@trixdawson 2 December 2021 more from that month

The child in me who never leaves my orphan heart alone

To touch the top with an exceptional pinkness with my color. On the other hand, my fondness for peace and the loving universe hidden in the folds of my sadness never refute me. In the nooks and crannies of life, on the walls of love and where mourning coincides with age. Sometimes I cry from happiness. After being away from my pen for about forty-eight hours, I am running and sitting at the desk with pride. Love's dance words.

Heart and torn retina of sky and here I am crying. While it was a sublime feeling, belief recurs non-stop and my pen has an incredible share in my self-love. my absence. I am deprived… No matter what, I don't care about many things that I can never own, and I have come a long way in my struggle with myself while loving a lot. My cellar is hot tonight. My heart is fluttering. The swing in the sky. Amusement park on the ground. Flowers are hidden even in the nooks and crannies of my heart. Living as a flower has to come at a price, right? Every time I leave. Every time I'm tired. The one who made me love to love when I was love and my soul. I smile again with the peace of being able to love myself, and with the happiness of being able to write, I bounce from one street to another in the dark; from one geography to another… I am a traveling flower, faithful to my roots, but I am grateful for everything I keep hidden in my heart and with my heart that I can traverse the whole universe. And yes: How helpless and lonely and derelict I am on the face of it, right? When I ended my career with my own hands and sacrificed all the worldly goods that I owned afterwards, and there is no person or entity with whom I can match, how can I not be grateful while I love and write? While I can always find myself and love myself after all that I've lost... I know that I am one of the luckiest people in the universe with the pleasure and peace of being able to write thousands of sentences about my feelings that exploded after my disappearance. Even though it's not a paycheck with lots of zeros. Or even if I don't have a position or career that conforms to societal rules and norms. The nothingness that I own. The heart that becomes nothing, but at the same time, when I was able to fit the whole universe into my tiny heart. And while I was in love with my Lord and in love with life, and despite all that, I was able to preserve my joy and hope in life. I love at work I love: Myself, you and life. I can't hurt myself as much as I'm angry at my inner child. I know with the power and happiness of my pen to maintain my existence in every moment when I am united with my Lord, who never leaves my orphan heart alone: I am the most grumpy person in the world, and sometimes very sad, but I am so full of love and hope that I protect my enthusiasm, every time I get stuck, my way is always on my way to my Lord and He does not leave me unattended and unanswered even for a moment.

I had a dream tonight. I saw you in my dream. I was ashamed to look at you I said, "Would you be ashamed of your loved one?" Myself. I turned to look at your face You were talking to me with a smile. I realized that You're in a frame on the wall you were a painting Your difference from the painting was you were alive inside I wanted to touch you with my hand The edge of the frame was cold Made my hand freeze I couldn't touch Through the glass of the frame I wanted to touch The heat burned my hands rope of the frame I saw past your neck you couldn't breathe I wanted to save you but I couldn't touch The table began to burn you started screaming You were saying save me I was struggling I couldn't reach you The rope around your neck is burned The frame fell to the ground and broke. You came out, you were writhing for blood too I took it in my arms I laid it on my knee for a long time I listened to your heart He wasn't beating You were dead. As long as I'm out of breath I was screaming madly at God Kill me too I want to die I couldn't die Big bulge-eyed in my voice An eagle heard and came With big claws me in a paw He took you in a paw It took off and soared into the sky He left us on a hill

It was crowded, it was heaven. we were both dead We were dead but We were so happy together I woke up at that moment My pillow is in the water I was tired I realized that this was a dream smile on my face My tears started to flow With the first rays of the sun.