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I still can't come to think of words to describe how I feel or felt. Mixed feelings? Anger? Frustration? Desperation? I didn't know, my daughter must have been very jealous how I had always prioritized calming her brother whenever we had the familiar crying/whining situation at night. It's not that I prioritized the boy. But considering how he howls during the night I can’t help feeling some sympathy for our neighbors. How equally troubled they were! They could have signed a petition to stop the crying but they knew they just have to be more understanding. We’re not talking about adults but children.

Here is what was added to the menu. To make sure I didn't have any hand to extend to the boy while he cried last night, my daughter got my right hand and held on to it. The reason could be, because I always put my right hand under my son's head in order to calm him. If I do put my right hand under his head, he stops crying instantly. My daughter didn’t have sympathy for her brother who always coveted her position of being the baby in the family. To be surer I didn’t attend to her brother, she demanded us to stand and go to the living room, leaving her brother to continue whining, howling, crying, whatever.

And I wanted to say that there is nothing cute in a situation like ours! I felt very exhausted, pressured, and just frustrated! I really thought the whiny nights were over only to find that it had become worse. No amount of talking that my husband give to our son would quiet him down. If, on the other hand, hubby gets my daughter so I will attend to my son, she wants just mommy also. So son wants mommy, daughter wants mommy. And mommy is torn between two kids.

Last night, their father went on talking to our son. Despite getting mad in between, he tried comforting the boy until the cry turned to sob then sleep. And me, I attempted putting down my daughter so I could get some sleep as well but she was so sensitive. It was after midnight when my daughter allowed me a few minutes sleep then she once again demanded that we rose up. I reluctantly just got my phone to type while my little one deprived me of sleep.

Honestly, I wanted to just sleep through the night ignoring the two kids. But I know things don’t work that way. I bet all parents go through varying levels of difficulty raising their children. Mine's dilemma is between two kids. Seriously the boy is already 5. Why can't he just behave like a good young boy?

This morning, we all talked to the 5-year old boy. We asked why he always cried. We asked him if he accepts that he is a crybaby, just to see how he would react. But he was acting like nothing had ever happened.

The thing is, the two of them wanted one mama. If only one of them wanted the daddy… Then our nights will be less distressing. My first child complained. He scolded his brother for the awful night he gave him. Why don’t you just sleep through the night, he asked him. His crybaby brother just smiled and even said something funny. His father said, if you will cry again in the night, I will go away so you will not see me again. The boy replied, nope! You won’t go anywhere!

How many more years? My problem is, no one ever told me it was this troublesome to be a parent! And it made me think back how I’d been as a child… oh my golly! I was the real crybaby. I remember those nights when Daddy came to my rugged room to soothe me and remind me that sleeping with a heavy heart is not good at all. That I should not cry during arguments. How he explained points painstakingly so I would understand. And I understood him. All because he was gentle and patient in explaining. Well, I always warned my husband that roughness never works with my boy, so with me. But he still would only hear me halfway. I believe, my boy was cut out of the same piece of cloth as me. And as parents, we should try our best to work out what works for them.

Still, talking is easier than acting on resolves. But that is nothing compared to the feeling when kids get sick. Let them do what they can to make our nights harder as long as they don’t get sick often.

Rainy morning, people!