@wakeupkitty 22 August 2020 edited more from that month

Wrong horse

Yesterday ended late and I felt disappointed. Disappointed because I suddenly read the one I put some faith in, tried to help, did not only let me down but others willing to promote her and those who joined as well. Someone else's responsibility was dropped at my doorstep. How to deal with that? "Sure, no problem I won't let those people, this platform down" was my first response but while writing the new announcement my mind ran like a maniac. All kinds of thoughts popped up. The same thoughts I have if I picked flowers at the flower nursery if I am gardening. Once that happens it's hard to make my mind blank. During my life, I gathered a lot of life experiences. Not the greatest but I see them as lessons which should make me wiser. I wish it was but in reality... The bad way I have been raised stands in my way. I still seem to make the same mistakes, bet at the wrong horse. If I think about it it feels odd. How long does one need to live to get wiser for real? Saying is not the same as acting. If those thoughts take over I am not in the mood to do much. I give up on unimportant things like **cooking**. Thinking counts more it's me time. If I do not take these thoughts seriously they will haunt me sooner or later. I ask myself frequently how many people were **laughing out loud**, did backstab me, and get away with it. Not to forget the high amount of all those (family and friends first) who let me down. Altogether it's enough to give up and make an end to it all. Those days I give up on me are over. I kick my own ass and if needed I embrace me, my misery, anger, fear, and dark feeling and celebrate it with **cps** (chocolate, pie, and soda). **Device**: mobile phone **Egg timer**: set at 10 minutes **Prompts**: written in bold **Grammarly** ran

#kittywu #selfmotivation #insight