@BCH_girl
How can I escape from Envy Hello readers, it's been a while huh? I'm glad that I recovered my password here in this platform, my fingers wants to talk instead of my mouth about how I feel this past few weeks. As you all know, I am a 3rd year college student from a renowned university here in Davao. I am a competitive, and a persevere one. The real reason why I decided to write my personal problem here instead of opening it to my friends it's because they are the reason why I feel this negative emotion, yes as what you have read in the title, the negative emotion that I am referring to is being ENVY. I don't want them to hate me, I am afraid to be misjudge, and they might not listen to me. I love them so dearly and I am afraid to lose them. I really lack self control, I hate losing, I hate being left alone, I hate being a stupid one, I hate everything that hurts my pride. Yeah you can call me a prideful one but I highly admit it. I want to get rid of this bad personality of mine because it feels like I am dying inside and the pain keeps on piercing my heart at the same time my mind went go crazy, then self-pity came afterwards. I badly want to release all of these toxics in myself but I don't know how and the worst thing is I am a follower of Christ, I don't want to call myself a Christian who fakes her smile and emotion infront of other people, I want to be a person who is transparent. A person who is driven with kindness, patience, humility, open-mindedness, and love. But the chains of jealousy, envy, and pridefulness keeps on holding me back. I pray to God fervently, and kneel down before Him, asking for His forgiveness so that He may change my heart. But I realize that God has given me free will to change my fate and whole being. But still I don't know how to start it. Please help me, I don't want to suffer this bad feelings alone. I don't want to end up being alone because of these negative emotions. It's early in the morning, and I wonder why I immediately open this site rather than those apps I've regularly visit. I didn't have a good sleep since then. It keeps on bothering and haunting me at night. I need a light to redeem me from the darkness. I can't do it alone, I even distant myself to my friends because I don't want them to see me like this. I was full of hatred right now, not because of them but because of my own self. I have no satisfaction, full of anger, loneliness, and I am crying inside, it so painful and I am literally in pain. Oh God when will I be free... Thanks for spending your time reading my concerns hope you will help me to finally escape from these killers.
2 comments
All you need to do is to go back to prayers, God still answers prayers and you need to increase your positivity, see new and good stuffs most of the time and wish or aspire to be there someday instead of hating on them.... Hopefully this would help
It's hypocrite to say that you don't envy , hate and jealous especially if the world gives you so much to. As a human we have these traits in us naturally and it's up to us how we could handle this if we fight for it or lose the battle with it. The BEST solution in that is to PRAY , God heard and saw what your heat's wants but he just waiting for you to move your mouth and talk to him. Let God be with you as you battling your own thoughts because at the end of the day it's just you and him will walk through your life.