I was almost teary-eyed fighting for my want to continuously write. Hubby still doesn't support my blogging or other writing activities. But I plan to persist in doing it.
He must understand that it is my way of living life--to pin down, to write, to paint my thoughts with words, etc.
But I feel like I am being emptied. And I realize that I have not been reading in a while now.
If I want to persist with writing, I must make sure that I am growing while doing it. And if I wish to grow, then I should make a sense out of my writing.
I see how confused I am right now. I have suddenly lost it. If this is happening, there must be a reason why.
I can't afford to take a rest for longer than a week. Before finally conceding to resting for longer, I must know things to help me go on.
And the only solution to my problem is by reading. In reading, I get the following things:
My mind is stimulated and I might even cut my reading so that I will be writing first. It's like being prompted to write. Then I will have had something written.
I widen my vocabulary and learn many things. It cannot be that I read while learning nothing.
It makes me in love with books and life. It makes me want to live better.
It lessens the list of my must-reads although there will always be new things in the list.
Reading makes me want to write more furiously than ever.
Hence, I will take this time to read first.
It so happened that I had the heart to clean a little this afternoon. Among the things that I have fixed, we're cluttered books and notebooks.
I separated three to five books that I have wanted to read for a long time now but keep being postponed for the reason of changing my wants. Hehe.
I saved this ancient book when I was still back home in the province. It's a book about writing fiction. Funny how I still haven't seriously read it despite it being with me during my whole life after coming in contact with it. So say it was postponed for almost three decades because I first held it when I was in elementary.
Back then, I only had the nostalgic feeling of being a writer despite not knowing how to express myself well. It's a good thing I held out until I was finally able to write my first article.
I don't know but even though nostalgia is some feeling for the past I still felt nostalgic back then. Weird how such a feeling came about in the past for the future.
I still don't know how to express these kinds of sentiments and thoughts to my partner but since he doesn't bite anyway, I can always continue with it.
No point keeping it a secret from him. No point living as a stranger to my own life.
When worse comes to worst, I can just box my husband and tell him to get lost so I would be able to write.
Hahaha.
Seriously, I should not do that to him. He has his reasons for not agreeing about my writing.
I know that in time he will be able to give his full blessing for what I want to do in life.
Meanwhile, I will be reading for this night. Or not.
