@thesotiris 23 November 2025 more from that month

Red Flags in Women #2: What her demeanour says about her

Continuing in the ‘**Red Flags in Women**’ series, I’ll go through certain attitudes that betray a sense of malevolent narcissism that ends up being self-destructive for her and those around her. https://lessonsfromregret.substack.com/p/red-flags-in-women-1 Just a reminder that these traits roughly apply to men, too; I only write from a male perspective. **Red, red flag** Let’s define red flags. Red flags don’t just mean differences and points of incompatibility. We don’t all match with everyone, and that’s fine. But red flags aren’t innocent areas of divergence. Red flags are a indications that she’s not good for you, nor for anyone. People with red flags, regardless of sex, don’t have a particular type with whom they can have a solid relationship. They will never be in a solid relationship with anyone, so they might as well be with someone like them, being miserable with each other. This is important to note to avoid gloating when you spot red flags in women. Just because she’s flawed doesn’t mean you aren’t. If you’re no better, or if you’re even worse than her, you might choose to settle with her and keep her. Settling is, after all, what most people do, this giving in to reality, making fundamental concessions and forsaking of standards to heavily compromise. And in a sense, settling is understandable: You can’t go after what you’re unworthy of; it won’t want you back. Regardless, some people don’t settle; they consider a red flag non-negotiable. They’d rather be with no one than with a romantic partner with more red flags than a communist parade. If no better candidate is available in your age group, you may choose to be alone rather than being with people who make them feel lonely. And from an economics point of view, if a market refuses to buy a bad product, then the product will have to improve. **The reason we have so many horrible women out there is the fault of men who keep settling for them** regardless of standards. **Snark** One red flag is her snarky disposition, essentially using ill-intended sarcasm with a mean-spirited, mocking twist. Snarky women use cringe-worthy irony, cutting you off with a rude, critical manner, and a tone that’s meant to belittle and one-up you. Snark uses malicious wit to annoy or mock you (and others) in a subtle, indirect way. Usually, a snarky attitude is unprovoked, unnecessary, and uncalled for. It’s pretend-playfulness and humour disguising malice and psychological sadism. Snark is an especially ugly trait, but in a woman, it leaves her bereft of feminine virtue. Just imagine a woman with a snarky attitude: She speaks in a self-assured, as-a-matter-of-fact manner with no groundedness or humility. Her tone is belittling to others, and it exposes her narcissism. She deludes herself that the mediocre nonsense she spews is somehow ‘the word of God’. She treats her opinionated opinions as undisputable facts, and she has no humility or readiness to reexamine or challenge her cherished beliefs. It’s embarrassing, really — **the absence of humility is humiliation**. Not only is she deludedly self-assured, but when challenged, instead of the groundedness to address the challenge in a logical way, she laughs it off dismissively and uses emotionally abusive responses with ridicule and **shaming** instead. This demonstrates how insecure she is in her conviction, which is why she overcompensates with deluded **narcissism**. It also shows she is ill-intended and willing to be unkind and abusive to save **her self-inflicted delusion of adequacy: her overcompensatory arrogance**. https://sotiris.substack.com/p/the-shaming-fallacy-part-2 https://sotiris.substack.com/p/the-narcissism-of-free-will And even though she may not be directly disrespectful towards you, she could be snarky to the waiter, or to anyone she might feel a sense of circumstantial superiority over. That’s still a red flag. Note: By “snarky”, I don’t mean witty, bubbly, or with a tasteful, skilful banter that is more of an endearing tease than a velvety insult and masked passive aggression. That’s different. When a woman truly loves and respects you, she enjoys to playfully tease you, not to belittle you, but to get more intimate and fun with you. This is totally different from snark. Snark is ill-intended and malicious. You feel it in your core when a woman uses friendly, playful banter because she loves you. You also get a feeling that you’re disrespected when she uses **belittling sarcasm** because she can’t respect you — and she can’t respect herself either. You can tell the difference between malicious snark and friendly banter, most times, given enough time. https://sotiris.substack.com/p/sarcasm-isnt-cool Assuming you’re in touch with yourself and you can take a joke without getting needlessly offended, you will be able to appreciate playfulness and to also identify malicious sarcasm. **Feminine virtue** A snarky, belittling demeanour is a red flag in women because it is antithetical to feminine **virtue**. Calling out such behaviour is not about “you not being man enough to take it”. It’s about what is objectively attractive and what’s not, assuming you’re not only looking for jugs and peaches. This shaming manipulation tactic of “you’re not man enough to take on my bullshit” truly means you’re not a man if you lack the **self-reliance** and **dignity** to resist shaming manipulation tactics. https://sotiris.substack.com/p/on-virtue ****Empathy******, kindness, and the incredible courage of embracing vulnerability without compromising dignity or self-esteem are some of the most attractive feminine virtues**. They *define* **femininity**. The more **masculine** and self-respectful a man is, the more he is involuntarily **attracted** to this disarming female softness. The more manly and self-dignified a man is, the less he can help but feel revolted by a woman who sacrifices her femininity on the altar of cringe-worthy female arrogance, which is nothing but masked insecurity in her femininity. https://sotiris.substack.com/p/some-compassion https://sotiris.substack.com/p/the-irresistible-charm-of-middle https://sotiris.substack.com/p/how-to-be-the-most-alpha https://sotiris.substack.com/p/the-heartfelt-art-of-meaningful-relationships