@JoyOfWomanhood 8 December 2021

It’s the holiday season.

It’s the holiday season Some people packing up some suitcases board the plane to fly to the Bahamas Some load up their RV and hit the road heading to some place nice and cool Others load up their cars, off they go on the highway to see families and friends. And I stand at the window looking out at the ocean with its waves hitting the rocks. Imagining the love of my life appearing from the shores, and I’m running over to hold him tight to my heart. But then, the hell sinks in, he’s not coming back no more, he’s taken by someone else. This is a holiday from hell. People out and about celebrating the holidays. Some dancing all night, turning round and round with the love of their lives. But I’m here alone by myself, drinking tears of a love lost to my free spirit that couldn’t quiet down and listen to his needs. All he wanted is time with me. All he wanted is for me to see how much I mean to him, how much he’s prepared to let go of everything that ever mattered to him, just to make me love him back the way he loved me. But all I wanted is to have fun, go out with the girls while he’s home alone by himself. When I come home, he’s still awake waiting for me, with a smile of relived and his eyes opened wide when he sees me. He gives me a hugs and whispers in my ear“ I love you girl”. Some lessons are hard to swallow, some lessons bite into where it hurts, deep in the heart. This one, I won't stay alive for long, I know there’s no other like the man I lost. My regrets don’t make it easier or acceptable to be alone during the holidays without the man I loved the most. Without the true soul, rare as pink pearl from the deep ocean. No one can replace the true love of my life. I’ll take the blame, I’ll shed tears of the loss of the pearl of my life. I’m responsible, I’m a girl with a free spirit, that won’t cool, that won’t sit still, a girl too wild to see what’s good for her.