We build relationships with others throughout our lives. Our relationships are at different levels and distances. When we feel safe, we shorten the distance. The shorter the distance between us, the easier it will be for the person we relate to affect us, our lives.
Sometimes in these close relationships we experience negative situations, we get hurt. In fact, even if we believe that what we are doing will hurt us, we enter a close relationship with that person from a distance where we could be hurt. Even if we know deeply that it will hurt us, we'd love to try it.
Sometimes we talk to him about our sensitive aspects and expect him to be careful and sensitive. But somehow our sensitive points are touched and we suffer.
Sometimes we are not aware of our sensitive points. We become aware of these points when establishing relationships. As we become aware, our attention will be on these points and the dynamics of the relationship will take the form of "Approach - Move away". We move forward with every contact we make with our sensitive points and eventually end our relationship.
When we leave a new relationship, the pain of our injured areas continues for a while, and when the pain passes or eases a little, we think we are ready for a new relationship. Even worse is starting a new relationship while our pain is fresh. We think or hope that the new person entering our lives will heal our wounds. Yet the wound is still there, and our new relationship continues to hurt similarly.
In such cases, the new actor entering our lives is different, but the role is the same. Similar relationships, similar events, similar pains are experienced over and over again. This vicious circle continues as long as we do not experience awareness, transformation, purification and healing within us.
The first thing we need to know here is what these sensitive points are. As an example, I want to mention the issue of deception:
Our topic is a final relationship to which we are attached. We can ask a question: Why was I deceived?
It doesn't matter how we are deceived. But the real answer to why we were cheated can help us analyze the situation. Let's write our answers:
* I'm not remarkable enough because I don't take care of myself much,
* Because I'm not the most handsome man / most beautiful woman in the world,
Cause I'm not good enough and there's better than me
* Because the person I'm in is better than me (attractive, smart, intelligent, superior),
* Because I'm not perfect
Let's dig deeper than we found these or similar answers. Now let's put the word "Why" at the beginning of all answers.
* Why am I not remarkable enough?
* Why am I not the most handsome man / most beautiful woman in the world?
* Why is the person I am relating to is better than me (attractive, smart, intelligent, superior)?
* Why am I not perfect?
Let's write our answers:
* Because I don't feel extraordinary.
* Because I don't see myself handsome / beautiful.
* Because I feel inferior.
* I don't have what it takes to be perfect.
Let's ask why again and write the answers:
* I do not feel perfect, VALUABLE or extraordinary.
In fact, the answer almost always reveals belief in INVALIDITY and INSTABILITY. It is our feelings of VALUABILITY and INABILITY that we need to resolve and improve.
Our relationships are painful because they create these feelings. When we feel truly valued and sufficient, that pain will go away and we will begin to build healthy relationships.
Obviously, if we are aware of our own values, these behaviors will change our preferences and lives. If we know our own worth, people who care about us will enter our lives and we will easily remove those who do not know our worth.
Thank you for reading.
