Is Forgetting considered as Forgiveness?
*Hello read.cash Family and friends!!! Thank you for reading,i hope you enjoy☺️💙....*
Day: Wednesday
Date: February 2,2022
Quote: `"Forgiveness doesn't change the past but it does enlarge the future" -PAUL BOOSE`
Reminder: `Your ideas and opinions are surely appreciated,just comment down below☺️`
*I still remember all those bad experience that happens to me,and it leaves a scar in me..so I avoided all those person who hurt me to heal everything,yet everytime i see them it mades me anxious. It is hard to forget and i dont know if I already forgive them or i can forgive. It is easy for me to give pieces of advice to everyone yet i can't give it to myself.*
Truth Slap. We can easily say many things and advices to other person but were having a hard time to apply it to ourselves. *Am I right?...* People now a days experience many trauma that change them,it changes their attitudes to everybody. There behavior relied on what they have experience in the past,..maybe not all of us but most of us.
Years ago i was still on my path of avoiding those person, but as i grow older and older i just accepted all of it, and i just wanted to face it. All the people that made the scar of my past is the person now that i am happy to see with. They never asked forgiveness but i wanted to free myself with all those hates,*is it already forgiveness? I dont know*.. i just wanted myself to be at peace. Avoiding them is still an action for me to avoid me hurting again,to be destroyed,or exploited again. But i am now ready to face them without hatred and set myself free from being chained in those memories.
And guess what i already met some of them,even though i can see in there eyes that they are not sorry about what happen years ago,i still wanted to be strong by forgetting and forgiving them. We may not be friends as what we are before, but i still wanted them to feel that i am still welcoming them to be one,not the closest friend but a distant friend maybe?... But I can't control them, as long as in myself i am already okay.
One of my friend said *"Forgive your enemies but dont forget their names"..hahahahahaha...*its kinda funny though,but yeah..i willingly forgive them but i wont forget their names..hahahaha..
I've been through life and death and those times the only thing that was on my mind was *"Life is to short"*, and i dont wanted to make my short life into hatred and anxious,but i wanted to enjoy it, to be happy and put my heart and mind at peace.
`...Now,is forgetting considered as forgiveness??...`
*.....til my next article 💙*
February 1,2022
*Annyeong read.cash Family and friends!!! Thank you for reading,i hope you enjoy☺️💙.... First of all i wanna send my biggest gratitude again to Sir @Lucifer01 ,for being my first and only Sponsor. "Thank you sir", actually i don't know about it,and i'm really sorry i was too late.☹️*
Day:`Tuesday`
Date: `February 1,2022`
Quote: `Spend your day happily,coz once it pass it will become one of your memories😉`
Reminder: `Your words are surely appreciated,so don't hesitate to comment below☺️`
Good morning 1st day of February. This month is known as Love month,and the ideas are random.Dates,chocolates,and flowers,with Lover. Many memes in social media appear of how february is for them. *How about you?who is your date?*
Well,we are starting this month with an awesome day. Love is not only for those who are in a relationship, dates are not only for two,flowers and chocolates are not only given to your only love. These things could also be for your friends and family. Many felt sad that they are single, but they forgot that they have friends and family to spend it with. We always spread out love to everyone not just for this month but everyday,this month just reminds us that Love most be always there no matter what day it is.
Spread love for not just to your one and only but for everybody. How about you?how are going to celebrate that special day? To those who are in a relationships or has a partner,have you already make plans? Where are you planning to celebrate?. And to those who are single,remember you have your friends who are single too*...hahahaha...*don't think things that makes complicated.
I remember a story about it though, there's this girl who is single,all her friends are taken and they were excited for their scheduled dates. So when that day comes all her friends are busy preparing themselves for their dates and the single girl is just looking at them while they are doing their stuff,at exactly 6 in the evening her friends leaves there boarding house, while the single girl stay at home and just lying in her bed and feeling sad while just scrolling her phone,around 9 in the evening all her friends got home,then they invited the single girl to have their friendly date,it surprise the girl and she felt very happy. She really love her friends,and that action told her that they love her too.
And today,remember that everything is advance you can have your virtual dates if you wanted too,..have a try and you can tell me how will it go..😉☺️.
***New month,new day, new experiences and new stories... Love and Beloved💙..***
`Have a great day everyone💙...`
How I passed the Licensure Examination
*Annyeong to my beloved readers and friends☺️💙!!!!....*
Day: `Monday`
Date: `January 31,2022`
Reminder: `Your words are surely appreciated,so dont hesitate to comment below☺️💙`
I will share to you my journey about How I passed the *Board Licensure Examination for Professional Teachers (BLEPT).* But first all I just want to remind you that we have different journey so dont worry*...hahahahahah...*
*Since yesterday was the Examination of the future educator, it reminds me of what i have been through during my time.*
After our graduation (July 2019) me and my friends continue to review for the upcoming examination which is on September 27 2019. We only got 4 months to prepare ourselves and be ready. During those days I always wanted to detail everything,so i always take a simple photo just to remember that day as if I am making a daily journal. I am with my best buddy @kleah97, since the review is on the city which is 2-3 hrs. drive, we plan to look for an affordable rental rooms but we have'nt found rental rooms that can make us comfortable and we believe that we need to look for a comfortable place to stay because surely it will affect on our studies,we need some room that is safe and not so crowded and must be exclusive for the both of us so we can focus on our self review. There are some rental place that are suited for what we are looking for but we don't have enough money since its costly. Thankfully, my buddy has a contact with her former teacher way back on elementary,and she has a house in a private village in the city and no one was staying there, she is already retired so its just her vacation house. She offered her house to us without any rent,she just wanted to share expenses of water and gas, it was already a very big help for us. Since then we stay there but only if the days of review are in consecutive days,but if not we go home to save.I know that journey won't be easy but i wont focus on that negative idea. *Hahahahaha ... I just enjoy the process and tadaaaaaa!!!!..*
*I want to share some tips on how I review and other factors to pass :*
*****Have a Best Companion.***** I am with my friend living in the house, so everytime we are doing house chores we keep on throwing question and answering it, as if my brain was organising the information properly,and I will able to know how much knowledge i already have. And to my boyfriend too...hahahahha... Instead of just calling and talking ,he also asked questions and even download some test question just to review me..that sometimes i'd be grumpy, but he will just laugh at me. It was really nice,it's like their preparing me for a great battle so they keep on putting some armors..hahahahahaha...
*****Relax your mind.***** It does'nt mean that you need to read always and study, your brain needs a break too.
*****Leisure time.***** Have a time for yourself dont overworked.
*****Put your heart at peace.***** I won't forget an advice from a topnotcher,she said "forget all the hatred in your heart and mind because it will affect you mentally and emotionally ".
*****Pray harder.***** No matter how ready we are, if it's not with god's help we won't make it .
*****Study smart not study hard.*****For me since im don't have the memorization span i just put everything in a song or jingle to remember. You need to think of a way on how to stock the information without crashing it in your head.
*****Be with your family/inspiration.***** I dont know for others,but for me being with my family during weekend makes my soul happy and i feel more motivated and determine to work harder because they are my inspiration.
These are the tips that helps me passed the examination,.i dont know if it is also for the others but this tips could help you too for sure. Of course i encounter many circumstances during that especially financial,i also feel sadness,anxiety,and headaches...but still I focus to my goal and that is to Pass the Board Exam.
***I am very thankful to all the person who was with me during those times,every little help that I receive from them become a great big help for me, because i won't make it for sure without them.***
*If you wont make it this time, try again and do it with extra effort.*
.....
***Thank you for reading💙***
The other side of failure
Hola a mis lectoras/lectoros!!...
(Hi to you my readers!!..)
Thank you for reading,Enjoy..💙
We dream of having a good fortune in life,we ought to believe that we can do it. We make movement or steps to make everything possible in the future. We believe that the determination and our motivation will make us continue no matter how we stumble and fall... But the question is; *until when will you pursue it? Will you really able to proceed,even when you hardly fail? What will you do if those dreams will be out of your reach?*
Many of us believe that pursuing our *studies is the best way to make our dream come true. The jobs will be offered immediately to you,thats why many parents do everything just to let you be on your track-studying. Parents even keep all their extra money, not eating properly, thrift from big some of money to small coins. Wearing your graduation gown is their happiest moment,and the pride in their eyes that you can see. Their inner pride will say that "Yes,I made it!"...they finish their responsibility to you with their sweat and effort.*
`Here comes the graduates 🎉🏅🎊...` The happiness that we feel is so very relaxing,thinking about what you've been through to deserve your diploma is nothing can compare of joy.We feel the excitement of what will be our tomorrow and what opportunities will be given to us. We believe that those job opportunities will easily offered to us,yet the reality is so different for what we expect or believed.
For those who are taking Board Examination,it is just the beginning. The next thing they do is preparation for review for the upcoming Board Exam. This were the days that you will experience headaches,no time to eat,cramping, you overthink, and many more. Stocking knowledge in your head in a short time makes it so painful for you to think other things,so your lucky if your just only focusing on your review..but how about those who have many things in mind.
`...Examination day....` It's the day to flow out your stock knowledge to your pen, but the exam was too difficult that the topics and questions that you review is not even there. Then,you'll start praying in your mind that hopefully your answers are right.
`...Release Result of the Examination ...` Excitement,Anxiety, and nervousness, will everybody feels. For the recent result that was release last Friday, is the *CLE (Criminologist Licensure* Examination),where out of 33,000+,11,000 passed the board exam*.* There are more than 22,000+ got failed and did not make it to the passing score, the big difference is very high,between the rate of passers and not passers.
Those who passed feel so thankful and happy,through social media ..friends,and relatives post their gratitude and congratulations to them.
The sad part now,are those who did not make it.. I know most of them shred tears because of disappointment with the result,maybe some lose hope and feel scared to face again failure. And my cousin is one of those who failed and cried so hard,he feel hopeless and very lonely because most of his friends made it. We keep on comforting him, i told him that *"it's not only you who is crying right now but the other thousands taker who also fail, it's ok to cry but don't quit and try it next Board examination"..* This is how failure affects someone*,*some even kill themselves because they can't handle their emotions. These are the other side of failure, yet other people will just think negatively to them and didn't see how it hard it is for them.
`Cheer up! Don't surrender future Criminologist!!! You can make it...👮`
***It's Okay to feel sad,to cry,to be disappointed....but it's not okay if you quit doing it again,to try again and to be okay again.***
`Thank you for reading!..til'next article💙`
Violence over Love
My dear readers,thank you for your support to my article. Read and Enjoy💙
We bound to marry because of love, love that will conquer life and death,love that will uphold everything,Love that will accept your imperfection and mistakes.
Marriage. Many of women dream of a strong marriage,marriage that will last in a long run.
I am not yet married,and on my own perspective to be married is a dream come true, to be bond with the one you love is the best moment that everybody wish for,to make memories together,to travel together,to make your own story together. It's like building a strong empire of your relationship.
Yet,not all married couple are in this brim of love. Some are forceful type of marriage,where the other party dont love his or his partner they are just after with something or they just dont love them whole heartedly. We have this neighbor who is sweet and loving,they are stranger for us because they just move in. I always see them together with sweet gestures to one another,they are friendly we came to know them. The woman was just a year older than me and her husband was more years older than her. They have 3 children,the eldest is an illegitimate child of the woman, while the 2nd and 3rd is her son's to her husband. I can see that they get along together,the man do his responsibility as a husband and the woman do her responsibility as a wife.
*I believe that love really is unconditional it accepts the flaws and faults of the past and renew the relationship. Love is not really only for the single ladies but also for the single mothers.*
A year pass,and all i know is they are still good to each other. Until there's this night that I hear the rumbling sounds then a shout of the woman. All i thought is that maybe there's something that was their children is playing or what,but an hour later the woman knock on our door and ask for help. She was crying,looking on her face i see the swollen bump on her heda,and red mark under her eye. She told us the story that her husband punch him and slam her head on the wall.
It was a horrifying sight for me,those are painful. As the hours pass those marks and bump become more visible. Her husband stalk her and shouting that '*we must not mind there business'*,but looking to the woman condition she wont able to fight anymore she's to weak to fight with pains everywhere. But we still call the police, we wont act blind eye knowing that there's someone hurt. So the man got so mad to us, but i know he felt scared by the police because he go back to their house and never go outside.
During the day,those couple were summoned in the baranggay hall,the *DEPARTMENT OF SOCIAL WELFARE (Dswd)* was there to settle that serious problem, because it is under of an republic act VAWC *(Violence Against Women and Children)..* they have found out that this woman was also beaten by her husband and so does her illegitimate son. The man has different attitude towards the illegitimate son,his treatment to that child was way to different to his son's,where the child sleeps on the floor while his other brother's sleep beside with the parents. Not just that,the woman was always being raped by her husband,most of her undergarments was cut into pieces.
After hearing all the truth between them. I realize it was so scary, how they act infront of everyone far from what I expected behind those sweet gestures. Their relationship was not full of love instead full of violence. And i know many women are in this situation,violence really at the top of it . Violence that affect their love not just to her but most especially to the children and instil traumatic experience ,physically and emotionally.
*It's so sad to think that how Violence Fore over Love instead of Forever Love.*
*See you to my next article ..*
Gratitude to this people
***Nae dogjadeul-ege annyeong!! (****hi to my readers)...hehehehe...*
Hi to ms. @Kleah97 ,my dear friend...*hahahahah*.... My dearest friend, My college buddy who introduced me about read.cash and helps me to understand how this platform work,yet here i am still dont understand everything..😂..all i know is that i will just write articles and she knows that i love doing this so maybe thats the reason that she never forget me..*hahahahah*..
Sulky @Kleah97 .hahahahahah.... Thank you so much brad. Stay pretty and sulky, sponsor me plssss. *Hahahahahha....*
I also want to send my gratitude to sir @Lucifer01 ,thank you sir for being the first family of read.cash who give tips to me to encourage me writing more articles and commenting to some.Thank you so much sir.
Also to ms. @QueenRaay thank you for the tips. To @TheRandomRewarder ,thank you for noticing my articles and for the tips too..
To those who read my articles which i can't mention,and to the commenters and to my 3 subscribers..I really appreciate everything,it motivates me to continue my path in read.cash.
`maeu gamsahabnida...`
`Muchas gracias...`
`Merci beaucoup...`
`Dōmo arigatōgozaimasu...`
`Maraming Salamat...`
`Thank you somuch ..`
Thank you for being part of my journey here in read.cash💙
*More blessings to come. More ideas to write. More friends to come. I whole heartedly with wide open hands and warm hug welcome you all to be my friend.*
Friend that i can't be with personally,but friend that can read and share my own self talk, friend that can give there ideas too. I have many friends and i'm still willing and very happy to have some more, i really wont mind. *Hehehehehhe*...
And also a family that can give me ideas,and pieces of advice. I barely need everything. And thank you for that,it will make my future better in some ways.
Thank you again family and friends in read.cash...
`See you...💙`
Throughout January
Thank you for those who spent their time in reading my articles. 💙
*****January 26,2022*****
Five days before January ends, where are you now? Have you got the job that you have applied for? Have you achieved your dream job or business?Are you now in good state of living?
Before this month ends,let's have a recap of how your January is full of blissful days.
On the very first day of the month we are in state of thankfulness for we made it for this year despite of all the the distressful event that happens during the previous year. We still receive blessings no matter how difficult the situation of our world.
On the first week of the month we felt the excitement and uneasiness of what this year brings. Yet,within this week we still have the troubling news about the pandemic, that the number of infected continue to rise. We still face the same circumstances and the people are still in a state of anxiety,for themselves and for their family.
Second week , more cases are being reported and even the children are affected. Celebrities, politicians are also infected. Not just in our country but globally,other country reported that number of there cases increased by more than a thousands in a day. The problem of those people who are in a meager life is not just their health but also the hunger,and their daily needs. Many parents are sacrificing their own health by looking for any income to sustain their basic needs,especially food for their children.
Third week. People in the provinces was already experiencing soar throat,headaches,vomiting, fever,cough and cold. House by house are infected by the flu,each member of the family are having a flu no exemption to the children. Medicines are not available in a drug store,so wise parents use their motherly skills looking for herbal plants for remedy.
*Lucky,to those who have a strong immunity. But still we need to take care of our health,still follow the protocols and practice proper hygiene.*
Fourth week. Many of us become well and we are still alive and still blessed. We still have food to eat,clothes to wear,and shelter to live.
Now,It make me realize that no matter what we are facing we are still bless. No matter how bad our day we still overcome it,and waking up every morning is another blessing. The things that we planned for this month may not happen,and everything that happened is out of plan but still we are here standing firmly on our ground.
***January is ending yet the chaos of everything is not ending. Stand firm and be thankful for what you receive everyday. Stay safe and be safe***
*Buckle up for our next month journey,5 days to go and were ready for take off..*
*Thank you January..💙*
Pain free of the Past
Hi everyone! Thank you again to all of you. Read and enjoy😉
This is the last chapter of the following articles:
`My heartbeats....`
`My young heart falls....`
`My broken pieces ..`
***Love is like a battle field and your partner is your comrade,if you both fight you'll surely win. But if it is only you who is fighting,thats suicidal so you need to surrender before you got killed in the middle of it.***
My broken pieces...can it be mend again?
Life is too hard to live..my life just had an instant change. Change that will lead to something that was out of my expectation,change that is unplanned.
Pain,a feeling that im getting use of. I undergo in a medical treatment for my illness where needles punctures my flesh and i can feel the liquid forcing to enter in my veins that strack painfully,it abides to my blood with a forceful entry. How this things become just so normal? To feel pain become so normal?...
We fall to someone who lead us to to love them,yet lead us to be broken. And it's time for me to let go. Yes! I lose,I can't even fight , and I am injured.. my battlefield is over because my comrade leave me without even a warning. Now i am suffering from my physical and emotional injury. I know its not easy but i am sure i can endure this pain and this will be just my memory,memories that taught me lessons until to my very extent. Now,my life is in my hands it is on me if i will fight and will be a loser again..
My family,friends and everyone who loves me needs me,how can just one person will be worth it to kill myself. I will live again and stand again just like a soldier with many scars but become more stronger. I am in my stage of healing.. my battle in life is not easy, I suffer for almost 3 years and 4 months enduring all the pain,and financial stability. Every month I am confined for a week or so, the doctors and nurses are already my friends everytime they see me,they will just say "Hi!Charge yourself again?"...they think of myself as a mobile phone were i need to be charge everymonth in a week😁. In the hospital I encounter different patient,there's this young girl patient who has rush in the emergency room for the reason that she poison herself cause the person she love leave her with someone else,i can see in her state that she's determine to kill herself. Yet other oatient are fighting to live. It made me think,how love can make people crazy and sacrifice their life so easily because of the pain that they feel. I was on that state before,but i never kill myself even though i am fighting to live.
Now,i have learn to let go and let God do the favor to lead my life because he will surely not leave me no matter what.
My battlefield was over i am now in my field of freedom, I encounter death many times and i have many realization. I just want to be happy and cherish my every moment of it.
....This is how I experienced my first fall that happen years ago....
*I forgot the feeling,but i never forgot the man...hahahahaha..*
ADIOS....☺️
My Broken pieces
Hi Henaj here! Again thank you to those who supports my articles by reading it and giving their comments,I really appreciate it. Thank you very much.💙
*****Part III....*****
We commonly think ourselves as a character in a story or in a movie that we love, yet our life is too far from it. Many young minds think that as long as you love someone its all that matters,but in reality you also need someone who would love you and cherish you.
***"Its only you who can heal your heart"...***
Healing your heart takes time. It takes time to forget everything that hurts you. I was so naive at that time i never understand what it means.
Going back to school and missing all the lessons is kinda stressful but i did my best to learn it all,to give time to study. Mr. D, i forgot about him..he was there looking at me and approached me ***"Im sorry, i have heard that you were in the hospital...are you okay now?".,he said.***
I was smiling looking at him, at least he says sorry and he was concerned about me. I fall again,in my mind i thought maybe that was just a misunderstanding between us and now his sorry about it. We are back again,his sweetness is back again.. but his behaviour between the mean girls are still the same,everytime i am busy in school i always saw him being with the girls, and i always told myself that maybe they are really friends now that he can't do any space to be away from them. One day i met with my friends and Ms. G was there,but i can feel that she's avoiding me and i can see her not so happy face looking at me as if she hated me, not as if but she really did hate me. I get it,is it because of her ex boyfriend that is now my boyfriend? I was guilty,i know it was wrong i dont know what to say to her. Until time comes that she became so mean,she talks to other with loud voice saying ***"You know i never thought that your friend could be a traitor, she was having a crush on someone that i love and maybe she felt happy that i leave him and the thick face even proud of their relationship. I still have a contact with him,and he told me everything and my traitor friend".***I was never that proud to flaunt our relationship it was a secret that im not even with him always because i dont want other people know and im hiding it to my parents. ***Am i really wrong?why does he still communicate her?does he still love her***?
Those guilt that i always think was venomous to me. My self confidence was gone, I overthink that all the people knows that i snatch her boyfriend which is not true. They dont know what really happen but i know many will believe her. It affected my personality and attitude to everything i became more vulnerable that a simple talk of people behind my back makes me cry. I know Ms. G love him and maybe Mr. D still love her? I talk with Mr. D in the school,i ask him if he still love her or what he answered no,but he still communicate her as friend,its a lame excuse but i dont want to tell him that. But i know i was cold to him since that day..im getting colder to him but i am falling hard. It's like controling things not to want it but it becomes your need.
We continue our relationships to each other, until my parents was already sensing something and also maybe they heard it to the others,because they became more vigilant. But i just act normal as if there is nothing, i know i was young during that time but i dont know how to control those feelings. But i promise to myself that i will not break there trust to me , i wont get pregnant at a young age and hurt them, i wont stain their names.
Mr. D is getting more sweeter than before, he provide me a mobile phone for he cant contact me anytime,he says that ***"I will give this mobile phone to you so i can call and text you everytime, i'm not contacting Ms. G anymore so dont be cold to me anymore okay?"***... I was having a fast heartbeat hearing those from him makes me felt especial. Actually even im jealous about it,i feel that i dont have a right to stop him because he was hers.
Years pass by and i can feel his love is growing, i also love him more and more. He is my best friend and my love,he is my secret lover that i was guilt about.. he is part of my life. He is my everything.
Month after i was food poisoned that cause me of lacking my pottasium, that made my body paralyse. I cant move any parts of my body aside from my eyes and my mouth it affected my heart that i am having a hard time to breath so i need oxygen always. The doctor was conducting a lot of test to me because it was a new case for her,then month after we found out that i have a hypokalemia paralysis , where to much stress is not good,less exposing to the sun or less outdoor activities..i have to limit everything. Where even walking to school makes me exhausted that in the night i was rush to the hospital. It was another blow to me,how did my normal life become this messy. It was really hard i dont even know myself,as if im not the one who controls my body...everything is very unfamiliar. I suffer,that i almost can't come to school always. It was how my happy world becomes dark.
Mr. D found out that i have a serious health condition,he always tell me that he misses me because im not that regular to school anymore. I can feel his love towards me,and i love him and trusted him that even though im not in his sight he would still be faithful to me. My health is getting worst,when i felt sad my heart felt sad that my body starts to get weaker and paralyse,my heart is also now a factor of this illness. And my parents are doing there very best to take care of me and to make me happy too. Every month I always got confined for a week or so in the hospital because of my illness. The sad part of it,i am now far behind my lessons,my grades is decreasing and i know im not an acheiver anymore.
Week after my graduation, i was in the hospital. Mr. D visited me with Ms. G, i was hurt so i did not face them. Day of my graduation i was release from the hospital and i attended my graduation, I sitted their with swollen hands due to dextrose. I am one of the graduates yet i was not happy, i can't sing and dance which i always do every graduation...yet i still receive those medals 'songbird of the year' and 'dancer of the batch',it's funny though because i can't do that anymore. Mr. D is one of the graduates too and i was happy for him knowing that his older than the other.
After graduation,he told me that his brother wanted him to go in a highly urbanise city where he could easily look for a job,i was happy for him though we will be far from each other i know we are young to focus on ourselves.
Day before he leave,we had a talk...he told me all his plans for us. He made me promise though that :
`.."no matter what happen we will stay together,no one should break us apart,and he will come back for me"...`
We were LDR or in a long distance relationship,he always call me and text me. Then one day my cousin told me,"sis,have you heard the news or did you know about some news"..?,i said "what news??"..she said "Don't be hurt okay,because i just heard about it and i dont know if its true,your classmate Ms. J who has a big crush to your boyfriend is pregnant and they said that the father is Mr. D." ..i did'nt believe her,in my mind,why did it happen?thats impossible,hes not here. So i texted him that i heard this news here,is it true? He instantly call me,saying..."dont listen to those news,its not true"... I believed him but i already had this doubts, why would a girl told everyone that its his if that man did not do it to her?so it mens they do it. But I still believed to his words.
Then one day,i saw the mother of Mr. D buying some supplies in the store and she's talking in the phone saying,"she's having a labor now so you need to talk to here,im here buying some stuff of what is needed".... I knew deep down in me that those rumor are true,but i still believe him because i love him. But in that day,i just felt all the pain that i was hiding,i used to be so smart in academics yet so dull in terms of love?... I texted him,"I believed in you because i love you. You know i love you but why did you let me become so fool?...
Everything now is clear to me,his words before he leave,and the promise that he wanted me to do,..now i know. I am in pain,i dont know what to do. He is my first love yet my first heartache.
I suffer from depression.My health,my love,my self... I am in my dark world were i am alone,and my world got broken into pieces ..
My health is getting worst than before i was dying physically and emotionally,i am unbeseemly to live. My broken pieces are now shattered that no one could ever mend.
My life,..my happy life,..my beautiful life that *used to be a great* gift to me become my broken pieces....
My young heart falls
Hi everyone, i would like to say thank you to those who welcome me. Newbie here😁.
*****PART II..*****
Falling to someone is a suicidal mission, you won't know when you'll be saved or when you will be killed.
***"I thought i'm not move' on, I control it...we're friends and i don't wanna lose it,don't hate me please. I have fallen to you and I already love you"...***
Words that hunts me in my sleep,it felt strange and new to me. I dont even experience how really love feels,or how can you say that you are falling to someone.
I LOVE YOU. Such a big word yet i dont know if what does it really mean. Is he serious? How can he say that he fall for me?How sure is he to say that it is love? Or he was just trying to fool me?..Questions,that I always ask in my mind.
It was a bomb for me,it changes everything..my feelings to him and to our friendship. I was too shy to look at him,I avoided him. He was just there looking at me and observing all my moves,he always wanted to come near but I always flee. I dont know how to approach him or talk to him after he told me those words,i don't know what to answer. To convert all those feelings I focus everything in studying.
Well,i forgot that his a bad boy in his own way..he make some excuses just to be near to me,i know his waiting for what response i have after his confession. I dont know what to say,i dont wanna lose our friendship but i know no matter how i tried to save our friendship and to just make it as what it is before his confession,i know it won't be the same. And the only decision i have in mind is to reject his love,why?
Well,...
***First,***his the ex of my friend. I dont want to be a rebound or what,i dont know if his really moved on or his just longing for her.
Second,my studies. I dont know how that relationship will affect me since i can see that mostly whose in that relationship lost their dreams
Third,my parents are strict. They always tell me that boyfriend is not yet for me,im too young for that.
**....I REJECTED HIM**
But he never been fold,he still keep on going,.giving letters and putting small gifts in my bag without me even knowing. The binder notebook that he borrowed was full of letterings of his messages,his very good in arts he can draw anything. He always do extra effort to be notice. My heart is not a heart of stone,I fall without even knowing..My young heart falls without even a warning.
I dont know how to define love during those years,the only thing i know his already part of my day. My day won't be complete without his annoying act and tactics,and his always there whenever i need a hand. I consider our relationship as the closest. Until we decided to give it a try of us being in a relationship. But it felt so awkward,so i was telling him that we dont need to see each other and talk,because there is nothing to talk about and i dont know what things should we tell to each other. Being an achiever i have work loads such as projects,assignments,and many task so he is my helping hand.
But after how many months i have found out that my grades decreases and it was so stressful to think how did it happen. One of my teacher said that maybe its because of me having a relationship i can't focus to my studies anymore. So i did extra effort to bring back may grades until to the point that Mr. D tell me harsh things about me not giving him more time. I dont know what to do,i wanted to balance things my studies and him. But he hate it so he was ignoring me everyday and instead of sitting beside me in a class he now sit away from me. I know he was disappointed of what is going on between us,but it is for my future should he be happy about it too..?He was always with his friends and also with the mean girls in the class,i can't do anything about it so i just let him. When some boy come near me he come close to me and do something to make that boy leave,so maybe where still together?
I was so stressful with my studies and with my relationship,..to the point that my body start to get weaker and weaker...
I was confined in the hospital,..for some treatment and the doctor told me "its only you who can heal your heart"...
*****My Heart Fall,,..yet It Fail.💔*****
*****..To BE Continued...*****
My heartbeats..
*Heartbeats fast,everything was a slow motion when i saw his eyes looking at me it seems that we are the only person and everyone is just a props for this perfect moment......*
These are the lines that i have read in romantic novels.. I was thinking,is it possible?is it true?or just an imaginary things?i dont know....
Today everything is different.Teenagers are bolder,they flaunt there relationship in social media,sharing photos with there boyfriends' and even making some challenge to viewed by many.
**Well, on my Highschool days 15 years ago ,during those years everything was a big deal "..hahahaha🤣"....where even just a holding hands or to be seen with someone is forbidden,and dating is already a sinful crime "..hahahahaha"...so secret dating is common especially if you have a strict parents ,relationships must be hidden as long as it could. Cellphones are not yet available and phone signal is difficult to access,relationship before are more harder and challenging because they can't communicate at all aside from writing love letters.**
As an achiever student,i need to always study lessons,to have a perfect quizzes and high scores in exams. I was always praised by my teachers for being excellent. And of course being an acheiver, teachers' give you more many task as if your really a superwoman or superman.."hahahaha🤣".. We always believe that achiever students are always at the top they always exalt in everything... until that moment....
One day one of my friend or lets call her Miss G whose a senior -16 yrs.old.She's beautiful,white complexion,heights 4'9 and a petite. She has some heart disease, i dont know what it is but she's always having a hard time to breath and even vomit some blood..she has a sensitive type of health condition where her heart needs to be always calm,too much happiness and too much sadness is not good for her.
She introduced me to her boyfriend named Mr D, about 5'6 tall,18 yrs.old..hmm a bad boy? He's at the same year level of me a 2nd year,yet he ages older for always being involve in some street fights of students to his old school..yes,he is a transfered student, he's handsome and has a fair complexion.
One day Ms. G was begging me to accompany her and stay in school after class while she is having a chitchat with her boyfriend or Mr D inside the classroom,just to hide from suspicious eyes of people who knew her.I agree as her friend i don't want to reject her and im scared that i might be the cause of her heart attacks or something for not granting her please. So day after tomorrow i accompanied her and i was just sitting distance to them. And i was thinking inside my head,why do they always talk with each other every afternoon after class?don't they feel bored?what are the things that they need to talk about everyday?Or are they having some business meeting? ..hahahaha😂 .innocent me. It was already a routine.
Graduation day comes and Ms.G is one of the graduates. I was at my 3rd year and still im striving for my studies,i was even competed to other schools for quizz bee's, and even some school singing contest. Let's say during those years I have the talent,beauty and brain 😁.
It's our school Intramurals!!,the students are busy for the school activities such as: cheer dances,search for mr. and ms. Intramurals..,etc. Ms. G visited at the school to watch or maybe to support Mr. D because he is a basketball player. She approach me and asked a favor to teach and tutor Mr. D since,she can't do it because they're not seeing frequently like before, as a friend i agree.When i start tutoring or helping Mr. D with his studies my classmates was starting to matchmaking us, but i dont mind it..not at all. Mr. D borrowed my binder notebook, he said that he just wanted to copy my notes and everything, I agree so I lend it to him. I was serious of my studies to the point that everytime i got a low score i felt so down and depress. Mr. D was starting to get closer to me, he was there when i felt down and sad he comforts me saying that ...****'a low score is okay,you can't be always perfect..if your already sad about that low score what about more if someone ridicule you and looks down on you?will you be sad and will let them think that they are right?no,you need to prove to them that it's ok..because no successful man is perfect, you study hard because you wanted to be successful someday,right?so you need to be strong and not to be swayed of a low score'..**** he is good in advising maybe because his more years older than me 😅.
We become close to each other as a friend,not just that,he is the boyfriend of my friend and that's it. Many are courting and some of his friends too are courting me. It was that day when that friend of Mr.D asked a help to him, to give there love letters to me since he was closer to me,but all those love letters was not received by me he keep all of the letters and telling me **not to be persuade because those friends of his are an ass..."hahahahaha"**...it was so funny because he was a traitor,but well i dont mind with those letters. I'm busy for my studies and has no time to entertain those things,I'm not yet ready.
I meet Ms. G again,and we talk about our friends outing.. then out of the blue,she told me that she's **planning to breakup with Mr. D because she was having a hard time,she can't date him freely she was scared to get caught of her father.** I dont say anything,i dont know what to say it is her decision. I dont even know what was there status or how do they talk to each other without being seen,well im innocent of how those relationship really work. Then one day Mr.D was late to his class,we are not classmate because i was in section A and he is in section C, i just find out that he was late because i saw him walking at the entrance gate of the school. He was in a teary eyes and his aura was not happy just like before so I already know..'they broke up'.
He came to me,with sad face and told me that he was dump by her. I already know but i just dont say anything,instead I just ask him "**why?**" He never answer and just walk away. He was absent for how many days.. so he was behind with all the lesson when he came back to school he just again come to me and borrow my binder notebook. I just let him have it since he need it. They've broke up but we are still friends,i dont know if i should unfriend him because they are done with my friend but there is no malice between as and im out of their issue.
He was inserting in our class and will always sit beside me,the girls in the class was ogling to him,they felt envious...and i can tell they are having a crush on him, and i dont mind. He bought me snacks,no matter where he go,he always stick to me ..i was thinking this is normal,right? As a teenager suitors are normal receiving gifts and everything I always declined but they always tell me that its just a friendly give away..🤣😂
2months pass and Mr.D continually make many efforts in doing those sweet moves.,well,not just him...
Until on that day, i never saw him in the morning so i already guess that he is absent. So after class i was with my close friend classmate keeping all my things and putting the books in my bag, Mr D. appear in the classroom with his bro friend and come near me with anger in his eyes saying ***"We need to talk"***.. Am I busted or something?i dont know...so i sit and ready to listen of i dont know what. I see that his angry yet nervous?he look at me and say ***"I thought i'm not move' on, I control it...we're friends and i don't wanna lose it,don't hate me please. I have fallen to you and I already love you"...***
Those words made *****my heartbeats***** fast and I felt that its only me and him inside the classroom wherein my friend is there listening so does his..
Man,I guess those lines in the novel is kinda true .
....***To be continued....☺️***
Choose to be happy
In our world today happiness is felt in different ways,it's either;money,business,achievements,and in different things..
HAPPINESS. A satisfying experience - defined by the dictionary,but when do we feel the satisfaction?we may love those things at first but at the end the satisfaction is not there. Dont forget that happiness is also defined as CONTENTMENT.
HAPPINESS is being satisfied and contented of what we have. As humans forgot that happiness is not only to the things that we wanted,but also with the things that we already have.
Dont forget to spread happiness to those who need it. A simple smile can travel in a miles. Show your smile to everyone,smile with your heart.
We are now facing in these world where everything is stressful and in chaos. Many are in depression, not in good health,no financial stability.Everyone of us has our own battle that we carry and we already forgot to smile and be happy.
Life is to short,cherish it to the fullest extent. Smile and be glad with all the things that you received,be contented of the things that you have. This is life you dont need to compete to everyone, you dont have to follow others path you make your own trail.You have different sizes of feet it means you have different path in life.. but happiness is for everyone.
I am not successful. I don't have a stable job, I am a part timer in a pre-school.I teach kids ages 3-4,which is quite challenging because they have a diverse attitude,and behavior. For the first month in the school most children dont want there parents to be away even just for an inch in their chair,they cried when their parents are not on their side,some even keep on shouting while calling their mom. I teach them to read and write with there own phase of learning no matter how fast or slow, once they do it even some little by little,the result is still amazing.I teach them values,I started with how to greet good morning to everyone,to share their snacks to their classmates,to borrow pencils and crayons,to talk with respect.I ask them questions such as "Did you eat your breakfast?Did you brush your teeth before going to school?Can i see your fingernails if its clean? What did you do during weekend?",wherein they answer it actively happy. It is not easy,i need to have the longest patience that i could have, I need to always have the energy or to be enthusiastic.And after a few couple of months those kids are already showing their progress,..they behave and knows everything. Those little angels felt happy everytime I listen to them,they smile with such a cute face.I teach them with fun,we play and watch. Being with the kids for whole day is exhausting, it physically drains me but looking upon the result of it my heart is happy i felt contented knowing that i'm part of those progress and I did it.It's not a high paying job but it makes me happy.
I am also a part time tutor. I teach students who are having a hard time to learn especially todays global problem the pandemic,many children has a hard time in understanding there lessons,and not all parents can help them to understand it because most of the parents here in our community did not finish there study and some did not even attended school during their days. I have seen children who are even crying because there modules are still blank,they did'nt know what to answer. I have my tutor in grade 1,3,4 and 5. I am more focus to my students in grade 1 because it is the fundamental year of learning for them to read,they cant answer their module if they are not even familiar with the sounds of the letters in an alphabet ,so I let them familiarize or even memorize the sounds of the alphabet letter so we can start on blending syllables.Then as days pass by that student is already a good reader,he can now read words even the wrapper of his snack😅. But i felt it, the happiness of helping those children for there own good and their future,it is the satisfaction of every result of their improvement. I am also having a hard time but i choose to be happy despite of all the negativity.
Money can't buy HAPPINESS,but a simple smile can change someone and can save someone who are in distress.
You will be happy if you focus on the positive side of everything.Why waste your life in SADNESS,when you can enjoy it in HAPPINESS?Happiness will always be a choice.
@Henaj
