Motherhood fears

These past two days, I feel so worried about my eldest child, Aelie.

Yesterday, my husband went over time from his work and came home at ten in the evening. He informed me ahead that he will not ba able to fetch me. Yesterday also, I went home as early as two in the afternoon because I was listed in the TUPAD program in the barangay. I signed twelve sheets of paper including a DTR. Funny because they let us sign it even the project/work has begun. Though I will not be able to work for it, husband's nephew will become my proxy and the money of course will go to him eventually.

After my transaction in the barangay Hall, I proceeded to the center of our town where the dentist's office was for the dentures.

I came home at six pm and immediately went to Nanay's house to get the kids. Arriving there, I paid respect to my father in law, I retrieved my kid's milk and bottle then proceed to the motorcycle that is waiting for us. The driver was my cousin.

I looked for my eldest daughter and husband's neice told me that her younger sisters and my daughter went to the covered court.

I hated it when they do that. I do not like my children to copy the behaviour of the people there or anyone who does not seem to be a good human. (I'm not that good but I'm trying my best for my children to be better than me.) They always spend more time on leisure like wat Hong basketball, playing cellphones and chatting with friends. Back in my time, I accompany my parents to the farm and lend them a hand even though I am not that strong but me cooking them food will make thier work lighter.

Inday went to the basketball court to look for them but they are nowhere to be found. I told my cousin that we should go home and asked him to fetch my child few minutes after. I still need to prepare dinner at home. Without my husband around, I needed to do everything alone.

Half hour has passed, I called inday and asked if she had already seen my daughter. She said she has not yet. I called his younger brother. It took me three calls before he picked it up, so that he would not ne disturbed from his mobile legend game. He said Aeleie was not there but I heard Mia and Kiray's voices over the line and asked them where Aelie is. They said they had instructed heto go home already because I might have arrived.

I shook uncontrollably from what I heard. Where could Aelie be? Why has not anybody seen her? It was dark already and many factory workers ha hone out of the factory. Could anyone told her to come with them? Has anyone snatched her?

I cannot deny my fears. I may have been overythiking but that was the reality of our community today. Before President Duterte's administration, we could hear someone has been raped. Some kids had gone missing some found dead and I saw a video on YouTube that a kid was abandoned with a surgical Wound in his abdomen. These are just some of the things That ia m afraid of to happen to my kids. I hope these would never ever happen to all of our kids.

Inday found her in the payag that they made. I got so angry that I scolded her over the phone. When she got home, I scolded her even more. Until she said she was sorry.

Her grandma asked Aelie to come with her and help her in getting the tarpaulin that they are using to dry the cassava, but she keeps on asking to go to Nanay's house where she could be able to play all day. I don't like this part of her. She left her grandma when she needs her the most.

For now, she will not be allowed to go to Nanay's yet. I still have to talk to my mother in law about it but I doubt she would agree with me because she is a bit consitidor to her grandkids.

I am afraid what my kids would become watching thier cousins living a good unproductive life. They also got attitude which is not very good and needs discipline.

As my kids becomes bigger every day, I tend to discipline them even to this lightest wrong the make because teaching them when it's too late won't do a thing. I become more watchful Of thier actions and words. And I HOPE YOU DO TOO WITH YOUR Kids.

With all that happened I said to my self, "oh my, thsi is what my mother had felt when it was my time. I really am a mother now. "

Mother had said to me: makabalos rako kung naa namoy anak. So this must be it.

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