Failed to keep their marriage together

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Written by
2 years ago

Back when I was a child my greatest insecurity in life is not having a complete family. My mother and father got separated when I was just 3 years old and I was left together with my older brother who is 5 years old that time in my grandmother's care (my father's mom). My mother was working and settled for good in Manila with her other sisters. But there were a few times that I got to visit her since I have an aunt (my father's sister) who was a public school teacher in Quezon City. My only wish that time was for my father and mother to be together again. Fortunately though, my wish was granted when I was 9 years old. Both of them decided to get back in each other arms and married to secure the relationship. That was the time when my mother conceived my youngest brother. My father and mother decided that we should live on our own that is why we move out from my grandma's house but still in the same area. Life was really hard back then but we manage to live. My father was a fish vendor while my mother was a plain housewife. Everything was fine in the early years that my mother and father got together. But years passed that a simple misunderstanding often leads to a serious fight. It has been a toxic relationship already that both of them decided to end their relationship for good. Both of them are at fault and I think it is better for them to be separated because love can no longer save the relationship.

Love isn't enough

I guess love couldn't save the relationship or maybe the love between my mother and father isn't enough to save it as well. They have a lot of excess baggage from the past and they aren't totally heal from it. I witnessed their arguments back then and honestly I am sick and tired of it. I am already in high school and as an emotional teenager I spent most of the time at school than at home to spare myself from the stress and tension between my parents. That could be one of the reasons I am not close with them because they have a lot of time for nonsense arguments than having a family time.

Different Beliefs

My only wish back when I was a kid was to go to church every Sunday with family. It didn't happened though. My father is a Roman Catholic while my mother is a Born Again Christian. Both of them went to church separately. Funny right? I am baptized as Roman Catholic but there were times that I went with my mother at their church. I thought they can manage their differences but I was totally wrong. Sometimes it is the cause of their few misunderstanding. Another reason of their never ending fight is miscommunication.

Miscommunication and Pride

Most of the time when my mother and father had a hot arguments they end up not talking with each other for a few days. We had a small house so I really don't know how they manage not to talk maybe it because of so much pride. Though they will be okay after days but since they haven't had final discussion about their recent fight, eventually it will another cause of arguments. Both of my parents lack communication, they are just full of expectation but they don't communicate well, that I think the reason why they have a shaky relationship.

I believe even in a healthy relationship between husband and wife there will always be a series of misunderstanding. To be honest, my husband and I had some heated arguments in the past too, we also didn't talk for days but he was always the one who will approach me and say sorry. Maybe that is one thing I got from my parent, my so much pride, that is why it is harder for me to say sorry even though I know I am at fault. I am trying my very best to remove this bad habit and recently I think I am improving because on my husband's last vacation we didn't have a petty quarrel. Someone told me, that to be able to have a better relationship someone needs to lower down his/her pride.

Closing Thoughts

To be honest, I envy those family that are together even with all the hardships they have been through. When I met my husband's family, I asked myself if I deserve to be a part of them. I admire their relationship and I told myself this is the kind of family I had always been dreaming of. Although my parents failed their marriage, I honestly hope and wish that my marriage would not suffer the same thing. Right now, my siblings and I have our own families and I am glad that both of my brothers marriage life are good and very far from what we experienced with our own parents. I know, my parents are happy now knowing that their children didn't have to take the same path that they did. They may not made it until the end like what they had promise in their wedding bows but it is better to be separated than continue hurting each other being together.

Disclaimer: All of the things I have written in this article are purely based from my own experience. If you may find something similar to this, it might be just coincidence.

Don't forget to check my previous posts too.

Lead image from Unsplash

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Comments

Sis wala akong masay dahil napakabait ng partner ko.

$ 0.01
2 years ago

Good for you sis:)

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Love is never enough and I feel it's the minimum in any relationship. The areas where people tend not to focus on are communication, respect, trust, support, understanding and other little things that makes a relationship stand strongly

$ 0.01
2 years ago

Exactly. In order for a healthy relationship between the husband and the wife those things that you have mention should be present. It is not all about love. And yeah I guess that is why some ended up breaking up because they depended on too much love, that they forgotten the other things to be consider while being together.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

hay,, same here sis, I grew up witnessing my parents having arguments and even cursing each other. Literal umaga pa lng nalipad na ang P.I. Maybe because my Father was a drunkard and my Mother was a nagger. Yet for me she only nag because my father was so irresponsible. Nope I am not badmouthing him but what we are today was because of our Mom. She work hard for it, physically . Yet my Mom chose to stay as she doesn't want us to have a broken family.

$ 0.01
2 years ago

Grabe and patience ni mudra mo sis. Pero minsan din talaga nasa nanay ang pagdadala, ganyan din si mother in law ko. Grabe ang tiyaga nya sa asawa nya. Nadepress kasi dati si father in law kaya ayun palaging lasing. Pero matiyaga si mother in law kaya naging maayos buhay ng mga anak nya:)

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Ay oo Sis, until now.. kaya ako'y hanga talaga sa Nanay ko..kasi kung ako iyon, malamang nilayasan ko na..

Siguro sis nasa babae din, pero talagang both siguro. Or let's say, LOVe was not enough lng talaga

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Iba talaga ang sakripisyo ng isang ina. Marami talagang factor din, pero tingin ko para sakin talaga eh maigi na ring naghiwalay ang mga parents ko kasi naging mas maayos kalagayan nila ngayon kesa dati. Madami na kasing issue din di na kayang magkabalikan.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

iyon lng, kung masyado na nga talaga toxic maigi pa maghiwalay na lamang.

pero ako dati naisip ko din iyon sana iwanan na lng namin si tatay. Kasi feeling ko mas tahimik buhay namin..

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Yun nga lang sis iba kasi ang pagmamahal ng magulang sa anak at pagmamahal sa asawa. I remember dati nung umattend ako ng wedding na dapat daw as wife you should love your husband more than sa mga anak mo kasi kayo ang magkasama hanggang dulo. Eh ung mga anak kapag nagkapamilya yan iiwan ka din which is tama nga naman๐Ÿ˜„

$ 0.00
2 years ago

hehe, sa ngayon hindi pa ako maka relate sis kasi wala pa ako anak..

Si Nanay kasi tlaga gusto ng buong pamilya, well till now sila pa din, pero nag aaway pa din naman..

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Ako din sis. Sobrang taas ng pride ko dati. Halos everyday kami nag-aaway ng partner ko. Then I realized na yung pagiging mapride ko ang dahilan kung bakit laging di maganda araw namin. So then on, I started to learn to lower my pride. Ngayon, minsan na lang kami nag-aaway. Di na tulad ng dati.

$ 0.01
2 years ago

Hahaha! Relate sis! Muntik na nga kami maghiwalay ni hubby, masyado kasi mapride pareho. Etong vacation nya narealize nya di daw kami nag away hahaha! Parang gusto nya pa. We just both realize na walang mapapala kung mag aaway lang, mabuti pang pag usapan na lang:)

$ 0.00
2 years ago

I read the whole article ate without missing one word. And I felt your disappointment and inner sadness for your family. As a young child back then, it's hard to cope up with what's going on in the family especially when parents are involved. Since you already experienced it ate, do not ever try to do it. You have your own family and I believe you will change for the better. Let's go, happy family!

$ 0.01
2 years ago

Thanks Denn๐Ÿ˜ I actually don't want my kids to experience the same emotional trauma I had experience before. I realized it on the last time my husband and I went on a very hot arguments. And it has always been my wish for a complete family ever since and God always know the desires of our heart that is why I am taking care of my little family well:) Drama noh?๐Ÿ˜…

$ 0.00
2 years ago

On my part, my parents are not separated, but my father has another woman. Even if my mom wanted to go to where my father was and chase them for cheating, but my mother chose to stay calm, as she wanted us to continue our studies. Right now, my father stopped cheating. And they got back together which I am most thankful for. I also finished my studies.

$ 0.01
2 years ago

I admire your mother calmness my dear friend for the sake of your studies. And I am glad they're both back (your parents) for good. At least in the end they still got the happy ending.๐Ÿ˜

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Agree sis. Yung pride talaga nakakasira sa relationship sis. Minsan sa inis umaapaw talaga pride natin sis nuh lalo na pag galit. Hindi talaga maganda kapag both ma pride. Oo sis love isn't enough. Hindi guarantee na pag may love is hindi na chaotic yung relationship sis.

$ 0.01
2 years ago

Kaya nga sis, tinanggal ko yang pride na yan sa buhay, pahamak at kung pareho kayo nagpapataasan ng pride walang mangyayari. One must go lower it down. Si hubby din sobrang mapride pero nakakatuwa at mejo nawawala na ngayon.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Oo sis yang pride nakakasira talaga. Tama sis itapon yang mga pride na yan kasi walang magandang idudulot yan.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Kaya nga eh, ung iba kasi sinasabi eh pride na lang daw natitira sa kanila, ayun anong nangyari eh di wala. Minsan di naman masama ang magpakumbaba minsan

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Oo sis. Mahirap yung ganun. May mga tao talagang hinahayaan pairalin ang pride sis kaya dahilan ng pagkasira ng relasyon.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

My dear friend, I was very sorry for the experience you had as a child with your parents. I totally agree with you my friend, love alone isn't enough to continue a relationship, and pride can be a very bad factor in increasing quarrels. Thank God that you and your brothers have a successful married life. Usually at such times children learn from their parents' mistakes, and try to make up for what they didn't have in life with their parents. I wish you a beautiful and happy life with your husband, until you are old together.

$ 0.01
2 years ago

True that friend. I didn't want my children suffered the pain I am feeling while growing up because my parent keep on fighting. I realized it on the last time my husband and I went on a hot arguments. My children keeps on crying and I told myself it won't happen again. Glad my husband feels the same sentiments since he knew my insecurities back when I was child. Yeah I hope our love will grow more as years goes by. We just celebrated our 10th year anniversary last March.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Sa relationship talaga mahirap pag Hindi nagpapakumbaba Ang bawat Isa Kasi Hindi makapag adjust.Lahat Naman tayo may kanyankanyang kahinaan ,kaya talagang,Hindi garantiya talaga kahit ilang taon pa nagsama na magiging matatag Ang relasyon.

$ 0.01
2 years ago

Trulala sis, ung iba nga kahit dekada nang nagsama eh nakuha pang maghiwalay ano. Kaya ialis ang pride at dapat laging may magpakumbaba at pag usapan ng maayos ang problema, wag pairalin ang pride dahil walang maidudulot etong maganda.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

I am sorry to hear that sis... a broken family results in a broken relationship and that is definitely the reason why you strive to have a complete family. It is true that in a relationship, there are many factors to make it work, love is just one of the foundations.. pride is also a killer but pray for it sis, don't cease because God can restore anything if He wills it.

$ 0.01
2 years ago

Thanks for the nice words sis. Naiiyak naman ako๐Ÿ˜ข pero totoo kasi lahat ng sinabi mo. Naku tinanggal ko na ang pride ko dahil muntik na kami maghiwalay ni hubby dahil jan. And totoo sis dapat si God eh laging nasa gitna ng relasyon nyo. Magkaiba man tayo ng religion, but still we have the same God that we worship and malaking tulong yung may takot tayo sa kanya dahil nakakatulong etong mapalakas ang pagsasama sa isang relasyon.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Kapag talaga di nagwork yung relasyon ng magulang, ang pinakaapektado ay yung mga anak. Nakita kong nagtry sila sis na magkabalikan para sainyo pero di nila nakikita na mas nahirapan kayong mga anak nong nagkabalikan sila since mas lalong naging toxic na silang mag asawa.

$ 0.01
2 years ago

True sis, mas mabuti na ung hiwalay sila at least nakakagala na kaming pamilya yun lang magastos kasi iba ung lakad kasama si mother at iba din kasama si pudra hahaha! Natupad din ung pangarap ko na makapamasyal kami as family un lang di kompleto pero ok na ako dun, what matters most eh masaya lahat:)

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Whew! Isa din nakikitaan ko bakit yung mga mag asawa noon nagkakahiwalay kasi di pa talaga nila kilala isat isa bago sila nagsama or di pa sawa sa pagiging binatat dalaga or sige lang ng sige lang pinairal lang yung pagmamahal na sa una lang masaya mehehe

$ 0.01
2 years ago

Isa pa yan sis, iba kasi ang panahon noon, si mudra 18 lang nung nabuntis kay kuya tapos after 2 years sakin naman, di pa rin cguro handa kaya naghiwalay. Pero happy na ako sa kanila ngayon kahit magkahiwalay. At least malalaki na kami nung nakapagdesisyon sila ng ganun.

$ 0.00
2 years ago