Like a Butterfly Beautified by Time and Long Sleep
***<Cheryl>***
I look forward to seeing him today. I was so excited because they said he had changed. He said he was not like before. I thought maybe he was like a butterfly beautified by time and long sleep. Perhaps, if he really changed, we would get along.
After a while, I slowly felt his coming. I know he is because he used to be so strong. It was as if I was shaking with everyone around me. I approached a little more like gossip in the morning, and Ayun! Finally, I saw him again.
He came quickly as if in a hurry. They are right. He has changed. Smoother and pleasant. Looks like from Korea. But before I could get "Annyeong", he was in front of me. In a moment of amazement, I immediately looked for where I should be with him. I just made sure because I didn't want to expect. I know how painful it is to assume that there is more but nothing. I was slightly disappointed in what I saw. "Do I still have a place for you?" I whispered to him, asking. But he did not touch me. But I do not have time to waste effort now. "So be it," I said. So Even though I was skeptical, I went with him. He would have felt that I had not looked for anyone else. He's the only one, really. Maybe there is still more. Even just a little .. for me.
But the difficulty of breathing, my heart seemed to stop beating. I want to shout out loud to stop all this. But how? I do not want to be selfish. I know I'm not the only one struggling in this situation. We are all trapped, so I know no one wants to talk. Everyone seems to be just feeling and not having the courage to express resentment towards each other. But I understand ... I understand your eyes saying "Forgiveness". I know you didn't like it either, even me. Only a masochist wants to torture himself like this. Because we all probably long for comfort, am I right? But what else can I do? I'm here, and there's no turning back. I only have one thing in mind — It will end. Just trust.
It is very difficult to squeeze yourself, especially in situations where you are not ready. You do not know where you are going. You will be confused by what is happening. You will only be dizzy by the extreme heat of the situation accepting you. The heat coming from your toenails, up to your legs, which you will gradually feel in your reproductive system, up to the intestines, lungs, esophagus, tonsils. He will also warm your ears until he hurts in the frontal lobe. It's so complicated that you can just make a bad trip with the explanation. But sometimes, maybe we really don't get everything we want. There are things that, when you force, it becomes more difficult. I'm so stuck in what's happening. But it's okay, and time is running out. I know there is still hope.
Soon I saw the light. I'm not going to die yet, but I feel like there are angels who will sing outside later when I get out of here. Only now have I craved the release of this. Maybe when I overcome this, I will not repeat it. I hope we get better but still. She is beautiful, but we still have a lot inside her. You probably even don't understand me right now. Sorry but that is precisely the situation inside the train. I got into a war I was not prepared for. I smelled yesterday. I really don't want to.
Suffering is enough; pain is enough. It's time to accept the fact that I will always take the bus. Thanks for the experience. When because of him, I found out I was a very patient person. That's probably for sure. You will never know if you will not try.
Reciprocate
***"For some unknown reason, I suddenly believed in the beliefs of our entire Rivas clan.***
When I was a kid, I heard about it. They talked about 'Invisible Red String Of Love.' I have not understood before because I have not tried to fall in love.
I try to understand what that is. And why do they know this 'Red String' when it is invisible? Do I have a point there?
I asked papa and mama many times, but they laughed at me every time it was my mouth. That one day, I will understand what it really is when I feel it.
What again? Invisible Red String, then I feel? The point there is why they still have 'keme' like that and just don't want to say that they don't want to explain.
I also asked wolf and Iola about it, but they just smiled and answered. If I only knew that smiling would have been the answer I would have given to my former teachers, I was asked what the meaning of 'x' was.
They are still known as smart people, and just explaining is not possible. I was shaken there.
And once I fell in love and ended up in misery, I gradually came to understand that 'Red String Of Love' is just fiction. That it is not really literal and invisible because you feel it.
And now, with my loss of love, I better understand that it is an expression. That I only see him, want to be with, and much more. That in him, I only see myself happy and Nothing else.
I used to think he was really the one for me but no because he preferred to leave me. And even against his will, that is what our love is all about.
So here I am now, pint smiling and hiding the pain in my smiles. That once you just love it is still the end result.
I thought when I was young, the 'happy ending' was as real as in the book I read, but it was not. Because everything has a limit, everything ends, and most of all, some prefer to just finish.
I know he also values me and what mediates between us, but it is not enough that you just love each other. He had something he forgot to do, which was to stand up and fight for me and what we had.
That he chose to make others happy rather than himself, that he decided to hurt me and not fight with his parents.
And what's more painful there, he quickly let go of me as he uttered the words, "Nothing will be left behind. My love for you will never change. They will never buy my decision that you are the one I love and choose."
But where is he after a week? There in the church, she married the man her parents had agreed to for their livelihood.
And because I am a great masochist, I was able to attend, not to prevent the wedding but watch if I loved and loved him enough to protest even at the last moment.
Until the wedding was over, I saw no hesitation in him when he replied, "I do."
I have witnessed my two eyes that I am not a reason enough to fight even with his own parents. That even though he saw me watching, he did not hesitate to answer the two words that would destroy my heart.
I gave everything, but it was not enough for me to choose him. That at least I could do everything for her, and I proved how much I love her is still not possible.
Maybe it's true that there are people just passing through your life, and only a few will choose to stay. That they will be the answer to your questions.
I can't love others and just forget him because I still hold that I would not love him if he was not that person. I would rather be hurt like this than insist on what my heart cannot do.
Every day and every night, I keep asking the questions, "Is he okay?", "Is he eating right?", "Is he happy with his chosen path?", "He also thinks he can. I'm like, I'm thinking of him? "And most of all, the question, "Does he still love me or does he really love me?"
I was shaken by the last question in my mind because I knew the real answer there. I feel that the answer is 'yes' just if he can't reciprocate his love for his own parents.
From a distance, I was always watching, thinking that one day everything would change and go back to where we used to be.
@Julz01