The only option left

Craving a lot of sweets and chips and chicken and a very big meal! Even now, it is nighttime. It is past dinner time and even though I have had dinner, I am still craving things.

Can you imagine my desperation?

Okay... So a few months ago, I have been a good girl for some good weeks.

I have lessened my calorie intake. I have started doing 'some' exercises. I told myself some good lies and I believed myself.

It would feel real. That I have changed forever. That I have finally come back to my senses. Oh, so sweet fantasy. How good would it have been?

But... I was tempted easily by cakes and desserts. No, not only those but any food that I used to like.

And it was very easy for me to put aside those I have hoped would be my long-term philosophy for the sake of health.

Until I have seen what I wasn't hoping to see. Recently, I saw something very bad. I also felt sick. Not sharp pains or very remarkable symptoms but I knew something worse came up.

Anyway, I was driven to a corner. No, to the edge of a cliff. Just a little more mistake and I would be facing a terminal disease.

If not for my urine which appeared turbid and very alarming, I wouldn't have found out that I have something to fear.

But even in the past few days, I have rebelled and still ate what was not recommended.

I thought long and hard...

I was like dealing with a kid who could not understand what is and what could be. I was talking desperately to myself to just stop thinking of greasy and frozen foods.

It was very hard for me.

I was telling myself, look! If you wanted to live longer, then you've got to be more serious. As in totally serious. We're talking about life here.

I imagine my father talking desperately to me. Soft voice, tender eyes, and as much logic as he could use to convince me.

That was how I talked to myself.

Though I did not tell my father any of my health concerns. They will be worried.

And before they have something to be worried about, I should be very serious with my getting-well plan.

Just that, it will be a little more costly from here on. We went to the city's general hospital but my! So many unbelievable things happening over there.

We waited half a day and not even one patient was seen from among walk-in patients. They said those with appointments were still being seen.

How has the hospital changed so much since the last time I experienced their service. Now it was very different.

It is just so sad it has become like that.

We had no choice but to seek private doctors. We decided to go to the center of the city and there we had our checkups.

I wasn't comfortable with my previous doctor. She was like in a rush. She wasn't even able to detect my wheezing.

Good thing the recent doctor checked me thoroughly and was able to do something about that. I honestly didn't know that I was having asthma attacks for years now.

My main concern though is not my asthma. Asthma should be a big concern but something worse is more concerning. But of course, I am also religiously using my inhaler as prescribed.

I will be on observation while I take my medications plus follow-up checkups.

I just hope I will be able to afford the upcoming medical charges.

This is the only option left--lead a healthy life, medicate, and not turn back to the old ways.

I dearly hope that when I get healed, I will not risk my health again. What kind of a big fool would I be? That would be outright stupidity.

But then who can blame us for spoiling our very selves? Here it goes. One lame excuse. We can be better than this.

By the way, congratulate me for stopping coffee entirely! At the very least. But still, a long way to go... Let us see.