Birthday pie - chocolate It was time to bake a pie or cake if you like to call it this way. I already did a few weeks ago but each birthday child deserves one. I decided to use the same kind of recipe with a small change. Instead of flour, I would use partly flour and partly cocoa. Again I used a recipe Rudolph (24kitchen) a great Dutch baker published on his site. I noticed instead of 6 eggs he used 5 this time. I would recommend 6 eggs plus this time no butter is added.…
The hunt No, not deer or witches this time but everyone else we can freely discriminate. The government does it and we all know by now if they do it we can, should do it too. That's the whole idea. We follow the leader preferably out of our own free will. Many wills without any hesitation because using their brains is too much asked. Following the leader, the order given is easier and with some luck, you are even accepted and might be liked. We do everything in our power to…
Me being born made her hate me I went out with the hiking club again. At the time I arrived at the bus I felt exhausted. Waking up early is hard, next to cleaning the house. Everything needs to be finished before I leave. I feel like the girl in the tale, the one who slept on the ground next to the fireplace into the ash. The ash cleanser. She must have been tired too perhaps not too tired if she could smile, sing and be quick. Perhaps she was not and that part was lied to…
The sadness we live in Once or twice a day I try to check a homepage where the news, different news and opinions are brought. News the government and media stream doesn't want us to know because real statistics, real experiences are labelled as lies although it is brought by famous concerned people, specialists, Nobel prize winners, experts in their field. Lie or not...it's up to the reader what to believe. A country without opposition, critical thinkers, people who question…
Thor fights back It's my mother's birthday. Good enough to skip church for my parents and Sunday school for me. My mother expects breakfast on the bed in exactly the way she orders it. No one brought me breakfast on my birthday. The orange juice, egg, bread and toast are all there. I picked some flowers and made the tea. She acts like a queen, is the queen and we all should jump if she looks at us. Dad decorated the living room and bought her a huge bunch of red roses. I am…
Who's responsible for your child? I don't like to be forced into something and this means I do not like it if others force my children into something they don't like. It doesn't matter if it comes to sport, joining clubs, taking part in competitions or taking part in experiments. Lately, I read about a 13-year-old child who sued his parents. The judge decided that the child was old and wise enough to decide himself. It sounds strange to me since 13-year-old children are not…
Christians & craziness That's what happens in certain parts of society. Not each one of them but where rules are more strict than anywhere else. Some say it's to protect the health, others it's God's will and what all those who preach it (governments included) have in common Is saying: *it's for your own good, if you do not agree, believe in something else you are crazy, a terrorist and... they cover up the truth and keep their followers isolated and dumb.* It's Sunday…
Fatal To me attraction is fatal. Once people feel attracted to someone or something it makes them blind to what's really going on. Attraction makes it hard to use common sense, to question what it is all about. It's so much easier to cling to an old story, repeat the same phrases over and over again even if it hurts. Not because masochism is the biggest kick but dealing with the fear that eats you is harder if you have a lack of courage. If five to ten healthy people die to…
Knee problems? I don't have knee problems but have had a knee problem for many years. I fell off my moped and the print of the sidewalk was in my knee for many years. It healed (I didn't visit a doctor) and it was kind of troublesome if I tried to kneel on it or so. Today I feel both knees just like I feel other joints and my ribs and the pain in my ear but it is as it is. I managed to get older with it and the only thing out of my childhood that really bothers me are my…
Plastic bag How come I feel so sad? Autumn? Leaves falling? Winter? Depression? No sun? A lack of everything except CO2? Where are the parks, trees? No bush, flower left to breathe excrete oxygen out Overwhelming Panic attack Hyperventilating Use a bag They say Breathe deeply They say Abdomen They say Slowly They say In and out They say Ventilate They say You'll be fine They state 'Medical Care' Hospital Another test How come? I'm not treated like the rest. Are you sure they…
Wintertime Things have changed since school started again in September 2021. I no longer need to wake up early and get out of bed. Frequently I do wake up but stay in bed and the children? They leave without me but Fridays are different. On Fridays, I get out at 4 a.m. and drive along with the bus-kid to the bus stop and take the car back home. The youngest's schedule starts three hours later which means late at home and I'm driving up and down too. Fridays mean more…
Conspiracy *Do you know the real meaning of this word?* Politics has never been my favourite subject. At first, it was boring later I discovered it was a good subject to start a fight about. It's not possible to discuss politics. It always ends in a fight. I no longer wonder how come. Today I know people are not able to see things from a different perspective. We believe in what they told us. It doesn't matter if it makes sense or is lied what they told us is the foundation…
Trapped Trapped, that's how I feel if children look at me. I can feel they don't like me, avoid me and talk about me. The housekeeper said I am not ugly or fat. My mother says I'm ugly and children say I'm fat but my mother is not though. In the afternoon I had a closer look at myself in the mirror. I don't like mirrors and don't use one. I brush my teeth with my eyes closed and do the same with my hair. I think my mother is right. I am ugly and so is every school picture of…
It's a wild world *It is indeed isn't it and you know what? It's not different from how the world has been since humans set a foot on this planet. Read history, read the bible or Quran if you like but you have to admit we are not the most friendly species on earth. We do not care about each other. We do not fight for each other.* The great thing about humans According to some people, it's the fact they have brains. They use their brains while animals use instinct. Humankind…
Festival I have never been a party animal. In my childhood parties only caused me stress. It was celebrating after being molested, no fun. At times I wonder how my life, how I would have been if I would have different parents. It's hard to tell. It would be easy to blame my childhood for the fact I am not a happy person, not a clown, or do not laugh out loud at every joke told and go from one part or festival to the next. With a different childhood, I would have been me. I…
Bugs *At times each one of us has one: a bad day.* **I dreamed** I came outside taking trash to the car. It was parked in the parking lot behind my house. There were two luxury cars parked filled with people. Some people between these cars talking... Next, I noticed my car was gone. Both cars were stolen. **As I drove backwards I hit the gate**. My gate. The gate is fine but not the small cabinet that hides the tool on how to open it. I am not the first one who hit it. A…
A good thing *It's not all negative what we are facing now. I mean the world we are living in even if it's a divided world.* If I look outside my bedroom window I see a grey dark day, the small bathroom window tells me it's a windy day and in the living, the sun shines. It's the place to be if I want to feel better, focus on light and warmth. It's a good thing my place has more than one window through which I can face the world outside. **It's October**, October 23, 2021,…
Future perspective I have been crying lately thinking about the world as it is. I wish I had woken up earlier, years ago. How I wish I did not waste the best years of my life working, wasting money on things I don't need. How I wished I never got married and had children. How I wished I was still in that hut in the woods one with nature. After all this luxury it's hard to go back to that normal. I tried though, I did my stinking best to make people forget about me. There's a…
Comedians After some remarks made on the internet, I decided to watch a show given by Dave Chappelle on Netflix. I admit I am not one of those people laughing out loud while watching (listening to) him. Not each one of his remarks made me smile but he manages to do so which is a plus. A plus is Netflix didn't give in to the whining group of always feeling insulted people pretending they like to be normal and completely accepted but at the same time want (do you understand…
Balancing (on the edge) ***"I...No. No, I can't possibly go."*** *"Why not?" Riba asked mildly.* I listened at the tape my latest shrink left me together with all his other files. He had never noticed what his clients told him just made a tape of the 40-minute chat, asked each of them the same common questions and in the meanwhile, he drew his 'whatever-it-may-be' drawings. **I took over his job since I know how it feels to be labelled as a fruitcake, to be molested, ignored…
I am a burden **I try to act normal** want to be normal but I don't know what normal is. Isn't normal the place where I live? Aren't my parents normal? If what I am surrounded with is my normal why doesn't she likes me? She keeps yelling at me. She says I am not normal. I do everything she asks except smile. I do not know how to smile. I can not relax. My body feels like stone. I feel frozen if she arrives if I hear her or smell her. I don't know what is worse. Her voice or…
Case *It's about a crime, a teenager, suicide, lies, drugs, gossip, revenge and above all sexual abuse. A case that shows all the ugliness selfish people are capable of.* **A Saga Film / Icelandic Film Centre** production *See: sagafilm.is* https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uKgAhkVX7G8 **Case** is an Icelandic crime series on Netflix. It might not be what you are used but it's definitely worth your time. **Season 1, Episode 1** A dead teenage girl is found dead in a theatre.…
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