And did something change?

I'm not so sure. But after being left all alone at home, I was able to clear the fog off my brain. It's been years since my last alone moments without a husband or kids. That is, it was more than a decade since my marriage.

And just this morning, I sent them off to our hometown for the Christmas holidays. Nope, it's not that I will not be with them during the holidays. I will just finish my requirements first. I'll be going home after, maybe on the 24th. It depends.

A realization came that once you have your own family, things will never be the same again like when you were not married yet. Most especially when you have kids. And not a single kid but three kids. Your world will change forever.

You may long that sometimes you will be free once in a while. That is, to be on your own. But you'll never be on your own. Because you'll keep thinking of them like crazy, you'll be missing them and you'll be wanting to be with them again right after hoping to have some time for yourself.

It will never be the same again as when you were in your single years. That is it for me and I don't know with other moms but I guess, we all feel the same. In some ways. Just maybe. I don't know.

After accompanying my hubby and kids to the bus station, I came home to see what I can do to finish my tasks the soonest. But upon coming home, I first felt my aching body and the lack of sleep that I've accumulated for days.

I first finished a few tasks on my computer then instead of taking coffee, I went to bed in hope of sleeping a little. I wasn't able to sleep. The tender body of my little daughter is missing on my side and I kept thinking about her. But I fought the thoughts just so I could sleep better. I still wasn't able to sleep.

I stayed at bed for say an hour and though I wasn't able to really fell asleep, I felt better than the previous hour. I prepared my morning coffee then went to buy two burgers. (Yes two, only for me. One for me and the other for me. No one to share it with. I ate the two burgers at once. Ew.)

I am now trying to draft articles to catch up for the previous days and even weeks. I am losing my touch but I will use this time to get back to writing. While finishing my requirements for my clearance, the reason I wasn't able to go with them at the same day.

Something sure changed but things will never be the same again. I thought that when I will be on my own for a few days without my hubby and children, I will be able to do my tasks and chores very quickly but it feels different.

But I will try to execute what I've been planning the past days. That I will take this chance to do what I ought to do

• while my little one is not here bothering me with her milo and snacks and poo and wee.

• while my Davies (my second child and son) is not here saying weird things and demanding unnecessary demands like going to ate Myrna's store to sit and watch passersby.

• (and of course) while my eldest child is not here requesting his turn on my laptop and cellphone.

While I have time for myself, I will use it productively instead of missing my children and wanting to go right after them. I have to have my clearance signed by our bosses so I will be able to get my clearance pay. (Every end of trimester, we have our clearance before taking our last trimester pay.)

Let me just take advantage of music and play my favorite songs aloud for my neighbors to hear. With the aid of this bluetooth speaker that my hubby thoughtlessly bought hahaha. Consumes a lot of electricity. Oh no, it's not what you're thinking. It's not as loud as those who wish to bother the whole barangay, not only the neighborhood. But I guess we have our kanya kanyang trip. Hehehe.

I am feeling the urge to go to town and just keep walking around the city. But not now. I have things to accomplish.

I want to thank @RosheiGanda for the sponsorship renewal. God bless you!

And here below are my sponsors. Thank you, dear sponsors. My dear reader, you may want to visit them.