Too Much Love Kills

On the first of this month, I have this maternal cousin who came to attend the wedding. He didn't dropped at my sister's house at first. I was sitted outside when he and his colleagues passed. He just smiled and said yes when I invited them in. Then they proceeded to their under constructed house nearby our parents house here.

This cousin is a son of my mother's sister who grabbed a portion of my mother's lot. It was where they had built the under constructed house. He had a younger brother whom we taught was the one who owned it.

After dinner he came to my sister's house. We didn't go home at our house which is about 15 minutes walk and spent the night at my sister's. My mother was outside when this cousin of ours came. He greeted my mother politely. I invited him in to eat because we were just finishing our dinner. But he declined because he said they already ate at the reception.

I was listening to their conversation silently. They were talking about the house which was not yet done. He planned to continue building it. He asked forgiveness for his mother's acts before. This made my mother very much happy which she had been anticipating for years. She didn't expect it to come from her nephew to ask forgiveness for his mother. Unlike his siblings who speak arrogantly with us, he was the humble kind. My mother told him that she was glad that it was him who their mother gave the lot to. Because even my sister dislike his other siblings and was wishing to it to be him who owned the lot. Before he came, my sister saw him at the reception and talk to him nicely, she insisted for him to come at their house and so he did.

I intervened to their conversation when I noticed they were already done with what they were talking about. They were talking some random topics. I told him to get married already because in fairness he was already 35 year old. He was a little intoxicated and just laughed at what I said. My mother then again started to tell him the benefits of getting married. But he just keep on laughing then agreed to some of what my mother was saying. After a while, his phone rang. He picked it up and answered it. Me and my mother can hear their conversation because he set it to loudspeaker.

My mother asked if it was his girlfriend and he said yes. He met this girl when he was assigned at the call of duty in Manila. It was some sort of fun amongst them at first but the girl took it seriously. "The girl was the jelous type that she would asked multiple questions regarding a facebook post he had liked no matter if it was his family's post or relatives," he said. He also added that it seems he can't breathe from what the girl was doing. She even threatened him to commit suicide if he tries to break up with her. Me and my mother were still listening to him..

"I felt a little relieved when I was homebased in Lunas where there was no network coverage. I don't have to worry everytime I have some place to go unexpectedly," he cried.

"You're at a difficult situation. But do you love her? Because if you continue to pursue your relationship because she was threatening you, it'll be a burden for you. Tell her not to love you that much because too much heat will burn you both," My mother told him.

"With the type of profession you have, there are unexpected calls out of duty time. You have secret assignments that even your soon-to-be wife need not to know. Trust is the main foundation of love most especially with people with the kind of profession you have," mother said.

"You will be my neighbor someday if you plan to stay at your fully furnished house, then how can we enter your house? If you will have her as a wife, no one even your siblings and your cousins won't be able to get in your house because of her jealousy."

"Jealousy could kill, am telling you," she added.

My mother started to narrate some situations wherein too much jealousy is a dangerous thing. I was silent all throughout their conversation.

"To feel jealous is a normal thing because that's a natural human nature. When used in moderation or little of possible, it helps one to improve and correct his/her acts when used at a good aspect. It is also a beneficial thing within a relationship but when not accompanied with trust and understanding then it's a different thing already," I interfered when I saw the need to.

"You haven't heard anything about me that I did something wrong to any girl. Most of my siblings were girls. My mother and all of you my aunts were all girls and most of my cousins are all girls. I told her that I can't do cheating because it's not in our blood. Its not in our clan's nature. In fact, two of my sisters were cheated on," my cousin told us.

During my cousin's conversation with his girlfriend we heard how she talked. Her tone was full of suspicion. She was like an investigator trying to trap a suspect. But my cousin, on a calm voice convince her that he was on my sister's house and talking with my mom and me. Yet she still was bombarding him with questions in a very unlike tone and manner. I can sense the lack of trust and suspicion in the girls voice and my mother, too.

Later that night my sister and one of our female maternal cousins came. This cousin of ours started to tease our cousin. We were a bit puzzled because we don't know what they're talking about. Later on, we learned that he liked someone in our own village but was not brave enough to court her. My little brother, who came earlier than my sister and our female cousin started to tell him words to make him able to face the girl.. He was teased all along and we were having a good laugh. Our female cousin left to lock their house because there's no one in there.

Because my brother was like challenging our cousin that this cousin told us that we can go at their house and admit his feelings to the girl but we told him that it's no good timing because they were already drunk. Prior to this, my brother opened a bottle of gin which they both were drinking.

However, when my sister also left our cousin cried to our mother that they can't go even when he is sober the following day.. My brother calmed him and said it was his decision that we respect and support.

I can feel his sincerity and loyalty towards his girlfriend even if his girl was like that. I admire him for that.

Closing thoughts

How can we say this, too much love or too much jealousy? Either way, too much of everything is bad. My cousin's relationship was already toxic that he felt he was being strangled. He was afraid that the girl might commit suicide if he attempted to leave her.

I can tell that my cousin was a li'l bit of a "torpe" or someone who isn't bold enough to court a girl and admit his feelings. He liked the girl in our village very much but he was just "hanggang tingin, halik sa hangin." He was in a relationship because I could tell by the way he told their story that it was the girl who initiated a move.

Despite of being in a toxic relationship, he still is loyal to his girl.

Love is what bounds us humans towards others and to our planet earth and all natures within in. Too much love could kill and the strong foundation of a relationship is trust. Additionally, less love could also cause havoc around us. Jealousy is caused by insecurity and if you're not confident enough then instead of being on the healthy side, it will be the root of toxicity.

5/4/21

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