I want to change!
Change what? I WANT TO CHANGE MY CLOTHES. They do not fit me. They’re too small for me. Just months ago when I was rejoicing because they became big for me. But now, they are again too small to fit my great size. Yes, let us just say great instead of fat. Just to feel great as well. Comical? Up to you.
My clothes right now is enraging my blood. They disrupt my circulation. I am not comfortable. I feel tight. I want to change them immediately.
But then, I do not have the freedom to do that. I don’t have money for it. All that I earn are reserved for other things. I wish I could just spend everything for my outfit. I can’t do that. Not yet. I want to cry but that won’t help a bit.
For an alternative, I should check my diet and exercise hard. What should I choose? Diet and exercise, or spend money for change of clothes?
For sure, I won’t be able to control my eating habit. Honestly, I don’t think I will ever go back to my size before marriage. It’s just plain hard to control my appetite and even exercising is a struggle.
I feel so much like a hypocrite for talking about maintaining exercise but still have not stick to any exercise routine. I am not exercising, to be frank. I’m busy. Really busy. You see, the children won’t even let me get a good night’s sleep. But they aren’t totally to be blamed. I owl myself at night when I should be getting my most desired sleep. But really, I have requirements here and there. Happens I am studying for my masters so all the more I have to double my time in everything.
On the other hand, I also have a lot of time to spare. When I’m in the mood I go to the neighborhood and chit chat with the neighbors. How luxurious is that. I tell myself that I am really not budgeting my time. But I heard you can’t budget or manage your time. I already forgot what the explanation was instead of budgeting or managing time.
Anyway, I really have to do something about my clothes. I want to shrink to fit!!! If only I can just do that. But why not? I can just will it so I will exercise.
C’mon self, c’mon c’mon. I want to shrink to fit. You laugh but I’m desperate. I even have a bigger tummy than a 7 months old preggy. People look at me and wonder if I’m preggy or not. I look at them back and dare them to say something! No one will of course. They might just get their early match for the year if they speak ill of what they say.
This is called progress, okay? But I know I’m just kidding myself. I should at least do something if I really wanted to cut on expenses for clothes.
I remember when I finally got back to my old clothes. But now I am growing again. Day by day during this time of pandemic I am growing.
I smile just to hide the fact that I am in agony with my clothes. Oh my, I feel so upset with this. I can’t breathe well.
I am now challenged to get back to my original size. Who knows, in a month I may lost 30 kgs. Kidding. Even just one kg per month would do. It would be a lot of sacrifice if I aim for unachievable goals. Yes, just a kilogram off per month would do. In a year, that would be 12 kgs off. That is so much better than punishing oneself with unnecessary sacrifices only to forget it the next week.
I want to change! But not my clothes. Just my habits and hobbies and beliefs and mindset.
If ever I remember, I might just create a series of posts to follow on this up. Who knows, someone gets inspired. At the moment, you can guess that my weight is almost double that of a slim Filipino artist. Say, Jennylyn Mercado. So of all Filipino artists, she is the one whom I’ve mentioned. I wonder why.
My feet still hurt. I guess I will have to do some stretching and meditation when I get home this evening. I’m still at school. I have not uploaded the grades yet like I said in my previous article. I will wait for more student submittals. Hoping they will honor this other extension I am giving them.
