I vaguely remember my father smoked a pipe and my grandfather had cigars but I have no memory if it comes to smokers in our family. The house never smelled after tobacco, there were no full ashtrays and no ashes on the tablecloth. If I think of tobacco I think of the brand aftershave my grandfather used and some cookies I once saw at the bakery shop. Cookies covered with tobacco by a baker who smoked. The bottle of aftershave... It was still there years after my grandfather deceased.
I grew up in a clean house, a very clean one where it most likely wasn't allowed to smoke inside which was rare at that time since the world I lived in was ruled by smokers. Many of them didn't care if it bothered others. They blew the smoke right into your face.
Although there was a collection of alcoholic drinks my parents did not drink. This means there was no beer, no cognac, rum or wine daily, no drinking before bedtime. The drinks were meant for visitors, visitors who didn't drink either but at that time it was a sign of hospitality to be able to offer a drink, offer what your guests ask for.
Alcohol and alcohol abuse was brought into my life by my inlaws. They were alcoholics, great at hiding it and experts in recognizing and accusing others of being a drunkard.
As long as a person acts "normal" it's hard to tell. My inlaws were dressed well, had a job and were not the first you think of if you picture an alcoholic. Their lifestyle was different, they were charming and belonged for a long time to the middle class. No one would easily accuse them of being drunk. They always came up with a good reason to open the next bottle of wine (enough parties and celebrations or special occasions) and you wouldn't find them drunk in a canal, on the road or in a park but didn't hesitate to drive and drink at the same time.
The effects of alcohol aren't always the same although alcoholics stink. You smell them just like smokers. It depends on the person, the amount of drinks s/he can handle in combination with character and environment how it affects one. There's hardly a reason to fight about drinking habits if everyone joins you but there is if certain behaviour is not accepted by a partner, the family if those who don't drink take the consequences of intemperance. It is hard if not impossible to support an alcoholic. Alcoholics no longer care about those who are most close to them. They have only one love which is the bottle and there's no way to reach them. They never found a way to deal with their problems and alcohol was their way out. It's hard to tell if alcohol makes you happy but if it must be for a very short time. It never lasts long and there's always needed more to feel a bit better. The bit that takes a few minutes if you are lucky one hour.
"If you can't beat them join them," might sound like great advice. One couple did and alcohol and drugs still keep them together. Perhaps they share the same fears and their luck is there's no violence between them. Fights, violence and humiliations are what the other couples, children included, had to deal with. Not a great environment, safe home to live in or grow up.
It's great some alcoholics seek help at the AA and if they manage to stay away from the bottle but this doesn't mean their deeds are forgotten, their victims no longer exist. Alcohol, the effects of alcohol and the results will always be with them. It eats the victims like a worm, those who didn't die and survived. They lost trust in humans, are marked for life and are easily forgotten once the drunk is clean and starts a new life because "everyone deserves a second chance". Everyone does except the victims they are ignored or forgotten but have life sentence.
Your grandfather used tobaco and your inlaw used alcohol.But my opinion alcohol is damaging.