@stellaluna
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Can I Forgive my Father after He did this to me?
Basically, a family is composed of a father, a mother and a child or children. But for me, I will still consider one group of people to be a family without the presence of a mom, a dad or a child. So ever since I started to know what's right from wrong, I can probably say that my relationship with my father was not good. Although he has a job or he gives us food and clothes, that's not they key point of being a father. I have no idea of being a father, since I am a girl and I have no idea of being a parent, since I haven't had kids yet. 2020 was the worst year ever actually. By the transition of to the year 2020, I became worried about our family. My father was never home for Christmas and New Year ever since I started my high school days. He always say that he has a job and that his job always need him to be there since the Holidays means many people are going shopping and eating out. And I always believe in that since I was thought that "As a parent, you will sacrifice the most important moments for your children to experience the love.", which by the way, that quote only applies to my mother now. I HATE MY FATHER. I always adore fathers who take care of their kids but for mine, he does not. As I am writing this article, he's probably out and living the best of his life. Ever since last year, I never heard of a good thing about my father. Never talked to him without being angry at him. Never loved him. Even though he's a grown married man, he still thinks that it's ok to be with somebody else as long as no one will know or will report about it. HE'S LIVING WITH ANOTHER WOMAN. What's even worse was I cried about it. It's like wasting tears and time to cry for him. My mother struggled all day long just to provide food and money for us and I know deep inside, she's emotionally abused. I don't really know how to comfort her properly since I don't want to see her cry again. Once is enough. I just hope that she is not getting pain now every time someone asks her about my "biological father". For those men who will be reading this, please think deeply before you do something. It's not just about you being "men" or having an illegal affair is "normal". That's having a dumb and stupid mind. Never ever blame someone for something you have done unless you did it as part of the self-defense. I don't like "victim-blaming", as if the person is really the reason behind it. Just admit that you are feeling the lust and that's it. Does that belittle your pride or being a man? If you want to end something, end it properly. As simple as that.
2 comments
Not all people are the same. Divorces are common thing in last 20 years. As You said, You are young girl. You cannot take away bad moments from someone's life. You cannot change some things because it's not about You in this case, it's about Your parent's. You are just involved in between Your parent's, in the middle of something that You cannot change. Accept it. And don't get me wrong when I say "it's not about You". Metaforically, they are shooting on each other, and You are getting bullets. Your parent's are not focused on You right now, they are in deep sh*t in their heads, and they cannot see what they are doing to You, but it's good that You are aware of everything and that You want to forgive Your father. Kids need to have mom and dad in home. Family must be together... but... sh*t happens. Since Your father choose another woman over Your mom, and I know it hurts like hell, You must accept that and live Your life. It's a huge wound on Your heart, and I can just imagine how Your mom is feeling right now. I hear a lot of situations similar to Yours, and the best option for Your mom is to visit psychologist. It's nothing wrong about it. Psychologist is there to help You to cope with Yourself and problems in Your life. I have a different story, my parent's got divorced because of alcohol issue with my father. I was 15 years old. I have younger sister, and We were in debt, and first year I was blaming myself for that. What a stupid idea! My mom find a way to cope with it. We continue Our lifes, and it is better this way. Now I don't feel anything for my father. We talk from time to time on phone, but it's not the same. Like I don't have father anymore. It's strange. But I tell to myself: Look at him and don't do what he was doing. Where he was making mistakes, I will think 3 times about it. I will make mistakes in my life, ofcourse, but when I need to make big move or to bring a decision about myself and my future self and family, I will think about it 3 times. Now I am in age where I got thoughts about kids, wife, family, owning a home... I am thinking about how I will teach my kids things, how I will treat them and my wife, how I will talk to them, what tone should I use... My own father set my bar really high about having own family, and I thank him for that. He set me for success for family life. Now You only have Your mom. Your childhood is pretty much fu***d up right now to be honest. Find someone to talk about it. Talk with someone who had similar situation like Yours. This will sound really weird to You right now, but as soon as You forgive Your father, You will start to life Your life with strenght, filled with positive energy and You will feel free. It will be a scar on Your heart, but You will grow into a strong woman one day, and You will find a way to live with it. There is one good quote: "You cannot drink a poison and hoping Your enemy get sick". Start to read book's, smart book's where You can learn how to manage Your life in all areas. That is how I was doing. and it helped me a lot to cope with and solve things in my life in that time. I wish You all the best. Support Your mom. Believe in God. Stay strong. Stay strong!!! Wish You all the best!!!
Thank you so much for the advice. And I'm sorry for reading your comment 22 days after because I had a hard time since then. I really just want to say something that I'm afraid to say to a person because I'm scared of their reaction.