@Aalia 12 November 2022 more from that month

Day by day, it gradually dawned to me that I am not remarkable. Friends often lose their sight of me as I can be easily ditched off — be replaced with no sweat, and each time it happens, I force myself to believe that it is okay since that's how I live through after being abandoned. Oftentimes, it made me ponder that maybe I am as good as gone — disappear in this world without a trace, and perhaps that would benefit everyone including myself. Sometimes, it is terrible not to stand out whenever I desperately wanted to be remembered. It's not difficult to shout that “I am here” but to let them feel it. I am sick of being the one not chosen, the one who's in downright ostracism, the one who's always got to suffer the jealousy, sadness, and anxiety. I question myself everytime. Am I not good enough or I just simply don't have a friend that assures I am belong? Nonetheless, after all of these questions that frequently result in silence, it became simpler to blame that it is all my fault. Because if I try to assess myself of where I am good at, I could directly tell that they cannot stand it. They cannot tolerate me as I am quite and withdrawn. Perhaps, no one wants to befriend someone who's at the corner trying to disappear but genuinely wanted to stay if someone could make me. It wouldn't hurt to be a home to someone who's lost, right?