@Amare 26 June 2020 edited

It all started with...

***I am not an excellent writer.*** This has been the phrase that is encrypted inside my system for so many years. This has traveled with me, ate with me, and slept with me. It is in me. This phrase has hindered me from writing more and has kept me locked inside the box that I made myself. Whenever I write something, I will then always be anxious as to its grammar construction, its coherence, its relevance, and literally to its everything. And? In the later run, I ended up nothing rather than a piece of something. ***Why?*** I had attended several press conferences of journalism since my elementary years up until secondary. I had written multiple articles about just any topic that the speaker wants. I had joined various competitions but it paid me nothing. I won not a single prize. The closest people around me that had read my pieces would always say that they'll expect the highest prize as it was great. Maybe, that was where the mistake started. They expected too much, and that too much was still uncertain to be received. That circumstance led me to question my ability and doubt my very own capability. Am I really for this? Therefore, I lay down low. I quitted the very thing that fuels me. I let all those thoughts and words and phrases and paragraphs stay inside my head until they seem to slowly vanish. I let my insecurities and uncertainties rule over me. Days passed, and weeks melted like frosting in a newly baked cake. I missed my pen. Where did I place my notebook? I then started looking for things I am accustomed to. But since it has been so long, laziness crept in. I got tired to write more than a 3-line verse. Thoughts got mixed up unwarranted. So then, I stopped. But then, something in my head burst out. I let it stay still. Unaware of the consequence I have to pay after disregarding the gift I possess. Not until one day, my own version of wonder woman approached me and talked to the most inner and deepest me. Enlightening me of the things I did and showing the things that could possibly happen. She played a great role in recovering the soon-to-be trampled me. She offered her hand right at the moment I lost balance. She was there when I wanted to talk over the things I could not voice out. Her trying words made me stood up my feet and started my track again. The once lazy and discouraged me strove back the course once more. The back pages of my notebooks and school workbooks became the haven of my thoughts. Those pages became the hideout of my emotional battles and everyday endeavors. Finally, I for once more joined writing competitions, did better, and gave the best. I won. One thing I learned from that passing page of my life was that "one need not be excellent in something to be someone". Because everyone undergoes a cycle to better themselves like how a pupa turns into a beautiful butterfly. Thus, I realized; I did not quit, I just rested. I did not lose it, I just transformed into a beautiful creature I was destined to be. Everyone transforms differently; the process may be rough, but believe me, it will all end gorgeously. It all started with words of **I am not** transformed into **I can be**.