Hi!
I am just so frustrated so I decided to write something about why I am so frustrated.
My D2 is having a fever anyway so I have to stand guard tonight. I will use this time to write while watching for signs of a fit. I gave him paracetamol, following the indications, but I still needed to wet a towel to wipe him all over.
Not long ago, about 2 years now, I found myself writing nonstop despite my feelings of inferiority and lack of knowledge about writing. (Sorry though, I am too lazy right now to provide you with proofs of what I've been up to before.)
Even so, I still tried hard to write, not minding whether I was doing the right thing or not.
Thankfully, I have encountered people who continued to encourage me with my writing. They became to wind beneath my shy wings ahehehe.
It came to a point where I was somewhat typomaniac and I refused to leave my desk without writing anything. Those were the times!
I used to write short lines, but those lines were so full of something that even I was amazed that I was writing them. I bet you also experienced something like this in your writing journey.
Time dragged on and I was able to come up with more words in an article until such time when I feel like I am a bit ready to write about 4-minute read article each day.
I have been introduced to this platform by a friend because she saw my efforts in my blog before. Thanks to her by the way, I have found an instant sideline!
Lucky me! I was able to make it this far.
But...
Why do I feel like I lost my appetite in writing?
Or was it that I was made to lose it?
Maybe, I just needed some form of venting out before I will be able to do well again in this thing.
I don't even read a lot of articles here anymore and what I do is some sort of hit and run thing. I only read few articles in a day, comment a few or not at all. Then run somewhere else.
I don't even see so much value in what I am writing so why still write, I ask myself.
When we write, no matter how trivial or complex a story we have, we have to at least give our heart and enthusiasm. Give it our all.
I used to believe that as bloggers, we can just put our hands on top of our keyboards and that chemistry will take us to somewhere. I used to believe that.
But I have to admit that I've grown out of that belief and I failed to do it many days already.
In an attempt to get back on track, I am writing this thing.
Ah... Have I stopped reading novels? Sadly, yes. All I do is watch and watch.
I guess I got discouraged as well when someone important in the house doesn't support my writing interest. But I think I can always decide what's best for me so it's still me who has the final say.
I can always go to cafes and other places if I really wanted to. But yes! I have to consider lots of things.
For one I still have young kids with me.
Another, I still haven't bought a small laptop that I could conveniently carry anywhere I wanted to go.
So let's see... Let's take things slow and let us not be too hard on ourself.
Right, Lincs?!
By the way, Lincs isn't really my real name but it's a truncated part of my first name plus my maiden initials.
Anyway, I'll just be trying out what I can for the meantime and I know I will be back in no time!
Hmmm... Actually I think I know some of the other culprits. I am torn between writing and watching nonstop. Ahehehehehe. I just needed to balance things out instead of complaining that this is a nightmare. Right?
Still this is very nightmarish and I should not let my foolishness get the best of me.
When things get better and my kids are older, I imagine myself sitting at a cafe, with my laptop and creamy coffee, and chicken and cake and whatever food I want, writing stories I wish to tell, writing lessons I wish to impart. That scene goes vivid in my mind and it is one of the reasons I am holding out.
I can't seem to unlove food and writing! Doing such would be the worst nightmare ever! Or I am just exaggerating.
P.S.: It would be being chased of debt that would be my worst nightmare. But again, we never know. I think that's still better than being uninterested in anything.
Should I stop now?
Kbye!
