Collection of Thoughts

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Avatar for wakeuplincs
2 years ago

On a still night of August 14, 2021, I took my pen then drafted my thoughts. One of the rare nights I really did use my pen and paper to write out whatever’s in my head.

My Denisse was beside me, not sure if she’s going to sleep or not. She finally slept so I had time for myself.

The boys are at the living room. I’m thankful our house is just spacious enough to allow me to be away from the others. I need to keep myself to myself most of the time especially when I am writing.

My Davies has improved so much and he doesn’t cry much anymore. He’s living up to being a five-year old boy as he always told everyone who didn’t know.

My husband and Dexter either use the laptop or watch the television. The boys sleep together. Only Denisse sleeps with me.

My penmanship has worsen. But feeling my hands grip the ballpen and move is just priceless. I love the pen and the paper more than anything else.

On the first page goes…

I would like to begin my program. Program of getting back to shape. For coffee, since I quit the three-in-one coffee, I have started with just coffee powder, just a little coffee mate, and very little sugar (one-fourth of a tsp).

My kind neighbor aunt remarked I looked much fitter than before. Maybe, my portion has been in control. I don’t binge eat like the previous years.

My thoughts were cut. I have probably felt sleepy and allowed myself to rest. I believe that I left my notebook inside my bag. Or maybe I was wrong. The next time I saw it, there were scribbles all over my first page. Time for the next page.

I hate it that my kids scribbles on my notebook. The notebook I use to write my thoughts. On the previous page, someone messed the writings up. I will talk to them. They have enough notebooks to practice on. Spare my notes. I’m being serious.

I then tried talking about what I see around the house. I feel that it was not my best night to write but the mood is just enchanting me to do it anyway. It was last night when I continued writing wahetever. Here are my next sentences.

I sigh just looking at my disorganized house. I can’t put my heart into organizing anything. For some reason, my body refuses to get working. Now I will have to go back to square one.

So what were those tricks I’ve earnestly thought of before?

-          Fix an area at a time.

-          …

My head goes dizzy thinking about house works. So here’s another topic…

I’ve watched my classmates buy special pens. Those with super fine strokes, or ink lasting on paper. While I only managed well with panda.

I am much more comfortable using those cheap pens and I love them more. I had the tendency to give away special pens if I had any.

Finally the night was snatched away by my thoughts of home… And this is the last as of this time. Tonight, I will write again but maybe, something deeper. Not to be published. So here’s the last for this collection. When I will be at my best, those times I simply feel unstoppable, I will again grace this notebook. Or do you call it journal?

I'm losing my touch a little. But this will be resolved.

I am missing my home of the past.

I sure miss my home. Perpetually missing home of the past.

Nostalgia…

The people who dwelt the town before. Some are thankfully still alive. Others gone forever. While there were those who flew in search for greener pasture. Only coming back home once in a while. I am one of those who went to the city. And every time I go back home to the province…

It’s changed forever… Different sets of people everywhere. The time has let almost everything be touched. Someway. Somehow.

Please! More years to my daddy. To my parents. I could just break down anytime, thinking of the near and distant future. When people I know would go before me. Or I would go before my time. But when I go, I know that would be my time.

I thought, NOT JUST YET. But then again, I shouldn’t be like this at all. I might be missing home of the past. But it should not stop me from enjoying the present—people, place, setting.

When we give chance to the present, it makes missing the past very much more bearable than when we’re sighing it out.

***

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Avatar for wakeuplincs
2 years ago

Comments

I tried keeping a journal that I wrote by hand. It was the handwriting that made me finally give up. My penmanship was going every which way and when I feel pain in my hand, my thoughts get scattered. But when I look back, they were still good thoughts on paper. Maybe I will again give it a try.

$ 0.05
2 years ago

I definitely felt pain in my hands and my hands aren't as fast as my mind so it significantly affected my flow. I wanted to take a screenshot but decided against it. I used cheap pens, two or three. Cant really use those point something pens hehehe.

What trick did you use before to make writing on paper better? Have you always written articles with a computer device? Hope you dont mind me asking these questions. Thank you!

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2 years ago

The pen isn't important to me, but the words that came out of mind, which flowed from my mind and heart. I can work with a cheap pen or a 5-point Pilot pen. As long as the ink flows smoothly, that is all that matters.

I have to be in the zone so that even if there's pain, I will go on and finish what I have to write. When I was still covering, it was pen and paper, typewriter and computer. The tools weren't important when you have a deadline to meet. It's what's in your head that counts and how to compose this. There were times we had to write while still on the way to a media center, and in remote places where electricity and Internet connectivity are a dream, you do it all in your head already and even call it in.

$ 0.05
2 years ago

Nooooo!!! Wahahahaha! Parang pelikula naman.

I'm glad you answered. It's so odd that knowing these details is very important to me. You must possess great organizational skill in order to thrive as a reporter, as journalist. Should even have good calculations and lots of contingency plans. Haha, I like your "The ultimate driving test." Just saying.

Meanwhile, I still can't imagine the real struggle before of using typewriter. I owned a small one before. Beside it was a snopake fluid eraser. Hahahahaha

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2 years ago

Organizing is one skill you need to learn to survive in the media because it's all fast-paced. It's the outside coverage that can really test you because there are factors you have no control over, time being a critical one. So the faster you can write, the better. Of course, you still need to make sense.

$ 0.05
2 years ago

True... Still need to make sense! Nice!

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2 years ago