to tell you, I pray you will find it in your heart to forgive me. Thank you for the happiness you brought upon my life in this short while we had been together. You made me experience so much love in this short life of mine. I can boldly say that I've felt love during my time on earth, all thanks to you. Move on and be happy, I pray you find someone that will make you more happier than I did, don't forget me. Mom will give you my ash, I want you to pour it on thesame river you took me to the other day, I always wanted to be free like the wind around the river. Remember me when you hear the sound of a sad guitar. If being blind is the only way fate will join our path again in the next life, then I want to come back blind, cos I don't want to see a world without you Obim...
I Love you
Your Melody"
I watched that video, over and over again, smiling, trying to hold back the tears, but I couldn't it was too much for me. I found myself crying and wailing like a little child, I was so broken, I wanted to hate her for leaving me like she, but I love too much to hate her. If only, if only tears would bring you back Melody, I'd Cry You A River..
I took her songs to the studio, and made them play it in memory of my Melody. Her songs was a big hit, I wish she was here to share this moment with me. No matter how hard I try to move on, the scar is still in my heart.
The End
Essence of Giving
GIVING
Some say I find it difficult to give cos I don't have enough for myself..
So I was hungry one certain period, I was really broke then, the little food stuffs I had was exhausted, was just trying to manage till pay day. I checked one of my pockets and managed to see 200naira.. omg the money would be enough to feed me that whole day, decided to buy spaghetti and cook, so I'll be able to eat and remain for evening..
I still have little cooking ingredients, so I managed to prepare my tasty spaghetti.. Immediately food was ready, behold I heard a knock on my gate..
For the first time in my life I was hoping it was Jehovah witness.
Only for me to check and saw my friend that live close to me..
Ooo chim! Since someone was dying of hunger, I didn't see anybody o.. Now food have set, this one just appeared from no where, come to think of it do they have food censor??? I really don't know.. I was contemplating whether to hide majority of the food in my flask, and leave small, so he will think I just finished eating..
I was running out of time cos he has been at the door for long, so I just went ahead to open for him.
So I eventually opened the gate for him and let him in.. "Guy na die I dey o, hunger wan kill me(meaning I'm very hungry), since yesterday I have not eaten any good food", he said, my small spaghetti I budgeted for that whole day it's at risk, I can't lie to him that there's no food, cos he will just go to the kitchen and open pots.. So I said okay, I served in a plate for me and him to eat, this boy carried phone and dialed his room mate number, bro come to Crystal room, food dey here..
I Wept in my heart silently 😪.
Good turned bad I thought, soon his room mate came in, he even appeared more hungry than the both of us combined.. Even before I eat 1spoon, they are on their 3rd spoon.. Hian, na so hungry catch this people.. I saw how hungry they were, so I eventually brought out the whole pot.. We finished it, I used like 2sachets of water to top the meal.. They thanked me and left, I was supposed to be angry or upset about how I'll feed the rest of the day, but somehow, I felt inner peace knowing I probably have saved two souls.
The rest of the day will take care of its self I told myself.. I cleaned my house and slept off, only to wake up, checked my phone and saw a credit alert from where I did my Internship, they haven't paid me fully, I saw an alert of part of the payment, Chai I was overwhelmed.. I went to the ATM, made some withdrawals, then went to the market straight, bought some raw materials and soup stuffs. I Came back home and prepared very nice Vegetable soup, with assorted meats. I forget to mention, my cooking will make you disown your mom 😂. When the food was ready, I used my own hands to dial my friend number, telling him "E DON HAPPEN O". That was the code words for food is ready, In no time, they came and we ate..
I never went hungry that day..
I learnt a lesson, it's better to share the little you have, than being overfed while you watch your friends starve.. There's always a reward for givers.
You don't need to have much before you give, little things matters, giving is way beyond financial handing out. You can give ur time, attention, care, Knowledge, advice, counsel, see giving as a sacrifice, not something you do when you're comfortable.. The secret to abundant wealth is giving.
Words for thought..
If you can't put a smile on a million faces, make one face smile in a million ways..
"No matter the quantity of food you eat today, you'd still go hungry tomorrow"
Bananas
So I bought a bunch of unripe bananas
It's amazing how out of d whole bunch, only one got ripe on time, it was so ripe that it almost got spoilt before I noticed it..
I can't stop myself from imagining how the rest bananas would have felt, that one of them have turned yellow while they all still remained green like they have always been, they probably would have felt depressed if Bananas have feelings, I breathe a sigh of relief knowing fully well that no matter how long it takes, each and everyone of them will surely get ripe.. Often time we have been in that position, where things didn't work or fall in time as we want it to, especially when our friend is already making progress in life and we are still stuck the way we started this year, often times we feel depressed and down seeing ourselves as failures, but what we forget is that, the right time for Mr A might not be the right time for Mr B, we can't rush it, we just need to believe in the process.
I remember when I applied for an admission into a tertiary institution to study my dream course, but they keep offering me courses not related to my dream course, some other time they don't offer me any admission at all, it got to a point that I almost gave up on my dream to be a Medical doctor, but some part of me don't want to give up, I keep saying to myself one more time, try again one more time, meanwhile my friends that we finished high school together have already gained admission and started studying, my parents didn't make it any easy for me, cos they keep pointing it out to me. It was left for me to keep believing in myself and my dreams, that despite the cost and delay, I must achieve it. I studied hard and applied the next year and I gained admission into the university to study medicine, now I'm a certified medical Doctor and I'm glad I never gave up on my dreams.
The world might loose hope on you, and you might loose hope on your self too, but ur destiny won't loose Hope on you. You just have to believe in the process and keep pushing. It worked for me.
Responsibility
Life atimes make us grow faster than our body is designed to, we are faced with responsibilities bigger than our mind and body. We didn't pray for it nor ask for it, it just happens due to some ill fate or situation we found ourselves in. As a Child loosing a parent is one of the saddest thing that can ever happen to a child, especially when you're the first child. You grow up being a dad or a mom to your little ones, sometimes you even end up being both. Growing up as a child wasn't easy, I lost mom in a tender age and all we had was Dad. Due to the nature of Dad's job, he's not always home, it's left for me to take care of my junior ones, I had to be a man in a boy's body. Every morning I'd be the first to wake, clean the house, prepare breakfast and prepare my siblings for school, with little time left for myself, often I go to class Late and I get whipped for it. I spend most of my days in school sad really sad, I'm often referred as the miserable kid in school, but when I'm home, I put on my happy and strong face. I don't want my junior ones to see me sad or cry, dad said I need to be strong for them, seeing me strong gives them hope.
I remember the time my little brother was sick and I had to nurse him that period, we didn't hear from Dad for a while cos perhaps there was no signal where he was so I thought. I used up all my feeding money trying to keep my little brother in good health, eventually I had to starve several days in school, I had no friends, people often refer to me as a sad kid, but I don't see myself as a kid, I see myself as a father and mother in a little body, I fell asleep in class thinking of my little brother and the condition he is in, only to get waken by the hard cane of my teacher, "why are you sleeping in class" she said, I tried to explain but she kept flogging me, it's funny that I didn't feel a thing from the cane, cos the emotional pain I'm in surpassed whatever physical pain she's inflicting in me, I just couldn't wait to head home.
I went home, only to find the house filled with people, they were all looking at me sadly, what's going on I kept asking, did anything happen, nothing felt right, I thought something had happened to my little brother, but I went in only to see him crying tio, I saw dad's friend, they both work in the same place, you've to be a man now he said to me, all this are now your responsibility pointing to my little ones, "your father is gone, he had an accident at work and died" he said, I felt my whole word crumble before me, for the first time, I questioned God, why did he bring me to this world to cause me pain.
My whole life flashed in front of me in seconds, but I've to be strong, dad said never to show weakness infront of your r younger ones, but I'm just a child, I'm not a man, my childhood has been stolen from me, I wish I can be a child again, in a more pleasant condition. Growing up wasn't easy, everyday was a struggle, from one Forster home to the other. Everything I've faced in life have made me the man I am today, as for many of you facing responsibilities bigger than you, keep pushing, you'd get to your happy days.
