@Ayane-chan 23 March 2021 more from that month

I Lost My Self-control!

It's been 3 weeks or almost a month now that I'm being unproductive and always slacking off from writing. I have this problem for myself that if I'm fond of something, I can't get the hang of it for so long. Once that thing make a huge influence on me, I can't get over it. Then, I'll redo it over and over again until I'm satisfied or until I lost my interest in that particular subject. Mostly, the thing that can catch my interest quickly is music. Once I liked it, I will continue to play it on repeat all day or even all night. I guess that is what they call the ***Last Song Syndrome***. Other things that can catch my interest are manga and anime. Once I discovered something that suits my taste, I will crave it more and more and more. Then, when I'm already completely immersed in reading manga and watching anime, I slowly creating another world in my imagination so that I can picture some scenes that I want to happen that are not illustrated by the artist. This habit of mine is somewhat confusing. I don't know if I'm just going insane or being succumbed to addiction. Once I started it, the harder it is to escape or avert my mind and make interest in other tasks. The Battle Between Me and Myself ***"Our greatest enemy is ourselves."*** That is what my teacher once told me way back in high school. Well, I can't argue with that anymore. I finally realized how that feels right now. When I have a certain goal to achieve or when I suppose to have some top-priority task to be done but I put it aside over and over again just to slack off. No matter how I convince myself to stop that right away and start doing what I'm supposed to do, it's no use. I just act opposing to what I think and all of that motivation and encouragement that I build-up for days just disappears in few seconds. So after a month of slacking off from the real work, I made up my mind that I would write no matter what. Well, it's not an easy task to battle with myself but I'm glad that I was able to write even if it's not continuously. At least, I am writing phrases or a paragraph a day just to overcome this manga-reading-addiction that I'm dealing with. Breaking the Spell ***"Am I bewitched?"*** By the time that I have discovered that masterpiece and start reading it, I'm slowly getting immersed and suddenly being devoured by the world of fantasies illustrated in those pages of books. I feel like each of those characters was casting a spell on me every time I flip those pages. Instead of saving money as a goal, the exact opposite happens – *I spend a lot more*. I have been guilty to myself all this time. All of my hard work of writing here to earn and save money for my education has been put in vain. *I'm such an idiot or going crazy, perhaps.* Back To Square One ***"From here on, I'm going to stick to my goal matter what. I wouldn't be swayed by those temptations ever again."*** These are such huge words to carry but I pledge to do this. May this indecisiveness leave me and may my body cooperate with my mind. Temptations are everywhere but I already learned my lessons. I know exactly what to do now. ***"Stubborn people don't learn their lessons until they make a mistake worth regretful."*** Now, these are the words of my current boss that is echoing in my mind recently. My boss is right but I ignored the warning. As a result, here I am now reflecting on my actions. However, I am glad to complete an article for today after what happened. ***I'm finally back on track!***