Everything I've owned since my childhood has necessarily been a disappointment

I don't feel hungry.

Thanks to my dominance over the hunger-fullness mechanism, I ended the vital tastes in my childhood.

I have also ended my reservations, now I will live for myself and now I will love myself and only myself.

There are no people I need to report, and they take advantage of my short absence and question me for who I am.

Come see that weak word called love, I was fed with love for a lifetime, but it was not enough, love came back to me as pain.

Whoever I loved, I could not be helped, first of all, my own father: while living a lifetime under his auspices and by his commands and obeying his imperatives word for word…

I managed to survive what should have been a breakdown, though I hadn't been able to please him in any way after his death...

On top of that, I fell into a great depression with the loss of him who was waiting for me when I was freedom, actually we fell as a family and somehow I couldn't get over his death.

Mine was to pierce a deep wound further, and without a break, his spirit passed into me, and I was refusing to be free even if it wasn't.

As for love, I don't want to talk anymore, I will even keep loving and being loved away from myself for a long time. After a lifetime of suffering enough and starting to write, the term love embraces me with a huge mercy, while I bless my unremitting love and can easily take my heart with everyone, besides, the person who is near me and far away...

When I was questioning who I was, and when I crossed with people who wrote my path through a lifetime and the activation of the pen...

And here's that grizzly explosion:

I am actually a bait that I offer myself.

Love, on the other hand, is a mercy that multiplies, and when I find myself, I lost it from the beginning, when I refused to love myself and placed the whole universe inside me except myself.

If I go back to the past.

The happiness I experienced in my school life and the fact that I felt myself in heaven had always been this.

What about the communities I'm involved in and the feeling of doubt that never accompanies them while I can love them for no reason; When I believed that everyone loved me from the beginning and didn't even think otherwise...

A miniature world that I created for myself, sometimes I feel like I'm on top.

While the other side of the world that I have created for myself, of course, does not know which category people put me in, I know myself as the center of love with all my purity.

My failure in human relations because when I lovingly measured and sewed everything and everyone, and as soon as I turned my back, they created that unprovoked storm because my sincerity and inner words are what keep me away from them instead of making them close to me.

Days.

Years.

Time.

Venue and.

Thousands of emotions with commentary and the endless expansion that I can bring, and here is love as my source and human as my starting point, and the love that I could never understand and was suddenly accused of, turned into torture when I knew it as a virtue.

I ate crap.

Sometimes a piece of shrapnel stuck.

And I was caught with a barrage of things, especially when many things that I love may seem repulsive to people instead of attractive.

Radar of my heart.

Sometimes throwing people.

While the troubles I've been through have caused a lot of things in my life, or while people are pulling me by the collar and appropriating their insensitivity to me.

Maybe the first thing I should admit is that it is my fault, especially whoever I have embraced since my childhood, it seems that the return was disappointing, which seems to be the cause of this, because I have always neglected myself for the sake of people, and while I should have loved myself first, I should have loved someone even. It's not my turn to love everyone so much.

Even if it was my turn, it is clear as day that I wasted my whole life while all my values ​​were easily violated as a result of all the people I was hurt by and the value I gave them.

What did I love most in life?