@JasmineC 19 June 2020

Sentiments of a Broken Heart

***Man is sentimental by nature: we give meanings to everything, we cheerish and treasure memories, and we live to love and love to live.*** How could humans feel this way? There are things that my heart did not understand, it has questions that never been answered, and answered that wasn't understood. Even if I tried to figure it out, I ended up asking of, how did I end up loving you? ***You are not that lovely, not that charming, not that intellectual, not that good enough but I ended up loving you.*** One day, I realize that your flaws made you the way you are; your shortcomings helps you to so more and reach for more. I rejected you a million times. ***But it's too late!*** I told you that you are not enough and I want someone better than you are. You strive hard just to win me and make everything you could so I would see the beauty right through your heart. I never know how much pain you've endure and how much sorrow you bear just because I told you that I don't want you. Then another day has come, years had past and you made up your mind. You told me that maybe you're not enough for me and I deserve someone better. I feel happy and I even whisper to myself of "yes, at last". I say yes at last I don't have someone like you who teated me too special that I cannot make my own way up or way down. I am happy that day because I don't have someone who will tell me what to do and there would be no someone to cling and annoy me with I love you's. ***Days has passed and I start feeling the emptiness, I*** start feeling broken and I feel like I miss something. Then, I remember that I used to have you by my side, cheering me up and annoys my day. I started missing you. My heart seems missing the person whom I thought isn't enough. **I have decided to reach you out because I know that you will always want me and maybe you waited for me in secret just like you did before**. I hold my peace and let the days passed by, months after months, and one day I cannot bear it anymore. I look for you and wanted to just at least see you, I called you but you did not answer, I was upset, I even shouted my phone as if you're there. I called you again, texted you, chatted you, and I start to cry. I realize, I've never cried this hard because of you, it's you who cried over me. ***What now?*** I walk around and try to relax, I saw you from afar and I went through you and shouted, "hey! Don't you want to go out later? It's my polite invitation, I promise not to argue" and you said "No, I have appointments". ***It was new! You never say "NO" to me before.*** Then the last thing I heard was, "we have to go". Wait, we? And then I wake of to the reality that he's holding another hand, he is wearing a really sweet smile, and he is giving it to her. I thought it's just me. I thought there's nobody else. Then I remember that I've always wanted him out when he is with me, ***and now that he's with someone else I feel like my world will stop revolving and the sun is not shining any longer.***