Just trying so hard, am I

Writing time: 12/22/2021 In the stillness of aloneness.

Am I just trying so hard? Like is love enough even though we lack a lot of things to keep love going strong? This analogy is just the perfect thing-my writing and love.

When you love someone but do not know a whole lot about doing house chores and making some money, I bet you'll be going through hardships until eventually your love may fade. When you love someone but do not know how to sustain the requirements for love to keep going, I bet you'll lose your love in time.

Or am I just oversimplifying it?

Now I want to go to my writing. I am very sure that I am very passionate, even extra-passionate about writing that I even go to the lengths of not sleeping at night just so I could type on my keyboard.

But I do lack the necessary equipment to keep me a writer. For one, I go to the side and simply want a quiet life. I am lazy, indulgent, and eccentric.

Or should I be a writer and just keep on writing about my indulgence? Of what food I eat, of what thoughts I thought, of what things I hate?

Of what value will my writings be to people? To people out there and to people over there?

Should I agree with those who scornfully regard my passion as something like-"It will never work anyway."-?

I don't know. I need patience. I want patience. I demand patience from no one else but myself. I have to be patient, I have to try harder. I have to study, I have to explore where this passion will lead me.

I hide, you know. In the guise of pseudonyms and the like. But even doing that gives me lesser appetite than when I am not pseudonymous. In here, at least some of my friends and relatives know who I am and that is more than enough that I am still me, the me that is me.

Now that I am trying to write something in the absence of my family, is this the only thing I could write about? To question myself and this small-world fantasy?

See? I don't see a lot of red, in fact, I see no red on this document I am currently writing. Is this more than enough an indication that I can go on with my self-declared passion?

But hey, self! Don't get ahead of yourself. See what you're forgetting? Just pray hard. He knows your heart and what you should be doing is asking help from Him. We people think that it is us but no, not. Not now, not ever. It's Him.

So instead of questioning my abilities, let me just concede and yield and ask for enlightenment. Let me be grateful. Let me practice humility, and apply modesty in my life.

Now, let me just go about my chores and tasks and finish things up before the time is up! Rain, please let up! I'm held up! What's up? Read up to here? Sorry for the messed up thoughts. Hahahah.