How Do You....

My emotions are at all time high... I want to get mad and curse at everyone, but I know that I can’t or I shouldn’t because it just a useless exercise, but sometimes, just sometimes I wish that things were different. You see, I’m not a rich girl, I am from a middle class family and well, my hubby’s family, is on the higher middle class. It would be safe to say that his family is richer than mine. They have lands in the province and all that, while the only thing I own is piece of land in a pot. So, I understand that they look at me differently and that I am not their ideal girl. I am quite opinionated and when I was younger would argue to h*ll and back if I have an opinion, I never felt accepted in the family of my husband, but I took that in and swallowed my pride, well, because I love my husband and he wants to be here, so we are. But how do you continue living when you are treated like a nobody, when you’re opinion doesn’t matter, when no matter how sane or logical, you opinion just doesn’t count? How do you continue to live in a place where your stuff isn’t important and can easily be mishandled and you don’t have the right to get mad... that all you can do is take it all in and *understand,* because it is better to understand and avoid any arguments or fights. I wanted to fix our own little space with the little money I have or can have, but I can’t without their approval. Even though I will be the one spending, what they want is what needs to be done, I can’t be the one to decide.... so I decide not to pursue to renovation of our house within the compound. Just yesterday, I have a mini garden at the side of our house within the compound, I planted some cucumber in a pot, and it was already growing, I had a few that sprouted already about an inch with 2 tiny little leaves, I was so happy! Then I found out that my husband’s brother-in-law dumped his excess soil in my pot! Burying my little cucumber... Now they are all dead :( And he had the audacity to go there and “fix” the pot by flattening the soil he dumped in... It is so frustrating! I can’t even get mad.. because they said it was the cat’s fault! That the cat just dug up the soil. LOL, what do they think of me? Dumb? to believe that a cat can do that? I know that my mental health is already suffering. I can’t do a lot of things because I succumb to the sadness of my life, no matter how hard I try to dispel it, it comes back and haunts me. Especially now in the lockdown, when i cannot just go out and unwind, it is becoming more and more frustrating... I’m reallly coming to the end of my rope and I really am not sure, what I am capable of doing once I reach my end... But I still pray for perseverance, more understanding and more patience to be able to endure it all... after all, even though they don’t consider me family... they still are my hubby’s, right?