Comforted by a hated one

When one doesn't know where another is coming from, the tendency is to have a grave misunderstanding. Even hating one another.

It happened between me and a colleague.

I always wanted an easy way out. I wanted to get things done as cleanly and quickly as possible. Yet there are blocks to my way. There are people not cooperating with what I want.

But I knew all along that what I wanted is close to impossible.

Some things are out of our control. There are things we can solve. There are things we can't. And we need to acknowledge the fact that we are not just the players in the game.

We have to admit that no matter how we help others if they do not help themselves, we can not do anything.

No matter how we convince others if they aren't convinced, we cannot force on them what they needed to do.

No matter how soft or kind we bait people if they are not taken for it just to make things easier, we can not do more.

No matter how we wanted to just live and let live, we have things to deal with and we have people involved with us.

It came to a point where I wanted to just hate people. No, I have already done that. But I know I am somehow in the wrong.

Perhaps, I know what should be yet I still got mad that I didn't have the easy way out.

I begin wishing that I was out of the game.

I could not take things anymore. I just don't care anymore. What will happen will happen.

I finally messaged the one who was blocking my way. I have vented out to her how she was stressing me so much that I have begun to hate her so much!

I sent her long messages of my sentiments and what she has made me feel for a long time now. Months, or almost a year already.

I was somehow nervous about what she would give back to me. I just patiently waited.

She replied laughingly, amused by my honesty. I have to admit that I was surprised that she understood me.

Even if we have contrasting convictions, somehow she made me understand her as well.

It is embarrassing to give details here just because I know the flaw in what I want and I do not want to admit that she was right.

Well, to be fair to me, I also have a point with what I wanted. It is just that many would react to what I wanted to happen.

Maybe, I just also do not know how to express it. But you know, I just know I have a point. But logically she has stronger points.

Anyway, she called me via the messenger platform and we talked for hours.

I commented on how she changed over time. She has changed a lot and I told her that. Then she also told her stories of why she indeed changed.

She also told me her story even before teaching at the university where we are both teaching now.

We were laughing at how I have been stressed by things that shouldn't have stressed me.

She emphasized that there are things that are out of our control and that there are problems that can not be solved.

Surprisingly, we agreed on a lot of things to think that we have contrasting convictions.

But you know what was even more surprising? We were both helping a particular student who isn't supposed to be our advisee.

I believe somehow that the student's prayer was so fervent that we talked about her. We agreed on some measures on how to help the student more hoping that it will work.

We ended the call after almost three hours of talking. We would have chatted more but I needed to attend to my son and daughter who occasionally cry or whine at night.

After that, I was immensely relieved. I was so relieved I could feel so good again.

The bottom line is, for as long as we did our work, we have nothing to be worried about and afraid of. It may be easier said than done... But that is that.

I sent a thank you message to my colleague whom I hated for a while but who comforted me when I need it most.