@Herzy 17 March 2022

Lost Myself Love *Losing my self love is like losing everything.When you can't understand yourself anymore, they can't understand you even more....* ***Have you ever experienced despair in yourself? Or have you ever experienced losing yourself? Have you ever in your life forgotten to love yourself?*** **It’s** hard to lose ourselves in times of darkness. And when we lose ourselves, we also lose the direction we should go. How can I love other people if I don't pay attention to myself? **I knew I lost myself and I forgot to love myself last year.** Last year, I lived without everything. I neglected myself during those times. Almost every day I cry at night for unknown reasons. I let the stress eat me up in my study and answering the module. I allowed myself to think negative thoughts that caused me to lose focus on things. I allowed myself not to eat at the right time and ate a little which caused me to lose weight .... I let my day to day life just be repetitive and I no longer feel happy in the day to day that I live. . I allowed myself to feel alone even though I knew I was alone. I let myself pretend to be happy and I was okay in people’s eyes. *I let myself lose me, I let myself lose the meaning of my life. And I let myself lose love for myself.....* **In all that**, no one asked me if I was ok. The only thing I heard from the people around me was "*You lose more weight, you're stupid you lose weight because don't want to eat a lot*" "*You have big eye bags, go to bed early.*" "*How can you get fat if you don't want to eat more food.* " **No** one even asked why I couldn’t sleep early, I wanted to want to sleep early but I couldn’t because my brain couldn’t sleep, because of overthinking. No one even asked why I can't eat as much as I used to because I want to eat but my stomach doesn't want to, I feel like I'll just throw up my food when I force myself to more eat. **When** I realized all that when 2022 entered I told myself I would not let myself lose my love for myself. I don’t want to expect someone to ask questions and help me love and find myself. So in this 2022, I searched for myself and I got to know myself better. I started to love myself again, I searched for my purpose in this world again .. I gave myself time for myself again, I did the things I wanted to do again and I avoided the things that will hurt me. I also often eat at the right time so I don't miss out. Every time I eat I just think this is my last change to eat so I will try to eat a lot. I am happy with the result that little by little I am eating a lot. I made my daily life productive. ***As I searched for myself, I found a God that I had ignored for a long time.....*** I came to know the Lord God Almighty, the reason for my existence in this world. When I heard the commandments, the word of God and his goodness for us.... I learned to love him and obey his commandments... I had hope every day that I lived on this world, I have learned not to worry about the things of this world, because of him I avoid overthinking because I give myself to him, I know he will protect me. I have learned to live with a God who has always been with me. Many many thanks to be God. ***When I met God I learned to love my fellow man.*** One of the things I learned is that loving myself is not selfish and loving my fellowmen is not selfless but that my love for my fellowmen is a way of showing my love for myself. Because in that way I can show who I am, I allow myself to release my fear, you know what? one of my fears is looking into people's eyes. I don't know why I can't look into other people's eyes .... When I love my neighbor my life becomes more productive, unlike before when I'm always at home and always focused on the cellphone, it's just wasted my time so much that I don't give myself time to move or exercise. *Love yourselves, love that is not selfish. Do not let that in the midst of the darkness of your life you get lost,* ***And do you know how not to get lost in the darkness of your life?*** *****Have God in your life, have fear, faith and obey his command. He will be your light at any time, if everyone leaves you he will not leave you just trust him.***** **Thank You For Reading and Don't Forget That** *****I LOVE YOU !!!***** *—Herzy—*